Author's Note: I'm sorry again; my mother finally got the internet, so I can do my weekly update. HOORAY! Again I am terribly sorry, once I get a find a good day to update, PRESTO! UPDATE! Just stick with me.

Disclaimer: I do not own the base characters or the original story of InuYasha. I do however own Satoru and his children (including but not limited to the marvelous Itachirou).

(Drumroll)

A Moment of Passion

I forced myself awake from the nightmare that threatened my sleep. I ran my hand through my hair to remove the damp strands from my face. I looked to Satoru who lay quietly beside me. In the dim light of the rising sun, I saw a look on his face that made me question if it was really him, there was some doubt. The content smile he always wore in his sleep was gone. The happy demon that I had married, there was no trace of him. His shoulders were tense, held tightly against his body. He ached to touch me, yet something pulled him back, and I could understand what. No matter how much I had told him I loved him, it was never enough. It had luckily been enough for him, the hardest part of it being that it was not enough for me. I loved him, I had children with him, my husband, I had to love him.

I looked out through the small opening of the doors that led to a small courtyard. I moved silently from beneath the covers to the wardrobe. I dressed in a kimono the color of ice, with beautiful flowers etched in white with green leaves and black swirls, my white furs. I pulled my hair into a high bun held with pins tipped with flowers. I gave one last look before slipping silently through the door. I made my way through the halls till I entered the outer edge of the house. I slipped on my sandals and hurried outside, the icy air nipping at my nose. I took a breath only after I was a comfortable distance from the house, certain that no one with demonic ears could hear it. In the short time that we had been here, a lot about our life and they who we were was changing. Secrets were being revealed and threating the very life that I had wanted Itachirou and Naiera to have. That desire only coming stringer when I had five other children. I wanted to protect them from the ignorance that clouded Sesshomaru's mind, blocking him from what I am certain would have made him happy. They needed a choice.

I walked atop the stones of a path that led to a decent garden. The sun rising from behind me began to cast a shadow as it ascended the sky, further from the line of the horizon. It was a short walk that led me through an archway of trees into a special garden that Lord Sesshomaru had created just to capture the beauty of winter. The bare trees that would bloom cherry blossoms, were scattered as if by design. It looked almost like a forest, with a large pond at the heart of the small enclosure, dancing to the light of the rising sun hat brushed across its surface. There were small plots of bare branches where more flowers, of every color, shape and size would bloom as well. I t was truly a beautiful place, yet some part of it attracted you to it, even in the dead of winter. It held a special place, if you were to list all of the gardens that Sesshomaru kept within the palace, there was one that more beautiful than all of them, than anything, a special place.

As I stepped further in to the gardens, I stepped further into my thoughts. I took refuge on the ground just in front of the pond, watching some of the small fish and things. Much like things within my mind, I watched the life stir within. Unlike me however, it seemed to know what it was to do, how to go on. I was stuck in the past, from the moment I stepped out that carriage, onto the ground of this palace, I was not Rin, Lady of the North. I was just, Rin. Even now, buried in the finest silk, and furs, wearing the finest jewelry, being just Rin would be enough. The name Rin would be worth everything that I have, worth more than the title that came with my name now. Where did the time go, where all of these became my very life? I clung to everything he gave me just because I thought I should when I knew I couldn't. That is who I am. No matter how much I wish to return to the days when I was younger, it would take back all that I have done. I would lose my kids, my husband, everything that I have learned about Sesshomaru and myself.

Despite any of the truth I know now, I was in a portal, an alternate time where I was young. Fourteen and every time Sesshomaru entered the room, I felt my heart stop. I could never speak for him, but my heart was his, now and forever. I lived in a time where I had nothing to worry about, not even my own feelings. It was almost, if not ten years later, I had kids and tried to think of time where I could be with them and Sesshomaru. No matter how hard I tried, he plagued me, my every thought, my every breath; he stole my heart that night in the deepest parts of mine mind I felt that, I knew that. I had changed, and because of that I had lost so much of what was rushing to me now. Lady of the North, my dreams every night are consumed by the thought of what he was the night he sent me off. Can I believe that he will do that to them? Even Naiera and Itachirou?

My head fell in my hands. I wanted Sesshomaru, if for nothing else than to return to the way we used to be, just because I could close to him. That desire was hidden deep within my heart, now it told me to run, and turn away from all I wanted. When I was younger, it was Sesshomaru or nothing. Why did Satoru come along? If I had waited, would he have come for me? Would he have come for all of us?

I felt my face tighten in the chilled air. The warm, salty tears that streamed down my face were slowly drying.

"Rin."

