I do not own RvB or RWBY

Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews. Keep them coming.

Also, for those who are wondering about Team JNPR, don't worry. They will be appearing, just not yet.

In Blue base, Tucker was staring down at his alien child, who was now a few feet bigger, for almost two minutes and saying nothing.

"How long is he going to keep staring at that thing?" Weiss asked.

"It's a very emotional moment between a parent and their child," Caboose commented.

"That's so sweet," Ruby added.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, "Church said. "So like I was saying Tucker. This is your little monstrosity. Your little abomination of nature."

"What am I suppose to do?" Tucker asked. "I don't know how to be a Dad. This isn't how I planned it."

"You planned to have an alien baby?" Ruby said.

"No! I mean not how I planned to be parent!" Tucker quickly corrected. "I always wanted to have the ideal Father-Son relationship. You know, where I see him for like eight hours every other weekend and send cheques to some woman I hate."

"You clearly have a different definition of ideal," Weiss muttered.

"I'm sure you can make it work," Ruby said. "You would make a great parent."

"It's emotional conversations like this that make me miss my mom," Caboose said.

"Alright you guys let's leave these two alone," Church said. "Give them some bonding time."

"Wait, don't leave!" Tucker pleaded. "What am I suppose to say to him?"

"Maybe you could start with giving him a name," Weiss suggested.

"Really?" Ruby said. "Because I sort of already have some suggestions for names. I'm in favor of either Zwei the 2nd, or Super Cutesy McAwesome.

"No," Weiss said in disapproval. "Just, no."

"Yeah, maybe we'll put a pin on the name thing for now," Tucker said.

"You could talk about baseball," Caboose suggested.

"It's an alien baby Caboose," Church said.

"You could talk about T-ball," Caboose suggested again.

"Alien, Caboose," Church stressed. "Alien was the key word in that sentence."

"Seriously," Tucker said. "Where do I even start with this?"

"Tucker, he's part of an alien race whose only purpose seems to be to tell huge, grandiose lies to people, so that they can seduce them, and then impregnate them," Church stated. "So, why don't you start with that? You know, common ground."

Weiss should've been at least shocked by Church's statement, but after being with these people for only a few hours, she has lost all manner of surprise in her. Ruby on the other hand still had a wide smile on her face as listened attentively to the Blues' conversation, .

"I think I'll stick to baseball," Tucker decided.

"Oh, you can tell him about how his Dad got to third base with you," Caboose said.

"Caboose!" Church shouted.

As they continued to bicker, Weiss received an incoming call from her Scroll. She found this odd, since they were in a different universe and it would be impossible for there to be a signal. She then checked it and saw it was Yang calling.

"Hello," Weiss said.

"Weiss," Yang's voice said from the other end. However, there was heavy static on the line and Yang's voice kept getting cut off by the static.

"Yang!" Weiss shouted, unable to hear her voice. She then signaled Ruby to come closer to her and speak with Yang.

"Yang," Ruby said. "What's going on?"

"...have...maj...ation...eds!" the static in the line continued to interfere with the connection, making it impossible to hear what Yang was saying.

"Yang, we can't here you," Ruby shouted. She was beginning to wonder and worry about her sister and what was happening with her and Blake over with the Reds.

"I said," Yang shouted. "We have a major situation with the Reds!" All Yang was receiving was static. It was a long shot to hope that their Scrolls would work here, but she needed to give it a try. With what was happening right now, they could have used some help.

"Holy shit!" Grif shouted as he saw Sarge on the ground, knocked out. "What did you do?"

"I, I" Blake said, shocked as well at what she had done. "I didn't mean to."

"You didn't mean to knock Sarge out," Simmons said. "Well, you could've fooled me."

"I panicked!" Blake shouted. "He was going to be buried alive."

"He would've had his armor on," Simmons defended.

"That's not the point," Blake said. "He could've died, and I couldn't let that happen."

"So, you just decided to knock him out and possibly give him a concussion," Girf pointed out.

"He has a point," Yang commented.

