Author's Note: Another chapter for another day, I am so excited with myself! Lol :)!

A Useless Plea and a Broken Heart

His words rang clear through my ears like a bell, shaking the very center of my being. He allowed us to come, he offered us his protection of his own will. Why was my heart beating like this? The Sesshomaru that I knew all that time ago had a heart hidden beneath society's ideals of what a demon should be. His mother had an influence in the way he behaved and over time I came to see behind that act. He may have been a demon and there may be many more, but I believed that even demons could be prone to emotions even if it was for just a small second it guided them in some part of their lives. Demons like Satoru let their emotions become their life, while Sesshomaru preferred to remain cold and revolted by humanity and all that it entailed. It was an act that he put on and discarded more and more with time. Was that what I was seeing now despite all the time that passed?

If it were Satoru, I would have asked if he was worried about me. This was Sesshomaru, I could not ask that. I had absolutely no response to the statement, that to him seemed as if the world were expected to collapse after he spoke. All I could do was walk away. His hand gripped my wrist pulling me back to meet his angered gaze. I dropped my head and unwrapped his fingers, pulling my hand tight to my side.

"You made the choice for us to stay here. Why?"

"There is more than just the East and the South. Do you remember why I told you?"

"The North and the West."

"I will deal with my lands. He must deal with his own."

The war was greater than I thought. Did Itachirou know that he faced not only two lands, but his as well?

"This war is because they cannot tolerate half breed children?"

"All lands need a demon lord as a symbol for strength. The person orchestrating this knows that Satoru would rather die than give them that."

There was a way out.

"If Satoru has a full demon child they will end this?" I was almost overjoyed.

He looked almost surprised by how happily I asked that question. As any other woman could expect, the thought of my husband having an affair was not appealing. Not that it mattered. If my husband having a full demon child meant that we could keep him, I would agree. It was the one thing that had to be overcome if it meant that we could stay together.

"You will accept that choice."

"I am his wife, as such I cannot accept it. But as his best friend and his lover, I must." I found tears streaming down my cheeks, telling me how cold my skin was in comparison. "I will accept anything if it means he'll stay."

With each tear that passed in the silence of his shock, his body tightened.

"I have to find him."

I sprinted down the hall, determined to find him. I passed through the dining hall, searched outside before returning to the house. For some reason the one place I knew he was, I thought he wasn't. I returned to the guest room that we occupied. I paced around he empty room. Even on a peaceful day like this there was a slight chill blowing through this room. The cold wood creaked beneath my feet as I walked. If there were cobwebs it could almost be the perfect home for a ghost. It had that empty and cold feeling, no matter how tightly you wrapped yourself up there was no warmth or comfort to be found. This was how I felt inside. Despite the happy revelation that there was some way out of this, I could not help the knowledge that this was all my fault. I would accept what he would have to do. I also decided that it was best to leave when all was said and done. If he wanted, I would take all of the kids with me when I returned to the village. I would leave this whole world of war and demons behind for the simplicity of an easy life. It was the life I was better adjusted to regardless of the nine years I spent as Lady of the North. The only questions that came to my mind at the thought of taking my kids with me where, could they adjust to such a life? Given all that they grew up with and were used to, could they without over half of what they were used to? More importantly,would we be allowed to live? We had been the cause of the battle that would soon tear our lands apart. If peace had been found, it require forgiveness from the people before I could return to the life that I had come to miss.

I would forever cherish the time that I had spent with Satoru, but he needed something else right now. He needed a full demon by his side, the sacrifice of his great heart for the land and people he was now condemning. The blood of all who died would be on my hands, each soul lost, a parent, a child, a brother or sister, aunt or uncle... Each life would be a pin on my heart. I hoped that there with Itachirou joining him there would not be that many people gone. He was strong, and despite his indifference, he cared strongly for the North and it's people. Along with Satoru and I, they had raised him and watched him grow into the great person he ultimately became. I would overlook that as far as years were concerned he was only nine years old. Satoru speculated that it was a spell cast on him and Naiera that forced their bodies to grow beyond their age. Whatever spell, it assisted Itachirou in his self-reliance by giving him the look that matched his heart. His soul was one that I could not bear to lose after all that we had been through. It was resolved that I would return to the village, and if I could not be forgiven I would try to live each day with memory of all that had happened since I left.

"I am curious as to what is on your mind."

Satoru stood by the door, an odd shadow cast around him as he stood looking at me out of the corner of his black eyes. He was acting off, even for him. There was a small black shadow around him that sent a chill through the air, hitting me like the crashing of waves on the shore. His voice, it sounded as if there were two, I could hear Satoru's faintly, overpowered by the serpent like sound that hit the end of each word. I did not even know how much I had moved until he turned with an expression of confusion. I had backed against the wall, my fingers clutching my kimono tight. This was evil, everything about him, guessing the reason why I realized that I had no right to be upset. Even if I came here with what I hoped he would consider to be good news. In my head I threw a million apologies at him and cried every tear that I had begging him to forgive me.

