The morning after my... rape, well, for what I can recall, I woke up facing Richard. I had been heavily sedated, first by the Joker, and then when Bruce brought me back home. I hardly remembered perceiving Alfred's touch and the concern in his eyes, as he dug the needle in my forearm. Because what I needed was sleep, really.

We were in the peak of summer. Since one wall of my room is east-facing - I'm in the corner of the east wing - sun rays would come crawling through the curtains as early as 5.30. There was a thin veil of sun screening between us. It was like seeing him on another layer, like my ghosts, but a bright one. He was sound asleep. I must have been in something like a coma for the past twelve hours but the boys probably stayed up late, chasing the Clown. I hope they got him. Or maybe I don't. I'm scared at the idea they'll have to confront him. Not that he's stronger than them. But... Esme, don't let his lunacy scare you. He's hurt you. Bad. But don't let him win. I reached out my hand to traverse the light overlay and carefully laid my fingertips on the rim of his square jaw. His hushed breathing was soothing. I brushed his skin, left rough by his stubble, up to his temple where I swept a strand of black hair to clear his features for me to focus on. Such an angel face. My sweet Coilean. How weird that he looks so much like Bruce, when they don't share the blood. Dick's blue eyes are darker though. And his cute little nose is turned-up when the big man's ever so straight, despite the numerous fractures it suffered from. I pricked up my ears and distinguished two things: the house was asleep, and my brother wolves were restless. As tired as my boys were (and I'm including Alfred), the pack was equally agitated. I reluctantly withdrew from my boyfriend's handsomeness and rolled over to step out of bed. Someone had put me in Mom's nightgown. Good choice. Nights were very warm these days. But I felt naked right now. I grabbed my worn-out jeans Alfred hated so much but still managed to wash and iron once in a while and searched for some top around the room. My meticulous partner had tossed his undershirt on the floor. That will do. The feeling of the fabric against my nipples reminded me how liberating not wearing a bra is. That's something I didn't quite comprehend in my teenage years. Not having a woman around and having lived as a wolf, keeping some animality in me, it became a trademark I was proud of. I was lucky enough to bear humble-sized breasts so, anytime it wasn't necessary, I would drop the thing off. Dick's scent overwhelmed me as soon as I finished tucking the shirt in my trousers. It was twice too large for me obviously. But that gave me that hipster look every girl is going for at the moment. I also stole his hoody, while I was at it. Morning chill would never get me but hiding my face away seemed like a protection I could do with right now. This one was thrice too large. And it smelt of his musk.

I silently closed the door behind me and stealthily crossed the corridors, stairs and hallways to the house main gate, as a wolf would. As I stepped outside, I realized I was barefoot. And that was the best feeling in the world. The cold stone under my soles, and then the dirt, the blades of grass breaking through my toes. It didn't even take the alpha's howl to put me in the mood. I started running before the youngest's tail hair vanished in the bush. I am not sure words can truly transpose the freedom I feel when I go back to them. It's my off-switch. My brain goes blank. Well, not exactly blank but it stops pondering. Everyday worries become as inessential as the taste of this river water is to you right now. Running. Racing. Feeling the pain in my every muscle. The spines pushing through my flesh. The branches scratching my cheeks. The nastiness between my legs. I blinked and a tear escaped my eye. I don't wonder why I follow them. I just do. That's it. No wondering. Doing. But now I ask myself. Why did I follow them? I wanted to be with them. When I can get all the support and security in the world at home, surrounded by my family, I chose to escape. Calling for my roots? No. I wanted a mother. Yes, I was looking for a female. It makes sense now. What I'd been through, yet again, was something I'll have to live with. Maybe even accept. And no one at home could help me get over it, because they hopefully will never know. I couldn't expect a wolf, as female and motherly as she was, to take me through this grieving. But I think I needed to be mothered. I needed to be cuddled, to be pitied. And if there is one thing you won't find in a predator like the wolf, it is pity. When the pack took me in, I was a baby still. But a strong one. So hurt, nothing could hurt me more. Afraid of nothing. Only looking for a way to survive. The then alpha female didn't collect me by pity. She was young. She needed to prove her worth to the male. She collected me to add my strength to theirs, knowing that if I showed myself useless, I would be the next meal. Of course, we grew attached to each other. I was her cub as much as any other. I howled high and long the day she died. Her replacements were my sisters. But in the wild, as a female pass alpha, she becomes the Mother. That was what I had come after. All I got was a bloody scratch. Right across the eye. For once, I didn't even feel the ache. The growl took me by surprise and brought my humanness back to me. In that split second, I understood my mistake. If there is one place I should not show my weakness, it is here. That is why I grew up so harsh as a human. It took me twenty years or so to learn the difference, to let my emotions out. And I came strolling back here, hoping to share it with a group of wild animals. Well played half-witted moron!

