A/N: Hi guys. I'm sorry if this chapter took long. I was busy watching Catching Fire again and again these past few days. How 'bout you, guys? Have you watch it? If you haven't you should!
Anyway, remember I said I'll be providing a much more detailed back story for Reyna? Well, a bit of that story starts in this chapter but will continue to the next one.
This chapter is throbbing with emotional intensity. It was kind of hard to write because all feelings were just flying around. I hope you guys like the way it was written.
And also, I changed some of the titles for the upcoming chapters. Here they are:
22 - How To Save a Life
26 - Growing Pains
27 - Cage on the Ground
31 - For Whom the Bell Tolls
35 - My Keeper
What do you think? :D
ProdigiXvX:I thank you for all those feedbacks. They're overwhelming and flattering. Thank you. ANd yes, I have plans for Poseidon here. I hope you like it. :D
Jay:Well, I think I might be very late on this one but . . . get well soon. And thank you. :D
CimFan:For Halloween, everyone in our office dressed up according to assigned game. For our department it was Temple Run and I kind of copied what Indiana Jones wore, so yeah . . . silly, right? :D
Tina-Daughter-Of-Poseidon-23:First of all, let me thank you for taking the time of letting me know what you think. And don't worry, I very much like reading long reviews. I will continue Lester's story but I will be focusing on this one in the meantime. You're not the only one getting confused here. o be honest, me, too. It's hard to write this story with all those issues going on. Right now, I'm just enjoying the challenge and let's let whatever's going to happen to happen, right? Once again, thank you for the feedback. :D
MidnightBoredom:My pleasure to make my readers happy. :D
thaliagrace123:Thank you for giving this story a shot and letting me know what you think of it. :d
Jadewish:Oh, that figure. That's actually a representation of Percy. I will provide a more detailed explanation in the future, it will appear in one of the chapters, don't worry. :D As for your offer . . . wow. Really? To be honest I would love that. I need to know what otehrs think of this story. Thank you in advance! :D
DON'T JUST READ, LEAVE A REVIEW!
NEVER LET ME GO
Chapter 19: HE'S COME UNDONE
REYNA
The throwing and breaking of things didn't start away.
It only came when Poseidon provoked Percy, thereby causing him to snap.
While Annabeth and I were waiting for Percy's blood donation to be done, we shared some small talks about random things. We tried to steer clear off any topics that might send one another to a fit of crying - which basically meant there wasn't much we accomplished on that department. Talking about the past was painful, the present unbearable, the future unclear.
Then Poseidon Jackson stumbled to the hallway where we were seated. Annabeth and I stood up to greet him. He gave us a small smile although the look on his eyes looked pained.
I never really got the chance to look at Percy's father before but right then I realized just how much they looked alike. And based on my experience with Percy, I instantly knew how hurt Poseidon really was and how hard he was trying to keep everything inside.
"Hi," I greeted, somewhat shyly. Was it okay to call him by his first name? Wouldn't that be kind of awkward?
"Poseidon," said Annabeth.
"Greetings, lovely ladies," he said. He looked around and seemed to notice that his son wasn't there. "Where's Percy?" he asked.
"In there making a blood donation," Annabeth said. "How did you find out?"
I knew Annabeth knew it was pointless to ask why Poseidon was there at that moment, given that his grandson was hospitalized.
Poseidon gave a loud sigh. "Sally contacted me," he informed us. "I was at Puerto Rico, doing some research when I received the call from her."
I tried to stop the cold feeling that washed through me as I heard the name of that place . . . the place where Reyna Avíla Ramirez - Arellano died, the place where all of my nightmares originated, but I was unsuccessful. An icy finger was running down the back of my neck, making me shiver and then the flashbacks started. A room with cardboard walls; a bed with dirty sheets and rusty headboard; a sobbing little girl. I could feel my throat closing up as I struggled to breathe. I knew I was starting to make those awful chocking noises I always produce when I cry. Stop, I told myself. Stop it.
"Are you okay, Reyna?" Annabeth's pulled me back from my daytime bad dreams. "You look like you're about to cry."
I swallowed thickly before answering, not trusting myself to sound convincing. "Yeah," I answered. "Fine. Just worried is all."
"Tell me about it," said Annabeth.
"How's Noah?" Poseidon asked.
"He's having chemo right now," I said quickly, seeing that Annabeth was having a hard time answering. "Doc said that the effects won't show right away, that he might be weaker in the beginning but it has a cumulative effect and will show in a long run." Poseidon nodded. "We wanted to come in there with Noah but Dr. Mears said its better to keep the audiences few."
