AN: Is the TWD hiatus blues hitting everyone hard? I understand it's a busy time of year and harder to get into show related stuff when it's on break for two months. So if you're still reading - THANK YOU :) Hope everyone is having a wonderful day today.
Chapter 10
"Here," Carol said, handing Daryl a bottle of sunscreen. She turned and slipped off her coverup, presenting her back and shoulders to him. Oh fuck, he thought. The swimsuit was fairly modest in the back, but there was still a lot of bare skin she wanted sunblock on. Okay, no big deal, just do it, Daryl told himself as he squeezed some lotion in his hands and handed her back the bottle. He was making out just fine until… she groaned. Why did she have to go and make that noise? She might as well have just rubbed her sexy ass against his dick with the way it responded.
Daryl took a breath and tried to calm his body while he quickly finished applying the sunscreen. He rubbed his hands across her back and up over her shoulders several times until the cream had sunk into her skin. He couldn't help but let his hands linger a little longer than necessary just to continue touching her. Carol did things to him that no woman had ever done before. He felt almost dizzy in her presence at times because the feelings overwhelmed him.
It wasn't just the physical though. The entire day they spent at the beach together was filled with physical moments that made him want to peel her out of the bathing suit and fuck her. The sunscreen was only the beginning. Splashing around in the water, tackling her and holding her in his arms. Pinning her so she couldn't splash him anymore. And a long, steamy kiss in the lake. Daryl knew she could feel how hard he was in that moment. He knew she wanted him too. But instead of taking things one step further she bit his lip and wriggled out of his grasp to resume the water fight. And he was thankful. His cock would not agree, but in his mind Daryl knew the time wasn't right. He also knew that Carol was well aware of that. It came from the emotional connection they had. She understood him so well. Probably more than he understood himself. She always seemed to be one step ahead of him. She would do or say something that he didn't even know he needed until after it happened.
It was an absolutely beautiful day and Daryl made himself a pact that he wouldn't let anything, particularly his own insecurities, ruin it. He made himself forget about how embarrassed and ashamed he had felt when she bought his clothes earlier. He made a mental vow he would pay her back somehow and pushed it away for the rest of the day. When she wanted to swim he took off his shirt without hesitating. Daryl knew she went to the trouble of finding them a private spot so he wouldn't have to hide his scars. The least he could do was let her know he appreciated it.
They went for ice cream later on, after their picnic lunch. Carol got mint chocolate chip and he got strawberry. She held his hand the entire time they strolled and ate the cones. It was yet another physical moment - the feel of her soft, warm hand in his… But somehow she'd known that, while strolling through the crowded part of the beach, it was exactly what he needed.
Sometime on the drive home Daryl decided he was going to tell her his whole story. He needed her to know all the things that had made him the person he was. He needed her to know why he had never opened up to anyone or believed in himself. He needed her to know that he didn't like the person he'd become, but had no idea how to change it. He had no one to show him how beautiful the world could be before he met her.
Daryl knew she wanted to go to the bar and shoot pool that night and he didn't want to ruin her fun with his sad story. But he had made up his mind to tell her and he had to get it out before he changed it. They returned to her house and took turns showering and changing their clothes. He felt a pang of guilt when he noticed that Carol seemed to be dressed to go out.
"This is gonna sound fucking pathetic," Daryl started softly. "But today was the best day of my life." He looked up at her, at those blue eyes he could get lost in, and his words didn't feel nearly as pathetic as he thought they would.
"I don't know that I've been a part of anyone's best day," Carol replied, reaching out to touch his cheek. "Thank you for letting me be a part of yours." She kissed him tenderly. Daryl wanted to keep kissing her, but he was already starting to second guess sharing his story so he pulled back.
"I'm ready to tell you," he said, feeling a knot tightening in his stomach. "I need to tell you and if I don't do it now I don't know when I'll be ready again."
Carol took a seat beside him on the couch, leaving their knees touching. It was comforting to have her close. "Are you sure? Because I can wait if you're not ready."
