Hello!
So I hope you all will be satisfied with this chapter! I think our ladies still have a bit of healing together both physically and emotionally, but I think this chapter leaves them in a much better place than they were. I've been writing a lot of angst these last couple chapters, so I'm really hoping to do something a little lighter with the next one and I promise there will be more Amelia!
Thanks so much to everyone who continues to read! You guys are the best! -J
Chapter 14- Healing
"Ouch geez Ma just let me…"
"Jane let Barry help you."
"Mommy is Janie hurt?"
"Frost I swear to God…"
"Jane will you just put your arm around my shoulder so I can…"
"Jane quit being ridiculous and let us help you inside."
A week and a half after being rushed to the hospital, Jane had finally convinced her doctor that she was ready to be released, much to the brunette's delight and Maura's disappointment. Knowing how stubborn Jane could be, and that she was likely to not follow her Doctor's advice about taking it easy, Maura worried about her girlfriend getting out of the hospital; wishing to keep her where she was supervised for as long as possible. Unable to convince Jane though, Maura was forced to relent, taking a few weeks off work in order to stay home and take care of the healing Detective, whether she like it or not.
"Do you want to get set up on the couch or should we just bring you straight to bed?" Maura asked once they had finally gotten Jane through the front door, Frost still supporting much of the brunette's weight.
"Living room please," Jane huffed, sounding like she was in some pain. "I don't think I can stand spending another day in bed."
"Alright Frost will you help get her set up while I take her things upstairs?" Maura asked, Frost nodding his agreement, Amelia following close behind the pair, not wanting to be too far away from Jane at the moment. "Amelia honey remember what I told you. Just sit next to Jane and hold her hand," she reminded the little girl before running up the stairs to put Jane's things in her room.
It was a few minutes later before Maura returned downstairs, finding Frost and Angela in the kitchen already getting things together for lunch. Peaking her head into the family room, the Medical Examiner couldn't help but smile at the sight of Jane and Amelia curled up on the couch; a cartoon on the television, Jane already resting with her eyes closed while Amelia clutched the brunette's hand tightly to her chest. Satisfied that the pair were comfortable, Maura decided to join Frost and Angela in the kitchen.
"I think Jane was a lot more tired than she was willing to admit," Frost said as Maura took a seat next to him at the island. "Her eyes were closed the second I put her down. Is Mia okay in there with her?"
"Oh she'll be fine," Maura nodded. "I don't think we could convince her to let go of Jane if we tried. They've barely been apart since I brought her to see Jane at the hospital."
"They have quite the bond," Angela smiled, before glancing at the clock.
"I can finish up with lunch if you need to check on Frankie Angela," Maura told her, understanding the Mother's need to ensure that both of her children were okay as Frankie was currently resting in the guesthouse. "Jane needs to take her medication soon so someone will have to wake her to eat. She seems to be more pleasant when I'm the one to do that. We'll be fine here."
"Thank you Maura," Angela smiled gratefully, moving to give the blonde a kiss on the cheek before heading out to the guesthouse, Maura moving to the other side of the island to finish up making sandwiches.
"Do you have time for lunch Barry? Or do you need to get back to work?
"I should probably head back," Frost replied, looking at his watch. "Do you think you'll be alright here? I could come back later tonight if you want to help Jane up to bed."
"Somehow I don't think that would go over to well," Maura replied biting her lip, having not really considered how she was going to get her girlfriend upstairs to bed. "I'm sure we'll manage. Thank you though Barry. Let me know if you have any trouble with Doctor Pike. I know he isn't exactly the easiest person to work with but I need to be here for a while."
"Don't worry about it Doc, we can handle Pike, you just worry about Jane," Frost told her. "And call me if you need anything. Anytime! I can be here in no time."
"Thank you Barry," Maura smiled, deciding to walk the Detective to the front door. "Thank you for all your help today and these last few days. It….it means a lot to me."
"It was no problem at all Doc," Frost replied, reaching out and taking Maura's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "That's what friends are for."
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Jane hated being a patient, and though she had left the confines of the hospital, it seemed like she was still playing patient as Maura spent the day doing everything she could to take care of her. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate it, because she really did, but she despised having to rely on someone else to do everything for her. She was sick of not being able to get around and she couldn't stand the fact that she had basically lost control over her life.
