So I knew some of you would be upset with Jane, BUT I hope that you aren't too upset with me! Because OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't do anything that would disappoint you all for too long. For me I think Hoyt is Jane's true nightmare. He is the one who truly terrifies her, and the fact that he came so close to killing Maura because of her would be a difficult thing for her to deal with, especially with Amelia to think about. I know my version of Jane has been very open and understanding with Maura, but I think everyone has a limit, and this was Jane's. Everyone has faults and I wanted to be realistic with Jane's dealing with what happened!
With that being said though, let's let our ladies work it out!
Hope you all enjoy this one! Thanks so much for reading! -J
Chapter 22- Repair the Damage
Jane could be a fool sometimes, and she knew it. She was foolish for thinking that she could simply hide from Maura and Mia with no consequences. She was a fool for thinking that Maura would allow her to get away with walking away. She was a fool for believing that she could return to work like everything was normal.
Returning to work the following Monday after a mandatory week off Jane was immediately called to a scene. Still staying with Frankie, Jane headed off to the address she had been given on her own for the first time in a long time, feeling slightly nervous at the prospect of seeing Maura for the first time since she had brought Amelia home.
Knowing how important professionalism was to Maura, Jane had put on a brave face as she approached the scene, figuring she was the last to arrive as she made her way towards the group of gathered Detectives. It wasn't until she made it to the body that Jane truly realized just how much she had messed up.
"Ah look who's back," Frost was the first to greet Jane with his usual smile. "Good to have you back Jane."
"Even if you are late," Korsak added with a smirk, making Jane laugh.
"Sorry I got caught up in traffic," Jane shrugged. "Now what do we got?" She asked, taking a step forward only to freeze in place when she noticed it was not Maura kneeling down beside the body. "Pike? What are you…Where's Dr. Isles? I thought she would be returning today," she said, avoiding her partners' eyes, knowing that both Frost and Korsak had heard that she was staying with Frankie.
"Dr. Isles has requested some more time off after your little ordeal," Pike was the one to reply, standing to his full height. "Apparently she isn't quite as put together as she appears to be," he said, missing the glare that Jane was giving him. "I'm finished here. I'll have more for you once I perform the autopsy. Good day Detectives."
With that Pike was on his way leaving Jane staring at the ground while Frost and Korsak watched her carefully, neither knowing what to say.
"Dr. Isles didn't tell you she wasn't coming back today?" Korsak eventually asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over them, sounding a little nervous.
"No uh…we haven't exactly talked much this week," Jane shook her head, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment, shoving her hands in her pockets in order to hide the fact that she was shaking. "I'm…I gotta go…I'll uh meet you guys back at BPD," she mumbled, desperate to get away as she quickly made a beeline for her car, doing her best to control the panic that had taken over her body.
What did you do Jane Rizzoli, she thought to herself, slamming her hands against the steering wheel once she was in the car. You've really done it now. You've really messed up.
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Though she had wanted to go to Maura's as soon as she left the crime scene, Jane knew she needed to get her head into work, settling for trying Maura's phone in the car, the Medical Examiner not picking up. The Detective struggled to remain focused on the case all day, remaining at work only until Korsak had finally told her to go home, suggesting that she come in with a fresh pair of eyes the next day.
Jane knew Korsak could tell that her heart wasn't in it; suspected that he understood that her mind was on Maura, rather than the case, but for once, the brunette didn't care. A panic had taken over Jane's entire being and she knew she needed to do something; knew she needed to fix it fast.
With only Maura and Mia on her mind Jane drove towards Beacon Hill as fast as she could, needing to make sure that Maura was okay, needing to apologize and finally open up in order to get the Medical Examiner back to work. Not fully knowing what she was going to say Jane didn't notice that Maura's car wasn't in the driveway as she made her way to the front door, knocking frantically before finally pulling her key out and letting herself in.
"Maura? Mia? Maur are you here?" Jane called from the entryway, listening but not hearing a sound within the house. "Maura?"
"Janie?" It was Angela's voice that called back, the older Rizzoli entering the house through the side door. "Janie what are you doing here? What's all the yelling about?"
"Ma where's Maura?" Jane asked, knowing she sounded frantic, immediately seeing the worry in her Mother's eyes. "She didn't show up for work today. She asked for more time off! Have you seen her? Ma?"
"She's not here Janie," Angela shook her head with a sigh. "She left yesterday."
