Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews, suggestions and messages.

Chapter Nine

"Have you already be kissed in the rain?"

The question would have bothered Jane under other circumstances because she really hated talking about such things, even with Maura. But today was different. Today, Jane had met Léopoldine and she had seen how the situation had been painful for Maura. Jane didn't understand her friend's strong reaction but she nonetheless respected it. There had to be a reason to Maura's feelings.

Besides, she wanted to help Maura to feel better, to feel light again.

"Yeah..." Jane leaned against the window of the cafe she and Maura had rushed to as soon as the dark clouds in the sky had exploded in a torrential rain. "I mean... Somehow. It wasn't romantic like in the movies."

If the first part of her answer had made Maura smile, the end of her explanation swept away said smile almost immediately. Her answer wasn't satisfying.

Maura didn't look at her though. She kept on observing the gates of the Jardin des Tuileries opposite the street. The place looked empty and desolated.

"Hmm. I see."

"Why are you asking me that? Is the current weather giving you ideas?!" Jane burst out laughing until she realized what she had just said. She blushed. "I mean..."

She was mortified. One more time, she had let the words pass her lips before weighing the pro and con. She had been impulsive and she was now paying for it. Of course Maura would pretend that nothing had happened because she didn't want Jane to suffer even more from an already rather embarrassing situation but Jane knew how stupid she had just been. She nonetheless knew it.

"No... I've just... Well, I've never been kissed in the rain."

They had walked down Les Champs Elysées hand in hand. They had stopped by the Place de La Concorde in order to admire the Egyptian obelisk that rose in the middle of the large square. Then it had begun to rain so they had run till the arcades of the rue de Rivoli. The serenity of the afternoon deeply contrasted with the tension of the lunch that they had shared with Maura's aunt. The minutes were passing by slowly, lovingly.

"Well... Never say never."

An embarrassed smile played on Jane's lips rather briefly. She didn't feel at ease talking about being kissed in the rain. Besides, the cafe was cosy and very quiet. She was afraid that the few other customers may overhear her and Maura's personal conversation and she didn't want strangers to know anything about her life. It was none of their business.

"You're dying to know why I'm so resentful towards Léopoldine, aren't you?"

Maura's question took Jane completely aback. She thought that they had turned the page, that Maura didn't want to talk about her aunt anymore. There were many untold things that weighed on their shoulders but Jane was ready to handle the silence that surrounded them if it could make Maura happy.

Maura seemed to see it differently.

"I must say I don't really understand."

Maura felt comfortable. Perhaps it was the reason why she had dared to ask such question to Jane. From the serenity of the cafe rose a self-confidence in her heart that she hadn't felt in a while. Her heart was beating fast but it didn't make her feel dizzy either. She was in control of her feelings and in control of the situation.

"I need you to promise me that you won't run away."

Maura's voice broke. She looked down but remained focused on the windowsill nonetheless. She was unable to look at Jane. She may have the courage to open up but she didn't have what it took to make eye-contact with her friend. Her quiet plea surprised Jane. It worried her actually.

"What?! Of course I'm not gonna run away from you. Maura, c'mon..." A nervous laugh slid on Jane's lips. The mystery of the situation weighed more and more on her. She now felt anxious. "It's me. You know you can trust me, right? You know you can tell me anything."

It was true. Jane meant it and Maura knew that Jane was being sincere. It just wasn't as easily as it may seem.

Maura's fingertips brushed the mug of tea that she had ordered. It was still hot enough to leave a burning sensation on her skin. A bearable one though.

"It isn't really shameful. It's just... It's delicate."

The wind suddenly blew harder and rain drops went to end their ephemeral life against the window, just by Maura's side. She observed the last path they took down until they disappeared absorbed by the stone of the Haussmannian building.

"You shouldn't be afraid of my reaction. To be honest, if you are then it means I'm failing as a friend."

Maura closed her eyes. She pursed her lips in order to hold back a sigh of frustration and pain. Jane wasn't failing at being a friend. How could she? She had never failed. On the contrary.