The only refuge Jane found in the whole situation was Amelia who had basically glued herself to Jane's side since she had been brought to the hospital and had become the brunette's main form of entertainment. Though she was only four, Amelia was a constant source of stories and facts, the little blonde keeping up a constant dialogue when Jane was awake, while simply sitting by holding the Detective's hand when she was asleep. Jane knew it was silly relying on a four-year-old for comfort in her time of need, but with Maura still acting distant, Amelia was just the distraction that Jane needed.
The day had been spent of the couch watching movies with Amelia while Maura busied herself with making sure Jane took her medications at the right time, cleaning the house and cooking dinner. It was after dinner by the time Jane and Amelia were finally able to convince Maura to join them on the couch, an affair that was cut short when the blonde announced that it was time for Amelia's bath and then bed as she had to return to school in the morning. It had taken some convincing but Amelia eventually settled down in her own bed as Maura had reminded her that it would be difficult for her to share a bed with Jane, worried about the little girl accidently hurting the Detective in her sleep.
"Are you ready to head upstairs?" Maura asked when she returned to the family room 45 minutes after leaving with Amelia, finding Jane where she left her, looking half asleep. "Amelia's out cold. You need to take your last round of meds once we get you settled into bed."
"Oh well…" Jane glanced towards the stairs, biting her lip nervously. "You know I really don't mind sleeping on the couch," she said, knowing getting up the stairs wasn't going to be easy. "I mean I'm comfy here."
"You won't be if you sleep there all night," Maura said, knowing the brunette would wake up with a sore back and neck to go along with her injuries if she slept on the couch. "Plus I would feel better if you were sleeping nearby and I'm not willing to sleep on the chair or the floor," she smiled. "Come on. Don't be silly I'll help you upstairs."
Pressing her thumbs into the scars on her palms, Jane once again considered the stairs, obviously thinking as she glanced back at Maura with a groan. "Okay," she agreed reluctantly. "But if I cry on the way up you're not allowed to tell a soul. Got it?"
"Got it," Maura nodded, unable to hold back a smile, a sight, which made Jane's stomach swoon, having missed the blonde's genuine smile the last week. "Come on now. Up we go," Maura then said, holding out her hands for Jane to take, carefully pulling her up off the couch. "Just lean on me. We'll go nice and slow."
Understanding how difficult the stairs were going to be for the brunette, Maura offered as much support as she could, remaining silent at Jane's side as they slowly made their way up the stairs, where Maura eventually led Jane towards the master bedroom.
"I'm not staying in the guest room?" Jane asked, sounding slightly breathless as they made their way down the hallway.
"Of course not," Maura replied sounding confused. "Why would you stay in the guest room? I told you I want to stay close by."
"Oh right okay," Jane nodded finding happiness in the fact that at least Maura wasn't physically pulling away from her. "That sounds good," she said, grateful when they finally reached Maura's bed, the blonde carefully helping Jane get comfortable.
"Would you like to keep your sweatpants on or would you prefer I remove them?" Maura asked, standing at the side of the bed.
"Umm I think I'd be more comfortable without them," Jane replied, Maura nodding as she immediately started to remove the brunette's pants, never looking up to meet brown eyes. Feeling goose bumps spreading across her legs at Maura's touch, Jane suddenly wished her movement wasn't so limited, feeling a familiar fluttering in her stomach that begged her to reach out to the blonde.
"Alright well there you go," Maura said, taking a step back. "I'm just going to go slip into something more com…"
"Wait," Jane interrupted, quickly reaching out and grabbing Maura's hand, flinching slightly when she pulled at her wound. "Just stay with me for a minute," she said, pulling until Maura was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her with a questioning look. "I miss you."
"How can you miss me?" Maura raised her eyebrow. "You see me every day. You've been here with me all day."
"But I miss you," Jane repeated, once again pulling at Maura's hand wanting to kiss her. Seeing what her girlfriend was doing, Maura tried to resist, afraid to hurt the brunette. "Maura…please?" Jane begged, with wide, puppy-dog eyes.
Rolling her eyes, but unable to resist any longer, Maura leant forward, meaning to share nothing but a short kiss, which Jane made impossible as she threaded her fingers into the blonde's hair as she deepened the kiss. It was a moan from deep within Jane's throat that finally pulled Maura away, resting her forehead against Jane's as she tried to catch her breath.
"I don't want to hurt you," Maura whispered, placing a kiss on the tip of Jane's nose, feeling tears stinging at her eyes that she couldn't quite explain. "I'm just…I'm going to go change," she said, quickly slipping off the bed and into the master bathroom, leaving Jane sitting in the bed, instantly missing her.
