Chapter Eleven
Makenna
I haven't talked to Caleb since Friday afternoon. I wanted to text him so badly when I got home. There were countless times I picked up my phone and started a text, but then I erased it because I didn't know the right thing to say. He never texted me either.
What I did was stupid. I never should have admitted my feelings. I had a feeling I would be rejected. I feel so stupid. I know that it doesn't look good to date a teacher, but does it count because he's a student teacher? He's not officially a teacher! And I'm eighteen. I can make my own decisions. Isn't the worst that can happen is it is highly frowned upon? I don't know anything about student teacher/student relationships. The only exposure I have is Ross and Elizabeth. But Paul said he could have Ross fired, but Ross wasn't a student teacher.
Oh, look at me. I'm trying to find a way to justify an illegal act. I shouldn't be doing this.
"Makenna," Aunt Jeanine says sternly. "Pay attention." I nod and look down at my desk nervously. I quickly lift my head to see the board.
The rest of government is horrible because I keep looking at the left corner of the room hoping to see Caleb. Am I pathetic or what? He obviously doesn't want to see you anymore.
Great job idiot, I tell myself. You ruined whatever relationship with him you could have had.
The bell rings and I sluggishly shuffle my feet into the library; after missing Caleb in government, there's no way I am in the mood to eat. I take my usual seat and plop down in the hard wooden chair. I reach into my bag and grab my phone. I scroll through my contacts.
Addison
Aunt Jeanine
Aunt Liz
Caleb
Carolyn
Charles
Dad
Hannah
Henry
Home
Mom
Renata
Samantha
Tracey
Uncle Jim
Is there anyone I could text about this? I tried talking to Addison on Friday about my crush on Caleb. She seemed disapproving. She didn't find it ethical.
"You think I chose to feel this way?" I had said. "No one chooses who they're attracted to. I can't help it. I didn't think to myself 'oh, I'm going to crush on my teacher because I think it's a good idea.'" She shrugged and that's when Caleb walked toward us in the cafeteria and my heart soared.
I told Charles a little bit. He wasn't disapproving like Addison, but he was wary. All he did was warn me not to do anything drastic, which I ended up doing.
Maybe my sister will understand. I shoot her a text explaining my predicament. It took her fifteen minutes to reply, most likely because she's in class. She's working towards a PhD.
Me: I have a crush on my government student teacher. What do I do?
Sam: Here's what u do: nothing
Me: at all?
Sam: nothing at all. It's illegal. He could be fired
Me: that's what he said too
Sam: listen to him dork. he knows what he's talking about
I thank my sister and end the conversation. I don't ask Mom or Dad. I don't bother with anyone else in my family. I don't think my dad's sister or her husband or my cousin will be helpful either. But I have a feeling no matter who I text, they're all going to say the same thing.
When there is five minutes left of lunch, I start a new text.
Hi
I wait as patiently as I can. I tap my fingers against the table and bounce my leg anxiously. I almost don't hear my phone over the sound of the bell. Study hall is going to start in a few minutes.
Hey.
I missed you in class today
Sorry. I have school work too.
Oh. I'm glad you're getting it done. I try joking with him to see if he's still upset with me. Need help?
No thanks. He is.
Okay. Well I hope I'll see you on Wednesday
I'm going to try to get it done, but I have quite a few things to catch up on.
Okay. Good luck. Bye
I don't think he's going to reply, so I start on my own homework. If I turn these things in on time, I'll have an A by the end of the year.
Goodbye. I hope to see you again soon.
I don't know if I should smile or cry. He wants, or at least he hopes, to see me again soon, but that's it. My head tells me there is more hope than my heart does.
After school ends, I run from math to the baseball field. I know there is no practice, the games are all over, but I hope I can catch him before he leaves. I also hope he walks home from this direction.
"Hey Noah!" I call. Thankfully he does walk by this way.
"Makenna, right?" I nod. "What's up?"
"Do you know where Caleb lives?" Noah raises an eyebrow.
"I don't think you should do what I think you're planning to do," he says. "It's best if you guys distance yourselves." This makes me want to cry. Noah knows what's going on. And Caleb doesn't want to see me. He's finding things to keep himself busy, to keep himself away from me.
"I know it sounds crazy and I must sound like a stalker, but I need to talk to him."
"Then you'll have to text him. Honestly I don't know where he lives. He never told me. He's better friends with my brother."
Noah walks away.
So I have to figure it out now. Okay. If he's doing school work, he obviously goes to college. I'm going off a hunch here. The only school close enough to the library we used to go to is DePaul University. I could probably catch the bus and I could tell my parents I need to stay after to work on a project.
I board the bus when the correct one comes around. I find a seat in the middle next to an elderly woman who smells like dish soap. She smiles pleasantly so I smile back. I take out my phone and text my mom. She accepts my story and I tell her I'll be home in time for dinner.
I sure hope this works.