SAILING INTO UNCHARTED WATERS
Chapter Six
Waking up with a groan, John was disappointed to find Lori no longer in the bed with him. Despite his best intentions, fatigue and the still-painful wound on his arm had caused him to fall back asleep again.
At least Lori had come back to bed with him. He'd held her close, trying to reassure her through touch alone that he wasn't going anywhere. She'd clung to him as if he would disappear at any moment. It hadn't mattered what he'd said, the dream had shaken Lori so much that she'd begun to cry again as soon as he'd guided her back to the bedroom.
"I'm sorry," she'd sniffed as he covered her with the comforter and climbed in beside her, pulling her close to his body and kissing the top of her head. "It's these damned hormones. Guess you're going to have to get used to me being like this."
"I'll take you any way you come, Lori. We're in this together, ok?"
Laura let out a small laugh, brushing her husband's cheek with the softest touch of her fingertips, yet there was a touch of melancholy in her tone. "You might not say that when I scream at you to get me pickles and ice cream in the middle of the night."
He turned her face to look at him. "I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?"
Except give up your damned job!
Not wanting to cause another disagreement, Laura nodded her head, kissed John goodnight and settled in his warm arms, trying to catch a few more precious moments of uninterrupted sleep.
Pulling on his striped robe, John walked into the kitchen. Realising that Lori hadn't heard him enter the room, he took the opportunity to sneak up behind her, grabbing her waist and grinding his hips against her backside.
"Good morning to you too," she smirked, twisting her head and placing a quick kiss on his mouth before returning her attention to the stove.
"Is that all I get?" John asked, sitting down at the kitchen table, his robe hanging open as he rubbed a finger distractedly on the table.
"Jesus, John. Is that all you ever think about?"
He looked almost affronted at the remark. "No. I just wanted to check that we were ok. You know…..after last night."
The uncertainty in his voice made her feel weak at the knees. John had always given the impression to the outside world that he was tough and strong; as hard as any of the criminals he took off the streets. With an Irish temper and a stubborn streak a mile wide, John wasn't the kind of man who would back down from a fight; he'd stand by his principles and defend what he knew to be right.
Yet Laura knew that she alone had the power to make him feel vulnerable. Beneath the tough guy exterior was nothing more than a little boy who wanted to love and be loved in return. When the apartment door closed at night, he'd no longer be John Kelly: streetwise cop, he'd be Johnny, her husband and the father of her unborn child. He'd lower his defences and allow her to see him faults and all.
Walking over to him, she wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and kissed him languidly, hoping to convey with actions the love she felt for the stubborn, complicated and devoted man who had stolen her heart.
She felt herself being pushed down onto his lap and the desire stirring in his loins as his kisses became more fervent. With a heavy heart, she pulled out of his embrace, touching her bottom lip as she saw the dismay on his face.
"I thought you said we were ok?" John looked puzzled as to why she'd pushed him away.
She hadn't wanted to, but one of them had to be restrained. Though they were both passionate people, hiding behind sex wouldn't paper over the cracks in their relationship. With a baby on the way, it was more important than ever that they were united. It simply wouldn't be fair to bring an innocent child into the world with two parents who couldn't see eye to eye on where their lives were heading.
"We are, but we're both going to be late for work. We've got a lot of things to sort out; we need to start making plans for the baby."
John nodded his head, running a hand over his face as he looked at his wife. "You're right. I'm gonna talk to some realtors today, see if we can find a bigger place for us."
He could tell by the strained look on her face that there was something she wanted to say.
"What is it, Lori?" he asked, rising from the chair and placing his hands on her hips. "You can tell me, you know that, right?"
She chewed on her bottom lip, not wanting to bring up the thorny subject of his career again.
"Please, Lori. Tell me what's bothering you."
She could feel his fingers brush over her cheek, tucking the loose strands of hair behind her ear. Her eyes dropped to where his other hand rested on her hip.
"What if we can't afford somewhere bigger?"
"We'll find a way," he replied, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"On a cop's salary?"
There, she'd said it. She knew she had to remain strong, her steely glare all but daring John to react in kind. His response was unexpected.
"I'll put in for extra shifts. We'll find the money."
"That's not what I meant!"
His eyes widened momentarily, the meaning of her words finally sinking in. "Please, sweetheart. Not this again."
"Johnny, we have to consider what's best for our child. You need to be here too, I can't bring a kid up all by myself."
"You won't have to, I'll be here."
Maybe it was the hormones, but she just couldn't shake the effects of the dream last night.
"You can't if you're always working…or worse. What if something happens to you?"
Laura had no doubt that the hormones were kicking in now as her bottom lip began to tremble. "I can't lose you. I love you."
His hands caressed her cheeks as he placed another soft kiss on her forehead before leaning it against his own.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise you."
Andy made his way into the precinct feeling like a complete prick. The lap dancer he'd taken home last night hadn't deserved to be spoken to like that. Waking up next to her he'd felt a sense of self-loathing wash over him. Sure, he could have been more sophisticated in the way he went about giving her the brush off, but he was nothing more than a feckless idiot – especially when it came to women.
How could his life have fallen apart so quickly? Was it really all that long ago that he had a wife who loved him and a kid who looked up to him?All he had now was his need to drink. When inhebriated, he could push aside the feelings of guilt, the feelings of disgust that he had for himself and the mess of a man he'd become. It was no wonder the wife left, who'd want to stick around with someone like him?
He'd almost got John killed yesterday. How much more would it take for him to sober up and realise that he was becoming a liability to his partner?
