Chapter 11: Skits Are Sketchy

Hey, it's The Draigg here, trying to get this author's note done quickly. Those lawyers I didn't pay earlier are at my door, demanding I pay their bill. Well, before I slip out of the back of my house, I should let all of you know that I don't own RWBY or any media I mention. Now hurry up and read this thing, you'll make for a good distraction.

xxx

The time had finally come around for the PSA skit to start. Team RWBY peeked out of the curtain separating the back of the stage from the front. The audience was exactly what you would expect at this type of school: plenty of dirty kids wearing ill-fitting clothes, and plenty of Faunus students. Ms. Han then grabbed their attention with her ever chipper voice.

"Okay, you guys! Are you ready! I sure am! Now, let's kick the butt of dust abuse out there! Yeah!" she cheered, holding her hand up for a high five. Ruby reluctantly obliged her, so that she wouldn't feel bad.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Ms. Han said. Ruby sighed softly in response. With that done, Ms. Han stepped out from behind the curtain. As she opened up the PSA presentation, Team RWBY prepared themselves for their show.

"Good luck, kiddos," Mr. Brass complimented from his seat on a nearby crate. The team nodded in response.

"Right," Blake replied.

In reality, nobody on Team RWBY was looking forward to this at all. Somehow, the universe saw fit to dress them up as a bunch of gangsta stereotypes from over two decades ago, in front of the people who actually lived in that type of neighborhood. The girls wondered if this was some form of bizarre punishment for whatever sins they committed.

Regardless of how they were feeling right now, they had no choice but to get ready to act. They could hear their cue from beyond the curtain.

"Get ready for the sensational, spectacular, radical, Team RWBY!" Ms. Han cheered. Team RWBY could hear some awkward applause. Clearly, the audience had run out of all the shits they could give a long time ago. Team RWBY couldn't exactly blame them. Nobody was going to like what they were about to do.

Ruby was internally panicking as she stepped out from behind the curtain. Because of all that drama over the course of this weekend, neither she nor Weiss practiced their lines all that much. Oh well, it was too late for that to change now. Might as well roll with the punches.

As the members of Team RWBY walked out on stage, they proceeded to recite their incredibly cheesy and outdated introductions.

"Swiggity swoogity, it's me, da boss Ruby!" Ruby said as she introduced herself.

Weiss was having a hard time saying her line. "Yo, I'm Weiss, and I'm as cool as ice!" she managed to get out. Wow, that line was about as painful as one of Yang's puns. Screw Ms. Han for making her say that.

Blake introduced herself with, "Hey, I'm Blake, and you know what dey say, da haters gonna hate!". It took all of Blake's willpower to not have her eyes roll clean out of her sockets.

When Yang walked forward to introduce herself, she got a few whistles and cat-call from the audience. Blake was growing angrier on the inside. They had no right to whistle at her girlfriend like that!

"I should be making that cat-calls, since I'm a—Damn it, Yang!" Blake thought, annoyed at the horrible pun in her head. Yang was just rubbing off on her more and more. Her thought processes weren't even safe anymore!

"Hey, I'm Yang, and when da boyz look at me, the all go daannnnnggg!" Yang said, trying to sound seductive. Now, she wasn't above casual flirting, as long as it was done for fun. But when it was up on stage, in front of a large group of people, she couldn't help but feel like some kind of stripper. And they weren't even tossing money on the stage! She should at least have something to work for!

The crowd, however, loved it, or at least a lot of the male population did. Yang got several girls shaking their heads in her direction. Yang fumed a little. It wasn't her fault! This wasn't her idea at all!

"Yo yo yo, what up, my skrillaz? We be hangin' in this hood, to lay down some mad truths about them mad dustz and uses, ya hear? Yang recited from memory. God, these lines were horrible. Velvet's writing skills had nothing on this.

"That's right, my home-slice. Dust is in all y'alls lives, and it's something y'all know well," Blake said, prancing around the stage, throwing up random hand signs like she was instructed to. She hoped that her Faunus brethren in the audience wouldn't kill her over this.