Sesshomaru. His voice awoke me from my trance, pulling my eyes towards him, dressed in his usual attire, without his armor however. The rising sun behind him, cast a glow upon him that showed him in favor of the highest angels. He looked as if he was painted by them himself, to tell us that there was perfection, but only Sesshomaru could attain it.

"What is it?" It came out meaner than I intended, then again with the thoughts in my head, a gently whisper would be meaner than I intended. Stop it, Rin.

"I needed to speak with you."

I nodded and I moved to stand I realized my legs had fallen asleep. He looked at me from the corner of his eyes; a small twitch appeared in the right corner of his mouth. To my surprise, I attempted one more attempt to stand only to find that he was already there beside me, sitting on the cold damp ground. He was being slightly nice, and unlike himself, of course I knew that there was a side to Sesshomaru that was kind. I might normally have dismissed it except for the fact that Satoru, the kids and I were here. I watched him tense up the moment Itachirou stepped out of that carriage. His attitude, his words were not those of the Sesshomaru I had once loved and now there seemed to be some slight traits surfacing from the Sesshomaru I did love.

"What is on your mind Sesshomaru?"

"I came to inquire as to your plans. Regarding the war with the North." He did not look at me. "We can be certain that Satoru will leave to inspect that lands that have been left unattended in his absence."

I returned my gaze to the water, realizing how wrong the thoughts that ran through my head were when I stared at him.

"Yes, I suppose he will."

His eyes found me briefly before turning to the horizon, painted in gold, pink and purple.

"Rin, follow me."

He stood swiftly while I moved my hands over my legs in the hope of waking them up. The most unexpected thing struck me. He held out his hand for me. I took it, gasping slightly in how soft and warm it was. His gentle fingers curled around mine slowly, as if he wished to prolong the actual act of helping me stand. He slowly pulled me, closer to him than I expected. His breath warm against my face, I met the liquid amber eyes of a demon, and found myself frozen in time like all around me. His hand still held mine. Clear as day, his name came into my mind and my hand dropped, Satoru. I kept apologizing; still, the scariest part was that somewhere deep in my mind I wasn't. Every minute we stood here like this, I was further affirming that which I denied so frequently. Sesshomaru's eyes at my action seemed to make me wish that my apology did not go to Satoru, but to him. Satoru was my husband, not Sesshomaru.

"Where are we going?"

He gave no answer, only led me back through the archway and up to towards the house. I stopped to put my sandals down before entering the house, and slipped silently through the house behind him. We walked straight back to the southern wing of the palace; my old room was back here. We came to a large door which he slid open and closed, once I entered, the same for the second door not five from us, painted with cherry blossoms. I walked into a large room lit with sunshine. Before me was another set of sliding doors sitting atop a wooden deck that appeared to go from this room to the others, through the doors on the left and right. I stood in a sitting room where a table and pillows lay in the center, decorated with walls painted of waterfalls, mountains and flowers. The walls themselves seemed to be curving, as if this was the frame of something, that might lay within the doors above me. A small table stood on both sides of every door in the room. I turned to Sesshomaru, who stood watching me.

"The bedroom is on the left, the study on your right."

"This was my old room."

He nodded and moved across the room, standing at the doors to what I presumed led outside. The light shone strongly through them. I followed, careful of where I stepped. He opened the doors and took my breath away. The deck extended outside and encircled a pond, full of plants and fish that swam above the colorful stones that lined the bottom. Rising from the water were large stones that made a path to a small island where a bench sat surrounded by threes that rose from the water in such a way to create a canopy. Vines of flower wound themselves around the trees and covered the edges of the tops making a curtain that was held together by white ribbon. The light cast reflections of the water and shone with no shadows, this place seemed to be unable to bear the slight darkness that would bring. This place filled me with warmth, from the innermost part of my heart to the outermost parts of my skin.

My hand moved to my mouth to cover the shock I felt. Suddenly nothing else mattered, here in this place, I found myself able to breath. It had a stunningly beautiful silent aspect about it; it reminded me so much of Itachirou and Sesshomaru. As with almost anything, only Sesshomaru's voice could pull me away from the dream that I seemed to find myself in.

"This was your room once; it has been altered and extended to the entire southern end of the palace."

I turned back to him.

"Why would you do that?"

His eyes moved from me, as if to hide the pain that my question and its tone seemed to cause.

"Will you ride with Satoru to the North?" He asked flatly, though I knew how much he needed me to say no.

"I should."

"It could be dangerous."

"I am the Lady of the Northern Lands."

"You are human. What do you think you could do against the demons, and men that now storm your castle?"

My eyes widened at all that happened.

"Was this a bribe Sesshomaru? Did you hope I would stay?"

"The choice is yours."

"Is it? Then I choose to join my husband, as my duty commands."

