A Piece of Truth

I wandered aimlessly around what was once my room. Its grand size gave me quite enough space to pace and think, despite all of the boxes that now surrounded the room. Satoru left early this morning for a walk and had me begin putting all of my things here, everything was almost put away except for a couple boxes in the wardrobe. I retreated to this room, unable to face anyone. Satoru would leave today, return to the battle the he and Sesshomaru were so certain was waging in the North. Whether it was that, or the kiss that kept me awake and pacing in these early hours in between my moving trips, I was not certain. What was wrong with me? My very family was at stake. Satoru's leaving would make things even harder. I knew why he had to go, but I could not stop myself from wishing that he didn't and the reason behind it I was also unsure of. Was yesterday only a preview of my future here? I knew in my heart that I was wrong, the look that appeared in Satoru's eyes I had never seen before. It broke me, in such a way that I knew it was not my future. But, his words could be called in to question, his time with me was over? I had never hurt him before, we were always the very definition of perfect. Were?

Satoru would go to the North, and when he returned we would cease to be. He would leave. It was a hard thought to consider given all that we had been through, the life that we had shared together. Satoru defended me against all threats, me and the children from demons with the same minds as Sesshomaru. He had always put us in some way, before the safety of his lands when the situation demanded it, put my safety before all else. My happiness was top priority. Now the time has come where he is left with no choice but to choose the North above me. It was personal in my eyes, as if he knew the options that stood before him was me and the North. The children did not know and were not involved with the exception of the impact our choices would be on them. Itachirou might understand, the others could not be so easily assured. If I asked him to stay with me, to take all of us somewhere where we could be happy together, would he go? Would I ask him only to cure my own conscience? Just because I know that his choice to go back to the North means more than him wishing to protect his country. It means hims leaving me as well.

The memories of the past nine years of my life sent to tears to my eyes. My head fell in my hands as I fell to the floor. A pain welt up in my chest, the silent tears cames as gasping sobs realzing all of Satoru's words. What life could I live without him? Why would he leave me? And the thought more painful than anything, was that I did not deserve to have him with me. I had no right to beg him to stay. All that Sesshomaru had said about humans being below demons was true. Satoru loved me, accepted where pieces of my heart remained and chose to overlook it. He smiled at me everyday, told me he loved me everyday, we had children together. Our history was far greater than mine and Sesshomaru's could ever be. The way to repay him was to was by allowing myself a moment of weakness that could not even be called that. It was my own will, I could not blame it on any other but myself. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted that trip back in what I believed was a happier time when all my happy moments had been had these past nine years.

I could not tell how much time passed before he came in. I was lost in questions and thoughts that would have made any demon proud, and any human ashamed. With every passing minute I confirmed how weak humans could be, and our power of bringing others down as well. I brought down a demon with as much power, and potential as Sesshomaru down to nothing more than a mere human. I broke a once strong and powerful spirit and believed I had the right to keep him by my side. The thought was disgusting. I was a great mother, a wife that honored and loved her husband. Now I turned into someone I didn't recognize. My whole life was put into the question by the look on his face. I owed him so much, and gave so little. Loyalty was not to much to ask for, but it was not what he wanted. He needed our love, and he had the love of the children while I gave him all I could. Despite all of his shady words and actions since Jaken came to the Northern Palace, all of the recent events were of my own doing. There was no escape to all that was happening within these walls. Was being in here better? The place where it happened, the gift from Sesshomaru. I was given myself reason to sulk in misery, and I had not the right. Satoru would leave today, and there would be no way to make this right if there was a way to make this right.

Sesshomaru's POV...

I masked myself as I sat atop the roof, peering into her room. I had heard the words that Satoru had spoken to her. She was not aware of all that she was truly involved in, how much of her life was a lie. She had received so much more than I had thought she would, abolishing my slight hope of her being able to walk away from what she was seeing now. Now she sat here, his words ringing in her mind. Since that time, my lips still felt warm from where hers touched mine. Quite inconvenient, I found my fingers touching my chest, where her burning fingers had once been. As I watched her, some small piece of me ached at watching her, buried in sorrow. I had initiated the small event which now seemed to cause her pain. Regardless of that, I was Lord of the North. I now witnessed the fall that Satoru would take at the hands of that woman, fully aware that he would not return from his journey to the North. He would leave her, and his children, but for what, even I did not know. Besides what he was instructed to do, Satoru was acting on his own. He was creating his own plan. Despite what he told Rin, he loved her, and everything he was doing was for her protection. For her sake, he was pushing her away to make it easier for her to bear when the time came. I watched her, she would be safe here. The question was, for how long? In the days since her arrival, I have come to see a Rin far different than the one I knew. She was stronger, and even more stubborn, willing to stand and defend when necessary and always willing to protect that what she needed. I have observed very little as far as her other children were concerned, tonight's dinner would prove insightful considering the strain added with Satoru's leaving afterwards.

