Brann felt like a stranger to herself the whole evening. She was proud of the admiring glances from the dwarves, both for her strong appearance as their queen as well as for her looks, but she felt more lost than ever. Thorin had tried to talk to her a few times that evening, but Brann had only answered as shortly as possible. As it was time to leave for their chambers Brann got even more tense. She was disappointed and hurt and these feelings started to work their way to the surface. Brann had thought that the feelings towards Thorin had merely been physical, but she had to realize that there was more to her feelings than she wanted to admit herself. Otherwise Thorins encounter with the dwarf lady would not have bothered her that much.

Thorin walked at her side quietly until they reached their chambers. As the door had closed he reached out for her hand, but the slight touch made her recoil to the edge of their bed. Her bed.

'Don´t touch me!' she exclaimed furiously. 'Don´t even think of touching me, after you´ve been with her!'

Thorin was surprised about her outburst. He had assumed that she did not have any romantic feelings towards him, but she behaved like a jealous woman. No – a hurt wife, Thorin reminded himself.

'What do you want from me, Brann?' he asked her calmly. 'I didn´t force my right upon you as your husband. I thought you would fear my touch, so I gave in. Now tell me, Brann. What it is you want?'

Thorin tried to move closer to Brann, but with every step he took towards her she recoiled.

Brann did not know what to answer. She did not know what she wanted herself. Although she longed for Thorin she was not ready to share his bed. But she did not want him to be with other women either. He was her husband. She walked to the balcony of their room and looked up into the stars.

'I do not know what I want.' she murmured, almost too quietly for Thorin to hear. Now that she had her back turned to him Thorin dared to move closer. 'I am lost. I miss my family and my home. But who am I telling this…..you must feel the same way.'

Brann realized that the moment she said it. Thorin had also lost most of his family and his home. She was not alone in her pain. But at the moment they were both alone, regardless of the unity they showed in public.

'I cannot give you your family back, nor your home.' Thorin murmured and closed the space between them with a few determined steps. 'But I want to give you a new home and a new family. You only have to accept it.'

Brann could feel the heat of his body as he moved closer to her and closed her eyes. She would love to accept his offer if it hadn´t been for this unfortunate encounter she had witnessed. But did she even have the right to claim Thorins loyalty if she denied him his rights as a husband? Brann could not bear the thought of sharing Thorin with other women. She was not ready for it, but she turned around and looked her husband in the eye.

'I want to be a good wife to you, my king.' Brann whispered. 'You just have to accept me.'

Thorin smiled and reached out for her face to touch her cheek with his callous fingers. He could feel her shiver and sighed. He still did not want to force anything on her. He could not.

'We should go to bed, my queen.' Thorin sighed. 'It was a long day.'

'Will you sleep in our bed tonight?' Brann asked and looked at him carefully.

'No, my queen, I will continue to use my chambers for the moment.' Thorin answered, surprised by her sudden question.

'Am I not to your liking, my king?' Brann asked with a shaking voice. But she looked him straight in the eye and she wanted an answer.

Thorin took a deep breath and looked to the floor. He heard Brann sigh and felt a cold breeze as she walked past him, not looking at him either. He knew that if he did not admit his feelings to her and also to himself he would lose her instantly. Determined he took a step forward and grabbed her hand from behind.

'You are very much to my liking, my queen. You are so much to my liking that I envied my own brother for every second he could spend with you. The moment you accepted my brothers proposal I realised that I would be with you every day, with you as my sister in law and it tore me apart. Now, we share the pain over the loss of our loved ones and share the pain over Frerins death and yet we are drifting further apart than ever. And this is my fault, I know that.' Thorin told her softly. 'Maybe I married you because with you I still have a part of Frerin with me. Maybe I married you because it is tradition. Maybe I married you because it was the only way to make you mine. But I can't stay with you at night, Brann. Not without taking what is mine.'

Brann looked at Thorin in shock. His words were full of emotion and affection and it was the first time that she heard such words out of his mouth.

'Why would you want me to be yours? Only for Frerins memory? Or because it was your duty as a brother? This is not enough, Thorin. For none of us.' it was the first time that Brann adressed him by his name and Thorin thought that his name never sounded that wonderful like out of her mouth.

'Then why did you accept my proposal?' now it was Thorins turn to ask. 'Nobody forced you to become my wife. Why did you stay? Because you had no other choice? Or because you wanted to stay a part of Frerins life? Or because you wanted to stay?'