"What do you mean she left yesterday?" Jane looked incredulous. "Left for where? Why would she just leave? She has work! Mia has school. Ma where is she?"
"I don't know Janie," Angela replied, wishing she had a better answer for her daughter, but slightly disappointed that it had taken this long for the younger brunette to return home. "All she told me was that she was taking Amelia away for a few days. Said she needed to get away and to be honest I don't blame her," she shook her head. "You can't expect her to sit around here waiting for you to get your act together after everything you both went through. She's been a mess Janie. She needed a break."
"So she…she left," Jane dropped down onto one of the kitchen stools, no longer able to stand on her legs as the true weight of everything that had happened came crashing down. "She's…I…oh God…" She struggled, breathing hard as tears stung her eyes. "Oh Ma what am I…what do I do? I...I messed up and I need to…I have to fix this. What do I do?"
"Right now the only thing you can do is wait for her to come home," Angela replied, feeling bad as she watched Jane cover her face with her hands. "She gave you your space Janie and now she's taking some time for herself. You wait for her to get back and then you apologize to that woman because Janie," she said, placing a finger under her daughter's chin and forcing her to look up. "That woman and that little girl are the best thing that ever happened to you."
"I know they are Ma," Jane nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. "I know they are. I was just…I was so scared," she admitted, sniffling quietly. "It could have ended so differently and Maura…Mia needs her."
"She needs you too Janie," Angela said, reaching out and taking Jane's hand in hers. "She needs both of you."
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New York. It was the first place Maura thought of when she realized that she needed to get away. Amelia had never been to the city and if there was one thing that was bound to keep Maura's mind off Jane, it was shopping; a technique she used quite often when she was stressed or upset. And so, after informing Angela that she would be getting a few days off, Maura booked a flight, contacted Amelia's school and took off with her little girl.
It was cowardly; running away from her problems, but Boston without Jane was a difficult place for Maura to stay. Knowing that Jane was simply scared, Maura understood that her girlfriend simply needed time, but as each day passed, the medical examiner became more and more worried that Jane would not return, which led her to her decision to take some extra time away before returning to work.
"Mommy can we go there?" Amelia asked excitedly, pointing towards a Build-A-Bear Workshop store. "Please Mommy?"
Though Amelia had been reluctant to leave home at first, the five-year-old instantly became excited when Maura had told her about the toy stores they would be able to visit and the show she was planning on taking her to. Amelia was having a difficult time with Jane's absence, and Maura would do whatever it took to put a smile back on her daughter's face, even if she couldn't give her what would make her truly happy.
"Sure Sweetheart," Maura smiled, allowing the little blonde to pull her towards the store. "Do you know what you get to do here? You get to build yourself a teddy bear. You can pick any one you want and then we'll fill it up and you can pick it out a special outfit and everything."
"Wow," Amelia's eyes lit up as they walked into the store, overwhelmed by the amount of choices. "I can pick anything I want?"
"Of course," Maura nodded with a smile, bringing the little girl over to the various teddy bears. "You pick out anything you want honey. You'll have a nice companion when you're done."
Obviously contemplating her choice, Amelia took a few moments to browse the various stuffed animals, touching several different options before finally picking up a brown bear. "Mommy," she looked up at the older blonde. "Could I make a bear for Janie?"
Feeling her heart sink, Maura did her best to put a smile on her face, realizing that taking Amelia out of Boston wasn't going to make the little girl forget about her best friend. "You know what Honey I think Jane would like that very much," she smiled, holding out a hand for the little girl to take. "Come, let's see if we can find a Detective outfit for this little guy," she suggested, loving the smile that immediately lit up her daughter's face. "It's very nice of you to want to build Jane a teddy bear."
"Janie is sad," Amelia nodded, picking up the Sherlock outfit she found hanging up. "I think a Teddy will make her happy."
Biting her lip, Maura was unsure if she should use her five-year-old daughter to get information on Jane, needing to know something about the brunette since she was so unwilling to talk. " Janie is sad?" Maura eventually asked as they lined up to get their bear stuffed. "Did she say that?"
"No," Amelia shook her head, still holding on to her mother's hand. "But I can tell."
Running her hand over the little blonde's head, Maura decided to let the subject drop, allowing Amelia to get caught up in the excitement of building her bear, watching with a smile as Amelia did everything the sales lady asked her to do; taking quite some time to make a wish before placing the bear's heart inside. Once they were finished, the Mother-Daughter duo made their way to a station where they were able to dress the bear in the outfit Amelia had chosen.