"What about Percy?"
"Trying to keep it together," I said. "He's trying so hard not to fall apart."
"But I guess you're the one person who really knows what he's thinking and what he's feeling," Annabeth added.
"If I understand what my son's going through, I believe he won't be able to hold it together longer if he isn't at least given the chance to let it out."
"What are you saying?" Annabeth asked.
"I came here for two reasons; first is because my family needs me," he said. " And second, to help Percy handle this situation better. I may not be the world's best father when he was growing up but I do know my son; I know that right now he badly needs help."
"That's what we're trying to give him," said Annabeth. "We've been trying to tell him that he's not actually alone in this situation. What scares me is that he's been trying so hard to be strong; he's trying so hard not to cry."
"And knowing Percy, those are clear indications of how close he really is to falling apart," I added.
Poseidon nodded grimly. "And I guess we can all agree at at this point what Percy needs is an outlet - a way to let his emotions out."
"Alright, what do you have in mind?" Annabeth asked.
"I've called Sally to inform her of what we're going to do and she's all for it; she's actually on her way here. Annabeth, I need you to look after Noah for a few hours. Can you do that?" he asked.
"Of course," Annabeth answered.
He looked at me. "As for you, Reyna, I'm pretty sure that Percy's going to need you. Will you come with us?"
I gave him a nod, not really trusting myself to answer verbally. I was sure that my invitation from Poseidon wasn't just for Percy alone. I had a feeling that he knew what connected me to that awful place and that he knew what really happened to Reyna Arellano, of how she died in a small town in Puerto Rico.
"Good," he murmured. He then went ahead and let himself in the room where Percy was. My warning that he shouldn't come in there was just escaping my lips when I heard the door clicking, locked. I looked at Annabeth, asking why Poseidon didn't even went and checked on his grandson.
She shrugged. "Who knows? I don't really understand how his mind works but I guess Poseidon thinks this is the best was for him to help both of them."
I nodded, turning around when I heard the door open. Percy was leaning against Poseidon and looked pale and unsteady on his feet He didn't look good, but I didn't think it had something to do with the fact that he just donated blood a few moments ago. If I was to guess, based on the way he looked at his Dad, Poseidon was the reason why he looked that way.
"What are you doing here?" he asked him.
"Picking you and Reyna up," said Poseidon.
Percy gave a snort. "Right. Like I'm going to leave with what my son is going through right now."
"Perseus," Poseidon said in a quiet voice. "I understand why you don't want to leave, and believe me I wouldn't suggest this if it isn't needed. I have spoken to your mother; she's on her way. She will look after Noah. Beside, Annabeth's going to be here."
Percy stepped away from him. "As always, you don't count in what my opinion on the matter is; you just go ahead and plan everything. You know what - "
"Seaweed Brain," Annabeth interjected. "If you don't trust him then trust me - you need this. It's going to help. Reyna can say the same thing," she said, looking at me.
"Yeah," I said immediately. I knew Percy. No matter how hard he tried, he could very well scream what he was really feeling in front of my face - he was that transparent to me. I could tell these past few days that those emotions he'd been keeping would soon be unbearable that he'd have to let it out, one way or the other. "I will come with you." I looked into his eyes, which shade seemed to have taken a dull color. "You have to do this. For Noah." I could tell he was still doubting whether this is going to be a good idea so I took his hand. "I'm not going to tell you what to do but trust me when I say that this is a help you need."
He sighed in defeat.
"We'll leave shortly," said Poseidon. "Let's just wait for Noah."
Percy sat down on the couch, taking my earlier place. I knelt in front of him and rubbed his back. "You okay?"
He gave me a smirk. "Weird, but I am," he said. "I guess being able to actually do something to help save my son kind of made my feeling extremely useless go down for a little bit."
The door of the room where Noah was wheeled into earlier opened, Dr. Mears exiting. Percy stood up and went over to meet him. "How's he?" he inquired.
Dr. Mears removed his mask, giving us a small smile. "Good," he answered. "He,'s very brave."
"Well, he got his father's spirit so I'd say he's pretty tough," Poseidon said. Percy shot him a look.
"He's sleeping and will probably stay that way until tomorrow,"Dr. Mears said. "Don't worry; he's going to be fine." He stepped aside as two nurses wheeled Noah out of the room. Percy took it from them and pushed the wheelchair back to Noah's private room. We all followed his suit.