All Brann wanted to do in that moment was run, but that would have been the act of a coward. She felt weak and sat down on the floor at the foot of the bed, burrying her face in her hands. She could not tell Thorin that - against all odds - she had fallen in love with him and not his brother. She could not tell him that the day her mother and Frerin had died she had fled from the camp to get a clear head. Brann felt tears run down her cheeks and tried to hide it from Thorin, but he had already noticed. The king of the dwarves knelt down in front of Brann and took her chin into his hand, forcing her to look at him. Thorin leaned towards Brann and brushed his lips over the wet traces of her tears, trying to kiss her pain and doubt away.

'Don't cry, my queen.' Thorin whispered and nuzzled her small nose with his longer one, making Brann smile lightly. 'What you did today was amazing. You are the strong and confident queen my people need and I could not ask for more than that.'

'You need more than that. But you won't ask it from me. You'd rather ask it from lady Dara.' Brann remembered his encounter with the female dwarf all too clearly. 'Why?'

Thorin sighed and took a deep breath. 'I feel like a fool for doing this to you. I did not want to force you to anything. You are innocent, Brann. Innocent and young. I do not want...I would hurt you. And I do not want to hurt you, Brann.'

'You took me as your wife, Thorin. Instead of hurting me once you prefer to hurt me all along and seek comfort in the arms of other women?' Brann wanted Thorin to accept her, but she had her pride and she would not beg. 'You are a jerk, your majesty.'

Before Thorin could react Brann jumped onto her feet and rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The dwarfking was aghast, he had never been called a jerk before. Well, that was not true, Dis had called him a jerk various times. And she would do it again if she heard that he screwed up his marriage before it had really started.

Brann ran into Dain in the halls of the Blue Mountains. The lord of the Iron Hills was surprised to see his cousins queen alone in the halls at that time, but he kept his surprise to himself.

'Queen Brann, what a pleasant surprise!' Dain smiled politely.

'Lord Dain.' Brann wanted to be alone and nodded politely, but rushed past the lord and made for the gates of the mountain.

Dain was unsure wether to follow the queen or not, but her expression had been all too clear. The lord of the Iron Hills knew that Thorin was not an easy character, but Brann and him had displayed a strong unity at dinner and Dain had been under the impression that his cousin had found the ideal woman for him. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe the rumors about Thorin and lady Dara from Ered Luin were true. Dain shook his head. His cousin had always been a ladiesman, different than Dain who had married his true love and had been true and loyal to her all his life. One day, Dain hoped, Thorin would find his peace with his one love.

In the meantime Brann had reached the gates and stormed out of the mountain. She needed to walk under the stars and breath the fresh air of the night. She missed her mother. In fact she missed her whole family, but her mother had always been Branns best friend and the best mother Brann could ever imagine. Her mother would have had a solution for her current situation, or at least she would have comforted Brann and would have given her hope. But she was not there anymore. She had died, together with Frerin and Lindin and countless other dwarves before the black gates of Moria. Brann was alone.

Brann returned to her rooms late at night. She laid down in her huge bed and fell asleep instantly. That night dreams haunted her. She dreamt of the battlefield and the orc attacks on the dwarf camp. She saw the medical tent burning red and bright in the nights sky and heard the screams of burning dwarves inside of it. Burning dwarves and her mother. In her dream, Brann cried out her desperation and her helplessness. She could feel the hot flames burn on her face and tried to turn away from the heat. She could hear Frerin call out for her from afar...

'Brann! Brann...wake up, its just a dream...Brann!' Thorin had been sleeping in his rooms as the horrified screams of his wife had made him rush out of bed. He had laid down by her side and had tried to wake her up for moments now.

Brann didn't know where she was as she woke up. She had fled from her dream, right into Thorins arms. Shivering violently she clung to Thorins shoulders and tried to forget the horrible nightmare.

'Shhhh...its alright. You are safe here.' Thorin stroked her hair and gently rocked her back and forth. He was about to sit up again as Brann grabbed his nightshirt.

'Stay with me. Please, Thorin. Do not leave me.' Brann whispered and placed a hand on Thorins chest. 'Don't leave me.'

Thorins presence calmed her down. He was a little shorter than her, but he had the strong body of a warrior. Brann cuddled up at his side and felt safe instantly. His body heat warmed her and his strong arms gave her the comfort she needed.

