Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages (I'm sorry I've been terribly busy and I haven't had time to answer your messages yet).
Chapter Fourteen
"Please give her this note as soon as you see her and if you don't see her then call her aunt. She'll give her the message. It's really important." Jane paused. "Really. Important. Paramount."
The employee gave Jane a polite nod but the serenity that he showed contrasted too sharply with her anxiety for her to feel reassured. She nonetheless left the note at the reception desk – a bit reluctantly – before walking out of the palace hotel.
Maura hadn't spent the night at the Lutétia. Her absence didn't surprise Jane much but she honestly hoped that Maura would come back today. She couldn't stay hidden at Léopoldine for the rest of their stay anyway. It was ridiculous. Besides, Maura's clothes were still at the hotel. She would need them at some point.
Jane refused to believe that everything was over. She wanted the exact opposite: it had to be the beginning and only the beginning.
The sound of the traffic on the boulevard brought an unexpected comfort to Jane. It had stopped raining and the sky was blue again. A bright, intense blue. She wanted to see it as a sign: everything would go smoothly from now on, everything would be alright. She turned on her right and began to walk down the rue de Sèvres. Peacefully.
Something had changed over night. Many things had changed actually. Paris had ceased to look unfamiliar to Jane. She now knew the streets and the buildings. The stores and the public gardens that the French called squares. Of course she didn't know the city as well as Maura did but she now had memories that were linked to Paris.
She wasn't a stranger among a crowd of faces anymore. A part of her life was happening here. And now.
She had a few extra hours before waiting for Maura by the place that would hopefully make the difference. Everything would go fast, she knew it. She didn't have time to lose.
She turned on her right anew as she reached the rue du Vieux-Colombier. She walked by the theater of the same name and that belonged to La Comédie Française that has an unbroken tradition reaching back to the days of Molière and was founded in 1680 by a decree of Louis XIV. She cast a glance at the theater and thought about Maura.
Of course she owed whatever she knew about that place to her friend.
She reached the rue de Rennes and walked down the metro station as if she had done that all her life when she had simply woken up with a brand new self-confidence a couple of hours before, with the feeling of belonging to a place.
To someone.
Line 4. It opened in 1908 and was the first to cross the Seine underground that went from North to South. It is now one of the fastest lines, one of the most crowded as well.
Yet Jane felt fine on the train, among people she saw for the first time. She rarely took the subway in Boston because she had a car and that it made things easier but there was something peaceful in the idea of being on a train, on not having control of the situation. She didn't have to care about the traffic nor about being on time. She didn't have to fear an accident. She could relax, quietly.
She did.
She took a connection at the station Strasbourg-Saint-Denis as if she had always known those corridors and those white and green trains. She felt proud of it and slightly upset because there was nobody she knew able to witness it. She was a tourist but she didn't feel like one anymore. She felt strong, and confident.
Impatient.
The building appeared after twenty minutes of a subterranean travel among the dark, among noises that Jane had never heard before. Taken aback by the strength that seemed to emanate from the building that rose opposite the street, she remained still on the sidewalk for long minutes. Just to observe it.
Maura had often told her about it. She had seen it on television a few times already. But she hadn't imagined it to look so impressive. So big. It carried the weight of the past, of moments that make History. It wasn't just another building.
She crossed the large square and climbed the stairs that led to the entrance only to realize that the doors were close.
During the day, people walked into the building on the left side only. The main doors opened when the night fell over Paris and that a multitude of lights began to shine on the streets.
"Nice to meet you, Jane." Anaïs held out her hand for Jane to shake it. A bright smile lit up her graceful traits. She looked exactly the way Jane had imagined. "And welcome to the Opéra Garnier."
...
Cosi Fan Tutte.
As the buildings were speeding past by the window of the car, Maura understood less and less the message that Jane had left for her at the reception desk of the Lutétia. A part of her couldn't care less because the only thing she thought about was the fact Jane wanted to see her again. It meant a lot to Maura. As a matter of fact, it meant everything. Jane hadn't drawn a line under her existence. She hadn't left Paris.