"It can be mad dangerous, yo. You need to be careful and remember that dustz can be jus' like knivez, chemicalz, and wirez," performed Weiss, putting on a stereotypical ghetto accent. The audience groaned at that. At this rate, she was going to be stabbed for sure.

"Like a leash or a rope, too!" Ruby said. At least she didn't stumble over that line like the other times she practiced. The Faunus people in the audience weren't too happy at that line. There were audible boos and hisses as soon as Ruby mentioned leashes. Maybe that wasn't a very sensitive line to say to a bunch of angry Faunus teens. Ruby tried not to panic as the team continued to act out their sketch.

"You be crunk, Rubes," complimented Weiss. She could feel a cold shiver run up her spine as she recited that line. Yep, a part of her definitely died inside right then.

"Swagical!" Ruby said back in a cheerful tone. How in the hell did Ms. Han think this was how people actually talked?

"But seriously, yo," Blake said, "Dust can be crazy cool, and swood threatening as the piece yo homies keep, hotman!". As she said those lines, Blake couldn't help but think that the audience would have to get a collective concussion in order to get what she was saying. Team RWBY probably needed one, too.

"Totally grommet, but da lady haz a point. Don't eat dust, even when you got da mad munchies, mah dawgz!" added Yang. That got her a few boos from the dog Faunus students in the crowd. Judging from their reactions, Team RWBY was getting closer to being kicked out of the auditorium. Sweat was beginning to pool under Yang's armpits from her nervousness.

"Or da ice dust, ya'll get all itchy n' cold, like livin' on da street, ya dig? Don't be bunch of foolz! Buy da good and safe stuff! Don't be niggardly!" Weiss exclaimed. The crowd fell silent as soon as those lines escaped her lips. Weiss' eyes widened as she realized what she just said. Oh. SHIT.

"I-I d-didn't mean it like that, you know?" Weiss nervously stammered. The crowd didn't take her apology. By now, they were flat out yelling insults and picking up any loose objects lying around.

"Calm down, calm down," desperately pleaded Weiss. "Ruby, can you say something—" asked Weiss as she turned in Ruby's direction. Or rather, where Ruby was. What stood in her place now was a small, fluttering pile of rose petals. She had gotten the hell out of there as fast as she could. Weiss couldn't blame her in the slightest. That audience was turning into an angry mob.

Soon, a bunch of random objects began to pelt Team WBY. Yang in particular heard something stick into the stage at her feet. Holy shit, was that a spoon sharpened into a shank?! Yang took that as a sign to flee the stage. Blake followed closely after her, trying to dodge the chairs that were being thrown.

"Not the face!" Weiss cried as she ran back stage.

Looking on in horror, Mr. Brass said, "I'm going to start the van," and then ducked out of the nearest exit.

"Good idea," Ms. Han said, her voice missing her previous cheerful disposition. Then, she fled after him.

xxx

Flash forward to several hours later, back at the condo, the work group wasn't in the best mood. Yang had swiped a cigarette from Mr. Brass and was currently puffing at it like a chimney as she sat on the couch. The other girls were seated around her. Blake settled for cradling her face in her hands, Ruby had pulled her hood over her face, and Weiss had a blanket draped over her shoulders. She was still experiencing some shock.

Mr. Brass walked into the room, closing his scroll. "Okay," he announced, "The school agreed to drop the whole 'racist' thing, if we don't mention the attacks on us. I guess that worked out, eh?". He wasn't as calm as his words suggested. In fact, he was just short of having a major freak-out right now. Civil rights issues weren't one of the reasons he was hired.

"I hate my life," Blake groaned through her hands. By now, she figured that Velvet would have written a better script. At least it wouldn't have come off as incredibly racist. It was some sort of horrible miracle that not only did they offend the Faunus, but other Human ethnicities as well. So much for bringing a positive message to people of all kinds.

