So as promised I've decided to write a couple of fluffy chapters, wanting to lighten the mood a bit. I really want to see our ladies moving forward, and I want to write in some more Amelia (next chapter will be Amelia's birthday so expect lots of family time there!) Really hope you all will enjoy this!
Thanks so much for reading! –J
P.S The first part in italics is a flashback
Chapter 15- Ready
"I'm sorry you know," Jane told Maura, the pair lying in bed, both in just their underwear, simply enjoying the closeness of their legs tangled together despite the fact that they couldn't be intimate at the moment, both still in a blissful daze from having confessed their love for one another for the first time.
"You've already apologized Jane," Maura sighed, placing a kiss on Jane's bare shoulder. "I know you're sorry for shooting yourself. We need to try and move past this and…"
"No, no," Jane interrupted before Maura got too far off, knowing how she could get off topic once she started talking. "I mean yeah obviously I'm sorry for that but that's not what I was apologizing for right now," she explained. "I meant that I'm sorry for what happened down in the morgue that day, with Frankie," she clarified. "I…I was really scared Maur. I was scared and I put a lot of pressure on you and I never meant to do that."
"It's okay Jane," Maura shook her head, smiling as Jane's hand found hers, intertwining their fingers together. "I understand. It was…it was difficult but I understand that you were afraid for your brother. I'm not upset anymore. It's okay."
"It's not though," Jane replied quietly, bringing Maura's hand up and placing a kiss on the back. "I was so wrapped up in Frankie that I didn't think about how afraid you must have been…how worried you must have been."
Not knowing what to say, Maura remained silent for a moment, taking comfort in Jane's hand in hers while she thought back to being in the morgue with Jane and Frankie; Jane begging her to save her brother, the fear of not making it out alive.
"You know when the gunshot first started the first thing I thought about was Amelia," Maura finally spoke, her voice quiet and slightly shaky. "I just kept thinking I needed to get out of there. I needed to get home to my daughter, but I was scared," she explained. "When you and Frankie got there for a split second I thought everything would be okay, but then it wasn't. I just…I couldn't focus. I knew I needed to help Frankie but I couldn't keep my mind off Amelia and what would happen if I didn't make it home."
"Maur…"
"When I first got pregnant I never intended to do this alone," Maura continued despite Jane's efforts to interrupt, needing to talk about it. "When Vanessa left I didn't hesitate for a second about raising Amelia on my own; I always wanted a child and I was going to have that with or without her, but I never thought about what it would mean for my daughter, me being a single mother. Down in that basement…all I could think about was what was going to happen to Amelia if something happened to me," she said, feeling Jane squeeze her hand tighter. "I'm…I'm the only family that Amelia has. The idea of leaving her with my parents…that terrifies me more than anything. I don't even….I don't even know what would happen to my own daughter if…"
"Maur, hey now," Jane finally interrupted, sitting up so she could look at Maura better. "Don't think like that. You're okay. Nothing's going to happen to you, you're not leaving Mia. Don't think like that."
"But I have to think like that," Maura replied, also sitting up. "It's all I can think about since we got out of that basement because….because I'm scared Jane," she confessed. "I've realized that I need to be prepared; I need to make sure that Amelia will be cared for if I ever…well if something happened to me," she said, meeting Jane's eyes with a worried expression. "I've put a lot of thought into it Jane and I was just hoping that..." She took a deep breath. "Well I was hoping that you would take Amelia if the need ever arose."
"Me?" Jane repeated, her mouth opening and closing in surprise, reminding Maura of the fish she had seen on her last trip to the aquarium with Amelia.
"She loves you," Maura said, taking both Jane's hands in hers, grateful when brown eyes met hers. "She loves you so much and I know that you would take care of her. You're the only person that I would trust Jane. I…I know it's a lot to ask but do you think…is that something you would be willing to do? For me?"
Still slightly stunned, Jane once again opened her mouth to speak before closing it again, reconsidering her words before she was finally able to speak. "I would be honoured," she finally replied, blinking back the tears that had filled her eyes, pulling Maura towards her so their foreheads were touching. "But nothing is going to happen to you, you hear me? Nothing. Promise me."
