Chapter 42: Whilst a stuntman tries his hardest.

Looking back over the reviews I've had for this fic, it had become clear that I need to say this:

WARNING: Do NOT eat or drink whilst reading Mafia Row. I don't want any of you laughing at this fic and then choking to death. Nor should you be near anything breakable or something you can hit yourself on, or indeed fall off of. Like I said at the start, the Mafia Row Committee is not responsible for any deaths that occur. What you all need to do is find yourself a nice little white padded room and then read this fic.

Found one yet?

And with that out of the way… Enjoy!

Knocking on the door to Colonnello's room, Skull didn't hear any answering reply. Slowly and extremely carefully, the stuntman opens the door and peaks his head inside. He didn't want Colonnello to hit him after all. But just like he suspected, Colonnello and Lal had already left for the day. How they could get up before the sun did, Skull didn't know, but then again he didn't sleep until the sun was at its peak like Viper did either. Hidden under blue camouflage blankets was Tsunayoshi, curled up around Natsu. It seemed to Skull that Tsunayoshi had rolled across the bed into the warm spot where Colonnello used to be once the soldier had left.

Opening the door wider now that he knows it's safe to enter, Skull walks over to Tsunayoshi, lifts up the covers and shakes the boy's shoulder. "Tsunayoshi… Tsunayoshi…" he whispers loudly, Skull didn't really do quiet.

Tsunayoshi stretches, eyes still closed, before rolling over into a new position. Skull shakes his head over the action before attempting to wake the boy again, this time shaking Tsunayoshi through a hand on his hip. Tsunayoshi groans before rolling over, flinging a hand out in the process. Skull, who had been leaning over to see whether the child had opened his eyes yet or not, got whacked by the fist, although it was more like a backhanded slap.

Skull yelped and THAT woke Tsunayoshi up.

"Stop hurting Skull!" Tsunayoshi shouts, sitting up immediately. Hazy eyes scan the room and seeing no one else there focus in on Skull. He yawns, one hand rubbing his eye. "Oh, Good Morning Skull." Skull didn't know whether to focus on the adorable image Tsunayoshi was making, or whether to be pleased that Tsunayoshi's immediate reaction to him yelping was to defend him… but then again that meant that it had become instinct. Tsunayoshi didn't protect him that much did he?

Did he?

"Boy Skull, you're so messy," giggles Tsunayoshi, standing up on the bed. He leans forwards into Skull's personal space, hands reaching for his face. Skull blinks out of his thoughts to suddenly find Tsunayoshi extra extra close. Gentle hands touch the chain on his lip, twisting it back into it's correct shape so it sits properly.

"Wahh! Tsunayoshi, what are you doing?" asks Skull, blushing furiously but unable to step backwards since Tsunayoshi technically had him on a leash. What he could do however, was flail his hands in the air.

Tsunayoshi looks up at him, his mouth pursed in confusion, head tilted to the side. "Hmm? I was fixing it. It was crooked." He goes back to fixing the chain before stepping backwards and clapping. "There aaalll done~".

Skull backpedals as quickly as he can, tripping over and landing on his bottom in the process. Tsunayoshi gasps and jumps down from the bed. He also trips over whatever Skull tripped over and goes flying, landing on Skull.

"Hehe… seems we're both clumsy, ne?" smiles Tsunayoshi, albeit slightly embarrassedly. Skull can't help but agree. Clumsiness wasn't something he taught Tsunayoshi was it? He knew the boy looked up to all of the Arcobaleno as role models, but was being clumsy all he was good for? Or maybe, NO!, Clumsiness couldn't be caught could it? Had he infected Tsunayoshi with it? He quickly grabs Tsunayoshi and runs down the stairs before dashing into the kitchen.

"Verde, fix him!" Skull shouts, thrusting Tsunayoshi into Verde's face. Observer and Observational Subject look at each other, Tsunayoshi signalling that he doesn't have a clue what's going on either. When Verde makes no move to do anything, not seeing any worrying signs on the boy- no blood, no bruises, nor signs of laboured breathing, coughing or a runny nose- Skull runs over to Luce instead. "Please don't kill me Luce. I didn't mean to give it to him! But I don't know how to take it back!" Luce blinks, used to seeing Skull in a panic and knowing that until he became coherent, it was best just to leave him to it. So Skull runs over to Fon instead. "Ah! Fon, do that Chinese purification, Feng Shui, thing where we strip him and place him under a waterfall. You've got a waterfall in the garden don't you? We'll use that!"