"Really not helping right now," Blake said.

"Look, whatever happens, we might want to move him somewhere else," Yang suggested.

"Well, there's a perfectly good hole that we dug up," Grif suggested.

"You didn't dig up the hole," Simmons said angrily. "You and Sister just made digging noises with your mouths."

"We're not putting him in the hole," Blake said. "Just bring him back to your base."

"Fine then," Simmons said with mild disappointment.

"Oh another thing," Yang said, turning to Simmons. "You seem like you know enough about machines. Can you fix up our Scrolls?"

"Your what?" Simmons asked.

Yang showed him her Scroll. "It's basically a phone that we use to contact each other. Is there any way you can fix these to work here?"

Simmons looked at the device. "Maybe, if I have the time to work on them at the base, I could connect them to the same signal as our own communications."

"Well, you might want to do that after we put Sarge in the base," Grif said.

"Actually, as your new leader, I am delegating that task to you and Sister," Simmons. "So get to it."

"What!?" Grif said. "You can't tell us what to do."

"Yeah, I can," Simmons said. "I'm the leader of Red Team now. Sister said so. Right, Sister?"

"Um, I don't want to get between the two of you," Sister said as she was literally standing between Grif and Simmons. She then moved beside Grif. "Okay, carry on."

"Simmons, you're heading to the base to work on our Scrolls anyway," Blake said, trying to diffuse the potential argument. "Why don't you just help?"

"Because I'm leader now," Simmons said. "And leaders give orders to soldiers who need to follow them."

"But Sarge isn't dead," Grif said. "He's just unconscious."

"Well, I'm still in charge for as long as he's unconscious," Simmons said. "Besides, Command seems to think he died of... What did he die of?"

"Aspirin overdose," Sister stated.

"See, Command thinks-" Simmons stopped when Sister's words caught up to him. "Aspirin overdose?"

"Seriously?" Yang said in disbelief.

"I know," Sister continued. "I didn't think it was possible. And trust me, I've tried."

"Wait, what?" Blake said.

"Whatever," Grif said. "I still don't see why we need to listen to you."

Simmons responded by picking up Sarge's shotgun and pointing it at Grif's face. "How about now?"

Blake just facepalmed.

"Should we do something?" Yang asked.

"Not yet," Blake said. "With the way these people do things, he probably won't shoot."

"Simmons, you've gone blind with imaginary power," Grif said.

"Oh on the contrary, I think I've gone blind with very real power," Simmons, cocking the shotgun.

"Look, if you want to clear thinks up, why don't you just call your Command?" Yang suggested.

"Fine, I'll call Red Command for confirmation," Simmons said, lowering the shotgun.

"Why're you calling Red Comand?" Sister asked.

"For con-fir-mation," Simmons emphasized.

"Why don't you call our guys?" Sister asked.

"Our guys?" Grif said in confusion.

"Yeah," Sister said. "The Blue guys."

"Excuse me, the what?" Simmons said.

"The Blue guys," Sister repeated. "The guys that sent me here in the ship."

"Oh man, this just got even more messed up," Yang commented.

"You're telling me," Blake said. She looked to Grif. "She's your sister. Care to explain?"

"I'm guessing it would be a bad time to bring up the fact my sister is color blind," Grif said.

"WHAT!" Simons shouted.

Yang was covering her mouth, trying to suppress a laugh.

"Figures," Blake said.

"I don't get it," Sister whispered loudly to her brother. "What's the grey guy so upset about?"

"But girls can't be color blind!" Simmons said.

"Hey. That's sexist," Yang said.

"Yeah!" Sister agreed. "They also say girls can't ejaculate either. But guess what!"

"Yeah," Grif said. Then he turned to his sister. "Wait, what!"

"Don't," Blake said to Yang, who was about to make a comment.

"Oh my God, what is wrong with you!" Simmons shouted at Sister. "Why didn't you tell us you were a Blue!"

"Because-"

"And don't say 'because nobody asked'," Simmons said, mimicking a girl voice.

