Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages. Epilogue tomorrow, then a few days off and then back to Nine Months. I guess we all need the cuteness and innocence of babies right now.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

If asked, Maura would have been unable to say how she felt on that day. Knowing that Jane would leave for Quantico in a few hours seemed to drag her down into a frenzy of blurry feelings. It was strange and rather uncomfortable.

She had woken up next to Jane feeling lucky and extremely vulnerable. Jane was still sleeping by then. Her regular breathing was soothing but Maura knew that it wouldn't last and that she would miss it soon. She had got used to it in Paris though. She had got used to feeling the heat of Jane's body against hers. Now her bed was about to get cold again. Icy. And too big.

Jane hadn't wanted to do anything special. They had had lunch at the Dirty Robber with everyone because they had felt the urge to catch back on the month that had just slipped through their fingers. Time hadn't got suspended unlike their wish. It hadn't sped up either. It had simply followed its cruel pace and now Jane was about to leave.

"What are you going to do, tonight?"

Maura gave Jane a smile. She didn't want to sound anxious but relaxed even if it wasn't true. Her heart was beating fast and she couldn't help casting glances at the crowd of Logan International. A random conversation seemed fair.

Everyone had said goodbye to Jane but she was the one who had driven Jane to the airport. Nobody else. Jane would be back in two weeks anyway. She wasn't about to leave forever. Their friends and relatives had wished her good luck and Maura had pretended to be happy while a lump had formed in her throat. She felt like crying.

"I don't know... Maybe unpack a few boxes." Jane swallowed hard. The FBI had found her a house. Nothing big but she had liked the different photos that they had sent her of the place. She should be okay there. "... I start early tomorrow anyway."

They had decided to go to Logan International a few hours before her plane to take off in order to share a last coffee but the place looked dull. Impersonal and cold. It wasn't such a good idea.

Boston wasn't any better though. The city had weighed a lot on their shoulders all day long and they hadn't felt fine at all out there. As if they didn't have a place anymore. They felt like they were strangers among streets that they nonetheless knew. They weren't home anymore. There were somewhere in between, lost and alone.

"You don't have to, you know. I will help you unpack."

Their talk was desperately random but then Maura didn't know what to say. Not a single word passed her lips unless she made almost inhuman efforts. It cost her a lot. It cost her so much. Yet she wouldn't cry. Not in front of Jane. She had sworn to herself that it wouldn't happen because she was lucky in spite of all, because Jane going to Washington D.C. wasn't a tragedy. Maura would go there at the end of the week. They could easily go separate ways for five days.

Five days were nothing in a life.

Nothing at all.

Nothing.

"Nah... You're not going there to spend the weekend unpacking my stuff." Jane shook her head before grabbing Maura's hand. She pulled it to her lips and planted a kiss on Maura's fingers. A quick, invisible kiss. "That's not what I have in mind for the weekend."

"And what do you have in mind?"

Jane's dark eyes glimmered mischievously. They matched the smirk that curled up her lips and then she burst out laughing. Loudly. Happily.

...

She's gone.

Maura stared blankly at the glass of wine that she had set down on the kitchen counter. She hadn't touched it yet. As a matter of fact, she wasn't thirsty. She simply wanted to get drunk – or at least tipsy – and then forget everything.

Jane was gone.

They had walked together until the terminal – had kissed – and had gone different ways. Easily, atrociously easily. Yet Jane's mischievous dark eyes kept on haunting Maura's mind, just as her laugh as Maura had asked her about her plans for the upcoming weekend. It was the last memory they had built together in Boston. A beautiful one, full of life. Positive.

But now Jane's plane had taken off and Maura's life looked empty.

Unconvinced, Maura walked towards her desk. She sat down there and turned her laptop on. Work: she had to lose herself in medical files and revision in order to pretend that she didn't suffer any heartache. It was late anyway. The night had fallen over Boston and they announced some more snow for the night. The winter was ahead of schedule.

She could have watched television but she knew that she wouldn't have been able to focus on the images. Chances were that her concentration on autopsy reports would be close to an absolute zero too though but it was nonetheless the most appealing escape that she could choose right now.

A cat. She needed a cat. The presence of a cat would have been nice. She would have enjoyed the purring and the heat of the small fur ball on her lap. Yes. A cat was a good idea. She would go to a shelter the next morning.

She looked around her and sighed.

Her house was too big now. Such thought was ridiculous since she had always lived alone there but the feeling really stuck to her skin tonight. Perhaps she should move out. Perhaps she should buy an apartment instead. The silence of Beacon Hill was hard to handle, all of a sudden. Way too hard.

Anything that reminded her of the past seven years was pure torture.

Her vulnerability caused her to pick up her cell phone for the thousandth time. Jane's plane had landed but Maura hadn't got a text message yet. Of course, she hadn't sent Jane a text message herself for she didn't want to sound clingy. Jane had probably better things to do right now. And she wasn't alone. Someone from the FBI – a future colleague – was supposed to pick her up at the airport. She was now probably unpacking her things. Unless she had gne to the restaurant with her colleague.

Her silence made sense. Somehow.

Yet Maura went to check anew on the airline company website. Just in case. Just in case the plane that had been announced as one that had landed had changed of category. Of course, it hadn't. Not now. It was too late.

Jane's plane had landed. Safely. More than four hours earlier.

Stop this. You've wanted it – you've chosen it – so you're going to assume it and now. Right now. You can't live in a permanent sorrow because of the decisions you've taken, Maura. Be the adult you're supposed to be and measure your luck. A month ago Jane was your friend and the person you secretly loved. Now you're in a relationship with her. Embrace it. Embrace the goddamn happiness it's supposed to bring you. Your bitterness is exhausting.

It's terribly exhausting.

Maura pouted. She should have spent the evening with someone. Anyone. She should have gone out – or even just to the movies – in order to focus on something else. Staying home alone was the worst idea that she had had.

She closed her eyes and began to daydream about Paris anew.

She missed everything about their stay, from the innocence of their smiles in the morning to the safety feeling of being far from Boston and Quantico. Everything was gone now and reality was harsh. Too harsh.

Marry her. Why didn't you propose to her yet? What are you waiting for? Then if she's yours she won't go away anymore. It's logical. It's the solution.

The selfish solution.

Maura scoffed. A marriage proposal wasn't a solution. Married people lived and worked in different states every day. Just because she would marry Jane didn't mean that they wouldn't go separate ways again. It was a blatant lie, a ridiculous one. It wasn't how things worked. Not in that life, not in that world.

Why don't you pack and leave Boston? You could move to Washington and focus on your novel, on these desires to write. Your time is done, here. Boston gave you a lot but it's over and you know it. You can't work at the morgue for the rest of your life anyway. It's impossible. So why don't you do that? Why don't you just go there to be with her? She loves you. She said it. What else do you need to take action, exactly?

Courage.

Maura needed courage. She didn't have any. She could quit her job and move to Washington D.C. in a heart beat but she wouldn't do it unless Jane asked her to. It all depended on Jane's wishes. Maura didn't want to impose herself. She couldn't allow herself to be so selfish.

A knock on the door put an end to her daydreams.

She opened her eyes anew and checked the time. It was late, too late for anyone to stop by her house right now. The morgue would have called if she had been needed. Her curiosity piqued, Maura stood up. She walked to the door and opened it.

She swallowed hard. It was snowing and the flakes were melting into Jane's dark hair. A black and white silent battle. Jane smiled. Timidly. She shrugged.

"I couldn't leave without you. I couldn't do this."