"Mommy do you still love Janie?" Amelia suddenly asked when they reached the birth certificate stage of their build.
"What? Y-yes! Yes of course," Maura replied, practically falling onto one of the store's chairs. "Of course I still love Janie Sweetheart," she said, pulling Amelia up on to her lap, making sure she was looking her in the eyes. "I love Jane very much. Nothing is ever going to change that. I know that things are a little confusing right now, but I love Jane."
Nodding Amelia bit her lip, resting her head against her Mother's chest for a moment as she thought about this, neither caring about all the people around them. "Janie still loves you too," the little blonde eventually spoke, holding Jane's teddy bear close, her face hidden in Maura's hair. "She told me she loves you."
"I know she does," Maura smiled, kissing Amelia's head. "She loves both of us, and she'll come home," she practically whispered, relishing in the feeling of holding her daughter close for a moment before eventually pulling back, putting a smile on her face as she brushed blonde hair out of Amelia's face. "Now what do you say we give this guy a name," she gestured towards the teddy bear. "What do you think? What should this little guy's name be?"
"Hmmm…" Amelia gave it a few minutes of thought before she broke out into a big smile. "I know! Rizzoli!"
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Three more days; it was a whole three days of no Maura in Boston, and for Jane it felt like an eternity. The Detective knew it was her own fault that Maura was gone; knew that she had pushed too hard, had forced her girlfriend to flee and now Jane was suffering because of it.
It wasn't until Angela called, casually informing Jane that Maura was on her way home that the brunette realized that it was time for her to act; time for her to beg for forgiveness if need be. Grateful to her Mother and the fact that Maura had felt the need to keep the older Rizzoli informed, Jane had excused herself from work early, quickly making her way to Maura's house where she sat outside the front door, waiting for the blonde to return.
Not being much of a planner, Jane wasn't entirely sure what she was going to say when Maura returned, but she spent the 30 minutes sitting on the front step going over everything in her head. As soon as Maura's car pulled in the driveway though, Jane realized it was all in vain, as every thought she had slipped out of her mind; her heart beating quickly as she watched Maura notice her from inside the car.
"Janie!" Amelia shouted, jumping out of the car, holding a teddy bear in her arms, immediately running towards Jane, who was quick to catch her and lift her up into her arms. "Janie! Me and Mommy went to New York! We did so many things! It was so fun! I missed you Janie!"
"I missed you too Bug," Jane smiled, kissing the side of the little blonde's head as she watched Maura slowly making her way out of the car, taking her time to gather her things while Jane and Amelia greeted each other. "I missed you too, but I'm glad you had a good time sweetheart."
"I had the best time!" Amelia grinned pulling back to look at the brunette. "Mommy said I would love the Big Banana and she was right! It's awesome!"
"Big Banana?" Jane raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"She means Big Apple," Maura was the one to clarify, a small smile playing at her mouth as Jane laughed at the little girl's mistake.
"Oops," Amelia giggled. "That's what I meant," she shrugged, a big smile on her face as she suddenly thought of something. "Oh Janie look!" She held up the bear. "I made this for you! I got to stuff him and pick out his clothes and everything! His name is Rizzoli!"
"Oh wow," Jane couldn't help the big smile that lit up her face. "For me? That's so nice of you honey. And he's a detective! That's great," she continued, a big smile on her face, realizing just how much she had missed the little girl. "But are you sure you want me to have him? You don't want to keep him for yourself?"
"No Janie I made him for you," Amelia insisted, shaking her head. "He'll make you happy!"
"She has been very insistent that you get him," Maura added, finally making her way over with her bags, looking slightly nervous. "I take it Angela told you we were returning?"
"Yeah, but don't be upset with her," Jane told her. "She was just trying to help me out."
"Janie are you coming home?" Amelia asked before Maura could say anymore, looking up with wide, hopeful eyes. "Please?"
"Well I don't…"
"I promised Amelia we would order pizza," Maura interrupted before Jane could answer. "One last treat since it's too late to go get groceries for dinner," she explained. "Would you like to join us?"
"Oh uh yeah," Jane replied, unable to hide her surprise, but grateful for the invitation she was being given. "Yeah I'd…I'd love to."