"But nobody did ask!" Sister said.

"She has a point," Yang said.

"Shut up!" Simons whined. "God damn it!"

"So what if she's a Blue," Grif said. "We'll still keep her."

"We can't do that," Simmons said. "She's a Blue. She'll kill us in our sleep!"

"I get to do that?" Sister said enthusiastically. "That's awesome."

"No, it's not," Blake corrected her.

"She wouldn't do that," Grif said. "Besides, she's color blind. We'll just tell her we're Blues."

"We already told her we're Red," Simmons reminded him. "Idiot."

"Well, she's fucking dumb, remember?" Grif turned to his sister. "Hey, we're Blues now."

"Yeah, go Blues!" Sister shouted.

"Wow, she is dumb as a brick," Yang said.

"See, no problem," Grif said.

"She's not staying here," Simmons said adamantly. "I know, we'll tell the Blues that we took her prisoner. Maybe we can get something out of this mess."

"We can't give her to the blues!" Grif said. "They'll kill her!"

"Why would they kill her Grif? She's one of them," Simmons pointed out. "Blue team doesn't go around killing their own members."

If they were any similar to the Reds, Blake really doubted that statement.

"Oh right," Grif said. "And if she's over there, the only ones that would try to kill her would be us. And that means she'll be safe, because we're like the shittiest team ever."

"Okay, let's not tell the Blue spy about our capability level," Simmons said.

"Now that that's settled, do you mind getting our Scrolls fixed up?" Yang asked.

"Oh right, fine," Simmons said. Blake and Yang gave him their Scrolls and he immediately headed to the base.

Once Simmons was out of site, Grif faced Blake and Yang. "Alright, he's gone. Now help me get my sister out of here."

"What?" Blake said.

"You heard me, the faster we get her away from here and off to Blue base, the less I have to worry about her," Grif said. He then turned to his sister. "Hey, you're a Blue."

"Yeah, go Blue!" Sister cheered.

"No, we're Red, you're Blue," Grif said. "That means you need to leave now." He then faced both Blake and Yang. "Come on, we're taking her to the Blues."

"Wow," Blake said. "I'm actually surprised by this."

"Me too," Yang agreed. "The way you act around her when she first showed up, I assumed you could care less what happened to her."

"Hey, I know that she's an idiot, can't take care of herself, and a general pain in my ass," Grif said. "But..." He paused for a moment before he continued. "She's still my little sister, and I need to keep her safe. So are you gonna help me or not?

Blake and Yang looked at each other, quite impressed at Grif's concern for his sister.

"Let's go then," Yang said.

After many failed attempts, Weiss finally gave up trying to contact Yang through her Scroll. She wished that there was a way to contact Yang and Blake and see if they found anything to help them. Weiss thought that maybe she could use the communication system of the base and see if it could reach them.

She soon headed to where Church was. She spotted him with Caboose and was about to head to them, but stopped when she saw who he was with. Weiss' face cringed in in disgust when she saw Tucker talking with Church. Ever since waking up, he had taken every opportunity to hit on her. It was reaching to a point where Weiss could no longer take it. But she and her team needed these people to help them, and the last thing she needs is to do is cause any problems. So she reigned in her anger and approached them.

"Church, I need to borrow your communication device," Weiss said.

"In a minute," Church said, not even looking at Weiss.

"Excuse me, but I am trying to contact my team," Weiss said insistently.

This time, Church did turn to her. "And I'm trying to make sure that we don't get killed by our own fucking tank!"

"What?" Weiss said.

"Church said that Sheila's been acting up," Tucker said.

"Oh right, your talking tank," Weiss recalled. "What do you mean by getting killed by it?"

"Sheila's been acting kinda distant and weird," Church explained. "Plus, she's been saying some random threatening stuff. Kinda reminds me of someone else."

"Really, only one person?" Tucker said. "Because that sounds like every woman I've ever met after they've had a night with me."

It took every ounce of Weiss' self-control not to skewer Tucker with Myrtenaster and focus back on the conversation. "So what do you plan to do about it?"