"I'm sure," Daryl spoke with whatever confidence he could muster, which wasn't much, but it was enough. He wasn't sure where to start, but quickly found himself talking about his mom. He told Carol about all her imperfections and more importantly all her strengths. Daryl was too young to know at the time what his mother had gone through but long after she died, when he found out what his father was truly capable of he developed a closeness and understanding of everything his mother had gone through.
"There are some nights I wonder if it was really an accident," Daryl said, feeling a tingling in his nose and hoping he wouldn't start to cry this early in his story. "Merle was long gone by that point. My dad was at work and she knew I was off playing somewhere…" Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat. Carol touched his knee and it helped him get the rest out. "They said she was smoking in bed and fell asleep. Burned the house to the ground." He sucked in a deep breath. "I didn't want to believe that she would leave me behind, with him, knowing what he was like… But maybe it was just too much…" He never blamed her. Not once. He understood it. There were times he would have done anything to escape the abuse himself.
"She didn't," Carol said, touching his chin and raising his eyes to hers. "She didn't leave you behind. It was an accident. Your mama loved you Daryl. Believe that. And maybe later I'll tell you why I know for sure." For the first time in many years he did believe it. The conviction in Carol's eyes could not be argued with and it was a relief to finally just let himself believe with his whole heart that his mom had loved him unconditionally and she hadn't abandoned him on purpose.
The following half hour Daryl talked more than he had ever talked before in that amount of time. And he told her things that he swore no one else would ever find out. He told her of the pain and humiliation of his father's abuse, both physical and verbal. He told he about all the times it was drilled into his head that he was nothing and never would be anything. He was white trash, just like his brother, his daddy and his daddy's daddy. He told her about turning his abuser over on his side on the couch every time he found him passed out drunk so he wouldn't choke and die on his own vomit. No matter how badly he wanted to leave him there and hope he did asphyxiate every time he found him that way, without fail, he would potentially save his life.
"You have a huge heart," Carol said, placing her hand on his chest. She didn't speak much as he told his story, but the moments she did say something were always appreciated and necessary.
He told her about how he would disappear for days in the woods with just his crossbow and some times no one would even notice he was gone. But the one time he decided he was going to run away his father somehow caught him before he even left. That was the night he got the majority of the scars on his back and was pretty sure he almost died. Daryl never tried to run again. He tried as hard as he could to be perfect, to do everything right, to make his dad proud and to avoid the abuse. As hard as he tried… one tiny mistake was enough for one huge beating and more screaming about how big of an embarrassment he was.
Daryl told her about Merle and how he'd turned to a life of drugs and alcohol. "He went through it all too," Daryl said sadly. "He's never told me, but I know. I know that's why he left. What I don't know is why he didn't take me with him…" Daryl felt the familiar ache every time he thought about his brother packing up and taking off when Daryl was still just a kid. "Maybe he thought I was too young… that dad wasn't gonna beat me too. Maybe he thought I was different…" Daryl sighed. "But when I did get the balls to leave Merle took me in. And when Dad shows up drunk, once in a blue moon, usually looking for money or booze… Merle takes care of him." Daryl looked up. He'd made it through his story without crying. "I ain't talked to my old man in 10 years. But he still terrifies me to this day."
He could see Carol had questions but she didn't ask any of them. Instead she did what she always did - she offered support and encouragement. "I know you part of you is scared and part of you is angry. And I know part of you wonders if it's your fault or blames yourself for what he did to you. But I need you to know that none of it is your fault. You've never told anyone before so no one has had the chance to tell you that you didn't do anything wrong."
Carol was holding both of his hands in hers. "You are a good person Daryl." He hadn't noticed before that, but there were tears in her eyes. "I need you to know you're a good man - no matter what he said. He was wrong. You can be somebody. You will." Daryl really wanted to believe her. She was so convincing. But he'd spent his entire life believing he was worthless. Believing that a woman like her would never give him a second look. But here she was, holding his hand, crying, and telling him he was a good man. And all he wanted was to believe her.
