CH 20
Edward had thought he felt anger before, thought that he had truly known hatred, but now he wasn't so sure. His body was hot. Too hot. His hands gripped hers too tight. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He didn't mean to sound stern with her. Didn't mean to seem so angry with her. Her lack of self worth had to come from somewhere, he knew that, but he had never expected this. "Bella. Tell me this is some kind of fucking joke."
Her eyes were wide, scared. "Edward. I'm just telling you the truth." She flexed her fingers, trying to release their hands. "I've always known that I was a mistake. My mother never wanted me, but Charlie wouldn't even consider abortion." She looked straight into his face and she was so sure of herself that it made him sick. "My parents hated each other. To Renee, I was some sort of pawn to hurt him with in the divorce. She took me because she wanted him to suffer. Then hated me for being just like him. I was relieved when I finally got to come here."
Bella had to be fucking insane. She had to be imagining this. This story was too far fetched. No one could ever say these things about her. No one could look at this girl and not love her. No one could treat her this way. Bella was the most beautiful person Edward had ever met. Before he left she was so caring, so strong. She didn't seem to have a fear in the world. Now he knew differently. Bella had always been sick, always thought of herself as something inferior to everyone else.
"I let myself live for the first time when I came here. I was happy. I feel alive when I'm with you." She smiled at him, her chapped lips cracking at the unfamiliar gesture. "I know what I did was wrong. But, this life is what I always wanted. This is what I dreamt about as a child." She brushed his unruly hair off his forehead, her fingers cooling his anger. "I know I was wrong for taking so much of your life, but I cant seem regret that now."
"You didn't rob me of anything Bella." He ran his knuckles down the side of her face and she leaned into his touch, her lips brushing each of his fingers. "And you can't keep thinking like this." He was still angry, furious even, but he couldn't bring himself to show her that. "I love you. You are worthy of the love. You deserve to live. You can be happy." He'd repeat these words to her forever if he had to. He would wake up every morning and say them like a mantra. She'd believe it if it's the last thing he ever did. "Does Charlie…does anyone else know what your mother did to you?"
She shrugged and laid back in the bed, her overly large gown falling down her shoulder. She shivered, the cool clean air of the hospital blowing against her exposed skin. "He doesn't know anything. I never told him." Her fingers bunched in the sheets, "I was afraid he'd feel the same way about me." She yawned loudly, tired. The day had already taken so much out of her, yet she had only been awake a few hours. "You can go Edward. I think I'm just going to sleep."
"I'm not going to leave you Bella." He replied, pulling the blankets up high around her neck. "I'm never going to leave you."