"I already sent Doc to talk to her," Church said. "See."

Weiss saw from across the field that Doc was talking Sheila. Weiss' eyes also widened when she saw Ruby standing beside Doc. "What's Ruby doing there!?"

"Oh right," Church remembered. "I also asked Ruby to help Doc with talking to Sheila. I figured if a girl talked to her, Sheila might respond better."

"Are you insane!?" Weiss shouted. "Why didn't you go down there instead!?"

"Uh, first of all, I already said that Sheila might respond better to some girl talk," Church said. "And second, did you not hear the 'threatening' part I said? I'm not going down there."

"I thought you're suppose to be soldiers," Weiss said.

"You'd think that after spending this much time with us, it wouldn't take long for you to figure out that we suck at being soldiers," Church said.

"Yes, I've noticed that you're all incompetent idiots," Weiss said.

"Hey, you can't say 'idiot'," Caboose chimed in. "Only Church gets to say that."

"Thank you Caboose," Church said. "Now shut up, idiot."

"You are welcome," Caboose responded.

"Look, the point is I'm sure that Ruby will be fine," Church assured her. "As long as she doesn't do anything to annoy Sheila."

"How can you talk? How much firepower do you have? Does it hurt you when you fire? How can you see if you don't have any eyes? Can you transfer your talking thing to other weapons?"

Ruby had been asking non-stop questions to Sheila. Ever since she saw the tank when it first showed up with Church and spoke, Ruby had been curious about how it functioned.

So when Church had asked Doc to talk to the tank, Ruby jumped at the opportunity to ask her own questions.

Unfortunately, she didn't realize that her questions were actually annoying Sheila. Sheila began to point her barrel at Ruby.

"Now, Sheila," Doc said, realizing what was about to happen. "That's no way to treat someone who wants to help. Ruby, why don't we tone down the questions."

"Oh," Ruby said, seeing the barrel almost pointed at her. "Right, sorry."

"Okay Sheila," Doc continued. "How about we try some deep breathing. In through the air filter... out through the manifold... in through the air filter... out through the manifold."

Sheila now pointed the barrel at Doc. This caused Ruby to take a large step away from Doc.

"Uh, okay," Doc said, uncomfortable with the barrel pointed at his head. "How about we try some aversion therapy. Think about something that makes you really angry, that isn't me."

Sheila moved her barrel and looked at Ruby, who flinched at her gaze.

"Or Ruby," Doc added.

"Okay," Sheila replied.

From the distance, Weiss noticed Sheila pointing her barrel in their direction, specifically at Church.

"Okay I don't feel as good about my plan as I used to," Church said.

"Hey Blues!"

Church, Weiss, Tucker, and Caboose turned to where the yell came from and saw Grif, Blake, Yang, and the new yellow-armored soldier.

"Aw crap," Church said when he saw them. "They must've figured out how fucked up our team is right now and plan to attack."

"With only two of them, I highly doubt it," Weiss said. "Besides, Blake and Yang are with them and I doubt they would want to start any fighting." Weiss paused for a moment. "Well, Blake wouldn't want to start any fighting."

"Oh really," Church said. "If they didn't want to start anything, why did they bring the new guy-"

"Girl," Tucker corrected.

"Whatever!" Church yelled. "Okay, just act cool. Pretend our team is okay and we have everything under control."

"Dude, I've been playing that role for years," Tucker said.

"Which surprises no one," Weiss muttered.

"What do you want!?" Church shouted at Grif.

"I've got a prisoner for you!" Grif shouted.

"What'd he say?" Church said.

"He said he has a prisoner for us," Tucker said.

"They're giving us prisoners now?" Church said disbelievingly. "That sounds like bullshit. This sounds like a trap."

"From what I've seen about the Reds, I highly doubt that they would be smart enough to think of something like that," Weiss said.

"That's normally true," Church said. "But Grif over there is pretty crafty. A lot like me."

"A lot like you?" Tucker said. "Does that mean I gotta hide all our food and watch you nap every ten minutes?