Percy carefully lifted Noah off the chair and placed him back on the bed. He mumbled and rolled over. Even though I tried hard not to notice it, I could still see the effects of this illness on him - there were bruises on his arms and legs, dark bags were under his eyes and when Percy placed an extra pillow under his head, I saw strands of blonde hair fall.
"We should go," Poseidon said. "If we want to come back before he wakes up we need to go now."
Percy opened his mouth to speak but I stopped him by touching his arm. "It's okay," I whispered. "Let's just go."
He gave his Dad another look before leaning down and giving Noah a kiss on the forehead. "Rest, buddy," he whispered softly. "I'll be back before you know it." He looked at Annabeth. "Stay with him, please."
She walked over and sat beside Noah's bed. "I'm not going anywhere, Seaweed Brain."
"Thank you."
"Come on," Poseidon said. "Your mother will be here shortly."
Percy gave another sigh before taking my hand and following his Dad.
"I don't want his help," said Percy.
We were driving in Poseidon's car, Percy and I at the back with Poseidon behind the wheel. I wasn't sure if Poseidon heard him but I could swear I caught him peering at us from the rearview mirror.
"Perce," I began. "You don't have to do this alone." Percy looked at me. "It's not just me, or Annabeth, or Paul and your Mom - there are a lot of people out there who loves you and wants to be with you; you just have to give them the chance." I reached out and took his hand. "Don't shut him out, Perce. Let him in."
"I believe he had already made his choice not to be a part of my life."
"Stop that," I whispered. "Stop playing the victim card." He gave me a look and I sighed. "You can't keep on being like this You forgave Annabeth, how hard would it be to do the same with him?" Percy looked down at our intertwined hands, Brought them to my lips and placed a kiss at the back of his hand. "I know it's in your nature to take responsibility on things, you feel like it's on you everytime, but there's nothing wrong in getting a little bit of help." I looked over the rearview mirror and saw Poseidon watching us. "There's nothing wrong in saying that you need him."
"We're here," Poseidon suddenly announced.
I checked the building before us through the mirror by my side. I had no idea what it was but Percy showed recognition. "Here?" he asked in exasperation. "This is the help you think I need? To visit your office?"
"Not exactly," Poseidon answered, killing the engine. "Come on, there's something we need to take care of first." He got out of the car and entered the building. I looked at Percy. He exhaled before going out to follow his father.
Poseidon's office was cozy. I was able to tell right away where Percy got his addiction with the sea. The couches were a shade of dark green; the tables made of mahogany, their tops made of clear glass. An aquarium sit at the farthest corner which housed a single arowana; beside it was a flat-screen television plastered against the wall. The east wall was made purely of glass, facing the streets and sunrise. I could only imagine how warm it would be to spend the morning here. Across the tv set were utensils - a coffee maker, cups and saucers and plates. Adjacent to that was a heavy oak table with a laptop.
"Care to tell me what we're doing here?" Percy asked.
Poseidon sat behind a desk with a metal plate that read Poseidon Jackson, CEO. "I brought you here to provide you an out," he said in a very measured voice.
Percy snorted, walking over the wall glass while I sat down at the couch opposite the table. "What makes you think I need one?"
Poseidon stared at his son. "Because this is exactly the kind if thing I would need if I was the one in your situation. I would need to let whatever I'm feeling inside, to at least vent it out."
"And what does that have to do with me?" Percy asked, walking over his father's table and placing his hands on top.
Poseidon leaned closer to him, staring into his eyes. "You're just like me, Perseus. I know how much you despise that fact, but in this situation it is the very thing helping me figure out what to do to - "
Percy struck and sent the marble ash tray that was sitting on top of the table skidding across the room, the beautiful thing shattering into a hundred pieces. One shard slid on the floor and rest itself beside my shoe. I looked at him in shock. "Don't do that," he said, his voice low. "I told you not to compare me to you. I was not like you nor will I ever be."
"Are you not, Perseus? Give me a good reason why you're not like me."
Percy slammed his fists against the table. The move was so sudden I nearly leapt from the couch. "I grew up without you," he said, his nostrils flaring. "How can I even be like you when you weren't even there during my childhood?! You're an absentee who don't even deserve the title father, that reason enough for you?"
Poseidon stood up and stared directly into his son's eyes. Percy as an inch or two taller than him but they looked as intimidating as a pair of hungry lions. "Not even close," he said. I swear I heard a note of mockery in his voice.
Apparently, Percy heard it, too. He lunged forward and grabbed the collar of his father's shirt, shoving against his chair. A gasp of surprise was barely escaping my throat when I had my arms wrapped around his chest, trying to pull him away from Poseidon. "Percy, stop it."
