SAILING INTO UNCHARTED WATERS

Chapter Sixteen

Laura watched her husband quietly, having woken over an hour ago from a frightening dream in which, this time, John hadn't come home. He'd been hurt in the line of duty twice in the last six months: the bullet graze to his arm and now the beating he'd suffered yesterday.

Neither of them had said much past their initial conversation when John had returned home last night. Laura had broken away from his embrace carefully, mindful of his sore ribs, and had busied herself with preparing dinner, all the while trying to stifle the sobs that were pushing their way to the surface.

The meal had been a stilted affair, with neither of them willing to look at the other as they ate in silence. Try as she might, Laura couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy as she caught glimpses of John wincing as he ate, his face no doubt aching from the many hits he'd taken.

She'd told him quietly that he'd be better off lying down in their bed, trying to sleep off the worst of the pain. Watching as he awkwardly rose from the couch, Laura guessed that he didn't have the energy to argue the point. Instead, he'd nodded his head in agreement and shuffled slowly toward the room and the bed that they shared.

But for how much longer?

They'd found themselves at a crossroads with neither willing to acquiesce to the wishes of the other. Both of them were stubborn, refusing to back down from their position. They loved each other, but John's refusal to take a desk job had convinced Laura that trying for another baby was out of the question.

He'd accused her of blackmail and maybe he'd had a point. John couldn't see that the stress and worry of not only caring for a child, but wondering whether this would be the day that John would never return home was taking its toll on her. The beating he'd taken only confirmed that she was right to be worried about his continued safety. As bad as he looked, John had been lucky this time. What happened if his luck finally ran out?

She wasn't a heartless witch, and so she'd gone back and forth to the bedroom during the evening to check that John was resting comfortably. The silence and solitude of the living room had given her time to openly sob for what she knew was the end of her relationship with the man that she still desperately loved.

Weariness had eventually drawn her toward the sanctity of their bed. Undressing quietly, she'd slipped into bed beside John, wary of waking him. As she'd lifted the top sheet, Laura had winced at the amount of bruising on his chest and abdomen with the garish bruises wrapping themselves around his sides and toward his back where Laura knew she'd find more of the same. She'd felt a flush of anger flow through her as she made out a clear boot print on John's stomach – no doubt where one of the thugs had stamped on him.

She'd fallen into an uneasy sleep, only grabbing a few hours of rest before a chilling dream had woken her. She'd probably called out as she shook herself from the horrific vision of her nightmare, but it hadn't been enough to rouse the man beside her from his slumber.

The painkillers had obviously taken the edge off of his discomfort, but Laura couldn't fail to notice how her husband grimaced as he slept, even though he'd not changed positions once during the night. She would have been content to leave him be and to sleep the rest of the day away, but the shrill ringing of the telephone on the bedside table had woken him. Grabbing it quickly, Laura answered in a terse voice, annoyed at whoever had disturbed them.

"Mrs Kelly, it's Lieutenant Fancy. How's John doing?"

The mere mention of the word 'lieutenant' had set her on edge. John had refused to even contemplate the thought of taking a desk job for the sake of his family. Anything to do with the damn NYPD angered her at the moment – being a cop had almost got John killed yesterday.

Laura glanced at her husband as he lifted a hand to rub at his eyes before thinking better of it. It was because he'd been out on the streets that he'd been hurt so badly.

"Well, he was resting until you called," she shot back, her tone icy. She saw John frowning at her, motioning gingerly for her to give him the handset.

"I'm sorry to disturb you both, but I need John to come in to see me today….if he's feeling up to it," Fancy added, sensing that tact and diplomacy were called for when dealing with the feisty Mrs Kelly.

"His doctor ordered him to stay away from the precinct for at least a week to recover. He's not going anywhere near that place….and if I had any say in it he'd never step foot in there again. What kind of show are you running, lieutenant? John could have been killed yesterday, do you have – "

Whatever else she'd been about to say had been halted by John snatching the phone away from her, giving her a pointed look as he spoke to his superior.

"Sorry about that, sir," John mumbled, still feeling the effects of last night's pain pills.

"It's fine, Kelly. I understand that your wife is feeling a little over-protective of you at the moment."

John gave Lori a quick look, frowning as he saw her scowl at him as she crossed her arms over her chest with a huff. Over-protective wasn't an adjective that could be used to describe how Lori was feeling at the moment...

"What can I do for you, sir?"

He heard Fancy sigh. "I know you're not feeling at your best at the moment, but I need you to come down and see me today."

"Sure," John answered automatically. In reality, he would much rather have stayed in bed for the rest of the day. The pain was tolerable if he didn't move too much, the thought of making his way down to the precinct filled him with dread. "I'll be in mid-morning if that's ok. It's gonna take me a while to get up and moving."

"Take your time, John. I appreciate you coming in. If I'd had my way I would have left this until you came back on duty but I'm getting heat from above and they want answers…sooner rather than later."

"I understand. I'll get there as soon as I can."

He could feel Lori's eyes bore into him before he'd even finished the call. Holding the handset out to her, John felt her snatch it away violently, expecting another argument to erupt between them.