Maybe that was the problem, he was never sober enough to realise what a worthless piece of shit he was. The booze had a way of making him feel a little less guilty, a little less ashamed of what he'd become. Instead of going home to wife that loved him, he spent his nights sleeping with whatever tart would have him.
The alcohol was starting to make him paranoid too, as if everyone around him had some ulterior motive. How many times had he convinced himself that even the people who cared about him had some kind of vendetta against him?
He'd even doubted John the other day. The kid who looked up to him as some kind of role model when it came to being a good cop. John Kelly Jnr was as honest and straight as they came, to be disloyal was not a part of his makeup. He'd taken John's innocent comment the wrong way and all but threatened to clean the man's clock because of it.
Worse than the shock on John's face had been the momentary flash of hurt that crossed his features. John had been quiet and distant for the rest of the shift and it wasn't as if he could blame him for it either. He hadn't even had the good grace to go and apologise at the end of the day and yet John had said nothing of it since, brushing it under the carpet as if nothing had ever happened.
Andy heard his partner make his way into the squad room. He cursed his own weakness for not being able to look up and greet John as he saw him pull the chair out from his desk and sit opposite.
"You ok, Andy?"
He closed his eyes, feeling the guilt wash over him again as John gingerly pulled his jacket off of his injured left arm – the injury he wouldn't have had if it hadn't been for his fuck-up of a partner.
"Andy?"
"What?" he snapped, instantly regretting it.
"I take it you watched the baseball last night?"
Andy nodded his head. He didn't have a clue as to who was playing, let alone who might have won or lost last night.
"The Yankees got thumped, huh? Didn't see that one coming. I figured they were one of the better teams this year."
Andy nodded his head again, not really taking in anything John was saying. This time he looked up and found his partner looking at him like an excitable kid. Just because his Mets were doing better than the Yankees this season it was no reason to look so Goddamn happy about it.
"What is it with you this morning, you're sitting there like you've got a flea up your ass."
The squad room was almost full; it took Andy by surprise how quickly John had stood up and asked everyone to be quiet. What the hell was the kid up to?
"Hey everyone, I wanted you all to know that in," John glanced at his watch for dramatic effect, "in about eight month's time that I'm gonna be a father!"
Even though the cheering and back-slapping went on all around him, Andy couldn't have felt worse if he'd tried. His actions yesterday seemed to hit him full force as he realised that, a couple of inches to the right, and John might never have known that he was going to be a father.
Looking at his partner, Andy could see that the kid was rightly ecstatic to be breaking the news to his colleagues. Hell, as his partner he should've been the one handing John the cigars to celebrate his good news. Yet he couldn't. He couldn't because he was no more than a selfish alcoholic who couldn't see past the end of his own whiskey glass.
Everyone was smiling and laughing, even Fancy had given John a handshake and a slap on the back as he came out to find out what all the commotion was about. Everyone was smiling except him and the street cop who'd walked in just as John had broken the news.
What was her name? Licalsi?
Something like that anyway. Not that he was any good at reading the emotions of women, but he couldn't help but notice a strange look cross her face, even though she made her way into the squad room and congratulated John on his impending fatherhood.
Pull yourself together, you asshole!
Yanking his pants over his stomach as he stood, Andy held out a hand to his partner, not expecting John to pull him into an excited hug. He broke away quickly, feeling awkward at the outward show of emotion from his young partner.
"Congratulations, kid. Bet it feels good to know that you're not shooting blanks, huh?"
Andy regretted the words instantly, knowing that John and his wife had been struggling to conceive since they'd got married. His poorly-chosen words were enough to wipe the smile off of John's face.
Kicking himself, Andy made his excuses and headed for the men's room.
She couldn't deny that the dream last night was still playing on her mind when she arrived for work that morning.
"You feeling better today?" Tina asked, seeing Laura enter the reception.
She gave her secretary a brief smile. "I do."
It was a lie, something deep inside made her worry all the more for John's safety now that he was going to be a father.
"Did you make it to that appointment yesterday? You didn't look too good when you left at lunchtime."
While a part of Laura appreciated the concern, the negative part of her resented the fact that Tina was trying to pull the truth from her. She'd only just got the news herself and was still struggling to comprehend what being pregnant actually meant.
She had no doubt that John had headed to the precinct and told everyone of their news. The man was like a child in a grown man's body at times; his juvenile excitement and enthusiasm had been one of the things that attracted her to him in the first place.
But she didn't want to tempt fate by saying anything too soon. Maybe she was being superstitious, but she didn't feel comfortable telling her work colleagues until she was a few more weeks along.
Turning toward her office, Laura promised herself that she'd get the first trimester out of the way before she broke the news to anyone, although if John had his way it would be on the front page of the New York Times by tomorrow…..
It suddenly occurred to Laura that she'd forgotten to answer Tina's question. Giving her secretary another brief smile, she answered, "I did. And I went straight home afterward."
Tina returned her smile as she looked up from her typing. "I hope that husband of yours took good care of you when he got home."
"Well, I do have him pretty well-trained," Laura joked even though her smile faltered. As much as she knew that John was devoted to her, a part of her wondered whether he was more devoted to being a cop than he was a husband and father.
To be continued.
Authors' Note: This is a continuing story from the writing team of WriterJasmine and Teeheehee1234. It's meant to be a fun attempt at writing a story together based on words that readers provide to us on a weekly basis. For more information about this, please read our profile and please feel free to participate. The 'bolded' words throughout the story are words that some of our reader friends sent our way this week. The words utilized are: feckless; sophisticated; melancholy; hormones; weak; vendetta; restrained; disloyal; principles; daring; baseball; teams; cigars; ecstatic.