Ahh I'm so sorry this took me longer than usual! Last week was so busy! But good news I'm on vacation this week and should be able to write a bit more so I hope to make it up to you all!
Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing and favouriting and whatever! You all are so amazing!
Enjoy! -J
Chapter 10- The Start of Something More
After asking Maura on a date, Jane found herself almost giddy with anticipation; an excitement fueled by the kisses they had shared in her apartment after Paddy had taken the Medical Examiner. Jane could practically feel herself buzzing with excitement the following day at work as she went about attempting to act normal, while sharing knowing smiles with Maura who appeared to be just as excited.
It wasn't until later that night, when Jane finally made it home with Chinese take-out in her hand that she realized the true implications of what she had done when she had asked Maura out. It wasn't that the Detective didn't want to date Maura; she definitely did, but it suddenly dawned on Jane just how different she and Maura were. It was with this realization that the brunette began to panic.
Maura was not from the same world as Jane. The pair could not have grown up with more different families or lifestyles, and it was with these thoughts that it occurred to Jane that she truly had no idea how to date someone like Maura. She couldn't just order Chinese or pick up a pizza as Maura probably expected more. Maura came from a life of wealth; of dinner parties and fancy restaurants, a life that Jane knew nothing about.
And though the pair had arranged for Angela to take care of Amelia Saturday night with the pretense of needing some adult time, Jane suddenly found herself hoping for a case in order to postpone the date to buy her more time.
"You look like you're thinking rather hard," Maura drew Jane from her thoughts late Thursday afternoon as she approached Jane's desk. "I have those files you asked for," she said placing a manila folder down in front of the brunette before pulling up a chair. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"
"Hm? What? Oh…oh yeah I'm fine," Jane shook her head, attempting to clear it in order to give Maura her full attention. "Sorry I'm fine. I was just…actually I was just thinking about Saturday," she admitted, hating the heat she could feel on her cheeks as she glanced around in order to make sure no one was listening.
Though Jane was more than proud of the fact that she was taking Dr. Isles on a date, the pair had agreed to keep things discreet until they were able to talk; deciding they wouldn't be filling anyone in on what was going on between them until they were able to define it themselves.
"I've been thinking about that quite a bit myself," Maura smiled a smile, which Jane found absolutely infectious; unable to hold back a grin of her own. "You know you still haven't told me what your plans are exactly, and while I appreciate the thought I really must admit I'm not really a fan of surprises."
"Oh well I…" Jane began, struggling to come up with some sort of lie before finally sighing in defeat. "Alright listen Maur," she bit her lip. "Honestly I've been wracking my brain all week about where to take you Saturday night and nothing seems like enough," she admitted quietly. "I mean I know the places your dates probably take you are all extravagant and fancy and I really wanna give you that too but…but that's just not me. So I've been trying to figure out what to do and how to impress you because I really want the night to be perfect but…"
"Jane," Maura interrupted, placing her hand over top of the brunette's in order to get her attention; Jane looking up into hazel eyes that shone with a smile. "You don't have to impress me," she told her. "I think it's incredibly sweet that you've put so much thought into this and that you're so worried about it but I don't need any of those things. I agreed to go on a date with you because I like you Jane. I like spending time with you and talking to you and I really liked kissing you," she practically whispered, making the hairs on Jane's arms stand up. "I will be happy just getting to spend the evening with you."
"Really?" Jane raised an eyebrow, scrutinizing the blonde.
"I can't lie remember?" Maura replied with a small smile that practically melted Jane's heart. "Stop worrying about what you think I want. What would you normally do on a date?"
"I don't know," Jane shrugged, feeling uncharacteristically shy. "I guess I just like the simple stuff. Dinner, movies….maybe takeout."
"Well that sounds good to me," Maura replied with a shrug of her own. "I mean we did agree we need to talk so maybe it would be better to stay in. It'll be quieter and private. We wouldn't have to worry about being interrupted."
"That's true," Jane agreed, still slightly unsure as she began massaging the scar on her hand nervously. "You'd really be okay with eating takeout at my apartment though? I mean I know you can't lie but I really want this night to be special Maur…I don't want it to be…I just want it to be special."
"It will be special Jane," Maura assured her, once again grabbing her hand in order to prevent her from irritating her scars. "It will be special because I'll be with you."
RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-R-
"Mommy where are you going?" Amelia asked Maura early Saturday evening, sitting on her mother's bed while the older blonde got ready for her date.
"We talked about this remember sweetie?" Maura replied, sticking her head out of her closet. "I'm going over to Jane's for a few hours but I'll be home later tonight."