"Up yours dickhead," Church then turned back to Grif. "Hey! Why would you give us one of your guys!?"

"She's one of your guys!" Grif shouted.

"Yeah!" Yang shouted at them as well. "She came here by mistake!"

"Why aren't they taking her?" Blake wondered. "You'd think they would want more soldiers."

"Who knows," Grif said. "The Blues don't exactly make smart decisions."

"You mean like your team," Blake pointed out.

"Unfortunately," Grif admitted.

"I don't buy this," Church said. "What do you want for her!?"

"Nothing!" Grif said. "It was an honest mistake, no harm no foul!"

"Why aren't you asking for anything?" Yang asked. "If it we're me, I'd probably make a lot of demands."

"I want to hurry this up before Simmons finds out we're gone," Grif said.

"Yeah, this is bullshit," Church concluded.

"Ask for something else," Tucker suggested.

"Why?" Weiss asked.

"I just wanna see how much we can milk out of this," Tucker said.

"Ask them if they have puppies," Caboose suggested.

"Both of you shut up," Church said. "We want something else!"

"What!?" Grif shouted. "I'm releasing a hostage! You don't negotiate with this!"

"You got any money!?" Tucker asked.

"Fuck you dude!" Grif yelled. He then turned to his sister. "Okay, go. If you get any problems, call me as soon as you can. I'll try to keep the Reds distracted so they don't go after you. And whatever you do, don't embarrass the family. Think of Mom."

"Whatever. Don't do me any favors, bitch," Sister said as she headed to the Blue base.

"She could've been a little appreciative," Blake said.

"Nah, it's fine," Grif said. "That's how she normally says thank you. Or at least when she talks to me."

"I think that what you did was sweet," Yang said.

"Hey, she's family," Grif said, shrugging. "What can you do?"

"Yeah, I get that," Yang said, thinking of Ruby.

"What else was on the ship!?" Church asked.

"What do you mean!?" Grif said.

"You know, like guns or weapons!" Church enumerated.

"Or snacks," Tucker said. "I'm asking because I know you wanted to."

"Maybe they have a brain for you, considering there's a vacant spot in your head," Weiss said.

"No, it's just the girl!" Grif yelled. "No more aliens for you guys to fuck!"

"What!?" Both Blake and Yang exclaimed with shocked faces.

"Don't ask," Grif said to them.

"That's okay," Tucker said as Sister reached the Blue's side. "We'll just fuck this one."

"Woohoo!" Sister cheered.

"Ugh," Weiss said in disgust.

"God dammit!" Grif said, realizing his mistake. "Never mind, just send her back!"

"No takebacks!" Church shouted.

"Awww, what the fuck!?" Grif said in annoyance.

"Tough break, man," Yang said, patting Grif on the back.

"There you guys are!"

Grif, Yang, and Blake turned to see Simmons approaching them.

"When I came back, you guys were gone," Simmons said. "Where did you go?"

"Oh you know," Yang said nonchalantly. "Just trying to get some fresh air."

"Oh. Anyways," Simmons pulled out Blake and Yang's Scrolls. "I finished working on your Scrolls. They should work here now, and I even connected them to our radio helmets. You know, so we can talk."

"Thank you," Blake said as they got their Scrolls back. "Would you mind doing the same for Ruby and Weiss?"

"No problem," Simmons said. "But right now, I'd rather focus on what we're going to do with Grif's sister."

"Riiight..." Blake said. She then turned back to where the Blues and Weiss were standing. She signaled Weiss to come meet with them.

Weiss nodded and went to go fetch Ruby.

"We'll see you in a while," Yang said. "Just need to talk with our team." The two of them then headed off to meet with Ruby and Weiss.

"Okay, good luck," Simmons called out. "Now Grif, about your sister..." He then just noticed that Sister was in the Blue side. "Hey, is that your sister over there with the Blues?"

Simmons was so focused at seeing Sister that he failed to Grif slowly backing away from Simmons and began to run back to Red base.