I reconnected my brain only when I stood back on the porch. I scanned around, hoping to see my brothers, but they had stayed behind. They'd catch up eventually. I did notice Commissioner Gordon's car, parked on the alley. With all the attempts on my life lately, I knew that man's moustache gradient. Rather get that testimony over with then. I guessed he didn't want me to dwell on yesterday's events in a run down office in the downtown Police Hall. So he came here right away to save me the ride and the mulling. Good man. I hadn't even shut the heavy panel that I heard they were in the kitchen, on the left of the entrance. Gordon was concerned about my well-being and Bruce was lying about Batman dropping me off in the evening and Dick went on about how much sleep I needed. Sorry love, I'll have you perjure on that one. I appeared in the doorframe, launched an

- "Good morning everyoooone!", and enjoyed watching their jaws unhinge. Only to grow suddenly self-conscious: I was barefoot, not wearing a bra, half covered in mud and...

- "Your eye, miss Esme! What happened to your eye?", Alfred half screeched. Oh yeah, the boho.

- "Oh that's nothing. I went on an errand with the pack." Only to catch a glimpse of me in the gleaming clean glass door of the kitchen cupboard and notice the left side of my face was coated with blood. "The alpha was not really welcoming."

Alfred was already on me with a wet towel, wiping the gruesome from my eyebrow.

- "How so?", did Dick ask, genuinely curious.

- "I forgot that hoping for support is a weakness in the wild. And weakness makes you eatable." I accompanied that of a smirk but I had worried them even more. I understood the panic that must have rolled over Dick when he woke up and didn't find me there. I'll have to apologize for that. The five of them must have called my name a thousand times for the past hour until Gordon showed up. My timing wasn't too bad but it would have been wiser to show up without a slashed forehead.

- "Did you really need to go jogging in the open after yesterday?", Bruce can be so patronising at times.

- "More than ever.", and I can respond smugly.

- "Miss Wayne, I thought it preferable to come here to get your deposition. I'm sure having your family support and...

- Not too much media attention. Sure Commissioner. Thank you, I appreciate your thoughtfulness." It assuredly would make for the headlines. Gotham's benefactor persecuted by the very one who wants it destroyed. Our previous encounters led to extensive press coverage already. Gordon pulled a recorder out of his mackintosh pocket and pressed its red button.

- "Do you mind?

- Please Commissioner, it will make everyone's life easier.

- So could you, for the sake of this testimonial recording, present yourself?

- Yes. So my full name is Esmeralda Lynn Wayne. Born on the 19th of February 1983 in the Irish county of Galway. Address: Wayne Manor, 3110 Cliff Drive, Gotham, GC 06386. Mobile: 310-404-2650. SSN: 386-27-9908. Wayne Enterprises CTO, ID 00-153-EW2.

- That's... exhaustive.

- Ah the importance of digits Commissioner." I like when I make him furrow his brow.

- "Yes so you are in charge of new technologies at Wayne Enterprises, right?

- Ah ah, you still don't get that right. But I guess you don't need the full job specs so, 'new technologies' will do." I see Bruce's amusement.

- "You're also known as an artist.

- In the music industry, yes. I'm a producer, publisher, concert promoter, writer and composer for the likes of Adele, Guetta or Rihanna, and go by the names of Sia and Mary Lee, amongst others, as a performer. And that's strictly confidential.

- The fact that you go by several names?

- As Evanescence's lead, I show my face. As Sia, I don't.

- For purposes of?

- Anti-recurrence and creativity." He stared. "Privacy.

