Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and your daily patience... ! Sylvie : Oui, je suis française, j'habite Paris ! :)

Chapter Thirteen

Jane didn't know where she was but she needed the anonymity of the buildings, of all those streets that she walked through. She needed the lack of memories that she had of Paris and the feeling to be a stranger among the crowd of passers-by whom she came across from time to time.

The streets were rather empty though. It rained too much for a walk.

She had headed back to the hotel. After long minutes of an anxious silence, she had rushed to the bathroom of their suite in order to take a bath. The heat of the water had calmed her down for a while but she had soon needed fresh air anew. Thus she had left the Lutétia again – with an umbrella, this time – before starting an aimless walk through the streets of the French capital.

She hadn't tried to reach Maura on her phone. A little voice in her head – unless the voice came from her heart – kept on telling her that Maura was fine, that she had probably gone straight to her aunt's house. They both needed the distance anyway. It was paramount right now.

The rain in Paris didn't look like any other rain. It looked torrential from the outside but it actually felt like drizzle once you were on the street. The gloomy light that pierced through the gray clouds brought up the heaviness of a broken heart. It matched Jane's state of mind rather bitterly. Ironically. She felt less lonely and confused among people on the street.

Maura had kissed her. Maura had opened up about something Jane had guessed a long time ago. The mere reminiscence of that unexpected kiss on the Île Saint-Louis was enough to drag Jane down into a labyrinth of anxiety. Her heart began to beat faster, her mouth turned dry and her hands started shaking. She hadn't simply run away from Maura but from her own feelings as well, from something that she had never really wanted to accept.

It was too complicated. As a matter of fact, none of this made sense. Unlike Maura, Jane didn't feel attracted to women. She had only dated men until now and it felt right. It had to. Nobody changed at forty-one years old. Everything was defined and clear by then.

But Maura had showed up in her life one day and something had tipped over in Jane's heart. What she had seen as certainties had become blurry and before her to have a chance to understand what was going on, those certainties had turned into doubts. Perhaps Jane wasn't the woman she thought she was. Perhaps she was wrong about herself, about what and whom she liked.

Perhaps.

Maura's feelings should have comforted her. As a matter of fact, she should have seen that moment like the most glorious one of her life. But she had been scared instead. She hadn't felt ready for it. Besides, she hadn't seen it come. Maura had honestly taken her aback, too violently.

It was too late to build anything else than the friendship they had. Jane was leaving for Quantico and Maura was staying in Boston. Washington D.C. wasn't a dream but an exit, something that may save Jane from remaining stuck when everyone around her seemed to be evolving.

Frankie was getting married. Maura was writing a novel and she now worked at Hope's clinic from time to time. It smelled of changes, of these moments that define a life irremediably. Everyone had projects but Jane. She hated it.

The FBI was a good excuse. She had accepted the job offer to prove to herself and to everyone that she could do it too, that she could have dreams and life projects. The truth was that she didn't want to leave. She didn't want anything to change.

"Bonjour...*" Jane put her apprehension aside and walked into a cafe. She had been walking for at least two hours now and she felt tired. Tired and cold. The temperatures were low and the night would fall soon. She needed a break. "Je..."*

The waitress gave her a bright smile. She showed a table by the fireplace and brought Jane a menu. The place was quiet and rather empty. Only a few people were sitting at the counter lost in the contemplation of their drinks.

Jane didn't know where she was.

The name of the cafe that appeared on the menu didn't give her the proper indications to locate the place. The only thing she knew was that she was still on the Left Bank because she hadn't crossed the Seine again. She couldn't do that.

The river was now linked to Maura and to that kiss they had shared. Jane swallowed hard. Could she really say that they had shared it? She hadn't responded to it. She had immediately made a step backwards before shaking her head and running away. The notion of sharing had very little to do with what had happened.

"Ahem... Je ne sais pas...*"

Jane looked at the waitress apologetically as the waitress came back to take her order. Jane felt sorry for not knowing what to order and for that terrible accent she had whenever she tried to speak French.

It made her feel ridiculous and uneducated.

The employee didn't take it badly at all though. On the contrary. She rested a hand on Jane's shoulder before giving her a wink.