"Okay Jane, I promise," Maura smiled, knowing she couldn't truly promise the brunette that, but saying it anyways. "Now will you promise me something?" She asked.
"Anything," Jane nodded, kissing Maura's forehead.
"Don't ever shoot yourself again."
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"Isles," Maura rolled over in bed to answer her phone, Jane's arm still holding her down as the brunette groaned beside her. "Yes…okay….yes I'll be there soon," she said before hanging up, turning to place a kiss on her girlfriend's head. "I have to get up."
"No," Jane grunted, tightening her hold on the blonde, burying her face in Maura's hair. "Stay."
"Sorry gorgeous," Maura chuckled, placing another kiss in unruly curls. "They've got a body and I'm on call. Frost and Korsak need me," she said. "Do you think you can get Amelia off to school or should I ask Angela?"
"No I got it," Jane replied, rolling over with a yawn as she released her hold on the Doctor, watching as the blonde immediately got up and began collecting her things in order to take a quick shower.
It had been almost two months since Jane had shot herself and while she had been recovering quite well, she had yet to return to work, or her apartment. Despite the fact that she no longer required Maura's help, the couple wasn't ready to part yet, neither talking about it, but rather falling into a routine as Jane began helping with things around the house and with Amelia.
Needing to be out the door rather quickly, Maura headed straight for the bathroom to get ready, Jane knowing she had a little more time before needed to get Amelia up as she once again closed her eyes. Not expecting to fall completely back to sleep, Jane was surprised when Maura was once again whispering in her ear as she placed a kiss on her cheek.
"You leaving?" Jane asked sleepily, reaching up to grab the blonde's arm.
"Mmm hmm," Maura hummed her reply. "You have about half an hour before your alarm," she told her. "I'll call you on my lunch?"
"M'kay, tell the guys I said hey," Jane said before pulling her girlfriend down for a proper kiss. "Love you."
"I love you too," Maura replied, giving the brunette one last quick peck before heading out of the room.
Listening to the sound of Maura's shoes clicking down the hallway, Jane closed her eyes, easily able to tell when the blonde stopped at Amelia's room, obviously saying her goodbyes before her footsteps could be heard going down the stairs. Knowing she wasn't likely to get anymore sleep, the brunette let her eyes drift closed, snuggled up in bed as she listened, waiting for the tell-tale signs of Amelia approaching.
Hearing a door creak open, followed closely by small footsteps coming towards the master bedroom, Jane held back a smile as she kept her eyes closed, listening as Amelia made her way into the room.
"Janie?" Amelia whispered, her voice coming from somewhere near the door. "Janie? You awake?" She tried again, sounding closer, Jane eventually feeling small hands tugging at the blankets.
Finding it difficult to keep a straight face, Jane kept her eyes firmly closed, feeling Amelia pull herself up next to her before getting under the covers, her cold feet making the brunette flinch.
"Janie you're faking!" Amelia exclaimed having seen the Detective's movement, sitting up so she could place both her tiny hands on Jane's cheeks. "Janie stop pretendin'."
"Your feet are freezing you little munchkin," Jane said as she opened her eyes, making the little blonde giggle, a sound, which she would never tire of. "Good morning little bug," she then said, pulling Amelia's towards her and covering her face in kisses, eliciting more giggles.
"Morning Janie," Amelia replied, lying down with her head on Jane's shoulder. "Mommy said you're bringing me to school. Can we have waffles?"
"Hmmm waffles huh?" Jane said, pretending to think about this. "Well I suppose so but how about we have some fruit with them? How does that sound?"
"Mmmmm okay," Amelia replied with a big grin, giving Jane a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting up. "Let's go!"
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"Janie?" Amelia called from the back seat of Jane's car, the little blonde swinging her feet back and forth from where she sat in her booster seat.
"Yeah Bug?" Jane asked, taking a quick glance in the rearview mirror to see Amelia watching her with her head tilted to the side, a trait she picked up from Maura when asking an important question.
"Do you live with me and Mommy now?" Amelia asked, Jane grateful for the fact that they had just stopped at a light, not expecting the question, a little more than surprised.