"Agreed," Ruby said, her words muffled by her hood. This was turning out to be a horrible adventure she got her team into so far. She had never drunk a bit of alcohol in her life, but she felt this was the time to pick up that habit.

Before Ruby could discover the wonderful, inebriated world of booze, Ms. Han walked into the room, holding a stack of papers. She… wasn't looking very well. Her hair was completely frazzled, and her clothes were in a state of disarray. Something had clearly gone wrong wherever she went to work at.

"Okay, okay, okay, I tweaked the script, and now I bet there's nothing in there that could be misconstrued as racist, species... ist, or whatever! Look, look!" she quickly rambled as she threw the new scripts at everyone.

Calmly, Yang picked up the script she was given, and put out the butt of her cigarette on the title page. "Not doing it," she dryly stated.

Ms. Han's right eye furiously twitched as she tried to maintain the smile plastered on her face. "W-why not?" she asked through barred teeth.

"Look, here, Han," began Yang.

"Jade! Call me Jade!" demanded Ms. Han.

"…Right, Jade. No offence, but this is nothing but pure, unfiltered shit. I mean, my god, what the hell were you smoking when you wrote this?" Yang calmly continued.

"I have a degree, this stuff is good," Jade firmly insisted.

"And I have a motorcycle license. That doesn't mean that I can film a movie," Yang shot back.

"It's GOOD, Yang," Jade said in a harder voice while trying to keep up her smile. She was failing in that regard.

"Just you say it is, doesn't mean it's true. I bet we can come up something better than... than this," defied Yang.

Jade dropped the papers she was holding on the floor. Then, in the most sickeningly sweet voice she could muster, she said, "Okay, you know what? Go ahead. Write a script. I would LOVE to read it!". Then, she stormed off back to her room, like a spoiled child.

Mr. Brass rolled his eyes, and opened his scroll. He was getting a call from someone. Answering it, he briefly walked out of the room.

Meanwhile, Yang had gathered the other scripts and took them outside. She put them down on a patch of concrete, and incinerated them with a burst of fire. Walking back inside, she declared, "What we'll write will be infinitely better than that crap,".

"What will we write? We have no clue on what to do," interjected Blake, picking up her head out of her hands. Her eyes looked completely dead.

"…We'll work on it," Yang said.

"Wow. I'm so confident about what we'll make," Blake dryly commented.

"At least I'm being productive…" Yang grumbled as she sat back down on the couch. At that moment, Mr. Brass walked back into the room.

"I… um… have some news. Apparently the school called our sponsor companies before us, and now me and Ms. Han have to report into the Vale branch of the Schnee Dust Company tomorrow and explain ourselves. Yeah…" Mr. Brass said, scratching the back of his head.

"This could be our chance…" Ruby said, pulling up her hood and finally contributing to the conversation. She was willing to go with her sister's idea. It wasn't like they could do much worse than… than earlier.

"At least she agrees with me," Yang noted.

"Whatever," said a pessimistic Blake. This just wasn't her day… or anybody's, for that matter.

"Better get my stuff together…" Mr. Brass mumbled to himself as he wandered off to his room.

"Anyway, we ought to write our script tomorrow. Right, you guys?" Yang said.

"I'm up for it," declared Ruby. Blake gave a non-committal grunt, and Weiss, who was still in shock, gave a silent nod.

"Good enough. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to drown my sorrows in food," Yang said as she walked over to the kitchen. Ruby could hear her sister tear through the pantry like how a tornado loves going through fields of cows.

Then, looking around at the rest of her teammates, Ruby took in their appearances. Blake was back to face palming, and Weiss clung the blanket closer to her body and stared off into the distance.

Man, today sucked.

xxx

Wow, that was… certainly something, wasn't it? Yeah… who would have guessed it would go that badly? Well, I mean it was always destined to go bad, but the amount you people guessed probably didn't compare to that. Did I go too far there? Whether I did or didn't, go ahead and leave me a review down below, and tell me what you think of that awful, AWFUL PSA. This is The Draigg, signing off to atone for my sins for writing that.