- Because you need to keep your identity secret?

- Because I get noticed for the things I do. For Wayne Ent., for Eva. And I'm still bored. So I want to be able to carry on new projects without...

- Drawing more attention than you already do?

- Right.

- Thank you." Not sure that was for trying to minimize my exposure, hence saving his forces some work, or just for the introduction. "So, miss Wayne, I will need you to comprehensively talk me through what happened these last three weeks." He glanced around, manifesting unease, and lingered on Tim and Damian. I was going to recount a rape tale and two boys, respectively 14 and 9 years old, were sitting right across the table. I, in turn, fixed my gaze on them until Tim's eyes met mine. That young man is clever. Very clever. Over plentiful collaborations - bat or university related - we developed a strong understanding of each other. I wouldn't dare say he looked up to me more than Bruce but, forsooth, I didn't need to speak much to convey ideas to him. So he figured out the question hanging in the air. He just nodded, ever so slightly, addressing me his acknowledgment and approval.

- "I'm combatting taboos in this family, Commissioner. I have no secrets for any of the people in this room and do not wish to have any. Not anymore. Damian and Tim are mature enough to hear this.

- Very well." He didn't agree but it was not his place to dispute it. "Let's start with the night you got abducted.

- I was a guest on Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show that night. So I was at the NBC studio, where they film it.

- As?

- As Sia." He knew everything I had said so far but he needed all the info on the tape. "I was driven to NYC with my PA, well Sia's one, Natalie Maher, and two bodyguards. As usual.

- You always surround yourself with private guards?

- Since it is customary in the milieu, yes. And my previous misfortune encouraged me to do so. As you advised me yourself a while ago.

- I should have been there as well.", Dick chipped in.

- "I insisted he 'd stay home.", I countered. "It was routine, Commissioner. I left featherbrained.

- Featherbrained?

- I mean, I'd had troubles as myself because of my involvement in Gotham's overhaul. By my sister's suicide and Evanescence's target public, I did meet the wrong kind of fans while on tour, backstage autographs and selfies, you know. Sia had been fine until now. I always made it clear she was uncomfortable with fame and people respect her for that. So I gladly share some time with the crowd when I can, because they stay well-mannered.

- And Mister Grayson here usually watches over you?" Now, I hate this. As if I need a chaperon. I'm not some feeble starlet, for Cthulhu's sake.

- "Dick is my boyfriend. Officially. Everyone with an internet connexion can learn this and that Mary Lee is a pseudo for Esmeralda Wayne. But Dick is also Sia's choreography coordinator. That allows us to stay together yes. But I hired him because he's good at it. Not for escort.

- I didn't mean...

- I know. Sorry." I shouldn't be so hot-headed. "I just mean, I told Dick to stay here because it was supposed to be straight forward. I didn't want to waste his time. And to be honest, it wouldn't have prevented this from happening." I peeked at him and read the guilt off his brood. "Coilean. You couldn't have stopped it." Persuading him? Try again later.

- "The Joker mingled with your fans?

- Yes. Him and two other big guys. They snatched me when I got close for a selfie. You know, I have to prop myself against them to fit in the shot." He assented. "Well they dragged me behind the metal barriers and in a flash, we were behind the crowd, out of reach for my crew. They forced me into a van. A..." I tried to remember, pinching my radix. There's this cognitive neuro-method, argh, I know it. "Tim, how does it go?

- Colour, brand, year..." Told you we don't need much exchange to communicate.

- "Right. Green." The concept is to bring back the full image by glimpses or sensations. "It was green. Large. Cherokee?" I squeezed my eyes shut. "Yeah, 4x4. A Jeep. Cherokee Jeep with big tyres. 90s style. So... Laredo? The plate. I saw it. Super quick when they got me out.

- It's okay if you can't remember, you know.", Gordon assured. "Usually, kidnapped victims don't take the time to gather evidence to...

- ML-1511!" Did he think I was just another kidnapped victim?

- "Oh wow. How do you even do that?

- I wrote a thesis about cognitive neuroscience and how to bring back things you stored in the background of your brain through analytical memory. We're starting to experience it at Bludhaven's Police station. If it's fruitful, I guarantee you'll hear about it. It'd require training your men but the benefits could potentially be tremendous.