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Though there was a bit of awkwardness between Jane and Maura throughout dinner and afterwards, the pair put their feelings aside for Amelia, who was thrilled to have Jane at home and with her and her mother. The couple knew they needed to talk, but silently agreed to wait until later, when Amelia was in bed and they could converse without interruption; neither wanting to disappoint the little blonde.
Worried about how the night would end, Jane had decided to enjoy the evening with Amelia, unsure when the next time she would be able to see the five-year-old after her talk with Maura would be. After a long few days full of adventure though, Amelia proved to be exhausted, falling asleep leaning against Jane only an hour after dinner; Jane eventually volunteering to carry her up to bed.
"Can we talk?" Jane asked as soon as Amelia was tucked into bed, keeping her voice down as they still stood outside Amelia's bedroom door.
"Let's head downstairs," Maura nodded, gesturing for the brunette to go ahead, following close behind, allowing Jane to lead her into the family room where she immediately took a seat on the sofa. "Jane I…"
"Maur I'm…" Both women attempted to start at the same time, breaking the awkwardness that had fallen over them as they laughed lightly. "Maura I'm so sorry," Jane fell serious, her brown eyes full of regret. "I never should have…I…I ran," she shrugged. "I ran and I pushed you away when I should have been keeping you close and I'm so sorry. I was just…I'm…I…"
"You were scared," Maura finished for her, understanding the brunette's motives. "Hoyt scared you and I completely understand that. But I don't understand why you would push me away; why you wouldn't just talk to me."
"Because I didn't know how," Jane shook her head, tears filling her eyes. "Hoyt is…Hoyt was my nightmare Maur. He was the one person that truly got to me. That man was determined to ruin me; to kill me, and he almost succeeded. He almost…he could have…"
"He didn't," Maura interrupted, shaking her head, getting up in order to move closer to Jane, sitting right beside her. "He didn't kill you Jane and he didn't kill me either. You didn't let him. You protected me," she repeated her words from the night Jane had left. "Jane I'm right here. I'm here because of you. You saved us."
"He could have killed you though Maura," Jane let a tear escape down her cheek, reaching up and running her thumb over the scar on Maura's neck; the scar that was identical to her own. "Hoyt tried to kill you because of me. He would have killed you to hurt me…to torture me before finally finishing me off. He would have taken us both away from Amelia and I…I don't know how to live with that Maur," she shook her head. "Amelia needs you. You're her mother and she needs you."
"But she needs you too Jane," Maura replied, unknowingly repeating Angela's words from a few days prior. "Amelia loves you so much and she misses you. I…I miss you."
Surprised, Jane looked up, her eyes wide and still full of tears, finding nothing but honesty shining in the hazel eyes looking back at her. "I never should have left the two of you," she sounded ashamed. "I promised that I would always be there for you and Mia and I just…I panicked. I was so scared and I didn't know how to deal with it. I'm so sorry Maur. I don't know how to even make it up to you," she shook her head. "I understand if you can't forgive me."
"You know," Maura reached out, taking Jane's hand in hers. "For five days I experienced a Boston without you and you know what I found?" She asked. "I can't be here without you Jane. I don't know how to be here without you, which is why I went away…why I took Amelia away. We were lost without you Jane and I don't want to ever experience that again," she said, once again surprising the brunette who couldn't really understand how Maura could be so easy to forgive her. "Don't get me wrong Jane, I'm upset about what you did. It hurt that you left. It hurt that you walked away from Amelia like that, but I understand it as well. I know you were scared, and you felt like you had no other choice."
"I did have another choice though," Jane shook her head. "I could have talked to you about how I felt. I should have talked to you about it but…well…I'm a Rizzoli and sometimes we can be stubborn."
"Trust me I know," Maura smirked, reaching up and tucking the brunette's curls behind her ear. "We need to talk to each other when we're having problems. We need to be open and honest with each other," she said, laying out what she believed to be the terms of their relationship. "It's going to take some time for me to truly forgive you and to trust that this won't happen again."
"And I completely understand that," Jane nodded, relief filling her body as she realized that she had not lost Maura yet; that she was being given another chance. "And if you want me to stay with Frankie for a while…"
"What I want," Maura interrupted, a small smile on her face. "Is for you to come home," she squeezed the brunette's hand; asking, begging.
And this time, Jane wasn't going to make Maura ask again.
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P.S There will be some serious making up to come! Maura may be quick to forgive, but Jane still has some work to do to earn her girl's trust...and she will!