"How come I can't go to Janie's with you?" Amelia then asked, tilting her head to the side with big eyes that normally got her, her way. "I want to see Janie."
"I know you do Honey, but unfortunately tonight you need to stay home with Angela," Maura said, moving to sit on the edge of the bed as she placed a hand on the little blonde's leg. "I know you love spending time with Jane and that she's your best friend, but Jane is Mommy's friend too and sometimes adults need to have adult time. I promise you'll get to see Jane soon. I'm sure she'll even come over and play with you tomorrow if you ask her nicely."
Sighing Amelia laid back on the bed, raising her eyes to the ceiling as she contemplated this in a rather dramatic fashion. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes or laugh, Maura simply waited for her daughter to say something. "Will Angela play dollies with me?" She eventually asked.
"I'm sure she will," Maura nodded with a smile.
"And you'll come home to kiss me goodnight?"
"I will come up to your room as soon as I'm home," Maura promised. "You might already be sleeping but I will make sure you get your kiss. Is that okay?"
"I guess so," Amelia nodded seriously, sitting back up before standing on the bed in order to wrap her little arms around her mother's neck. "I hope you have a fun time with Janie," she said as Maura returned the hug with a big smile on her face. "Janie makes you very happy," she then added, surprising her mother who had not anticipated the observation from her four year old.
"She does make me happy," Maura nodded, not ready to explain to her daughter just how happy the brunette detective made her. "Jane is a very good friend and I think we are incredibly lucky to have her in our lives. Don't you?" She asked, Amelia leaning back as she nodded her agreement rather enthusiastically. "I think you and I have been a lot happier since we moved here and I think Jane is responsible for quite a bit of that. It makes me very happy to see you so happy."
"I'm happy when you're happy too Mommy," Amelia grinned as Maura pulled her in for several kisses, which she placed all over the little blonde's face. "I love you Mommy."
"I love you too sweet girl," Maura replied as she brushed hair out of her daughter's face. "I love you too."
RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI
Maura was nervous as she approached Jane's door later that night. She was nervous despite the fact that she knew Jane; that she felt comfortable with Jane. She was nervous because tonight was the beginning of something new for Jane and Maura. Things changed the second that she had kissed Jane, and even though she didn't regret it for a second, Maura still feared that it would ruin the dynamic that the pair had. Jane was the best friend Maura had ever had, and she didn't want anything to change that. Jane was also an incredibly important part of her daughter's life, and she worried about ruining that as well. Yet despite all of the anxiety and worries, Maura still felt that somehow it was worth the risk.
Giving herself one last glance before knocking on Jane's apartment door, Maura hoped that Jane would appreciate her casual attire, having chosen to wear jeans with a blouse so as not to tip Angela off about what was really going on between her and Jane. Sighing, the honey blonde finally raised her hand and knocked, waiting only a few moments before Jane pulled open the door with a grin on her face, wearing a pair of dark jeans with a red top that instantly gave Maura butterflies.
"Hi," Maura smiled, her mouth suddenly dry as she struggled to find words. "Sorry if I'm late."
"Nah, you're right on time," Jane shook her head, placing a hand on Maura's lower back as she guided her into the apartment, which she had just spent the last hour cleaning. "I just ordered food so it should be here in like half an hour. You look great," she smiled as she helped the blonde out of her coat.
"Thank you," Maura replied, before turning around to face the brunette, who, thanks to the heels she was wearing, and Jane's bare feet, was her same height. "You do too. I…I love this colour on you," she admitted rather nervously, hoping she wasn't blushing as she reached out to touch the red material.
Feeling emboldened by their suddenly close proximity and the fact that Maura was obviously nervous, Jane decided to lean forward, putting a hand behind Maura's head as she pulled her in for a kiss, that was neither chaste nor heated. "Hi," she grinned, when she finally pulled away, glad to see when Maura visibly relaxed. "Sorry. I've just really been wanting to do that again all week," she said, giving the blonde one more quick peck before leaning their foreheads together. "You're nervous aren't you?" She asked quietly even though they were the only people in the room.
"Incredibly," Maura admitted with a smile. "But also excited. Very excited," she emphasized with a kiss. "What about you?"
"I'm the same. Definitely the same," Jane replied, as she reached down to intertwine her hands with Maura's. "Now come on," she said, pulling the Medical Examiner towards the living room area where she had set everything up for dinner at the coffee table including two candles flickering in the middle, with a single red rose laying on one of the plates. "This is for you," she said, picking up the flower and handing it to Maura.
