SAILING INTO UNCHARTED WATERS

Chapter 15

Almost finished completing the medical release form, the doctor paused. Looking up, he studied the man resting on the ER bed.

"You were fortunate, Officer Kelly. You took a pretty severe beating to the face – don't expect to be posing for any magazine covers for a few days."

Kelly frowned, not appreciating the doctor's sense of humor.

"You have a couple of fractured ribs," continued the physician, "but no broken bones. That tenderness in your lower back will start to fade after a few days. I suggest you take a week off – and no active duty for a month. I want those ribs healed before you're out on the street again. Got it?"

"He's got it," said his partner, sitting near the bed. "Can he go now, doc?"

"Sign here," said the doctor, handing the clipboard to John. "You're out of here."

After the doctor left the ER room, John sat up with difficulty. "I feel like I've been run over by a truck."

Andy looked down at the floor. He was conscious of the role he'd played in getting John roughed up. He should have waited for his partner before undertaking the sting at Marchetti's. Instead, Andy had gone off on his own, breaking the cardinal rule of partners: always wait for backup.

He glanced up at John, wincing at his partner's bruised face. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"For what?" said John. "It happens. Part of the job, right?"

Andy nodded. "Yeah… right." His tone was unconvinced.

Rising from the bed, John reached for his shirt. His lips thinned in frustration as he tried to put it on. His ribs didn't hurt too much if he stayed still. But movement – that was a killer.

"Need some help?" asked Andy.

"Nah. What time is it?"

"Five-thirty."

Shaking his head, John sighed. "Christ, there's going to be hell to pay when I get home tonight. Lori's going to hit the roof when she sees my face."

"Ah, she'll probably slobber all over you, trying to make you feel better. Just tell her it was my fault. She hates me anyway."

"She doesn't hate you."

Andy raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

John grinned suddenly. "Okay, so you're not on her list of favorite people."

"That's the truth." Andy watched John closely. "You should have called her, kid. Now you're going to walk through the door looking like some sideshow freak and scare the hell out of her."

"Yeah… well…" John picked up his jacket, staring at the badge on its pocket. "Something happened this morning."

Andy waited, sensing John was having difficulty putting that 'something' into words.

"You know that lieutenant's position downtown? The one that opened up a couple of weeks ago?"

"Yeah. What of it?"

"I had the notice about it in my jacket pocket. Lori found it. She thinks I'm going for a desk job."

Andy stared at him in disbelief. "You were thinking about a desk job? Christ, John – that's not who we are!"

"I know, I know... Lori's been riding me about the job. When she saw the notice, she made the assumption I was going for it."

"You set her straight?"

John looked uncomfortable. "Not yet."

"What the hell are you waiting for?"

"I mean to tell her… it's just…"

"Just what?"

"After the baby... well, I just couldn't... Losing the baby almost broke her. Hell, I don't know what to do."

A wrinkle of concern creased Andy's brow. "You gotta level with her, John. Unless… do you want to move into administration? Is that what you want?"

"No! That kind of job would strangle me. I'd hate it. If only Lori hadn't seen the notice…"

"Well, she did, kid, and you better deal with it. And soon."

John realized Andy was right. He needed to get it out in the open with Lori. It was a conversation he wasn't looking forward to having.

Andy dropped John off in front of the apartment he shared with Lori and then headed to Patrick's. He needed a drink – badly.

Thoughts of what Giardella's goons had done to John infuriated Andy. His mind replayed the beating John had endured as the punks had their way with him. All Andy could do was stand by helplessly, a rifle pointed at his chest, watching John pay the price for his foolhardiness.

If karma was a woman, that bitch was on to him now, dogging his every movement. Lately, it seemed everything he touched turned to shit.

He should have waited for John. He should have shown some freaking restraint!

What if John had been killed?

The thought he would have been responsible not only mortified him; it frightened him.

Yeah, a drink… he needed a drink. The sooner, the better.

He thought about how he'd let John down, and how the drinking was yet another step down a pathway for losers. He couldn't help it. He didn't have the courage to face his demons without the liquor. He wasn't like John.

Yeah, a stiff one at Patrick's – that was the ticket. And while he'd be having that drink, he wondered what John would be dealing with at home. In spite of his physical discomfort, John hadn't seemed all that keen about returning to his apartment and facing his wife. Well, that was probably Andy's fault, too. There was little doubt in Andy's mind that the 'gracious' Lori would be likely to point that out to John.

But there was something more going on… John's remarks about the job and Lori's resentment didn't sound good.

Well, hell! That's the way it was with women who married cops. After a few years, they saw what the job was like, the price every cop paid, and they didn't like it. He guessed they paid a price as well, but what did they expect? They weren't married to Sunday school teachers.

Pulling up to Patrick's, Andy turned off the car's ignition and sat silently for a few minutes.

He should give up the booze. It was making him sloppy. He knew he was going to have to quit someday – it was inevitable. You couldn't work the streets and drink. Not if you wanted to survive.

Yeah, he should stop cold turkey.

But not today.

John opened the door to the apartment and slowly eased himself inside. His ribs hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. He wondered if it was time yet for the next pain pill.

"Lori?" he called, not seeing his wife at first.

"I'm in the kitchen," she called back.

Great, thought John, recognizing the iciness in her voice.

She had her back to him as she sliced several potatoes over the sink. "Nice of you to show up, Johnny. And thanks for the lovely lunch today – as well as the phone call!"

The sarcasm in her voice made John sigh. So, it was to be like this again tonight – another evening of interminable coldness. "I ran into some trouble today…"

"I'll just bet you did," she continued, refusing to look at him. "You acted so concerned this morning – my first day back on the job and all that… and you didn't even call me. Thanks a lot."

