Some time passed, before the topic arose again. Winter had come, and Ellie's thoughts on the subject of love, procreation, and of men in general were not usually improved by seeing the snow and the bleak memories of the season which had proved to be the hardest for her.
Joel and Ellie had volunteered to venture into the forest to check the thickness of the ice that was narrowing the river a few miles downstream of the plant. The workers had been detecting a steady decrease in power owing to the river's abated pace, to the extent that they had been turning off all the lights except those absolutely necessary, in effort to direct the remaining power to the heating systems. Joel had loaded up his axe, a measuring rod, and a sledgehammer, and Ellie had pulled on her boots and flannel, asking if she could accompany him.
"Why, you getting' cabin fever?" Joel asked, cinching the girth on his horse's saddle, and testing it with one foot in the stirrup. He grunted and tugged it one notch tighter as the horse shifted restlessly. "Gettin' skinny," he muttered, giving the beast an apologetic pat.
"Something like that," Ellie shrugged, handing him the bridle. Joel slipped it over the horse's nose, and it champed distastefully at the cold bit.
"Yeah, me too," he murmured. "Get your gear, you can ride with me."
"Thanks, but I'll ride by myself."
Joel cocked a brow. "Alright."
Ellie shouldered her backpack which had been reposing in the angle of the improvised stall, and set to tacking up her mount, requiring a bit of help hefting the saddle up above her head.
"Here." Joel grabbed it and settled it on the horse's back, sliding it back ever so slightly, and passing the straps beneath to Ellie, who began to fumble with the cinch.
"Thanks," she mumbled, cursing under her breath. "Stupid buckle."
"Hey." Joel ducked beneath the bay's neck and stood face to face with her. "Somethin' the matter?"
"No," she said, giving the cinch a vicious yank, blinking back the sting of tears in her eyes. This blasted cold weather. Making her eyes water. She left the cinch to dangle, and turned away to wipe her face on her sleeve, catching the warm horsey smell in her clothing, and taking in a deep breath of it. Joel fastened the girth in silence, and then straightened, shifting from one foot to the other and regarding the back of Ellie's ponytail with concern.
"Ellie, whatever's goin' on, if it's about what Tommy and me said –"
"It's not," she blurted, turning around. "It's – not..."
"Then what is it?" Joel asked, infinitely gentle. Ellie took a deep breath.
"Okay, it is," she said at last, pushing her hands deep into the pockets of her flannel. "But it's not what you think."
"I don't think nothin'," Joel said, grabbing the other bridle from its nail and warming the jointed bit in his hands. "Just been wonderin' when this was goin' to come back up, or if you'd forgot."
"I didn't forget." Ellie chuckled dryly. "It's been like, all I can think about. And I hate it." She aimed a kick at a chunk of dried manure. "I want to be able to just live life and not be worrying about what I'm gonna do. About what's wrong with me."
"What do you mean?" Joel reached over the bay's neck and buckled the strap along its jaw.
"Well, there's got to be something wrong with me, or else I wouldn't be having such a hard time with this," Ellie pointed out, as if the conclusion was obvious. "Other people can just do stuff, and it's not this much of a pain."
"First of all, let's set this straight." Joel passed her the bridle, and moved to untie his own horse. "Nobody just does stuff in life, and it's easy. It might look like that to other people, but it ain't easy, I promise."
"So, I just need to get good at pretending it's not a problem," Ellie commented, following Joel into the bright winter sunlight. He swung into the saddle, and Ellie did the same. "Or at least until I figure out what I'm going to do."
Joel kicked his horse into a canter, and they did not speak for a few minutes as they crossed the compound, waited for the gate to be opened, and then descended the gentle slope to the treeline. Ellie caught up to Joel there.
"You ever think that you might not have to do anything?" he said at last. Ellie snorted.
"What do you mean? Of course I have to do something. This isn't going to just happen on its own."
"Well, I know that," Joel drawled, "But you're getting' all hot and bothered over the fact that you don't like someone. You can't do somethin' about that, except just wait for it to happen."
"I don't know if I believe in that," Ellie said, shifting in the saddle, and grasping the bridle in one hand, putting the other in her armpit to warm it, then switching.
"Yeah? I don't believe in it neither. But it happens."
They were quiet for a long time, and at last Ellie broke the silence. They had reached a spot with particularly thick ice built up along the bank, and Joel dismounted with a grunt, draping the reins over a tree branch, and leaving his horse to paw through the snow in search of grass beneath.
"Come'ere, Ellie," he said, beckoning the girl to follow him, and making his way down the mud-striped embankment toward the river's edge, encrusted in ice. Ellie did as she was told, and slid down the last few feet to bump to a stop against Joel.
"Whoah, there," he chuckled. "Got your feet?"