"I ain't got no money. No job. I live with my brother…" Daryl started into his usual speech about why his life sucked.
Carol shook her head and shushed him. "None of that matters. It's what's inside that counts," she said softly. She placed her hand over his heart again and this time it started to pound. "And you are a kind, thoughtful, loving and caring person - even now with everything you've gone through… You might act jaded, but now that I know you… you're not. I must say, you do put on a good act. Maybe I should see if I can my new boss to find a role to cast you in..."
"Oh hell no," Daryl replied, hoping she was joking.
"Mmm. Okay," she said with a smile. "But I could get you in as an extra. Doesn't always pay much, but it's quick cash for a few hours of your time." Her smile widened. "Who knows… you might find you like being in front of the camera."
"Doubt it," Daryl snorted. "But I could use the cash so if any of those 'extra' things come up…"
"Don't worry, I have contacts. Until you find a job you like better I can likely get you at least 2 per week," Carol said thoughtfully. Daryl nodded and started to think about all that had happened that day and the talk they'd just had. There was this sense of empathy from her and she'd made comments that had him wondering why she understood him so well. It was none of his business if she didn't want to tell him.
"What's on your mind?" Carol asked. "You're a million miles away."
Daryl blushed and realized he was busted. But there had been so much honesty that night already he just told her the truth. "I was just thinking about how you seem to understand me and what I went through…"
She nodded. "I do… because I've been there too." Daryl was shocked, but at the same time it made everything make so much sense. "My ex husband though, not my dad." It wasn't until that moment that he saw the pain in her eyes, the same pain he felt inside and carried with him everyday. She had it too but somehow she hid it well. Daryl knew pain like that never goes away completely. It hadn't for her and it wouldn't for him either. "If you haven't already had too much tonight… I can tell you my story too."
Daryl listened intently to her story and much the same as she did for him he comforted her through the worst parts. Carol talked about beatings so bad she would pass out, frequent trips to the ER, not being allowed to have friends… but eventually her story changed. She got away from him and she worked her ass off to get where she was. "I got lucky to start," Carol admitted. "I got a job I really wasn't qualified for at the time and it allowed me to meet some incredible people." She reached for his hands. "Life isn't easy, but if you work hard, treat people with kindness... you really can make something of it."
"Yeah but.." Daryl started to say. He was going to get into all the reasons that the two of them, in their current state, would never work.
Somehow she knew exactly where he was going and stopped him. "No 'buts'," Carol interrupted. "I refuse to let you worry about things that don't matter right now. We can deal with things as they come… Together." Daryl really like the way that sounded and he found himself smiling again. "Sooooo," Carol started. "We were supposed to go shoot some pool tonight… but… do you think your bike can survive another night there?"
"Uh… sure…" Daryl stammered. The look in her eyes was pretty clear, even to a guy like him, and he was instantly freaking out. He wanted her so badly. But she was like no woman he'd ever been with before. Daryl was already thinking of all the ways he was going to screw it up.
"It's been a big day," Carol said, standing up. "You think you're up for one more first time?"
"Uh huh," Daryl gulped, barely able to speak as she straddled him and settled against his legs. She wasn't even touching his cock but it was already stiff for about the 30th time that day. He was in full on panic mode, but trying with everything he had to hide it.
"Relax," Carol said, stroking his cheek. "You don't need to be nervous, but if you are it's okay because I am too," she admitted. "I want this to be special for you… and I… I don't want to screw it up." Was she fucking serious? How was she going to screw it up? He's the one who had never done anything but quick and dirty fucking. Her admission relaxed him more than he thought possible though. "If you want me to stop just let me know, promise?" she requested.
That's never gonna happen Daryl thought, but he promised like she wanted. He didn't want to ask her… but he had to. "Are you sure you want this?"
Carol smiled and started to laugh. "God you're adorable," she said, before covering his mouth with hers. The last coherent thought he could remember having was that he hoped to hell this wasn't a dream before he was lost in her and the anticipation of what was to come.