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When Jane first opened her eyes, she wasn't quite sure what had woken her up. The room was still cloaked in darkness, and her pain pill hadn't yet worn off, feeling only a slight tingling in her abdomen. Letting her eyes once again drift closed, the brunette was almost back to sleep when a moan from beside her caused her eyes to shoot back open.
"No…no…J-Jane please…no don't…." Maura mumbled, her brow furrowed even though she was still fast asleep. "Don't take her…No…"
"Maur," Jane called, slowly sitting up and turning on the lamp before leaning over the blonde who was obviously having a nightmare. "Baby it's okay, it's just a dream. Wake up beautiful," she continued, leaning over as far as she could without causing herself too much pain.
"Jane no! Jane!" Maura shot up, nearly hitting the brunette whose reflexes kicked in fast enough to grab Maura by the shoulders, ignoring the pain now searing through her abdomen. Looking like she still wasn't sure where she was, Maura had tears streaming down her face as she struggled to get control of her breathing.
"Maur it's okay," Jane spoke calmly, waiting for the blonde to recognize where she was. "It's okay. You're okay Baby, it was just a dream."
"J-Jane?" Maura's hazel eyes found Jane's, the sadness there immediately breaking the brunette's heart.
"I'm right here Maur," Jane felt the need to reassure her. "I'm right here. It's okay."
"I…I was so scared," Maura sobbed, Jane instantly understanding the blonde was no longer talking about her dream as she pulled her to her as close as she could, careful not to agitate her wound.
"I know Maur, I know," Jane nodded, placing a kiss against the Medical Examiner's temple, the sound of her sobs bringing tears to Jane's own eyes. "I'm so sorry Maur. I never meant to hurt you like this. I'm so sorry Baby."
"You were…and then…and you…" Maura struggled to speak through her tears. "I didn't…I couldn't."
"I'm so sorry," Jane repeated, her own tears now streaming down her face, hating that she had caused the Doctor so much pain. "I didn't know what else to do Maur. I was scared and I didn't know what else to do," she cried. "I'm so sorry."
Overcome with sobs, Maura clung to Jane, still somewhere between awake and asleep, taking comfort in the feeling of Jane rubbing her back while occasionally placing kisses on her face. Both still exhausted, it wasn't long before Maura succumbed to sleep, Jane feeling the blonde go slack as she cried herself out. Placing a kiss on Maura's head, Jane kept her arms around the blonde, adjusting herself just a bit to get more comfortable before closing her eyes, knowing that she and Maura needed to talk tomorrow, whether the Doctor liked it or not.
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When Jane woke the next morning it was to find the bed empty beside her, the sheets and pillow cold, as if Maura hadn't been there for a while. Groaning as she turned to the bedside clock, Jane noted that it was just after 9am, figuring her girlfriend had likely left to bring Amelia to school.
Needing to go to the bathroom, Jane carefully pulled herself out of bed, slowly dragging her feet towards the ensuite, hoping that Maura had left her pain pills by the sink. Feeling rather proud of herself about making it across the room by alone, Jane took her time in the bathroom, finding her pills and taking one before going about her business. Wanting to get back into bed before Maura returned, Jane made her way back into the bedroom, her focus on the floor as she took careful steps towards the bed.
"You shouldn't be out of bed by yourself," A voice startled Jane, making her jump, immediately clutching her stomach.
"Jesus Maura!" Jane exclaimed. "You scared the crap out of me."
"The doctor told you to take it easy, you should have waited for me to help you out of bed," Maura replied, ignoring what Jane said as she moved to take the brunette's arm, leading her back towards the bed. "What if you had hurt yourself?"
"Maur I had to pee, I didn't know when you'd be back," Jane whined, returning to her spot in the bed. "I just went to the bathroom and back and I'm fine. Okay?"
"Okay," Maura sighed, allowing Jane to pull her down next to her, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry for leaving you. Amelia was being a little difficult getting off to school today so I had to take her and then she was upset with me for not letting her wake you. I was hoping you would get some extra sleep."
"Aw you could have let her wake me I wouldn't have minded," Jane replied, holding Maura's hand in hers. "I slept plenty," she added, looking up and searching for hazel eyes, which were doing their best to avoid her. "How are you doing this morning?"
"I'm fine," Maura was quick to reply, receiving a raised eyebrow in reply as Jane looked at her disbelievingly. "What?"
