Author's Note: I don't really like this one, but I tried? I guess? I'm very frustrated with fanfiction, so if nobody is reading this...forget you, fanfiction.
Day One-Hundred Fifty-Nine: Over and Over Again by Jamie Lynn Noon
The picture of Toby that used to sit on my nightstand was still engrained in my mind. It had been a while since that picture was taken. To be fair, it was a while since I had last seen him. We'd grown so distant…and I still hadn't really moved on.
Sometimes, I felt like love was the essential thread which was sewn up my spine. I couldn't describe the feeling, but his love made me feel whole. It was this tingly feeling up my spine whenever he was around and I felt complete. But now that he was gone, I felt like…I was tearing at the seams. I came undone and I couldn't help it. I was torn at the seams.
He ran out on me. He was a runner who couldn't stand still. I don't hate him for it, but…I still feel bad about it and relive the night that he left.
The worst part is that if he were to come back and need me again—and not necessarily in a romantic way, either. If he needed me at all—I would be there for him. It was wrong, but it felt right.
Usually, I would lie in bed and stare out of the window. It was facing the nightstand where his picture used to be. Sometimes, I would glare at the empty spot where his picture used to be. Sometimes, I was overwhelmed with this feeling of immense sadness like I couldn't even describe. Sometimes, I didn't even know why; it just happened spontaneously, for no reason at all. It was such a strong sensation I couldn't fight.
One night—that very fateful night—I was just lying in bed and thinking about everything when I heard a knock at the door. I figured it was only Aria or Emily or Caleb; it was nothing to worry about.
I opened the door and saw Toby there. I decided to trust him enough not to slam the door in his face—not that I'd ever really do that. I didn't have the heart to do so.
An immense, inexplicable feeling of longing and nostalgia washed over me. I couldn't fight it. I always asked myself what we could've been if other things didn't get in our way.
"Hi, Spencer."
I didn't really answer. It wasn't because I had disdain or contempt for him. I was just too shocked and frankly, a little upset to really talk to him. I didn't know if I wanted to know what he was doing there.
It only takes a moment for your heart to break. I knew that and I didn't know if I wanted to test that theory.
A million thoughts went through my mind in that one moment.
What was he doing here?
Maybe he had a new girlfriend that he was having problems with. Maybe she kept him a secret, just like I did to him; he was my sweet little secret I wanted all to myself. But I didn't bother to take his feelings into account. Now he was someone else's secret. But maybe he wasn't really happy.
He wasn't happy.
I could see it on his face. I wasn't sure if he wasn't happy in the moment, or if he wasn't happy with his life. He didn't find his happiness yet. He hadn't found his heart and soul. I knew he needed it. I didn't date him for too long, but I knew him well enough and long enough to know what he wanted and what he needed.
He was sick of running.
It was all he ever did and he realized that he would never find his happiness, his heart and soul by continuing to do so.
I would be there for him, no matter what he said.
I could never say no and never really say goodbye. I would be here if nothing worked out for him in the end. If he was lost or scared or discouraged, I'd be there.
I decided to take a little leap of faith and put some trust in him, that it wouldn't be anything to break me anymore. I let him in.
eveningshades1107: And obviously, since we just found out that Hanna has the voice of an angel (duh). I could also picture Mona as Glinda because hello, Janel can sing really well (yeah, we get it; you can frickin' sing) and she plays dumb so well. I couldn't believe it, either. I was just like...what? I forgot how much I loved #90 (In My Veins) until you mentioned it. I don't know, I just didn't get a lovey-dovey vibe like most people seemed to have gotten from that song. It's very grey and maroon for me. I'm sorry, I'm speaking in my synaesthesia to you. My sundae has murder and chocolate chips all over it :) I feel like Spencer would be a little tease (a la #97, which slips my mind and the moment and I'm too lazy to check). I had a couple with Radley. It's so creepy. I'm just ready for Radley to get torn down by now. Come on. Spencer is just...idk maybe she's a murderous mother. Idk. She slips arsenic in her children's formula. Actually, no it's not Birthday, but good guess. That happens later in the collection. It's not the last one, though. Then if you don't like a lot of dialogue, you might like the book (non fanfic, omg) I'm writing. I really want to finish it before senior year. But anyway, there's a lot of description and not a ton of dialogue. And also, the narrator is very...blunt, mordant, and sarcastic at times. That's a plus, right? Vertigo was actually one of my favourite one-shots. I would make that shirt. But I have nothing to make shirts with. And I'm lazy. I loved that. I know. Usually, I'm so AU, but sometimes I'm so out of ideas I revert to canon (because it just makes so little sense that my insane AUs are somehow more realistic at times). I had so much fun talking about Tchaikovsky in Goodbye (#138). I love Tchaikovsky. I would play Swan Lake if I was actually decent at playing the violin (but I'm not and I don't know why, but I just...it's painful to play, like I can't even explain). Wow. The only time we've ever sung was last year, in like October. I had no solos (I didn't want any and I'm pretty sure my teacher wouldn't have picked me anyway) and it wasn't hot like then. I do remember last year's graduation, though. The choirs wear our formal uniforms (which consists of a practically SEE THROUGH blouse [which you can't breathe in], a khaki skirt, white knee-socks, black flats, and a BLAZER) and it was like 90 degrees in the gym where the graduation was AND it was unnaturally humid outside due to the monsoon. To make things worse, I was in my outfit for orchestra (literally a white tank top with a black pencil skirt, which was so nice since it was SO FRICKIN HOT) but the choir teacher made me change completely. I had to run upstairs to the locker room, get changed in like three minutes, then run back downstairs. I was sweaty and gross and...ew, I'm cringing just thinking about it. But nobody fainted, so your story is better. I want to see another Spencer/Mona smackdown. Or maybe Spencer/Mona teaming up on Ali. That would be appreciated, too. I always make Toby tease Spencer a lot, which is a little OOC in my opinion, but some of them are kind of ridiculous (like the ones where Toby is a total jerk with no heart or Spencer acts all girly...like no, Spencer is not allowed to act girly). That reminds me, I absolutely HATE fanfics where writers spend like three and a half paragraphs just describing what everyone is wearing. idk what that has to do with anything, but now my secret is out. Are you referring to that new fanfic where Spencer is Juliet and Noel is Romeo and Toby has such a cute crush on her while working tech and Mona is screaming at everyone? If not, then ignore this. But yeah, Emily can't play trees without getting confused. I love the fetus liars almost as much as I love fetus Marina and Lizzy Grant. Precious. I'm so glad to have you back!
euphoric-acidosis:Okay, so how about this? When someone says, "Okay?" you can just say, "No, it's not frickin okay." No? Oh, well. I tried. I'm glad you liked it. But lol what talent. Maybe I have writing talent. My music sucks. I suck at everything involving music, no matter how hard I try. I don't even remember what I was confused about. Oops.
The next one-shot will be I Almost Do by Taylor Swift. I just thought I'd give you guys a little backstory: when I was nearing the end of Begin Again and thought of a potential sequel, I literally spent an hour listening to Taylor Swift songs from 'Red' to find one for a sequel. Some of them (i.e., We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, 22, The Lucky One, etc.) just made absolutely no sense, but I put check marks next to the ones I kind of liked and stars next to the ones I really liked. Obviously, Everything Has Changed and Stay Stay Stay got stars (I think they both actually got two stars), but that one was another one that got a star (maybe even two). So the next one-shot will be what probably would've happened should I have chosen that song instead of Everything Has Changed for the title of the story. -Kayson