"How dare you talk like you know me," he snarled. "You don't have even the tiniest idea of who I really am!" he shoved his father away but the force knocked me backwards, too. I fell on the floor and landed heavily on my arm.
Percy looked back at me in shock. "See what you're doing? In being too wrapped up in yourself you're hurting everyone around you." I stood up, rubbing my arm. "All people ever want is to let you know that you don't have to go through this on your own but all you ever do is push them away."
Percy looked at Poseidon like he was crazy. "Are you really doing this right now? What happened to helping me?!"
"How am I supposed to help you when you won't even let me?"
"I don't need your help!"
Poseidon crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I have two words for you, Percy : grow up. Stop looking at the world like everyone is out to hurt you. Not everyone is like me. Not everyone has intentions of causing you pain." He faltered but continued. "Not everyone is like me."
"So that's what it's all about, huh? About us? Are you actually that selfish to take me away from my son, who needs me, just so we can resolve issues we have?!"
"I took you away for a while because you're crumbling down inside," Poseidon answered. The calm tone of his voice, I knew was rubbing Percy off the wrong way. "I took you away for a while because I know that behind that tough facade you put on, you're in bad need of an outlet."
Percy gave another smirk. The look on his face, the vacant light in his eyes made the hair on my arms stand on end. "An outlet, father?" Percy took a flower vase that was on top of the filing cabinet and, in one swift motion, smashed it against the edge of Poseidon's table. "To let my emotions out - is that what you want me to do? Don't you understand that this isn't about me? There's a five year old back at the hospital who is being strong for me. Who, at the same time, is depending on me. Not to mention the people around me who all seem to think that I'm going to snap any second - do you know what that feels like? When everyone looks at you with sympathy and fear that one day everything's gonna be too much for you?!"
"There's nothing wrong in telling others that things are overwhelming for you," Poseidon countered. "I know you want to be strong for everyone around you but those people also want you to know that it hurts them to see you this way." He took a tentative step forward and extended his arms. "You're shouldering all of these on your own but you don't have to. I'm here, Perseus."
I saw Percy clenching his jaw. Suddenly, he kicked the chair in front of him, sending it sailing against the glass side table. The heavy wooden chair broke the thing, showering the carpet in glass. I looked up at him in fear. "Percy . . . please. Stop this."
He paid me no attention as he glared at his Dad. "I don't need you," he said, his voice venomous. "I never did." He shook his head as he turned around and headed for the door.
Then Poseidon made the remark that set Percy off. "Stop being a coward and let others know what you're really feeling."
Percy stopped on his tracks, a look of pure hatred on his face. Before I could stop him, he surged back to Poseidon, his fist raised in the air as he delivered a punch straight to Poseidon's face.
"No!" I cried as I ran forward to stop, even though I wasn't sure how I was going to stop him. I was stopped by the sound of glass cracking. I looked up and saw that Percy didn't aim for his father but rather to the flat screen television. His fist broke the glass, his blood running down the floor.
"Coward," he whispered. "You think I'm a coward. You know what, you may be right, because all I can think about every single second of everyday is how scared I am that Noah will be taken away from me. I'm scared that I won't be able to do what I have to and fail to save him." Percy straightened and turned his back on his Dad. Only then I saw that Poseidon was holding his breath.
Percy ran his finger against the ceramic set of mugs. The look on his face, the way the left side of his mouth tilted upwards in a cruel grin made me step back. I was right. He picked up a cup and threw it against the wall, creating a loud CRASH! "But most of all, I'm furious. Furious that my son has to go through this. I mean, there are a lot of people in the world. It could've been me. It should've been me!" Another broken cup. "It's not fair that Noah is suffering while I can't even do something. It's - it's not fair for him to go through something like this, do you understand that?!" This time the coffeemaker went flying and crashed against the glass wall. I could see web of cracks appearing. "Five years in this life and he's being punished for something that isn't even his fault?!"
"What, you think that the mistake you and Annabeth made five years ago - "
Poseidon wasn't able to finish because his laptop was thrown against the wall next to his head. "Noah's never a mistake!" Percy screamed. "You - if I'm given the chance to do it all over again I'm not going to change anything if it means that I can have him . . and now they're taking him away from me!" He then punched the painting that was hanging on the wall. The wooden frame cracked and fell in splinters on the floor.
A hand was covering my mouth as I watched him went for the aquarium next. Poseidon saw my reaction and grabbed Percy across the check. He struggled against the restraint but Poseidon held on. "Let it all out, Perseus. Let it out!"
