With that, Stef had one more stop to make. Mike deserved the truth and he deserved to hear it from her. She loved Mike. And she truly did care about him. But, she had never been in love with him. And that guilt was not enough to keep her attached to him anymore.
Stef knocked on the apartment that they used to share as a family. That all seemed like a lifetime ago. Since meeting Lena she didn't even feel like the same person anymore. She had had no idea she had been sleepwalking through life until Lena breathed life into her.
Mike opened the door and she had to take a step back. The smell of alcohol nearly knocked her off her feet. Maybe she should've done this somewhere else. But, there was no going back now.
"Hi Mike." She tried to sound upbeat. "Can I come in?"
"What are you doing here Stef? Coming home hasn't been big on your list of to do things, ya know." Mike had a cocky look on his face and his arms crossed defiantly. But, before they had been married Mike had been her best friend. Stef could see past the cockiness to the nervousness in his gaze. She knew he used cockiness to hide his own personal insecurities. He was so much like a little lost boy. But, this had to be done.
She looked around. When she had moved out with Brandon, she had left everything. Aside from the beer and liquor bottles, everything was exactly the same that she had left it. Just like everything at her Dads was the same that her Mother had left things when she moved out. Like Mother like daughter, she thought. Except her Mom had been right. Mike and Frank were too alike for her to ever find happiness.
"We needed to talk Mike. Really talk. About us. About where we're headed and what comes next."
"Fine. Go ahead." Mike challenged her.
"I filed for divorce yesterday Mike. You should be getting the papers soon."
"What the – because of a prank? Stef, come on. We play pranks all the time. You used to have a sense of humor and know how to laugh."
"No Mike. Because of everything."
"What everything? We were supposed to be working on getting the two of us back together and now you're talking all crazy. On what grounds are you getting a divorce for anyway? You're the one seeing this Timothy. And I'm still willing to work things out with you."
She had no idea what Timothy had to do with anything or where Mike had gotten his name from, but she needed to make sure that he understood the truth. "For the first time, I'm clearer than I have ever been since before I met you. I should have never married you." She saw the hurt that crossed his face and she wished she could do something to take it away. But, she knew that that was not her job or place. And it was only just about to get worse.
She was crying again now. "I'm a lesbian Mike. I could never love you the way you loved me. I just thought, that maybe the way that you loved me made you happy enough, that that was okay. Except it wasn't. It just made me more unhappy because I wasn't honest about me to me."
"I care about you Mike. And I'm sorry for my part in all of this. But, you and I, there is no us. I'll be your friend. I'll be your supporter. But, you should know that I can't be your wife. I'm sorry but I did try." With that, she pulled out the wedding ring and left it for him on the counter. She wanted to help comfort him, but knew that was not her place in his life ever again. She left quickly.
Even though she was still crying, she had never felt freer in her life. That knot in her stomach that was constantly there, had gone away. As she wiped her face, she stopped for a minute and stared at her own reflection. She had never taken the time to care what she looked like before. Now, she liked what she saw staring back at her. Even through her tears, she was still smiling. She texted Lena and asked what her plans were.
Lena texted back, At my parents. Come over. Bring your Mom and bathing suits.
Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?
Well, no suit would be better but, I think my Mom would have a heart attack.
Cheeky.
Love you.
Love you too.
She put her car into gear and drove off.