And she wanted to talk to her.
But asking Maura to meet her at the Opéra Garnier was very strange to say the least. Maura didn't see Jane book tickets for an opera, even less for Mozart. Jane had studied music but she didn't like classical music at all. She preferred rock and more modern songs. Going to the opera house wasn't Jane. It didn't fit.
Unless...
A timid smile curled up Maura's lips but too briefly for anyone to notice it. Perhaps Jane was trying to seduce her. Perhaps an evening at the most famous opera house of Europe was her way of telling Maura that she wanted to kiss her in return. Perhaps.
Maura closed her eyes. She didn't have to succumb to such fantasies because reality would hit her hardly afterward. She would pay the price for being genuine.
She looked down at the dress that she had chosen. She couldn't go to the Opéra Garnier in casual clothes. Nobody went to the opera house in a casual outfit. Even less in Paris. Thus she had chosen a Chanel black dress and matching stilettos but the more she looked at her attire, the more she wondered if Jane would look elegant also.
That was another detail that didn't match with who Jane was. Jane was all about casual clothes, all about a pair of jeans and tennis shoes.
"We should be there within ten minutes, Miss."
Maura nodded at her chauffeur. The closer they came to the opera house, the faster her heart beat. She could feel the pressure of important moments on her shoulders and the depth of that ocean of what-ifs she was swimming through.
Hopefully she wouldn't drown.
Forgive me, Jane. Forgive me for this kiss and for wanting to kiss you again. I've learned my lesson but my heart speaks another language. There is no logic in love. I wish you could understand. Forgive me for not pretending something else.
I love you. I am in love with you. I don't force you to love me in return but I want you to acknowledge my feelings nonetheless. This is the only thing I'm asking you.
Please respect the beats of my heart and the endless dreams I have of you. It means a lot to me.
I haven't been fair to you and I deserve what has happened during these past twenty-four hours but it isn't a reason to hate me. Please. Don't do this. Don't turn your back at me. I don't have a hold over my feelings but I swear that I won't impose them to you. How could I do this, anyway?
"We've arrived, Miss. May you have a nice evening."
The chauffeur's soft voice caused Maura to sweep away her daydreams a bit too quickly. She didn't want to get out of the car. She lacked the courage it took to face whatever was waiting for her outside. Whatever life had in store for her.
She wanted her chauffeur to drive away and to pretend that she had never got Jane's note. She dreaded their face-to-face because the awkwardness would be inevitable. She knew it.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. She was really bad at living. She had ruined everything with her so-called spontaneity the day before on the Île Saint-Louis. That fiasco was enough to prove her incapacity to interact with people and to embrace a few romantic feelings.
The chauffeur opened her door. Her shaking foot touched the ground and an icy wind went up her leg. She shivered and swallowed hard. She couldn't go backwards anymore. Léopoldine was right: she had to dare, to try. To get disappointed and to be happy. Or else she would never know what she would have missed.
She gave an umpteenth nod to the chauffeur and watched how the car disappeared in the night. She had walked inside the Lutétia in the first hours of the afternoon only to get handed that mysterious note from Jane. The relief she had felt over the fact that her friend hadn't left had quickly melted into that deep confusion that now inhabited her.
What was she doing at the Opéra Garnier?
I turn around and you're the first person I spot on the stairs. I could notice you in a crowd, Jane. You're standing there, alone. In an ankle-length black dress. You've done your hair and you're wearing makeup. A bracelet is shining on your wrist. It's new. Just like the dress.
People think you hate feminine clothes but I know that it isn't true. I know that you're just afraid to look vulnerable in a dress. It's something you hate.
You blame your job and the environment you grew up in but I know it's also and beforehand a matter of self-confidence. You're terrified of vulnerability but the truth is that we all are, Jane. We're all scared of getting hurt.
Me the first.
I walk towards you and you smile at me. There are people on the stairs. Tourists who have sat down there and people who have come to attend the opera. Cosi Fan Tutte. And then there's you. You and your smile. You look hopeful.