'I won't go anywhere.' Thorin assured her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He waited till her breath had calmed down and pulled up the sheets to cover her. Leaning on his elbow he watched his wife drift into slumber and softly stroke her cheek with his fingers. Soon, Thorin felt his eyes falling shut and fell asleep beside his wife for the first time since they were married.

Brann woke up feeling strangely safe and warm. As she opened her eyes she looked right into Thorins face, who still slept at her side, his arms wrapped around her. At first Brann was shocked to find him in her bed, but then she remembered. She had had a nightmare and she had asked Thorin to stay with her. Now that the horror of the nightmare was gone Brann felt the anger about Thorin rise up in her again. Slowly she peeled herself out of his arms and moved away. She moved back to the other end of the bed and watched her husband sleep. Torn between hurt and affection Brann decided that she needed to get a clear head, once and for all. But she did not know how. She decided to visit Dis and talk to her about the dilemma.

Thorin woke up alone and at first he did not know why he was not in his bed. Then he remembered that Brann had a nightmare and that he had tried to comfort her. They had fallen asleep in each others arms and Thorin could not help but miss the feeling of Branns warm body pressed against him. Last night Brann had begged him to stay with her, but she had still been captured in her nightmare. Now, wide awake, she had not beared to stay with him anymore. Thorin sighed deeply. He knew that he had screwed up badly and he only hoped that Brann could forgive him. The night with Dara had only been a physical thing, she did not mean anything to him. Nevertheless Thorin hated himself for letting his control slip and he cursed under his breath. He really felt like a fool, but the knowledge that he hurt his wife pained him even more. At the moment Thorin did not know how to fix the rift between him and his wife. Brann had offered herself to him last night and he had admitted that he wanted her. But he was still afraid to act on his feelings. He would be Branns first and he wanted it to be a positive memory for Brann, but he knew that the first time was always painful for a woman and Brann had suffered more than enough pain lately. Thorin wanted to claim her heart before he would claim her body. Just that he had no idea how to do so.

Dis was happy to see Brann again, but she already guessed that the reason for the queens visit was no happy one.

'Its Thorin is it?' Dis sighed. 'He can be such an idiot at times. But you have to believe me, he is a good dwarf. And he would never hurt you intentionally.'

Brann watched Fili play with his little brother who started to try to stand up. Little Fili tried to pull his little brother up and Brann could not help but smile at the two dwarflings. Their bond was strong already and Brann hoped that it would never break apart.

'Thorin did so much for me that I should be grateful for. He gave me a home, a family. If he was a human king he would have forced me into his bed already. I never thought that it could hurt so much to not be touched at all.' Brann laughed bitterly. 'He took from this dwarf woman what I should have given him as his wife. My mother always said that everyone has duties in a marriage. Men as well as women. I didn't do mine.'

'Don't say that.' Dis took Branns hand and squeezed it. 'He had no right to betray you. No right at all and he knows that. You are still so young, Brann. Have you made any experience with men yet?'

Brann shook her head. The only men near her had been her brothers and her father.

'I can try to explain it to you.' Dis smirked slightly. 'Men can be really stupid sometimes. Especially when it comes to women. Thorin never had problems as far as women were concerned. They tend to fall for him easily. You are the first woman who is a challenge for him, because he also fell for you.'

Branns heart nearly stopped. Thorin had told her that he wanted her last night, but Brann had not believed him, yet.

'Didn't you know?' Dis was amused altough the situation was not funny at all. 'Thorin devours you everytime he looks at you, I thought you had noticed that.'

'Why me?' Brann did not understand. 'I am no dwarf. I am not strong and hard. I can't even fight. He does not know me at all, how can he fall for me?'

'Do you know him? You also fell for him.' Dis smiled at the obvious. Brann really was unexperienced in love matters. 'You are strong in your own way and you fight in your own way. You might not be physically strong, but you have a strong and brave heart and a brave soul. Thorin must have seen that on the battlefield of Moria already.'

'If he fell for me, why sleep with that...with lady Dara?' Brann was still angry about that.

Dis sighed. 'That my dear I can't tell.'

Brann was sick and tired of heartache. Since she and her family had rushed to help the dwarven army she had felt nothing but pain, all kinds of pain. And the pain in her heart was the worst. She didn't want to feel a thing anymore.

Dis worried as she watched the young woman. Thorin would have to put up the fight of his life to reach her heart ever again.