I was on patrol. Bludhaven is kinda safer these days. I'm on it. But with the Joker on the lose, Esmeralda missing, Bruce going frantic over it, Nightwing had to step in to secure Gotham's streets and clear the space for Batman to investigate. I wouldn't want to get in the way. She's only my girlfriend you know. The love of my life… Sometimes, Bruce can be such an ass. He shows a lot of compassion to victims. To strangers in general. But once you're part of his life and he trusts you, you'd better be strong and hold on. I wonder. Since he's slowly feeling remorse towards Esmeralda, will he ever put himself in my shoes and see what they're putting me through? Or am I supposed to be 'the man' all along? I almost hear Esme's voice going all 'That's sexist', ah ah. Maybe this ordeal will be the occasion to have a heart-to-heart. She's been gone for three weeks now. Three weeks of an empty bed. And I miss her terribly.

Seriously, I mean, how does the Clown do it? After the pit, Clark, oops, sorry, Supes - I think he doesn't know I've discovered his identity a while back - brought him back to Arkham. It's not like we've tested the place's impregnability a million times. It would be hard for me to get out, if not impossible. Batman succeeded last time he tried. But they were supposed to have filled the holes he uncovered. But this fool, he always finds a way. He talks his path through your mind. It's another level of cunning. Esme's right: he is clever. And the way she blasted his ass last time, plus his obsession of her, which I can't really bash since I'm totally into her myself, you didn't need to be Edward Nigma to guess he would target her as soon as he could. Now that she's happily back at the manor, she might have let her guards down. I should have been with her that evening. She had an interview at Jimmy Fallon. Customary. So customary I let her convince me to stay home to train the boys, 'because there is nothing to be afraid of, except Fallon's sweaty hands' she said. Her regular bodyguard would have done the job, if it was only a matter of pushing the hordes of fans back. Not that she would want him to. She's a very giving celebrity, if you ask me, and she makes sure all these people waiting hours to get a glimpse of her would go home with memories to tell. I find her unreasonable at times. But that's also her strength: taking it on herself that others won't be disappointed or hurt. And where Bruce would let me down, she never did. She always put me first. And now I failed her. The Joker must have simply blent in with the crowd, along with some of his men. Catching her when she got close to take a selfie. Just thinking of his dirty hands on her, it revolts me. I have my own vows and certain limits I abide by, but I dunno how far I would cross them if he breaks her. He'd better not. I tell ya.

So tonight, I was on patrol when Alfred rang in through my private bat-line. I had been busy kicking some asses. In every sense, of course. No news from Batman for hours at that point. Not that I worried. He's Batman. But we had been in close partnership through the case, at least virtually, to share intel and brainstorm leads. For the past weeks, I had heard Bruce's voice in my ear more often than Taylor Swift's on the radio. But his silence had been very long then. So when Alf called to let me know Bruce was home with Esme, I assumed he had found the Joker's lair and decided to go for it solo, probably judging I was too emotionally involved to fight judiciously. Fair enough. To be honest, I didn't even try to imagine what he could have done to her. She was safe. Bruce as well. I mean, there was nothing to worry too much about. Just flying home to hold her in my arms. It was over. Maybe the fact she had been bruised so much throughout her life led me to think she could not suffer anymore. Some sort of aegis fueled by fairness and justice. I can see now I am still so naive. So young. Though I hate being recalled.

As I somersaulted through my favorite entrance to the cave tunnels, I could already feel the heaviness of the atmosphere at the other end. I landed on the entresol, not even letting the metallic floor as much as resonate. No other Robins to be seen. Just Batman, soundly cradling a fainted Esmeralda, and Alfred, rigidly standing behind our sophisticated hospital bed, awaiting instructions.

- "Take her to the lab and run a full medical examination.", Bruce said as he carefully laid her down. "Unless you're uncomfortable with it, be as thorough as you can." That seemed to mean more than I could grasp.

- "It will be done. Thoroughly, Master Bruce." There was an untold but palpable tension.

I waited for Alfred to vanish in the secondary space beside the armory, driving the bed before him, and I dove to the ground, few paces from Bruce. He took his cowl down while I leant on to the console and crossed my arms over my chest. I was not sure I could play it smug here. I was missing info. So I had to ask.

- "What did he do to her?"

Bruce had not prepared his answer. I could see it plain on his face. He looked... lost? Weird. I mean, it's his task to be acute. What could have unsettled him like that? I'm not without knowing the Joker's schemes are always worse but... What has he done this time? What has he done to her?

- "He made me watch.", aaaand I get it. That nasty son of a bitch. I will skin him alive. Keeping her for so long wasn't enough hu? Did he torture her as well as rape her? Or was it all about making the Bat look as his protégé was being, yet again, molested? Gosh I'm so upset. I'm so fucking upset. I could explode. I gritted my teeth but I had too much to let out.

- "Did the Police get him?"

Bruce punched the table so hard, he cracked the upper marble. That didn't even startle me. As if I was expecting it.