"Thank you, it's beautiful" Maura smiled, allowing Jane to pull her down to sit on the ground in front of the table. "Did you know that red roses are typically given to show love and passion, as well as to show to people that you have great respect for or for someone who has shown great courage? The number of roses you give a person also has a meaning. One usually means…." Maura cut off her rambling when she looked up to find Jane watching her with an amused expression on her face. "Thank you," she blushed.
"You're welcome," Jane chuckled, rubbing circles on the back of Maura's hand in hopes of calming her nerves. "You know we shouldn't be this nervous. We're together all the time. It's just you and me like it always is and yet my stomach is in knots."
"So is mine," Maura replied, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. "And while I agree we shouldn't be nervous, our bodies are obviously reacting to the change in our relationship. I mean we've kissed. More than once," she said. "We've gone from being friends to…well…to whatever this is."
"This is a date," Jane pointed out, grinning when Maura rolled her eyes. "Sorry I just…maybe we should have that talk?"
"That would probably be a good idea," Maura nodded, knowing it would be better to discuss exactly what was happening between them before they let themselves get involved. "I don't really know where to start," she admitted.
"Well…we kissed," Jane said, figuring the beginning would be the best place to start. "Actually if we're getting technical I think you kissed me."
"Well you kissed me too," Maura pointed out, sighing when she realized how childish that sounded. "I kissed you," she nodded.
Not wanting to tease the blonde, Jane did her best not to laugh even though Maura looked absolutely adorable. "Well why did you kiss me?" She asked. "I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad you did but…well…what changed?"
"I realized after Christmas that the things I was feeling for you were a little more than friendship," Maura admitted, choosing her words carefully. "It worried me because I've never had a friend like you before so I tried to ignore the feelings," she explained. "After Paddy…I was so scared. I know it was only a moment where I wasn't sure where Amelia was, but it was enough and I was completely panicked until I knew you had her. The fact that you….I went missing and your first thought was to protect my daughter," she said, looking up at Jane with hazel eyes that shone with unshed tears. "After that I just…I couldn't hold back anymore. I couldn't hide."
"I'm glad," Jane smiled, brushing Maura's hair behind her ear. "You know your Mother said something to me at Christmas about us lying to ourselves about just being friends," she told her. "I thought she was nuts but then…that weekend I stayed with Mia I don't know," she shrugged. "I was looking at her and all I could see was how much she was like you and it just hit me. Your Mom was right."
"You have been so good with Amelia," Maura sighed, grateful for Jane's hand, which still held tightly on to hers. "She absolutely adores you and that scares me," she admitted. "I'm worried about what would happen if this didn't work out. Amelia would be devastated if she weren't able to see you. I want this…you and me, more than anything, but I'm afraid of ruining your relationship with Amelia. I'm afraid of ruining our friendship."
"Hey, no, Maur…no," Jane said, placing a finger under Maura's chin in order to tilt her head up so they were looking into each other's eyes. "Listen to me arlight? I love Amelia," she said with complete conviction. "Nothing is ever going to change that. I swear to you no matter what happens between you and me I will always be there for Amelia. And I will always be there for you too Maur. Your friendship means so much to me and I promise not to lose sight of that no matter what," she said, squeezing Maura's smaller hand in hers. "You'll always be my best friend first, but I really wanna make this work because I really think we can make this work and I think it could be incredible," she smiled. "And I really wanna be able to kiss you whenever I want."
"I think I would like that as well," Maura chuckled, emphasizing her point as she leant forward and pressed her lips to Jane's. "We would have to take this slow," she said when she pulled away. "I haven't been in a relationship in a long time and I...Amelia doesn't usually meet the people I go on dates with. This would be completely new for us and I want to be careful with it. I don't want to rush things."
"We can take it as slow or as fast as you want," Jane nodded, completely understanding. "And we can tell people whenever you're ready, but I think whenever we do decide we're ready for that, I would really like to tell Amelia first," she said. "I know this is a big deal for you Maur and I hope you understand that it's a really big deal for me too. You and Mia are…I care so much about you both. I wanna do this right."
"Okay," Maura replied softly, smiling as Jane broke out into a huge grin, both understanding that they were agreeing to give their relationship a shot.
"Okay," Jane said, still grinning as she pulled Maura into a kiss.
RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI-RI
"You know this wasn't really what I was expecting when you asked me out on a date," Maura said later that night, the pair still sitting close together on the floor, leaning back against the couch with wine glasses in their hands. "The candles, the flower, the wine…it's very romantic. I never knew you had that side to you."
"Oh I can be plenty romantic," Jane replied confidently, despite the fact that she wasn't really sure if the statement was true. "Just you wait and see Maura Isles. There's plenty more of this to come."