"Oh uh well…" Jane stuttered, not quite sure how to answer, suddenly wishing Maura was with them. "Well I'm living with you right now because your Mom was helping take care of me when I got hurt remember?" She reminded the four-year-old, knowing Maura had sat down with her daughter to talk about her moving in before she got out of the hospital.
"Are you still hurt Janie?" Amelia then asked, her voice full of worry.
"No, Sweetie I'm much better now," Jane was quick to assure her, knowing how worried Amelia was after she had gotten hurt, not wanting to scare the little blonde.
"Are you gonna go home?"
Feeling a little like she was being interrogated, Jane wasn't sure how to answer that question. Was she going to go home? After living with Maura and Amelia for almost two months the brunette had fallen into a rather comfortable routine, and she couldn't remember a time when she felt happier. Jane loved waking up next to Maura every morning. She loved the mornings when Amelia snuck in and cuddled up between her and Maura, something she would miss out on if she went home. The truth was, Jane hadn't thought about returning home in a long time. Sure she was still paying for her apartment, but save for returning to grab more clothes, she hadn't spent longer than 20 minutes in her apartment since she had been released from the hospital.
"Is that…do you want me to go back to my apartment?" Jane asked nervously, not feeling comfortable even referring to her previous residence as home anymore, grateful as she pulled into the school parking lot, enabling her to turn around to look at Amelia while they talked.
"I like when you live with us," Amelia shook her head, the serious look on her face reminding Jane so much of Maura, making her smile. "You always watch movies with me and have dance parties even when you're hurt and you read bed time stories with funny voices. Mommy's voices aren't very funny," she explained, making Jane laugh. "I like that you tuck me in at night and I like when you're there in the morning."
With a big grin on her face, Jane could feel her eyes stinging with tears, feeling overwhelmed by Amelia's affection, realizing that she didn't want to leave Maura's house for the same reasons that Amelia didn't want her to leave.
"Will you stay Janie?" Amelia asked, when it seemed like Jane wasn't going to say anything else, the little blonde having taken off her seatbelt, now standing in the back of the car, her hands on Jane's shoulder.
"I…uh…well I'm not sure yet honey," Jane replied carefully, not wanting to get Amelia's hopes up, but not wanting to disappoint her either. "That's something that your Mom and I will have to talk about but we'll see okay?" She said, watching as Amelia furrowed her eyebrows, obviously not satisfied. "Hey one second okay?" She then said, getting out of the front seat of the car and moving into the back, sitting down and closing the door before pulling Amelia onto her lap. "Listen to me okay? No matter what happens; no matter where I live, I love you and your Mother very much and I'm still going to be around all the time. I can still tuck you in before bed and I will have dance parties with you whenever you want. I promise."
"Okay," Amelia nodded resting her head against Jane's shoulder, hiding her face in dark curls. "But Janie?" She then said, tilting her head up and looking at Jane with big hazel eyes that seemed to twinkle just like her Mother's. "I think you should stay."
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Jane wasn't sure when she would be ready to return to work. Though she was feeling much better then she had been she was still feeling some pain, and knew she still had some time before she would be back to her old self in order to get back to BPD. Standing in front of the precinct, Jane felt an odd nervousness she hadn't felt since her first day as a uniform; a nervousness, which had returned since the day she had shot herself out front, betrayed by someone who had sworn to uphold the same standards that she had when she had started out. She had been back to BPD since the incident, having to give her statement, and visiting Maura on the rare occasion, but it felt strange. Jane used to feel at home at work and now she was struggling, replaying the incident over and over again in her head; worried that she would never get back to normal.
Wanting to talk to Maura before Amelia bombarded her with questions about the talk she had, had with Jane, the Detective decided to stop by to visit Maura just before lunch, hoping the Medical Examiner wouldn't be too busy with whatever the new case was. Greeting the officer at the front desk, Jane headed straight down to the basement, heading for the examination room upon seeing Maura's office empty. Peaking in the door, the brunette couldn't help but smile, seeing her girlfriend in her element, hunched over a body, obviously in the middle of her autopsy.
"You know this may sound odd considering you're standing over a cut-open body, but you look beautiful," Jane said as she opened the door, startling Maura who looked up; her look of surprise quickly turning into a smile at the sight of her girlfriend. "Seriously, you in those scrubs it really does it for me," she continued, grinning as she approached the blonde, giving her a quick kiss, careful not to touch anything so as not to contaminate the body. "Hi."
