Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and the well wishes messages. I'm feeling a tad better now and I will be back home tonight. And I'm glad to see many of you already know "Amelie".
Chapter Twenty-Two
The bed sheet felt cool against Maura's legs. She would need the usual few seconds to warm up the bed, to make it reach a pleasant temperature. Then she would be able to relax and everything would go just fine. Random gesture, comforting routine.
She rolled on her side in order to face Jane who had already laid down in bed. The night was quiet, even the traffic down on the boulevard had ceased. It was late. They had come back to the Lutétia after dinner in Belleville, a rather popular but trendy area of Paris. On the right bank. Just another peaceful day in the City of Lights. Without any phone call, this time.
Boston hadn't interrupted their glorious plans.
"Are you tired?"
Maura's hoarse voice betrayed her very own fatigue. She had worked on that case until late in the night the night before and she hadn't slept well afterwards. She needed a full night sleep. Playing the tourist with Jane while working somehow for the morgue at the same time was exhausting. She had to slow down, to find back a regular pace.
She had to find the right balance between both worlds.
Jane gave her a slow nod but she didn't say a word. She brought her hand to Maura's cheek instead and began to caress it with a lot of care. Her fingers slid along Maura's skin before following the shape of her neck. Maura smiled: the gesture was soothing. Soft.
Except Jane didn't stop there. Her hand went down anew, towards Maura's left breast. Towards the heart that was beating loudly there. Jane barely brushed Maura's skin with her fingertips. Her eyes stared at her own gesture.
It was a gesture deprived of double-entendre. Its innocence carried a strength that quietly broke the silence of the suite.
It was symbolical. Very symbolical.
Jane was going for Maura's heart and nothing else. She didn't want to make love, or at least not just yet. Of course, the frequency of their intimate moments was typical of the one new couples had but tonight she wanted to slow down and think about something else. Something deeper that lay within herself.
The palm of her hand pressed against Maura's chest. She could feel Maura's heart beat at a regular pace. Peacefully. Strongly. There, underneath the skin, behind the ribcage.
Maura's heart.
"I love you."
The words hit the air with a beautiful sweetness. They passed Jane's lips quietly as she looked up at Maura anew. It wasn't calculated. She hadn't planned on saying it. As a matter of fact, she hadn't come to such realization before. Or at least not clearly.
Her own confession took her aback but she completely assumed it nonetheless. She didn't want to go backwards. She hadn't lied anyway: she meant what she had just said. It had simply not crossed her mind until now. It had remained blurry, and uncertain.
The smile that played on Maura's lips would be an unforgettable one to Jane. She knew it.
Because Maura loved her as well.
...
Maura felt at home underground wandering through a labyrinth of darkness and bones. She and Jane had left behind the light of the day ten minutes earlier for the quietness of a parallel world. A very peculiar one.
The catacombs of Paris.
"The catacombs – undergound ossuaries – hold the remains of over six million people in a small part of the ancient Mines of Paris tunnel network. Located south of the former city gate – Barrière de l'Enfer or Gate of Hell in English – it was founded when city officials were faced with two simultaneous problems: a series of cave-ins starting in 1774 and overflowing cemeteries. Nightly processions of bones from 1786 to 1788 transferred remains from cemeteries to the reinforced tunnels and more remains were added in later years..."
The catacombs weren't spooky. They had nothing to do with some Disneyworld ride. It was actually a place dedicated to silence and respect. Or at least in theory. Sadly the amount of tourists who visited the singular place each day often saw it differently. It bothered Maura a lot – even more when she learned that some tourists happened to steal the bones – but she absolutely wanted to show the Catacombs to Jane because she knew that Jane would find it fascinating.
And because she wanted Jane to see and live something that she - Maura - liked a lot. A bit like Saint-Malo. Maura had wanted to share something special with Jane in order to build a moment, to make memories together. Just in case.
A large part of the ossuaries was in the dark and the eyes needed some time to adapt to the lack of light. At first you didn't even notice the bones for they formed like a second wall against the stoned walls of the mine tunnel. Then they appeared to you with the impressive silence that only cemeteries can bring.
"The catacombs in their first years were a disorganised bone repository but Louis-Etienne Héricart de Thury, head of the Paris Mines Inspection Service, undertook renovations that would transform the undergound caverns into a visitable mausoleum. In addition to directing the stacking of skulls and femurs into the patterns seen in the catacombs today, he used the cemetery decorations he could find to complement the walls of bones."
Walls of bones.
Jane gave Maura a slow nod. It was exactly what it was: an endless wall of bones. A strange, singular place to say the least.
Of course, Maura knew the history of the Catacombs by heart. She even owned a multitude of books on the matter. Jane had already leafed through some. But what Jane didn't know was the reason why Maura liked that place so much in spite of the line of tourists that always waited outside to get in.
Maura didn't like the place for medical reasons but because it was the best reflection of her life that she had found until now. A dark labyrinth among the dead: it was exactly how she saw her existence. Except the loneliness she usually felt when she visited the underground mausoleum of Paris had disappeared now.
Because Jane was standing next to her.
And it was completely different.
Jane had told her that she loved her, that she was in love with her. The confession had been just as unexpected as it had been immensely relieving. Of course, Maura had immediately embraced Jane's feelings with an abandon that she had never showed before then she had murmured against Jane's lips – just as she was going to kiss her – that she loved her too.
They hadn't made love after their mutual statement. They had remained in each other's arms instead then they had fallen asleep happy and hopeful.
It is going way too well for us to ruin it. We can't pretend that this is just a fling, because we both know it isn't. I know you, Jane. And I know that the words you told me last night aren't words that you easily throw around. You respect their meaning, and that's why it takes you a lot to actually assume them.
You love me. You're in love with me.
I didn't force you into any of this. Just as I wanted to, I gave you time and I didn't pressure you. I never said that I expected anything from you. I took what you gave me – which is already a lot more than what I would have dared to imagine – then you came to your conclusions on your own. At your own pace.
You love me.
"I don't want you to go to Quantico. I don't want you to leave me in Boston, alone. I don't want any of this. I don't want you to go away from me. Stay in Boston, or ask me to come with you. I would follow you anywhere. Absolutely anywhere. Don't do this to me, Jane. Please. Don't do this to me. I can't handle it. I don't want to. We don't abandon people we love. We don't do this."
The semi-darkness of the tunnel hid Maura's cheek that had turned into a bright pink as her boldness had completely overwhelmed her.
She really wasn't good at communication or else she would have chosen another place to say all this. They were stuck in a long tunnel, among a crowd of tourists.
Besides, she hadn't talked about Quantico until now. She had simply lost herself into an explanation over the history of the Catacombs.
Her remark came out of the blue.
Yet the sincerity that showed in her voice spoke for her. She didn't need to add anything. Her hazel eyes looked for Jane's dark ones in the semi-darkness. They had stopped by an old chapel and candles were burning in the distance. The shadows of the flames seemed to dance a dark ballet against the walls of the mine. The place looked gloomy, almost creepy.
Absolutely not made for the words that had just passed Maura's lips.
I had to say it. Now that we are lovers and that you have said that you love me, I couldn't keep it for myself. I couldn't do this anymore. It wouldn't have been fair.
However, I had assumed that it would bring me relief. That relief I need so much.
I was wrong. I have just said the words and nothing has happened. I still feel the bitterness of your decision to accept this job weigh on my shoulders, tighten a nasty grip on my heart. Nothing has changed. I still feel blue and desperate. Disarmed.
What am I going to do without you, Jane?
What am I going to do?