"I'm scared!" Percy yelled at the top of his lungs. "I'm terrified that my time with him will be cut short! Is that what you want to hear?! I'm fucking weak!"
Poseidon leaned closer and pressed his lips against Percy's ear murmuring things I didn't hear. I watched as all fight seemed to leave Percy. He slowly slid to the floor, bringing Poseidon with him.
"I'm so scared . . . Dad," he whimpered as he clung to his father's arm. "I can't . . . I can't lose him. I won't . . . I can't live without him." Tears and mucus ran down his face as he continue to cry. Never had I seen him like this. He'd always been so strong, so in control of his emotions. watched, as the strongest person I'd ever known was reduce into a mes.
"Come on, you can do this, Percy. Just let it out. You need this," Poseidon encouraged.
Now I finally understood what he's been doing the entire time. He was provoking him, knowing that if he just talked, Percy wouldn't share what he felt. Making him snap was one way to make him vent out what he'd been holding on all his own inside him. This way, Percy would come stronger than ever. These past few days, he'd been so tough that it scared me. It probably doesn't make sense but in a situation such as this, I expected him to shed tears, to at least express what he's really been feeling. He did cry, but knowing Percy, he's holding it all inside and he's going to keep on doing that until he couldn't and then he'd eventually break. By provoking him, Poseidon was giving him a chance to let it all out.
Percy let out a hair-raising scream. It was very hard to watch. I was finding it difficult to breathe as he kept on crying on his father's arms.
"You won't lose him," Poseidon said quietly. "We're going to do everything we can to help him."
Percy held on to his arm tighter. "I need you, Dad. Please don't leave me again."
It was all becoming too much for me to watch. With tears running down my face, and gasping for breath, I went out of the room and left them holding to each other.
Poseidon came out of the room and sat beside me. After what I witnessed inside, on how he provoked Percy and how he suddenly helped him into unleashing all those pent-up emotions that I knew he'd been keeping, I wasn't so sure if I'd ever get comfortable speaking with him, let alone being in the same room as him. Plus the fact that he might know what really happened in my past.
Not might, I thought. He already knows.
"Where is he?" I asked
"Asleep," he answered. "I guess all those sleepless days had taken their toll on him. He passed out right away."
I stayed silent. I wanted to open it up, to ask him what he knew but somehow I found out Poseidon would be the one to speak about it first and that it would be best if I just wait for him to say it.
"Do you think it helped?" I asked him. "I mean provoking him that way, letting him vent out – do you think it's gonna help him?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure," Poseidon admitted. "Will it help someone who needs an outlet to let his emotions out that way? But I knew that watching him struggle would be useless. I guess what I'm asking is don't judge me too harshly with what I said to him back there. I was only doing it to – "
"To make him snap," I said, cutting him off. "I know. Your son is kind of stubborn when it comes to his emotions. He thinks that he needs to protect everyone around him from himself. He has this notion that he has to be strong for everyone and that he has no right to be weak sometimes. I think he hasn't heard the song saying that even heroes have the right to bleed."
"He took the idea of being a hero to the next level," Poseidon answered. He looked at me and I got the feeling that he wasn't speaking about Percy alone this time; that he wasn't just asking for me to understand what he did back in the room but for something else, as well.
"You know, don't you?" I said, before I could stop myself. If Poseidon knew, there was no use in pretending we didn't know what really happened ten years ago in Puerto Rico. "That's the reason why you went to that place . . . to find out what happened to me."
Poseidon bowed his head. "I'm afraid you misunderstood me, Reyna. I didn't come to Puerto Rico just so I can investigate on you. I indeed went to that place for business. It just happened that I came across the town that showed up in the report that was sent to me when I had someone check on you." He looked at me. "I do apologize if I had to go through all those lengths. I wanted to make sure that my son loves the correct person. I don't want him to get hurt again."
"What do you think now that you know? Am I still the correct person for Percy?"
He sighed. "My son faced his ghosts in there. I guess it's time, Reyna, that you also face yours."
I took a deep breath and let my mind travel back to my home, the year when Reyna Arellano died. "Do you want to hear my story, Poseidon? I promise you, it is not pretty." I asked in a voice that I didn't recognize. "Telling this to you will probably not earn your approval but as you've said, I have to face my . . . I guess demons is the better term for this story." I looked at him. "It is a story where I killed someone."
[Next - Chapter 20: IN THE MIDST OF DARKNESS]