Fon politely hides his grin under his robed hand. "Calm down Skull. You seem to be in a mix up. For a start, Feng Shui is for bringing positive energy into a room, not for purifying children. Secondly, the ceremony you are referring to is not Chinese but Japanese and is called Misogi."

"But none of that matters!" says Skull, annoyed that no one was seeing the seriousness of the situation.

Suddenly a dark aura fills the room and a deep voice hisses "Well something had better be the matter. Someone has awaken me from my sleep." Oh God, he'd woken Viper up!. No wait! She could help.

He runs over to her and lifts Tsunayoshi to be face to face with her hood. "You've got to help Viper, can't you cleanse him or spiritually purify him with your Black Magic?"

Viper raises an eyebrow and takes in the situation. Her Money Radar starts beeping. Kaching! Putting on a sweet voice she says, "Well, since it's Tsunayoshi I'll see what I can do. But you know…"

Skull nods his head emphatically. "Of course, anything! Just please cure him!"

At the mention of a cure she looks over to their resident scientist to find him as blank faced as usual, meaning he had no clue what was going on either. Then she remembers that Skull was shouting something about a purification and her black magic. Verde didn't believe in such unfounded and unscientifically proven things, so of course Skull would come to her. She places Tsunayoshi on the table before Fantasma hands her a piece of white chalk.

Seeing her intentions Luce interferes "Ah-ah Viper, not on the table dear." Viper quickly relocates the boy onto the floor instead. It'd be easy to wipe the chalk off of this surface. As quickly as she could, she draws a complicated magic circle with Tsunayoshi at the centre. Tsunayoshi himself just sits there, wondering what he's done now. Although it was interesting to watch Viper draw the circle. It was pretty.

"There," announces Viper, straightening up. "To finish I need to know what I'm purifying him of… to draw the last symbols and things." The others don't take her lie, but Skull… poor gullible Skull…

"Of course! You've got to make sure to do it really really well! Tsunayoshi needs curing of-" The Arcobaleno in the room lean forwards in anticipation, half ready to be worried and half ready to laugh out loud, this was Skull after all.

"My Clumsiness."

Verde and Fon nearly fall out of their chairs at the revelation. Luce snorts before bursting into a fit of giggles. Viper glares at the others, wanting them to pretend to take this seriously. If they gave the game away then she'd lose out on her money!

A gunshot sounds as a bullet wizzes past Skull's face (and carefully out of the open kitchen window and innocently into the garden). "Skull you idiot. Clumsiness is not something you can catch, or pass on luckily, or else we'd all be affected by your stupidity. Even Colonnello knows better than that."

Skull stares at Reborn for a moment before falling to the floor in relief. So it wasn't his fault after all. "Ahh, why didn't you guys say so earlier!" he whines to the others. "I was so scared that I'd done something wrong."

"I'm still getting paid, and you're paying the fee for waking me up for a stupid reason." Viper proclaims before stalking out of the room and back up to bed.

"Umm, can someone get me out?" asks Tsunayoshi, holding his hands in the air. "I don't want to ruin Viper's pretty picture." Luce nods and grabs the boy before lifting him up and placing him on the kitchen counter.

Skull crawls over to the table, climbs onto a chair and lays his head on the table top. Boy what a morning.

Tsunayoshi was currently doing this thing Skull called 'flying'. However Tsunayoshi was sure that Skull was wrong. What they were doing was not flying, it didn't feel right. He had a vague memory-like feeling of what flying should be like, and this was not it. What birds did was flying, what planes did was driving… but in the air. Yeah, that was better, they were driving in a plane in the air all the way to America. He would have to get Verde to convince Skull that they were not flying but driving at the moment. Verde would understand and explain it.