"Yeah," she said, squatting, and rapping on the ice with her knuckles, wincing, and sticking her hand in her mouth. "Geez," she said, around her fingers. "That's thick."
Joel pulled out his rod and made a mark with his knife in the notched wood. "We're gonna break it."
"Really? All of it?"
"As much as we can. Other guys can come back out in shifts, and it'll be all broken up soon enough."
"Won't it just freeze again?" Ellie asked, straightening up and tightening her ponytail.
"Yeah. But it'll take a couple of months to get this thick again. And meanwhile we'll have more power."
"Got it."
Ellie watched as Joel unshouldered his backpack, and released the axe and sledgehammer from where they had been strapped to the sides. He handed the girl the hammer with a warning. "Don't do nothin' til I tell you."
"I won't," she replied, giving the heavy implement a wobbly practice swing, to Joel's obvious disapproval.
"You listenin' to me?"
"Uh-huh." Ellie set the hammer's head on the ice, and leaned on the shaft, her chin on her hands, watching as Joel marked the ice with easy chips from his axe.
"So, this ice. How'd you think it got here?" he asked, bringing down the metal blade with a grunt.
"Well, the river," Ellie said, looking at him as if he had lost his sanity. "The water froze."
"How'd it freeze if it's moving?"
"Well, it didn't all freeze. It's taken since November, and just a little bit freezes. Little layers freeze as the water runs by, and it eventually just built up like this." She crossed her arms, as Joel brought down the axe again. "What are you doing?"
"Choppin' ice, Ellie," Joel replied.
"No, I mean with all these questions."
Joel took a deep breath, and set aside the axe, meeting her eye. "The river didn't stop what it was doin' to get this ice here. It just kept goin', and over time, the ice happened because the air was cold. So you don't have to stop livin' in order to decide what you're gonna do about this. Just keep doin' what you're doin', and when the air is right, ice'll form."
Ellie wanted to make a jibe about how teach-y Joel had gotten, but found she didn't think it would be really appropriate. And... he was – not exactly right, but on a pretty correct path, if you thought about it enough. In fact –
"Okay," she admitted. "That's a good way to think of it."
"Tommy said there's a survivor group from Oklahoma travelin' this way. Their settlement was hit by a tornado." Joel chuckled, and shouldered the axe again. "The last group of bandits comin' through here had attacked 'em, and one of the scouts told 'em apparently if they could get here, they'd be safe." Joel brought the axe down again, burying it deep into the ice, and prying it out with some effort. "Now, Tommy ain't crazy about the idea of people bringin' the infection here, but we can't turn 'em away if they seem to be fine. Maria had the idea to keep 'em in quarantine for a couple a weeks before we let 'em past the dam."
"Cool." Ellie handed Joel the sledgehammer when he reached for it, and he brought it down on the ice, sending cracks splintering out from the area of impact.
"So." Joel hacked the ice again. "Some new people to meet, maybe. Somebody your age..."
"Whoah, whoah, whoah." Ellie shook her head. "Hold on. They're going to live here?"
"This wasn't my idea, Tommy says that we don't have enough people here to hold off the bigger groups of bandits. Plus, we got plenty of room, no infected, and they need a place to stay. Can't see the problem in it."
"Unless you all are setting me up."
"Ellie." Joel chuckled, straightening and handing her the hammer once again. "I know this is on your mind an awful lot, but it ain't necessarily on ours."
"Well, that's good," she murmured. "This is getting weird."
"Only if you make it weird. Alright, this is compromised enough that a few hits should send it breakin' up and floatin' downstream. You want to help?"
Ellie nodded. "Sure."
"Alright, then, you listen to me. Hit it here first," Joel indicated with his boot, "and then here. Don't hit the same place more than once, or it'll break through and you'll fall in with it. We want to do this nice and gentle."
"-with a sledgehammer. Got it," Ellie grinned.
Joel pulled her ponytail. "Alright. Don't want you to hurt yourself, all you're goin' to do is put this up over your shoulder like this," he demonstrated with his axe, and Ellie hefted the hammer to her shoulder, "and then let the weight of the head bring it down. You don't have to swing it at all, you'll pull somethin' if you don't know what you're doin'."
"Alright." Ellie let out her breath. "Like this?"
"Feet apart." Joel nudged her sneaker with his boot. "There you go."
Ellie hauled the hammer away from her back and let it fall to the ice, and a small piece broke off, spinning downstream in the swift-running water.
"Whoo!" she cheered. "Look at that!"
"Alright, you know where next."
"Uh-huh." She hoisted the hammer into position and let it fall again, slightly away from her mark. She swore under her breath. "Lemme try again."
The following blow sent a deep crack running right between her feet, and Ellie stepped away cautiously.
"Good girl. Now hit it again."
From the safety of the bank Ellie wielded the hammer until most of the ice was broken and the river ran as swiftly as before.