"J'ai ce qu'il vous faut. Je reviens tout de suite.*"

Completely clueless of what the woman had just said, Jane nonetheless gave her a nod as she watched her go away. She then focused on the fireplace. It was a pointless detail but she hadn't assumed that Paris had so many fireplaces. Yet no matter where she went to, she always ended up close to the orange-ish flames. She found the coincidence to be strange but comforting.

The waitress came back with a glass of Cognac. Jane thanked her in silence before holding back a bitter laugh: she must have looked really desperate if the first drink that came to one's mind when seeing her was strong alcohol.

She drank it nonetheless. It burned her throat before warming up her stomach.

Paris without Maura was strange. It wasn't unpleasant but it didn't feel right nonetheless. Jane fed herself of the singular atmosphere of a rainy day in the city but she missed Maura's presence by her side.

"S'il vous plaît.*"

Jane motioned her empty glass and quietly asked for a refill as soon as she caught the waitress' attention in spite of her timid attempt to speak French.

She wouldn't get drunk but she wanted to forget everything. She wanted to forget why she had landed in that cafe alone, why she had run away from Maura. Why her heart beat faster whenever she thought about her friend.

Why it was necessary for her to leave Boston.

...

"Good evening, Miss Jane. How are you?"

Jane's smile didn't reach her eyes and it made her feel bad. François was polite and she owed him the same politeness in return. Even more after what he had done for her. She forced herself to smile even more, to look casual.

"I'm okay, how are you doing? Thank you very much for the note, by the way."

"You're welcome. Have you already made up your mind? Whatever you choose, I'm sure Mademoiselle Maura will enjoy it a lot."

Jane had walked back to the Lutétia. She hadn't got lost. Against all expectations, she had followed her instinct and she had had no issue to find back the palace hotel. The pride she felt was numbed by the sadness of the day though and she didn't feel like celebrating anything at all.

François' allusion to the surprise she had wanted to prepare for Maura made the situation look even harder. She shook her head before shrugging nonchalantly in order to win some time.

She knew that her voice would be shaking if she spoke right now. She didn't want her feelings to show.

She just wanted to hide.

Would there be a surprise? She hardly doubted so. She could draw a line under it now. She could draw a line under everything.

"May I suggest you something?"

If François understood the peculiarity of the moment then he didn't let it show. His friendly tone remained the same. He was still just as thoughtful too.

"Sure..."

"Take her to some place she's never been to. To the most Parisian one of all."

Jane remained quiet. She wasn't in the mood for charades and mysterious statements. What did François mean exactly? Did she have to take Maura to the Eiffel Tower? To Le Moulin Rouge? Wasn't it a bit cliché? And packed?

"The most Parisian place of all is the closest one to the sky." François raised a hand to excuse himself. He turned around then walked to the reception desk where he wrote down something on a small sheet of paper. He held it out to Jane with that discretion that looked so much like him. "Here's what you're looking for. Call them. They speak English."

Jane read the note. The least she could say was that she hadn't expected this. But it fit. It would have fit if Maura hadn't tried to kiss her earlier on.

She suddenly wondered if Maura was back to the hotel. It was very stupid but such thought hadn't crossed Jane's mind until now. She had imagined her friend to be at Léopoldine's, to talk and solve a few things. But what if Maura was here instead? What if she was waiting for Jane?

Jane walked back to their suite with a lot of apprehension after thanking François anew. Silence and darkness welcomed her. The room was empty, and cold. Jane swept away a feeling of disappointment and went to sit on the armchair Maura loved so much sitting on in the morning. Her feelings didn't make sense: she didn't want to see Maura yet she was dying to feel her touch again.

Life was so confusing.

Jane wished she had someone to speak to but the nature of her anxiety made it impossible for her to even put words on it. Perhaps it was the way things had to go.

She closed her eyes then leaned her head against the cold window.

At no moment did Jane think about leaving Paris. She never cast a glance at her suitcase. She didn't think about packing. She had to assume what was happening even if it would take her some time to accept it.

Everything happens for a reason.

Absolutely everything.

...

Bonjour: Hello

Je...: I...

Je ne sais pas: I don't know

J'ai ce qu'il vous faut. Je reviens tout de suite.: I have what you need. I'll be right back.

S'il vous plaît: Please