- Never lose sight of work, do you?

- No. And my boss's in the room. I'm trying to impress him.", Bruce chuckled on that one. Back to it. "You'll probably find nothing with that lead though. Be sure it was a stolen one or they destroyed it.

- Well it's still somewhere to start.

- They had tied a handkerchief around my head but I could see my feet you know. The ground was stony sand. Grey. Common around warehouses. Ah yes, it was a warehouse. Closed down. But not for long, the windows were still whole and strong. They marched me in and shoved me in a cage. Like a barred cube cloche. So I fell directly on the floor and they locked the door. They had placed it right under a skylight. So I've been able to count the days. There was a single metal bed, a toilet and a sink. Like, right there. In the middle of a huge room. A toilet and a sink.

- You're saying, the kind of plumbing that would catch any honest laborer's attention?

- I'm thinking, yes." The detective scratched his red goatee. That was two serious clues I gave him already. "I had four guards, at all times. One for each side of my cage. But they would never face me. I've tried everything to make them turn around. I talked to them, asked them things, faked an injury and even played dead. They never flinched. One would walk in backwards every three hours and replace another. I never saw a face.

- Ever so cautious.

- So for the first four days, nothing happened really. I would get standard hospital meals delivered through a pulley system and a hatch in the ceiling of my cage, thrice a day. The intimacy was non existent but since they would not move...

- You were able to wash yourself?

- I had the sink and a towel." That reminded me I wanted a shower so bad. A hot, very hot shower. "Then the Joker started pacing around the cage. He would approach and just scrutinize me for some time and leave. I didn't speak to him at first. I didn't want to fuel the drama of the whole situation. But after a week without human interaction, I started reaching out. I just said his name at first. He didn't respond. But the day after, we started chatting. Like old pals. I had no way to escape that scheme. Loneliness is pretty hard to subdue.

- Nobody's blaming you, Esme." Of course, Dick had to reassure me.

- "On the second week, he entered the cage. We would sit on the bed and talk. Or play. Boardgames. Card games. But we mostly talked.

- What did you talk about?", the Commissioner asked.

- "My life, the weather, Batman, politics, philosophy. Anything really. But, obviously, we never broached his former life. Or his plan. He still let me call him Jack.

- How much did you open up?", I could hear in Bruce's tone that came from Batman's interest.

- "We discussed my love life in the minutest detail but not further." I left that there, knowing 'further than my love life' meant virtually nothing to Gordon but the family would understand I didn't cross that line. I didn't reveal the big dossier. "He even gave me some advice.", I tried to sound amused. Because getting counsel for my affairs from the Joker, was an oddity. He had been unequivocal about that actually: I shouldn't be with Richard, I should be with Bruce. That's almost funny that Batman's worst enemy urges his love interest to be with him. In whatever sense you read that. But nobody was getting the joke. "We talked about Amy as well." Message across: he knows about my ghosts now. And how they worked. Or work. I felt something cold behind my back the other day and caught some movement in the cornier of my eye. "Well, I have to admit, those were ordinary friendly conversations.

- That he might use against you?", Gordon enquired.

- "I don't see what worse he could do really." He realized his tactlessness. I didn't leave him the opportunity to atone. "When Batman came to the rescue, an alarm got activated. Super loud. And in the confusion, I don't know from where or who, but I received a dart right across the thigh. In a matter of two minutes, I was knocked out. I don't know what dosage of what but it was super effective. Boom." I mimicked my fall with my hand, to accentuate my inability to act and react at the time. "I came round later, I dunno how long, but I was laying on the bed, the cage had been lifted up, and my head had dropped just at the right angle so that the first thing I saw was Batman, tied up, unable to move, with a pretty angry look about him. I tried to escape right away. I thought it would be my only chance. But only then did I realize the Clown was on me. I was handcuffed to the bed. At that moment, I was still in a haze. There was fog in my eyes and the world was spinning. But I heard his laugh. So close to my ears. I felt his hands all over me. I don't remember when he ripped my clothes but there was not much left covered. After his hands, I felt his tongue. He kissed me. No. it turned into licking pretty quick. My mouth. My ears. My neck." I instinctively took a hand to my trapezius, as if I still carried marks I could wipe with my fingers. "With his hands, he went between my legs." I almost heard them cringe. "He started fingering me. I kept my eyes closed as long as possible, because I knew there was nothing I could do. I felt dizzy from the drugging. And my brain was busy trying to process. But when he unzipped his trousers and penetrated me", I fought hard not to stumble. I am not ashamed of this. This is none of my doing, "I did look up. He had that fucking frozen grin and I swear, I wanted nothing more than to bite his pointy awful nose off. But my neck would not support my intentions. So my head tumbled back on the side and while he kept thrusting, I was left staring blankly at Batman. I felt his pain. And I think he felt mine." I focused on a wood knot in the table throughout my monologue. But I needed to peer at Bruce just now. I risked a quick one. He was very intent, hardly concealing his remembering, his hand into a stone fist, quivering.