- "No!", out of cheer rage, "How can you be so cool about th..." He must have seen the tear falling from my mask. I turned my face away ever so slightly. We just have a contrasting reaction to that burn. Nothing to be ashamed of. "Dick, I'm... Sorry.

- Did you tell her?

- I... She's far better with you than she'd ever be with me." What the hell is he talking about? I did not protect her either. Besides, I'm not sure she shares the concept.

- "Again, did you tell her?

- I don't..." Understand? You don't understand?

- "Bruce. It's been more than three years and I know that every time she looks at me, she just sees a Bruce Wayne without the bad parts. I'm not fooling myself. Like you do. Like she does for that matter.

- I don't believe that.

- See? That's exactly why you should be together but aren't. Both in full denial.

- Dick, she loves you.

- I know. Just not... the way I hoped." I always carried it on me. The ring. Awaiting the best time and place to make my move. I took it out and stared at it for a while. It reminded me that the best time and place had not yet come around. Maybe for a good reason. "I planned to give her this you know. To make the dream last.

- Dick...

- I fear she might have said yes." I put it away. No need to rub salt on the wound. "I mended her I hope. But now... He broke her again.

- And deeper I fear." We both reflected on that. But in his trail of thoughts, he came up with another lie. "That won't change anything for you two. I pro...

- Please, just don't do this." He swallowed it back. "I know you. You would fight to death to honor a promise. But this one, that would be a stupid ass one.

- Let me...

- You want to help us?" So this is it. This is where I give her up. "Assume your role to her. After all this time. You made her go through hell and worse. I think she's proven she deserves you now.

- That was never a matter of worth.

- Wasn't it?

- If one thing, I am the one not deserving her.

- Gosh Bruce!" I could do nothing but gape at him. Standing right here in front of him, her boyfriend, his son, me. "And you think I do?" I worked so hard at making her accept we could be a thing. I believe we were a thing. Apparently he did as well. But since the pit, things started changing. She saw beyond the Bat, where I always knew her Bruce had gone hiding. I knew this day would come, when she would realize the only man she ever could have loved had not died some twenty years ago like she thought, but was just disguised. "You're unbelievable. She just wants to be with you. How is that so hard to figure, Mister Detective?

- Tell me. If you knew being around you would make her unhappy, would you let her stay?

- No. Of course not. But that's where you're plain wrong. Being around you wouldn't make her anything but complete. You're absolutely certain she cannot be fulfilled by the vigilante. But what facts do you lean that belief on?" Am I really talking him through a deduction? "Bruce, when was she happy?

- I...

- Answer, when was she happy?

- When we were children. When our parents were around. And when she's with her wolves.

- You wish for her to go feral?

- No!

- Then think! After your parents' death, was she really that miserable? Or was it you?

- We were both...

- Supporting each other. And was it all bad?

- Of course not." I intensely glared at him. "But it was not fulfilling." Oh c'mon!

- "Says who? Did she ever complain?

- She doesn't complain when she hurts.

- Oh yeah? Because since you've discarded her, she's not been complaining one second.

- Dick, you were not there." Hold me, I will punch him.

- "Aaaaand... Back to that. I know. I wasn't even born, mind you!" Esme had served me that one. Right before I kissed her for the first time. "You two are good at reminding me." And before I can prevent it, the memory of how I pinned her on that wall and kissed her with all I had flashed back. Only, this time, it hurt. I tried to brush it away but that disagreeable feeling of helplessness lingered. She was always in love with him, Dick. You knew it. You should never have taken it easy. "Listen, she should have had that conversation with you ages ago. She's been as... weak... no... fool as you are. But you'd better wake up soon.

- Why?

- Because you might miss your chance. Because you're hurting yourself. For too long. For nothing. You're hurting her. And you're both hurting me.

- I didn't mean...

- I know. I can handle." Can I? "So, will you consider?" I was asking my father to assess the possibility to date my girlfriend. I was pushing all my plans aside, forgetting about proposing her, letting go of the hope of a lifetime with her.

- "I need time.

- You've had plenty.

- I'll consider." I knew he said it so abruptly to get rid of me. But also that speaking it out made him understand how much he wanted it.

- "Good." For both of them. That was what I wanted, right? For them to be happy. Me, I will find my happiness elsewhere. They were meant for each other. Since before I was born, I've been told.

- "What will you do?", he asked me.

- "I'll make the most of that relationship, like I have so far. I know I will not lose her. She'll always be holding my hand. But she'll fathom.

- How?

- I'll make her." What's with the quizzical look? Are you so unimaginative? Or do you know so little about love? "I'll split up with her Bruce.

- Maybe...

- Don't worry, I'll take my time. And I'll be sure not to hurt her. But she'll gain consciousness."

Alfred walked in.

- "Not too soon I should hope, Master Dick. She does need rest for the moment." He turned to Bruce. "Everything's in the report in the database, Master Bruce.

- Thank you Alfred. How will she be?

- We'll have to carry out a pregnancy test in a week, I'm afraid. But she will be fine.

- As always." I added, throwing a knowing glance towards Bruce.