"You're going in?" Lori asked, her voice dangerously quiet. She usually reserved screaming and shouting for when she was mildly pissed at him, but when her voice dropped, that was when she was livid with him.

He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh, instantly regretting it as his ribs protested. "I don't have a choice. They need me to make a statement."

"They can't take it over the phone?"

"It doesn't work like that, babe." He tried to placate her, in no mood for another argument. "I have to go."

"No you don't. You put your job above everything else, even your own well-being, can't you see that?"

"Lori, you don't understand – "

Pulling herself from the bed, Lori thrust her robe on. "Oh, I understand alright. The job is more important to you than I am."

John pulled himself up with a grimace. "Babe, you know that's not true. I love you."

Laura looked at him, tears brimming in her eyes. "I know you do, but you love the job more, Johnny. I can't….I won't be second-best in your life. It's either me or the job. You can't have both."

It had taken John a good two hours to make it to the precinct after the call from Fancy and Laura's parting words were still ringing in his ears.

She'd left their bedroom, dressed quickly and shot out of the front door without saying another word to him, ignoring all of his attempts to try to talk to her. Pain and fatigue had made him even less inclined to push things and so he let her go, wincing as he heard the door slam on her exit.

He didn't feel much like driving himself to the precinct, calling a cab instead. The driver had looked at him with something akin to sympathy, but he paid little attention as he kept his gaze focused on watching the streets pass by.

It must have been fate that the taxi took him past Marchetti's on the journey to the precinct. It was enough for the vague memories of what had happened there to come flooding back. He remembered cursing Andy and his foolishness as he entered the restaurant with his gun drawn, but little after that. There was a blurry memory of Andy helping him into the backseat of the sedan he'd driven over in, and then not much else until they'd got to the hospital.

Making his way into the precinct and up the stairs to the squad room, he'd pretty much ignored the colleagues who asked him if he was okay, giving them a nod and a tight smile in response. John's eyes searched the room looking for any sign of Andy. The older man's absence didn't bode well for what was to come.

John wasn't a naïve rookie, he knew exactly why Fancy had asked him to come in today. It was department procedure for injuries sustained in the line of duty to be reported to Internal Affairs and they'd probably been the ones putting the heat on Fancy to get the whole debacle squared away as soon as possible.

Emma was missing too, though he wouldn't lose any sleep if the sour old mare had been fired for her role in yesterday's events. If Emma had only told him of Andy's whereabouts sooner, then maybe the whole mess might not have happened in the first place.

Who was he kidding? Andy and his recent behaviour had been a disaster waiting to happen. He'd just been the unfortunate schmuck who'd been left to pay the price at the end of it. Andy had been a law unto himself for a while now and it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide that fact from Fancy and the brass.

"Wow. I hope the other guy looks worse."

John frowned at his colleague, Greg Medavoy, as much as his injured face would allow. He would have loved to say that he'd been the victor, but the truth was that he hadn't stood a chance against Giardella's goons once they'd got the jump on him.

Medavoy looked at him soberly. "Seriously John, you look like shit. You sure you should be here?"

"Not my choice," John replied with a scowl. "You see Andy today?"

Medavoy suddenly looked like he'd rather be anywhere than the squad room at that moment as John fixed him with his laser-like blue eyes.

"Do you know something?" John asked, trying to intimidate his colleague into sharing what he seemed intent on hiding.

"Kelly," Lieutenant Fancy's voice boomed from across the room. The man was standing in the doorway to his office with a less than amused look on his face. "Can you come into my office please?"

Medavoy looked relieved to be given a reprieve from answering John's question, returning to shuffling files on his desk in an attempt to look busy.

John slowly made his way to the lieutenant's office, immediately feeling his hackles rise when he saw a man he recognised. Sargent Phillips was known to everyone at the 15th Precinct as a man who'd ended more than half a dozen careers in the last five years. The man's presence only reinforced John's fears that the knives were out when it came to Andy.

Fancy motioned for John to have a seat, which he declined. "It hurts less if I stand," he said by way of explanation.

"I read the hospital report. You were lucky to get away with only a couple of cracked ribs," Fancy replied, sitting behind his desk and smoothing out his tie.

"That would depend on your definition of lucky I suppose."

Fancy gave a small nod of his head. "Understood, detective. We'll try to make this as brief as possible."

Sargent Phillips cleared his throat and spoke up. "Detective Kelly, I was wondering if you could tell us what happened yesterday during your shift."

John closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, a move he instantly regretted as his ribs and abdominal muscles protested at the sudden movement. "I walked into a trap and got beat up. That's all."

"That's not what I heard, Detective," Phillips replied.

"Then you heard wrong."

"I heard that Detective Sipowicz broke protocol, went to Marchetti's without informing his superior and entered the building without backup. I heard that, when you finally knew of your partner's whereabouts, you went after him, walked into a setup and paid the price for your partner's idiotic actions."

John said nothing as he stared at his shoes, not wanting to give Phillips any more ammo against Andy than he already had.