"Hi," Maura smiled, her cheeks reddened slightly in embarrassment. "I wasn't expecting you today. How was your workout?" She asked, Jane going to physical therapy several times a week.
"Good," Jane smiled, popping up and sitting on the empty examination table so Maura could continue to work. "Exhausting obviously, but good. I feel pretty good…not great but I'm getting there."
"I'm glad to hear that," Maura nodded, jotting something down on her clipboard before moving back to the body on her table. "Did Amelia get off to school okay?"
"Yeah she was a piece of cake as always," Jane replied with a grin. "We had waffles for breakfast," she added, receiving a pointed look from Maura, who knew Jane meant frozen waffles. "Don't worry we had fruit too," she smirked as Maura simply rolled her eyes. "Anyways I actually stopped by because Mia and I had a pretty interesting talk on the way to school today."
"Oh? About what?" Maura asked, her focus still on work, though she was still listening to her girlfriend.
"Well Mia wanted to know if I was living with you guys now," Jane explained, watching as Maura's hand froze above the body, her scalpel in hand, her head slowly lifting to look Jane in the eyes.
"Oh," Maura once again said, unsure what to say, a million thoughts coursing through her mind. "Um well…what did you tell her?"
"I told her that I was staying with you while I was getting better," Jane replied with a shrug. "And that I wasn't entirely sure what would happen now that I'm getting better because you and I hadn't really talked about it yet," she explained. "I uh…I just didn't want her to blindside you later if she brought it up because well she's pretty adamant that I should stay."
"She is?" Maura asked, unable to hold back a smile, the relationship between Jane and Amelia making her happier than she ever thought possible.
"Apparently I have way better bedtime story voices than you and my dance parties are just way too much fun to live without," Jane told her, amusement in her voice, still watching Maura carefully, having a difficult time getting a read on what the honey-blonde was thinking. "Look Maur, I know it's way too early in our relationship to be talking about this…about moving in with each other…but I mean….we haven't exactly had the most typical start to a relationship," she shrugged. "We totally don't have to talk about this now but I think Amelia's kind of getting her hopes up about it and I don't wanna hurt her. I'm doing a lot better now, so I really don't need constant supervision anymore."
"You want to leave?" Maura said, finally breaking her silence, looking both surprised and hurt.
"I'm not saying that," Jane shook her head, as Maura finally took off her gloves, stepping away from the body she was working on, unable to focus on anything besides Jane. "I don't want to put any pressure on you or us," she continued. "I know we agreed to take things slow when we first started dating and this is all way faster than I think either one of us intended."
"Given the circumstances I think you moving in was necessary at the time," Maura said carefully.
"I completely agree," Jane nodded. "But circumstances have changed," she pointed out. "And if you wanted me to go back to my apartment then I…."
"I never said that," Maura quickly interrupted as Jane raised an eyebrow in question.
"Maur what are you…what are we saying? Are we really ready for all this?" Jane questioned, knowing that officially moving in together was a huge step in their relationship, a step, which was coming far earlier than she ever anticipated.
"I'm not sure Jane," Maura admitted with a shrug. "I'm not sure if it's too soon, or if we're ready, but I do know that I love living with you," she said, smiles on both their faces. "I love waking up next to you every morning and lying down with you every night," she said, walking closer to the brunette, moving to stand between the taller woman's legs. "I love watching you with Amelia, and hearing you singing in the shower every morning. I love you Jane and that's all that matters to me. Maybe it is too soon. Maybe people will think we're crazy, but frankly I don't care because now that you've become a part of our home, I can't imagine it without you."
"You," Jane shook her head, struggling to find the right words, both surprised and overwhelmed by the blonde's words. "You are amazing you know that," she said, pulling the blonde in for a kiss. "I love you and honestly I feel the same way I just…I was afraid to say it," she admitted, smiling as Maura placed a kiss on her nose. "We're really going to do this? Because once you say yes you know you're stuck with me right? This is really what you want? You're absolutely sure?"
"100% positive," Maura smiled, Jane wrapping her arms around her waist, pulling her tight. "We're doing this."