My eyes shifted momentarily. He was here.

"What are you doing?" His voice came with a soft whisper of anger. I had seen enough to know that the relationship between them was strong, he was her first born, but there seemed to be more. He demanded something of her.

"Itachirou?" He gripped her arms, and lifted her gently from the floor. "What are you doing here?"

"Must you ask?"

"Your up early." She turned from him. "Go back to bed."

"Why do you not want me to see you cry?"

"I know your nature Itachirou, and regardless of my opinion or my wish to see you happy. I know that you are strong, it is what makes me proud and has made all that I have been through worth it. In return, I have hoped to give you strength as well."

"I have no words of comfort to give you, expcept these." His hands reached for her turning to her. The first glimpse of emotion I had seen from him, his eyes lit with a sadness. Itachirou carried himself quite well considering those like him. He was the most different from the other children, always composed, an emotionless, except with her. When to the world he seemed indifferent, he showed extreme care to his siblings and his mother in particular. "I cannot have you falling in self-pity. You are stronger than that. Yes, you are human, nothing less. But you are also so much more. Expect nothing more of me than you would yourself. You are not weak. You are not helpless."

I could feel the smile on her face. "I'm sorry."

"I know that Satoru loves you."

"That is not what worries me... All of them, you, I feel as if I have failed. Since I got here, I have been lost. I keep wishing to go back to who I was in the hopes that I could be happier. I gave up what I had, for what used to be."

He took her hand in his.

"I am always with you."

Her body froze. She was shocked. Slowly she dropped and her body loosened, her breathing regulated. She was happy. A happiness and relief it seemed that only he could bring. He was her greatest protector, he would stand against the entire world for her, even she was the one who did wrong. How far would he go for this woman? His humanity did not show through often, when it did it was for her. She needed every aspect of his being. He used both, his demon side for strength and a base for her, his human blood to connect. It did not appear as though he needed it. I could not quite understand, was this the bond between a mother and son? No. She loved the others,she loved Itachirou, and he loved her enough to stand to me. He was different.

"Has Satoru said anything to you?"

"Yes."

Her face must have probed for more, his features tightened. Satoru had told him something, I had known it since before their arrival. What it was I could not be sure. It was knowledge that sought more than one person, and required Itachirou's strength. He was his mother's support, I could not imagine how Rin would be without him.

"Lord Satoru does not plan on returning to the West."

"Is he going to remain after the rebellion is over?" She pushed.

"It is not a rebellion. The South and Eastern Lords have demanded that Lord Satoru step down..."

"And what? What more are you not telling me?"

"They do not wish for you to be Lady of the North."

"What?" She was breaking. Her voice began to lower, her eyes were watering.

"If he can produce an heir of full demon blood, he may regain the North." His voice grew darker. He did not know the story that lay behind that statement, there was one.

She looked at his face, studying his features. She knew there was more. She ached and feared the truth that she knew lay within his eyes.=, needing the answer but hesitant to ask.

"He is leaving..." She could not piece it together by himself, her eyes wandered toward the window. She was lost in the depths of her own mind. The look in her eyes, sent a small shock to my chest, it was a look that even a demon would never hope to see.

"He loves you... It is no rebellion. He made the choice for you."

Her eyes shot to him, as did mine. Now I understood, Satoru might have taken a human as his wife, and had the most half-breeds with one woman than our history has seen, but he was not weak. He retained all his strength and gained more along with stubbornness with the birth of each of his children, it gave them something to protect. When he spoke those words to her, it was a release, not only to free her from the pain of his leaving. He wanted to give her someone else to cling to. He couldn't force himself to let her go, he would defend her until the very end. Rin did not yet realize it. With every second that she remained silent, frozen in time, my fist clenched to stop myself from the need to do anything to ease the pain I knew that she felt. Since that morning, I found myself breaking, the mask that I had created was breaking. It took all of my effort to keep the countenance that I had since my birth. I had to control myself.

"He... He chose you over the North."

She almost expected it, but it was the answer that sent her to her knees. Itachirou with her the whole way, her angel.

She was never meant to know that truth. It was not a pain that she needed to bear. You have chosen to go to war, except that I know you better than that. What more have you done Satoru? Who else will suffer?