"I understand that he's your partner and that you want to protect him, Detective Kelly, but you should know that we already have enough evidence to suspend Detective Sipowicz pending a formal investigation into his actions. We don't need your testimony to throw the book at him for this."

John's head shot up as he looked at Fancy in annoyance before turning his frustration to Sargent Phillips. "So you made me come down here for nothing?"

Phillips began shuffling papers in front of him before placing them in his briefcase and making his way toward the door. "Detective Sipowicz is a liability and I asked you to down here as a courtesy. You've impressed people in high places, Kelly, and I'd hate for you to have your career dragged through the mud for the sake of some misplaced loyalty. People like Sipowicz are users, you'd do well to get yourself another partner – sooner rather than later."

John glared as Sargent Phillips left the room, leaving him face to face with Lieutenant Fancy.

"He's right you know. Sipowicz is pulling you down with him. You're a good cop, John."

"I'm the cop I am because of him. He taught me everything I know," John insisted.

"And he almost got you killed yesterday." Fancy's voice softened as he spoke. "Yesterday could have turned out a lot worse for you. What if next time you're not so lucky? What if next time you get killed?"

"That'll never happen. I know Andy's got my back."

"Like he did yesterday?"

Fancy's words had the required effect as John felt his grip on his temper loosen. "That wasn't his fault!"

"How long are you going to keep covering for him? Can't you see what a liability he is at the moment?" John stared at Fancy, looking furious. "Andy's not going to be around for a while, maybe you should consider putting in a request for another partner."

"No."

"He's dragging you down, Kelly. You're too good a cop to get caught up in his mistakes. Do yourself a favour and get out while you still can….before you lose everything.

No doubt it was unintentional, but Fancy's words hit harder than John had expected them to. He and Lori had lost the baby, and now they were at loggerheads over his job, would he even have a home to go back to tonight?

"Another," Andy slurred, his posture slumping further with each glass of scotch he downed.

The bar tender looked at him. "Don't you think you've had enough, pal?"

In no mood for games, Andy grabbed the barman by his shirt, pulling him forward. "Give me another drink or I'll take my money elsewhere, you greasy little prick!"

He felt a meaty hand clamp down on his shoulder. "That's it, you're out of here, old man."

"I want another drink," Andy slurred, finding himself being pushed toward the door.

"Go and find it somewhere else. You're done here."

Maybe it was a combination of the alcohol and the shove that the doorman had given him, but Andy found himself in a heap on the ground after losing his balance, landing face-first by the trashcans outside the building.

Despite the melting snow soaking into his clothes, Andy couldn't bring himself to get up. Maybe this was where he belonged - with the trash: old and used and no good to anyone.

When you hit rock bottom, was there any point in getting back up?

Even though he knew he was being cowardly, John had avoided going home until the early evening. He was tired and aching and in no mood for another round of arguments with Lori. They'd both made their feelings clear when it came to where they saw their future heading and it was becoming clear that they both saw things moving in very different directions.

Looking up at the building, he could see that the lights in their apartment weren't on. John let out a small sigh of relief at the thought of not being confronted with Lori's anger as soon as he walked through the door.

Despite the relief he felt at not having to deal with another disagreement, nothing could have prepared John for the sight before him as he opened the door. Even with a quick glance it was clear to see that Lori had removed all traces of herself from the living room. The photos of the two of them together, the silly little trinkets that she collected - all of it had gone.

Walking into the bedroom, he found her side of the room stripped of belongings. Lori's side of the wardrobe empty and bare. On the bed he found a letter. He already knew what it was without even reading it, yet he felt compelled him to open it.

Johnny,

These last few months have been so tough for both of us and so I want you to know that I've given this a lot of thought. When you told me that you weren't going to take the promotion I realised that I can't keep doing this.

I can't keep worrying myself to sleep when you're out on the streets at night that, this time, you're not going to come back home to me. You put yourself in danger all the time and I can't live in constant uncertainty. I love you, Johnny, it would kill me if anything happened to you.

Yesterday brought it back home that you're always in harm's way and it frightened me when I saw what those animals had done to you. I've lost our baby and I can't face the thought of losing you too.

Maybe I was wrong to say that we wouldn't try for another baby unless you left the streets, but I only said it because I love you and I need you in my life. You said that you wouldn't change for me and I can't either, so maybe it's best that we part ways now before we hurt each other any more than we already have.

I've packed my things and headed to my sister's for a while so I can clear my head, but I think this is the end of the road for us.

I love you, Johnny. I always have and I always will.

Laura xxx

How could his world have fallen apart around him so quickly?

His partner was suspended. His wife had just left him. What else was there left to lose?

When you had nothing, the only thing you could do was start again. His marriage was over and his partnership Andy was in tatters. He had no choice but to carry on, trying to rebuild from the foundations that still remained. Those foundations were damaged and weak, in need of repair.

Maybe it was time to once more set sail into uncharted waters.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and took part with the word suggestions throughout this story. New chapters of Heartless are in the works and on the way soon...

WriterJasmine and Teeheehee xxx