"Well I look forward to that," Maura chuckled softly, taking a sip of her wine. "This really has been a wonderful evening you know. I don't think I could have asked for a better first date."
Their dinner had arrived shortly after they finished talking, the pair sitting down and enjoying the Chinese Jane had ordered them, while talking about anything and everything they could think of from their childhoods to past romantic partners. Having known each other for several months now, they were both surprised to find there were still plenty they didn't know each other as they continually asked questions back and forth throughout the evening.
Now feeling confident about where they stood with each other, the pair spent most of the evening holding hands or trailing fingers over exposed skin, even sharing the occasional kiss throughout the evening. Jane couldn't remember ever feeling so crushed out, while Maura felt like her stomach was doing constant somersaults.
"I couldn't agree more," Jane said, smiling as she ran her fingers through Maura's hair. "How have you been doing with everything anyways? With Paddy I mean. We haven't really talked about it much."
"Honestly? I'm not really sure," Maura shrugged. "I spent so much of my life wondering about my biological parents and then to find out this….it wasn't exactly what I imagined."
"I would guess not," Jane nodded understandingly. "I don't think any kid imagines their real parents will be some Irish Mob Boss."
"It's just all so confusing," Maura shook her head sadly. "I know he's a bad person and I know I should just hate him but….the pictures have me…a little confused I guess," she tried to explain, looking slightly ashamed of herself as she said it. "I mean obviously I know that nothing can ever come of this knowledge and I would never allow him anywhere near Amelia it's just…I…"
"Hey I get it," Jane was quick to assure her, reaching out and squeezing Maura's hand. "You don't have to explain yourself. I totally get it," she smiled. "Do you think you'll ever tell Amelia about him?"
"I'm not sure," Maura shrugged, looking off at something behind Jane as she considered this. "I feel like there are so many things I will have to explain to Amelia when she gets older in regards to how I had her. I'm not sure I want to add to that by explaining that her grandfather is a criminal…and a killer."
"Yeah I guess that one would be a little difficult for any kid to understand," Jane nodded. "I mean you could always tell her when she's like 30," she joked. "Will you tell her about Vanessa? Or does she already know?"
"No," Maura shook her head, bringing her attention back to Jane. "She doesn't know anything about Vanessa and I have no intention of ever telling her."
"Really?" Jane replied sounding a little surprised. "Sorry I just thought…I assumed…I don't know what I thought."
"It's okay," Maura laughed softly, taking a sip of her wine. "I just don't want Amelia to ever feel like someone didn't want her. I don't want her to feel like Vanessa abandoned her because…well because I'm rather familiar with that feeling," she admitted, giving Jane a small smile as the brunette brushed her fingers through her hair, playing with a strand as she continued. "All Amelia ever needs to know is that I chose to have her and that I love her more than anything in the world. That's all that matters."
"You're amazing. Do you know that?" Jane asked, using the hand that was still in Maura's hair to grab the back of her head in order to pull her forward and into a kiss, which was short, but sweet. "You are such an incredible Mother and I just…I don't wanna sound sappy but I…I feel so lucky that you came into my life."
Feeling like perhaps her heart might burst right out of her chest, Maura could only smile, Jane's sweet words bringing tears to her eyes; feeling like she was the lucky one as she pulled Jane forward and into another kiss, which she immediately deepened. Thinking of only Jane and the feeling of her lips against hers, Maura lost herself, her head practically spinning as she gripped Jane's shirt.
It was several minutes before the pair finally pulled apart, both breathing heavily as they rested their foreheads together. "We're supposed to be taking it slow," Jane reminded them, though at the moment she felt like going slow was a terrible idea. "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do that when you kiss me like that."
"Sorry," Maura blushed. "I just couldn't resist," she grinned, glancing down at her watch, surprised by how late it had gotten. "I really don't want to go, but I should go. I promised Amelia I would come kiss her goodnight," she said, brushing Jane's hair behind her ear. "Thank you for this. Tonight has been…absolutely perfect. I wish it didn't have to end."
"Me either," Jane agreed, taking Maura's hands in hers and pulling her up off the ground. "But you should get home to Mia. We'll have plenty of time for more of this," she said, walking the blonde to the door and grabbing her coat for her. "I'll call you tomorrow?"
"You better," Maura smiled, turning around to face the brunette, stepping forward in order to kiss her again, resisting the urge to deepen the kiss, knowing that if she started something now she would be unable to stop. "Goodnight Jane," she grinned when she pulled away, not missing the rather faraway look on the Detective's face.
Opening the door for Maura, Jane leaned against the doorframe, watching the blonde walk away until she disappeared around the corner, touching her fingers to her lips, which were still tingling. "Goodnight Maura."