- "So Batman did not try to save you?" Gordon's question was innocent. And his intonation showed nothing but disbelief. He knew the Dark Knight too well to assume he would not have done everything in his power to deliver me. But Bruce. Bruce was upset. At himself. So I blocked him off before he could retort anything stupid.

- "Batman was trussed up big time, Commissioner. And the wire was not only slicing through his outfit and skin, it was also anchored to the ground. After the shock of seeing the Joker step over yet another line, maybe the vacant look on my face, he started wriggling, pumped up all the muscles he has, and he has a lot. But the whole trap took ages to give way." I wanted to face Bruce, to tell him it was not his fault. But for one thing, I couldn't in front of Jim, and also we hadn't yet developed that relationship back. I was still burying my (hard) feelings from him.

- "But he did manage?

- By that time, the Joker had... finished himself." I couldn't help clearing my throat. "So he fled before Bats could get his fingers on him.

- Did he run after him?

- No.

- No?

- No, he... attended to me." Jim Gordon lowered his eyes. He knew he would have done the same. But this was inconvenient because the attacker ran away. "He scooped me up and I let myself phase out. I woke up this morning here." A silence settled. I could only imagine Bruce had expected the Police to go after the Clown. Or maybe he did not care at that point. That was quite a demonstration of affection, to be honest. Again. Did I have to count the number of times he had not been an asshole with me and pay him back for each? Or was it deserved refund after his failed comeback? I became aware I had been staring at him for a while now, trying to read off his visage. This would be an ordeal we'll have to share, just the two of us. Funny how I worried about his hopelessness when I was the first ranked victim. I hate being the martyr. I hate my past, I hate this, I hate Jack. The policeman snapped me out of it.

- "I'll file this for legal procedure, I presume?

- You presume right.

- Good. I have everything I need. I'll leave you to the good care of your family. Dr. Pennyworth, I'll need your report for exhibit, if that's okay with you?

- It is. I'll make sure it reaches you by tonight, Sir.

- All good."

I walked him back to the main door, thanking him again for the trouble he went through to spare me the trip. As he treaded on the terrace, he spun around one last time.

- "You'd better tend that scar, Miss Wayne.", he advised me.

- "Scars heal, Commissioner.

- Not all scars." I fathomed he meant psychological ones. But I disagreed.

- "They all do. It takes only two things: hope and faith.

- And what do you believe in, Miss Wayne?

- Batman. Justice.

- You make it sound like they're the same thing.

- Are they not?"

He never answered. He turned away with a smirk and resumed gaining his car. I was locking the gate as Bruce met me there.

- "So you're counting on me?" Overhearing is not prosecutable. Drawing the conclusion I need him neither. But I was happy with none of the two. Though the second was truer than I wanted to admit.

- "That's not what I said. I said my scars will heal because I have faith in the Bat."

He moved closer and pierced me with a turquoise stare. Not sure what he was getting at, I raised an eyebrow. But his eyes loitered on the fore-mentioned wound. He brought his hand up to my chin, never detaching from my forehead, and whispered:

- "And this is why we all exist."

He laid a light kiss on the cut. And all my walls broke down. I felt the flush come up my cheeks but it felt too good to hide. I have learnt my lesson. So I smiled back.