A few hours later, once they've landed and driven to wherever they are going to today, Tsunayoshi finds himself infront of what Skull calls a stadium. He'd never been to one of these before. Mafia Row didn't have one. Nor did, as far as he knew, the Arcobaleno have a private one stashed away inside their infinite garden. He gets out of the car after Skull does, only to be met by the sounds of screaming and flashing lights. No this was not a dynamite battle, but screaming fans and the lights of cameras. Scared, Tsunayoshi steps backwards and hides behind Skull's leather clad leg. He too was wearing leather, and a helmet over his face. He was in the same outfit as Skull wore, only in orange instead of Skull's purple.

The female population of fans scream louder at the cute display, especially as Skull grabs Tsunayoshi and hefts him to rest on his hip. With one hand supporting Tsunayoshi, he uses the other to pull off a 'rock' sign. Laughing in that proud way of this persona, Skull shouts out his famous opening lines, "Bwahaha. Bow down mere mortals. The Immortal Skull has come back from Hell to give you all the show of your lives."

Oh, Oh! Tsunayoshi knew the rest of this. Making a hand gesture similar to Skull's, Tsunayoshi shouts out, "It's so good it's a Sin to watch!" The crowd cheer loudly at this knowing that the show has started already. Skull walks on down the roped off walkway and into the stadium.

The fans left behind keep on cheering until they can no longer see the stunt man.

"I never knew that the Immortal Skull had a child."

"Neither did I. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend. All the magazines say he's single."

Whilst the fans ponder this conundrum, they realise how contradictory yet complimentary the sight of purple and orange is together.

Now inside of the stadium, all of the stage hands descend on Skull. "Great opening as usual Skull, it was perfect." Says one woman, tattoos up her arms and a piercing through her eyebrow.

"Thanks Melissa," says Skull, before turning to answer a question someone else had asked about the set up. Tsunayoshi just looks around, not understanding anything. They were all speaking whatever language the Nuevo had spoken, Umm… English, that was it. He didn't speak that. Skull's catchphrase quite literally exhausted his knowledge of the English Language. He did know Skull's catchphrase in English, Italian, Japanese, Chinese and Russian- taught by the other members of Mafia Row.

Finally they enter a dressing room and most of the people leave. Skull puts Tsunayoshi down before kneeling infront of him. Sensing that Skull wanted to say something important, he removes the orange helmet. Skull too removes his helmet, revealing rarely seen serious and determined eyes. "Do you trust me Tsunayoshi?"

Tsunayoshi stares Skull right in the eyes and returns seriousness for seriousness. "When it comes to my safety, I trust no one more."

Skull takes a few seconds before tears fall from his eyes. "Waahhh, Tsunayoshi!" Skull leans forwards and hugs the boy. "No one's ever said that before."

"Oh Skull don't cry, the makeup…" worries Tsunayoshi.

Skull laughs slightly before sniffing, "Don't worry about that Tsunayoshi. The reason I got tattoos in the first place was because I was such a coward and cried so much that the makeup kept running. It didn't make for a pretty picture after a stunt to find purple streaks down my face. At least the tattoos don't run." He leans back and wipes his eyes. "I promise to keep you safe Tsunayoshi. I swear it. And if you ever feel uncomfortable or just want to stop, say the word and I will. I don't care if it's in the middle of the show-"

"But Skull, your fans won't like that!" argues Tsunayoshi in dismay.

Skull shakes his head. "I don't care about that Tsunayoshi. I'd much prefer you to be safe and happy than to have a crowd of pleased strangers. You mean far more to me than them." Tsunayoshi nods, accepting Skull's word. "Alright then. These helmets were made especially by Verde for us. They are extra hard so you shouldn't receive any damage no matter what happens. They are also bullet and acid proof. Finally, if you press this button, then we can talk to each other. Press this switch and we can hear each other constantly. So even if I'm not talking, know that I can hear you at any time." Tsunayoshi nods and presses the switch. Skull stands up and places his helmet under his arm. "Okay then, all ready and suited up?" he asks. Tsunayoshi nods once more. "Right! Let's get going then."

"ARE YOU READY?!" shouts Skull, voice amplified around the huge dirt track stadium so everyone could hear. The crowd roars in return.