"What's the matter?" I could not tell if he was taunting me, or genuinely concerned. "Are your thoughts of Sesshomaru?" He smiled.

"No."

"Then tell me. I am still your husband-"

"But you won't be when you return."

He looked stunned at my words, until his heavy laughter filled the room.

"That means?"

"It will be I who leaves you." I said firmly.

His humor was gone and the air that surrounded me grew thick. Light clouds began to form overhead filling the air with an almost thick mist. He took a step towards me in a manner that made me wish the distance between us was greater. I had never wished to be away from him, I never had reason to fear him. Looking at him, I had to question whether or not this was Satoru. He looked like Satoru with the exception of the features that made him not look like Satoru. He made another move and so did I. We stepped in that circle that you would expect from enemy and prey, always able to see each other and unable to turn our backs on the other.

"You wish to return to your beloved Sesshomaru?" It was more a statement than an actual question, filled with the same hate you would find from any other demon.

"I am returning to the village."

"And the kids?"

"I will take them if you wish."

His ground his teeth together, and every word he spoke come out in a vicious sneer. "What would put such an act of generosity into your head?"

He stepped again and our circle continued to move as I stepped as well.

"This is my fault. I will not stand between you and your lands again." My head dropped as a tear fell down my frozen cheek. "I am hoping that you will take a full demon as your mate."

Hesitantly, I looked up to find him watching me, not as he did a moment ago. His eyes returned to the ones I had spent the last nine years looking into. The mist and the air lightened, the darkness around him faded. His voice lightened until I recognized it as entirely Satoru's and I could not help but cry as I heard him call my name.

"Rin."

"I want this to end. I got you into all of this, and I am sorry."

"No. I gave you fear just now. I put into your head that I was angry at what happened when I should have expected nothing less... Now you think a demon woman will be of use."

"I-"

His voice was quick, not with anger, with concern. "Let me rephrase that. You think I want a demon to be useful? I would go to a war for an eternity, if it meant that I can do what every husband and father should do. More so, it is my right. The past nine years with you have given me the ability to do what I want. I want to protect you and our kids. I will not bow to some weak minded demons who think my wife has failed at doing what she has been doing for the past nine years."

"Your not mad?" I backed into another wall as he came close and took my hands in his, turning them over.

"Yes. Only for you thinking that just to save my own life, I would sacrifice my own family."

"There is more at stake here than just your lands! You have a future."

"A future?" His voice was low. Still loud enough for me to detect the question that lie within.

He smiled to himself. In that silence, I never believed I could feel more fear than what I felt when he looked at me again. His eyes had a depth to them I had never seen. It was not one of happiness. Even more fearful than that, regret. What dawned on me was not a realization, it was a question that was just something to be said. A natural reaction to the way that he spoke, and I regretted it the moment it was said. I recieved my answer in the very eyes that broke my heart.

"You don't intend to come back?" I pushed his away from me and pulled my hands to my heart. "Your not coming back to me?"

"I will never leave you." His voice was urging. I had known that tone enough, he was lying.

"Your not coming back?!" I threw my fists at him as he tried to hold me. I fought him and the tears and sobs that were worse than the ones from this morning. It hurt more to know that what he was doing was for his love for me, rather than his anger. "Your going to die! You brought me here to leave me! You plan to die and leave me! You go to war for me instead of getting angry that I kissed another man! Get mad at me scream you hate me!"

"You know I can't do that."

His answer made me hit him harder. "You can't do this to us!"

"I am doing it for all of you!"

"Don't you dare lie to me! Leave me! Take a demon and don't engage in this!"

"No."

"Then let go of me!" He grabbed my wrists with one hand pinning them to his chest and the other holding me in an inescapable hold. His head rested on mine. As we stood there, my strength waned. That didn't stop me from holding him, I held on to his hakama with the knowledge that when I finally let go, he would be gone. I felt his cheek, wet against mine.

"You were never mine to hold on."

"I am yours."

"Then don't ask me to go with another woman. Don't ask me to let you go. Tonight I will have no choice, but right now I do. Do not ask me to let you go." His arms tightened around me.

"Please don't go. I am begging you." I pleaded.

"I have no choice... But remember these words. No matter how far I may be... no matter what happens to me... no matter what you say... You will always have me. "

"That's not enough." Sesshomaru could never be on my mind. I only wanted Satoru, and with every second that his words echoed in my head, and the knowledge that he was not going to survive, I could not wonder why. All that I could hear was the sound of my own heart breaking.

He placed a small kiss on my head. "Believe me... I know."