"Maur come on," Jane sighed, trying not to let her frustrations get the best of her. "Talk to me. You're not fine. You're scared and upset and maybe a little angry and that's okay. It's okay. But you need to talk to me."
"I had a nightmare Jane," Maura shrugged. "That's all."
"What was it about?" Jane asked, unwilling to drop the subject.
"You know what it was about," Maura replied, pulling her hand away from Jane's, the brunette seeing the Medical Examiner's walls going up.
"Tell me about it."
"What? I don't…" Maura struggled, sounding exasperated. "I don't know what you want me to say Jane."
"Anything Maura," Jane replied, grabbing Maura's hand back and giving it a firm squeeze. "I just want you to talk to me. Hell you can even yell at me if you want, just as long as we talk about this!" She continued, not backing down. "Stop pulling away from me Maura, please! I know I messed up. I know I scared you and I know I made the wrong choice and I am so sorry, but please don't let it ruin us. Don't let it come between us like this, because I don't know how to survive like this and I don't want to lose you," she said, her voice softening, tears stinging at her eyes. "Please Maura. Please just talk to me."
"You shot yourself," Maura finally spoke, surprising Jane with her lack of anger, simply sounding defeated. "You shot yourself Jane and I just…I don't know what to do with that," she shook her head.
"I didn't know what else to do," Jane replied begging Maura to understand. "Frankie needed help and you were down in that morgue and I didn't know how they were going to get to you. I just…I just wanted to make sure they got to you and Frankie. I had to make sure," she explained. "There was no way anyone was going to get a shot off at Bobby so I did the only thing I could think of to end it. I just…I wasn't thinking about me Maur. All I could think about was you and Frankie and I just…I just acted. I had to. For Frankie and for you."
"For me?" Maura questioned. "I was fine Jane. I'm not sure how shooting yourself was supposed to help me," she said, a touch of anger finally present in her voice.
" I just had to make sure that you were safe Maura," Jane sighed. "I had to make sure that they got you out of there; that you…that you made it home to Mia. I was just thinking about Mia."
Watching Maura, Jane saw the look of sadness on the blonde's face suddenly change to anger, before quickly going blank, closing herself off, before shaking her head in frustration.
"Do you know what I see when I close my eyes at night?" Maura finally asked. "Do you know what I relive over and over again, other than you shooting yourself?" She asked, as Jane shook her head. "I go to sleep and I dream of us down in that basement. I dream of you begging me to save your brother, I feel the fear as if I'm there again. Fear of failing you, fear of losing you, fear of not being able to save Frankie and…and fear for Amelia…fear that…that I won't make it back to her," she said, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Fear that I'll have to explain to my four year old that her best friend is gone…that someone she loves so much has been taken away from us."
"Maura…"
"I'm not sure how you thought that shooting yourself was protecting us Jane," Maura shook her head, not letting the brunette interrupt. "We could have lost you. And...and then what? What are we supposed to do without you? How am I supposed to explain that to Amelia? She would be devastated," she continued to cry. "I would be…I don't know what I would do without you Jane. I don't know how to…I could have lost you."
"I'm so sorry," Jane apologized, pulling Maura into a hug as the blonde began shaking with sobs. "I am so sorry Maura. I…I made a mistake. I was scared and I didn't know what else to do. I never meant to hurt you. I never…I didn't want to…" She struggled, fighting back her own tears.
"I was just so scared," Maura cried, her face hidden in Jane's hair, her breath warm against the brunette's neck. "I'm…I'm still scared. I don't want to lose you."
"You won't," Jane was quick to assure her. "You won't lose me Maur, I promise. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I'm here. I'm so sorry," she kept repeating herself, needing her girlfriend to hear her; needing her to believe her, suddenly filled with fear that she was going to lose the blonde. "Please Maura you have to understand," she eventually said, pulling back to look into hazel eyes, glassy with tears. "Please try and understand that I was just trying to protect you. I had to Maur. I just…I love you and Mia so much. I had to," she said, realizing what she said as surprise crossed across Maura's face.
"Y-you…you..w-….what?" Maura stuttered, her eyes wide, feeling like she must have heard Jane wrong.
"I…I love you," Jane repeated, her confidence coming back as she broke out in a wide smile. "I love you Maura Isles," she said, holding the blonde's hands tightly in hers. "I'm in love with you."
"I…." Maura sat, speechless as the tears continued to stream down her face, struggling to get a hold of herself, as Jane continued to watch her, a grin still gracing her features. "I love you too."