I walked backed towards the door that would lead me away from here, away from him more importantly. My hand that reached to open the door was soon caught in Sesshomaru's grip. He spun me, my back hit the wall. With his hand still tight around my wrist, he stood just inches from me, his eyes glowing red with demonic fire. His features had twisted slightly, still enough to remind me of the demon that slept inside, soon to be awakened. I struggled in his grip.

"Your duty?" He sneered. "Your duty is to the children that would be left without both parents should you go."

"Would be?"

"Do you think that even Satoru could win against them all while he was concerned about protecting you?"

I froze, knowing very well that he was right. As much as I wished to be beside him, my human self was nothing but a liability. I would cost the very life that I wanted protected, and in the end I would still die. At least if I was here, Sesshomaru would be, and my children would not go without both parents. We would all be safe, which was what Satoru would want. Sesshomaru could sense my defeat and slowly his features returned to their human form. He stood, holding his face close to mine; we were both locked, as if neither of us could move. Every part of me screamed to move. 'Get away.' I could not bring myself to do it. The parts that had longed for him when I was that fourteen year old girl, the parts I had hidden away the day that I married Satoru ached to be set free. I wanted to reach out to him, to feel his skin beneath my fingertips, his lips, his hands as they held me.

It was wrong, all of it. I realized that too late, my lips crushed against his. My hands held his face, holding him closer to me. He did not move closer, he did not pull away either, until his hands tightened against me gripping tightly the fabric on my coat. Our lips melted against one another, his so soft and warm, gentle but passionate moved against mine. There was urgency in his kiss, a need to be closer, yet he was distant. Satoru was buried deep within the back of my mind. I could only focus, if that was what you would call it, on now. His hands came from behind, to my waist, up to my chest as his lips trailed hot kisses down my neck. He untied my coat pushing it off, the fabric fell in a heavy thump to the floor. I felt the smoothness of his chest as my hands parted his kimono. He gave a slight growl from deep within his chest as my hands pushed his sleeves down to run my hands down his back.

He reached around pulled me to the floor beneath him. His eyes were not filled with their normal silence, the cold feeling you get when you looked into them was gone. This was the Sesshomaru that I had seen every night that we had been together all those years ago. There was warmth, safety and security buried within his eyes. He ran his hands up and down my legs pulling me closer towards him as his lips found mine. I wound my fingers in the strands of his silver hair, holding him to me. The part of me that had longed for him didn't seem to be satisfied, it wanted more. As his hand moved further up my kimono, I heard the sound of metal hitting the floor, a pot in the kitchen. I snapped out of the trance I seemed to be in, and pushed him off me, without much force needed, he sat up and backed up. We sat on the floor, disheveled and gasping for breath. My hand held over my heart, feeling the quick beating. We sat in silence.

"I am sorry."

"No." He said rising. He came to me and lifted me up.

He went to pick up my furs and came behind me, slowly sliding it back on. He adjusted himself as he stood in front of me. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Rin, you owe me no apology."

He eyes said otherwise, still showing some signs of what I had seen not even five minutes ago. He seemed slightly hurt, turning his back to me with the demonic ego that he displayed without effort. It wasn't ego however, that moved him now it was something else. There was passion in his eyes, and some other incentive that I just could not find.

"I will stay."

He looked at me from the corner of his eyes, almost pleased that I had decided to stay. I could not help but smile, and fear all in the same while. What had just happened, what had almost happened while Satoru lie sleeping within the same house, when he was gone... I could not bring myself to think of it. I had a husband, I was a mother. I was not fourteen anymore. Regardless of whether I had the self-control or not to stop it from happening, Sesshomaru would see that it did not. That was enough. Without another word I left, thinking all the way of what had happened and whether or not to tell Satoru. He knew of our past, and based on those stories alone, and what he had seen since we first arrived here… This was all wrong. We were so out of character. I was not myself, and neither was Sesshomaru. He seemed broken. I was drawn to him almost hypnotically. The world seemed out of time. I was going back ten years ago.

Not that it mattered, not much had happened but enough that I felt the weight of it with every step. It was wrong. I had a great life now. Would I give that up for someone who threw me out of his life? I had a family, a home, happiness. All that pain that I had suffered seemed to disappear with all these years behind. I would give that up for a small moment of passion. No. I just had to forget it; it never happened and would not happen again. I was a woman now, not a child I could not hide behind false excuses. I entered the room, the futon already folded, Satoru dressed and wide awake. He looked to me with a huge smile.

"Good morning!" He came and greeted me with a kiss, and though I told myself to forget this morning I couldn't. I found myself wishing that we had not stopped because the moment his lips touched mine all I could think of was Sesshomaru, and that was all I wanted.