"Don't be silly." The smile that curled up Maura's lips echoed a perfect yet completely unexpected serenity. It was now or never. She could feel it. She ran her tongue over her lips and focused on the wet tables of the cafe outside. "It happened during the summer I spent here. After my high-school graduation."

Jane automatically got tense. She had no hold over the reaction of her body. The shield was a natural one. It made sense after all these long and incomprehensible silences. It really did. Of course she didn't say a word. Her loud and exhuberant temper had come to a halt. She was now quiet. Ready to listen to Maura.

"I was planning on staying at Léopoldine's, at this house that you may see. In the 14th arrondissement. But then... She tried to push me to admit some things – about myself – except I wasn't ready to... To embrace any of them. We began to argue and I told her that she was lying... I thought by then that she wasn't telling the truth but now I can say that I was wrong and that she was right. She just lacked of tact and it hurt me a lot. She could have been helpful but she turned out to be the exact opposite. I started seeing her as... As an enemy. Then I gave up my plans because of what she was saying. I gave up... I left someone." Maura swallowed hard. "Someone who meant a lot to me."

Jane blinked. She was looking at Maura who was staring at the street. The words kept on passing Maura's lips but Maura remained too vague for Jane to understand the nature of the issue.

There were glimpses here and there of a truth that tried to pierce through the fog of memories but they weren't enough.

Yet Jane couldn't push Maura. She couldn't force her to say something quickly. She couldn't make the same mistake as Léopoldine had apparently made during that summer. She had to let Maura trust her own self, to let her take her time as well. The moment was too important to ruin it.

People may think that I exaggerate but that's only because they don't know how it's like to be me right now. They have no idea about the pressure, about the anxiety I feel. I know that this pressure is ridiculous but I can't help feeling the way I do. You have to experience it to understand it.

I'm not perfect. I've never said I am. As a matter of fact, I'm a mess of feelings – of missed opportunities – and of wounds that will never really disappear.

I went through tough moments and these moments hurt me. Psychologically. They made of me who I am today. People need to get this. I'm a patchwork of so-so moments and if I always look happy-go-lucky from the outside, it's only to hide better a deep melancholy.

Will you get it, Jane? Of course. I've never had any doubt about it. I'm just afraid that our bond won't be the same anymore afterwards. Something may get broken, because of who I am. I'm not ready for this to happen yet I'm tired of hiding.

"I'm resentful towards Léopoldine because she didn't show the attitude I needed her to show by then. She pushed me to admit things to myself way too harshly. She was blunt and it scared me. It's stupid... I know she only tried to help me but..."

"Whom did you leave?"

"... Anita. Her name was Anita. A classmate."

Jane frowned. She wasn't sure to understand what Maura really meant in spite of it being rather clear. Maura may have said it through half-words, her confession could hardly be more evident yet Jane kept on having doubts. She pondered the words for a few seconds before realizing that she didn't have much of a choice. She had to ask Maura.

"She was more than just a friend, right?"

Maura gave Jane a timid nod, a tired one. She was still staring at the rain that was now falling hard on the street. The weather matched her state of mind: she felt cold, angry with herself because she had run away from Anita – because she felt anxious to reveal it to Jane – because she couldn't turn the page over her aunt's clumsy behavior.

Because of too many things and none of these made sense.

I wonder if it's really a surprise for you. You're a detective. You're good at reading people's mind, at understanding who they are without them to even say a word. Had you guessed anything?

I won't tell you that I'm in love with you because I know that it would scare you. But at least now you know that it's a possibility, because it's already happened to me in the past with people you've never heard about. I'm fine with this side of my identity. I really am. But it's not easy to open up about it because I have feelings for you and because it could change everything.

I know that Léopoldine only tried to help me. She was too brutal. It can happen. But it determined so many things afterwards that I can help being resentful towards her. I feel stupid. So stupid.

The warm touch made Maura freeze. She felt the heat of Jane's lips against her temple, how comforting the gesture was and how it matched the way Jane was now squeezing her hand tightly.

"Sometimes things happen for a reason, Maura."