"I said are you ready?" Skull asks again, riling the crowd up into a fever frenzy. "Good! So let's knock on Death's Door!"

With the sound of screams in his ears, Skull places on his helmet and runs over to where his motorcycle is. "Skull," says Tsunayoshi quietly. "I hope the Reaper rejects you again tonight."

Skull smiles broadly even if no one can see. "Of course he will Tsunayoshi. I'm just that great! He can't take my awesomeness. " Tsunayoshi chuckles.

"Yeah! Of course you are!" agrees Tsunayoshi in a cheerful voice.

Skull revs the engine before performing a doughnut in the dust and blasting off towards the start of his course. He rides up a hill before jumping off at the top, flying into the air. He does this a couple more times, over relatively small bumps to gain speed before going for one of the larger mounds of dirt. As he rides over this and the bike leaves the ground, Skull lets go of the handle bars, leans backwards and pulls the bike into a backwards roll, making it upright again in time to land back on the ground.

Next he drives around the stadium once before riding up onto a raised platform a few metres off the ground. Once up here, he brings the bike into a wheelie, leaning so far back that the two wheels are almost in vertical alignment. Whilst the bike was still in this position, Skull jumps and places one foot on the seat and the other on the back of the bike, effectively standing up as the bike was moving onwards on only one wheel. Skull jumps again, careful not to move forcefully enough to bring the bike back down onto two wheels, and this time, whilst his bum is on the seat, he kicks his legs out to the sides creating a v shape. Now nearing the end of the platform, Skull returns the bike onto both wheels before seamlessly rolling forwards to perform a wheelie on the front wheel instead. With his legs now above his head, Skull lets go of the bike with his legs, heaves forwards on his arms and performs a handstand, balancing only on the handle bars. Returning his legs back into the correct seating position, he proceeds to go down the steep ramp still in this head first position, one that could easily over balance and send him tumbling down the ramp.

However, Skull doesn't and returns to the ground in perfect health.

"Are you ready?" he asks Tsunayoshi.

"How can you even talk to me in that position?" the child asks instead. He knew from experience that being upside down like that for that length of time meant all the blood rushed to your head and it didn't feel good. Skull however just laughs it off. "Yeah, I'm ready." Tsunayoshi reports.

He then speeds up and drives around to one of the taller hills in the stadium. Driving up this one, he makes a perfect take off. He pulls the bike into a forwards roll before lifting his hands off the handle bars and plucking Tsunayoshi off of the platform the child had been sat on since the start of the show. With the child sat infront of him, Skull places one arm around him before performing another forward roll and landing back onto the hill on the other side of the jump.

"Feel sick?" Skull asks, but Tsunayoshi replies by saying he isn't. Whilst circling around the stadium and taking in the praise the audience is giving off, Skull attaches the hook of his harness to the back of Tsunayoshi's harness. He had learnt from their trip to the beach a while ago that Tsunayoshi had a habit of not holding on. Skull couldn't have mistakes like that this time, so instead he had harnessed the child to himself. Having Tsunayoshi infront of him allowed more freedom of movement for the both of them. Tsunayoshi could put his hands in the air and still not fall of the bike, and Skull could still lift his feet off of the footholds.

"Ne, Skull," says Tsunayoshi, a hint of wistfulness in his voice, "Can we go flying?"

A grin crawls across Skulls face and with a whoop of excitement, he fulfils Tsunayoshi's wish. Going back over the same jump they had just done, Skull this time includes Tsunayoshi in the tricks. Whilst in mid-air, the pair lets go of the handlebars and, at Skull's prompting, does the movements for the YMCA song. They land on the ground and Skull drifts them back around to do the jump from the opposite direction. This time, whilst in the air, Skull places one hand around Tsunayoshi's waist as the pair go into a handstand and Skull spins the bike around on a horizontal axis. Sure it was harder with one hand, but he was the first stuntman to do tricks with a partner like this. And Tsunayoshi was worth the extra effort. He didn't think the boy had stopped shouting down the communication line since they had started.