John said nothing, suddenly wanting that pain pill very badly. He hurt all over and he didn't relish the ugly discussion he knew was forthcoming. His temper was on edge and he bit his lip, afraid of what he might say.

When John remained silent, Laura turned around, determined to give him the rough side of her tongue. Instead, at the sight of him, she dropped the paring knife to the floor. "My God! John!"

She moved toward him, but he stepped away. "It's not as bad as it looks, Lori."

"Not as bad as it looks! What happened to you?"

John grabbed a beer from the fridge and popped the tab. He took a long drink from the can, and then fished around in his pocket for something. Lori watched as he extracted a small plastic bottle and flipped the lid open. He withdrew two small tablets and, with another swig from the can, swallowed them.

He then looked at her. "Pain pills," he said unnecessarily.

"No kidding. Should you be taking them with alcohol?"

He turned away. "Get off my back, Lori…"

He made it into the living room and carefully sat down on the sofa, mindful of his sore ribs. He drew a ragged breath and then took another swallow of the beer.

Seeing the effort sitting had cost him, Lori experienced a change of heart. His bruised and swollen face made her wince. It hurt her to see him in such discomfort.

Approaching the sofa quietly, she slowly knelt down in front of him. "What happened, Johnny? Tell me." She caressed his thigh gently, gazing into his eyes.

"I walked into a trap. I was stupid. End of story. Won't happen again."

"Where was Andy? Was he with you?"

"He couldn't do anything. The punks had a gun on him. They gave me the business and made him watch."

Fear hit Laura like a brick. "Who? Who did this?"

"Some cheesy little bastard. He'll get his – eventually."

Lori stood up. "Are you hungry? You should eat something. I'm sorry I was so nasty when you came in." Her fingers grazed his hair. She smiled sadly. "I'm afraid to touch you anywhere. Did you see a doctor?"

"Yeah. I've got two fractured ribs; they'll heal on their own. Could have been a lot worse."

John could feel the pain pills working, and the beer was helping. He started to relax. "Lori, we gotta talk."

She sat down next to him, looking at him expectantly.

He didn't know where to begin, and stared at her tongue-tied.

She smiled. "I don't think it's talking you need."

"No? So what do I need?" John heard a slight teasing in her voice and for the moment was glad to avoid what he had to say.

"Maybe someone to pamper you? Someone to rub your shoulders?"

John laughed wryly. "My shoulders are about the only part of me that don't hurt."

Lori stood up and went to stand behind him. With gentle hands, she began to rub his neck and shoulders, mindful of accidentally hurting him. "How does this feel?" she asked.

"Hmm… good, good…" he murmured, his eyes closed. His head fell back against her chest as she continued to work the knots in his neck.

Several quiet moments had gone by when she said, "I'll be so glad when you get the lieutenant's job. This is just the sort of thing I worry about. You look awful."

John raised his head, and Lori looked at him with surprise. "Don't you want me to continue?"

He took a deep breath. "Lori, I've got to talk to you about that job…"

"Do you know anything yet? Has the promotion come through?"

He shook his head. "No… and it's not going to."

She was confused. "Why do you say that? You've got the qualifications."

"I don't want the job, Lori," he said flatly. "I'm sorry, but I don't want it. I didn't apply."

He waited for the fireworks.

Instead, she stared at him. "But the notice… I thought…"

"I know what you thought, and I'm sorry. Look, I did consider it. I wanted to do it for you, but I can't. It's not me. I can't be someone else just to please you – and it's not fair of you to ask me. Baby, I swear to you – if I could, I would take the damn job just to please you. I just can't."

Lori turned away, her eyes filling with tears. "You mean you won't!"

"No," he said gently, "I mean I can't. Sitting inside an office all day, shuffling papers – it would kill me."

She laughed bitterly. "Have you looked into a mirror today? What do you think being on the streets is doing?"

John frowned. "C'mon, Lori, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not a goddamned desk jockey!"

She stood up. "No, you're a selfish child. You have responsibilities, John. A wife, a baby –"

She stopped speaking suddenly, realizing with an empty heart that it was no longer true. They didn't have a baby coming. Not now.

Maybe not ever…

"Are you punishing me?" she asked, her voice threaded with tears. "Punishing me for losing the baby?"

"Of course not! What do you think I am, some kind of monster? Christ, Lori!"

"I won't try for another baby, Johnny… not if you're going to stay on the streets." She said it quietly, but John sensed her resolve.

"That's blackmail," he said.

She looked miserable. "I don't mean it that way. Don't you see, John? I can't continue to live this way. I wish you could see yourself. What about the next time? Maybe someone will beat you to death! I just can't live this way."

John didn't trust himself to speak for a moment. "Are we at a crossroads, Lori? I can't be what I'm not."

"Nor can I," she said. She started to cry.

"Lori, ah, shit. Please, baby, don't cry. Come here," he said, his own voice choked.

She eased herself close to him and lay her head against his shoulder. She continued to cry softly, holding his hand tightly.

"Johnny, I think there's no hope for us."

"Please don't say that!"

"I love you, John, but it's not enough – you know?"

Yes, he did know – and it hurt. He touched her hair with his lips, realizing there wasn't a pain pill strong enough to deal with the kind of hurt he was feeling at that moment.

To be continued.

Authors' Note: This is a continuing story from the writing team of Writer Jasmine and Teeheehee1234. It's meant to be a fun attempt at writing a story together based on words that readers provide to us on a weekly basis. For more information about this, please read our profile and please feel free to participate. The 'bolded' words throughout the story are words that some of our reader friends sent our way this week. The words utilized are: fractured; broken; conscious; bruised; frustration; hit the roof; wrinkle; strangle; karma; mortified; courage; gracious; inevitable; sarcasm; interminable; and pamper.