Finally they move onto the tallest of the hills in the arena. Shooting up into the air, Skull lets go of the bike completely, curling up around Tsunayoshi who had done the same thing. With the pair spinning in one direction and the bike flipping in the other, the crowd watch on in silent amazement. Skull straightens up and almost misses getting back on the bike. Luckily enough he manages to get a foothold on part of the bike and drag it closer to him, sitting down a lot further back than usual. As such, Tsunayoshi ended up sitting more on Skull's stomach and legs than back on the bike. As the jolt of the bike returning to earth happens, Skull places them back in the correct position.

He returns to centre stage and the pair wave at the audience. Skull then proceeds to do a few more doughnuts, the dust getting thicker and thicker until he can't be seen anymore. When the dust finally clears, Skull, Tsunayoshi and the bike are nowhere to be seen. The crowd gasps in amazement before the lights pan left and highlight the pair, sitting astride the bike on top of the commentators' box. The pair strike a hellfire pose before Tsunayoshi shouts another of Skull's catchphrases "And the Reaper Rejects once again!" The crowd go wild, shouting and applauding. Skull revs the engine once more before shooting off the top of the box, down the stairs of the stand, past his adoring audience, back into the arena before pulling one more small flip with Tsunayoshi and driving out of the exit.

As the pair stop, Skull unclips the harness and steps off the bike, removing his helmet in the process. Tsunayoshi stays sitting on the bike. Removing his helmet and revealing his largest and brightest smile, Tsunayoshi says, "Now that was flying." Skull couldn't agree more.

Bermuda walks back into the Arcobaleno house after his day at work and finds Tsunayoshi sitting on the sofa, alone. The boy was burning a hole into the carpet with his eyes, arms crossed and a pout on his face.

"What has upset you Tsunayoshi?" asks Bermuda, sitting down next to the child.

"Verde doesn't believe me when I told him that planes don't fly, they drive in the air." Tsunayoshi mumbles, still glaring at the carpet. Bermuda chuckles and tries to guess what the child meant by this. From the back of the house comes some screams, Skull's, some gun shots, Reborn's, and a few shouts.

"NOOO! Luce, my chain isn't there for you to hang bunny charms off of!"

"Oi, what's that one? Hey! The Immortal Skull doesn't wear flower charms either."

"Luce… Luce! I'm sorry, put The Bag away!... No Don't pick up the frying pan instead! Luce!"

"Yahhh! Reborn, don't shoot me! It… was… an accident… I swear!"

"Ouch, Lal you're heavy, get off me! My arm doesn't bend that waayyy."

"Who are you calling Heavy, kora!"

"I'm sorry! Lal, you're as light as a feather, now let go of my arm before you dislocate it!"

"Lal, please get off, Verde's got that look in his eye. Oi Lal, Verde's got a needle. Any time now Lal. Any TIME!"

"Please Fon, you're nice aren't you? Put the Gyoza bun down."

Viper walks in and shuts the door behind her, muffling out the sounds Skull was making.

"Do I want to know what's happening there?" asks Bermuda.

"Skull nearly dropped Tsunayoshi during one of his stunts," She casually replies.

Bermuda looks towards Tsunayoshi who keeps on glaring at the carpet. "Skull's immortal, he'll be fine. The important thing is is that Verde still doesn't believe me." There was some truth in this Bermuda supposed. According to the Vongola's Flame Theory, Skull was a Cloud Flame, and that had the ability of propagation. For Skull, any damaged done was repaired by the cells propagating, or multiplying to replace the damaged or missing cells.

Bermuda lets the child mumble and rant on to himself, and looks up at Viper. "You're not joining in?" he asks.

"Oh, I am," Viper replies, a malicious yet mischievous grin on her face. "Skull won't be sleeping very well tonight. He'll be too scared to fall asleep for the next week." Bermuda gives an approving nod.

"I don't think anyone will be cooking tonight," Bermuda comments, a scream making its way through the wall. "Shall we order sushi?"

Hope you liked it!

Do you think Amano-sensei wants to shock us to death? I hope the latest revelation doesn't affect your stories too much. It was rather shocking though, I must admit. It makes you think back to that time during the Future arc… Fon and I-pin aren't going to be happy.

Phantom Hitman 1412

First Published 04 October 2012

Whilst a Stunt man tries their hardest, a day with Skull, part of the stunt show.