So I kind of wanted to include Maura's whole leg injury storyline, as I really enjoyed the episode where Jane is forced to cut Maura's leg open. I decided to just include it in the beginning of the chapter here though as a dream sequence, so I hope it makes sense. Also I really hope you'll understand the end of the chapter- the next one will start off right where we leave off here!
Thank you to everyone who is still reading! –J
Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles…though I wish I did! J
Chapter 32- To Heal and to Hurt
"The blood supply to my lower leg has been compromised. I'll lose my leg unless..."
"We get you to a hospital," Jane interrupted, her pure panic obvious in her voice.
"Unless you do a fasciotomy. I need something sharp," Maura ignored her girlfriend's obvious fear, searching her pockets for something that could be used to make an incision in her leg.
"Maur…Maura," Jane attempted to get the blonde's attention with little success, placing her hand on Maura's leg. "Maura I'm not…I can't…I'm not gonna cut your leg open. I can't do this," she held back tears as Maura explained what she needed to do. "Maura no. No I can't. I'm sorry."
"Jane please," Maura begged. "I really like my leg Jane. I can't lose my leg. Please Jane I need you to do this. Please."
Watching Maura with tears stinging her eyes, Jane did her best to remain calm, not sure that she could actually do what Maura was asking her, but knowing that Maura needed her.
"Jane please," Maura tried again, her eyes shining with tears of her own. "Please. You can do this. I'll be fine. You can do this."
With no other options, Jane grabbed the piece of cell phone glass that Maura had asked her to use, pressing it to Maura's leg cutting in deep, only stopping when the blonde began to shout before passing out.
"Maura! Maura, wake up…Maura no! Maura…"
"Jane…Jane honey wake up. Jane it's just a dream. Jane wake up…" Maura leant over the brunette shaking her shoulder until Jane finally woke with a gasp, bolting up and nearly knocking the blonde over in the process. "It's okay. You're okay," Maura tried to calm her girlfriend down, watching as Jane tried to get her bearings, her breathing ragged. "It was just a dream."
"It wasn't really though," Jane mumbled, rubbing her eyes as she tried to shake off the dream that had left her feeling as if she had been back in the woods. "It's like the nightmare that never ends. It wasn't bad enough that I had to live through it the first time but now I have to relive it every night too."
"Jane I'm okay," Maura said, sounding cautious. "You saved my leg and you got me out of there. It's over now. I'm okay. We're both okay."
"We…you…we almost weren't," Jane replied quietly, allowing Maura to pull her into her arms, lying them both down, the brunette shaking slightly. "You were…and…I…you don't understand," she eventually sighed. "You passed out and there was so much blood and…"
"Jane," Maura interrupted seeing the brunette once again starting to panic. "I know Honey. I know," she placed a kiss within brown curls. "I know it was frightening and I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to have to do that, but you did it Jane. You saved my leg. You saved us and got us back to Amelia," she continued, hating the shiver that ran through Jane's body. "It's okay Honey."
"It was my fault," Jane sounded sad, turning in the blonde's arms in order to face her. "If I hadn't picked that fight with you about talking to your Mom…if I had just let it be…if I had just understood where you were coming from then we wouldn't have gotten into that argument and I would have seen that car coming and…"
"Jane no," Maura once again interrupted, hating the anguish that her girlfriend was putting herself through. "It wasn't your fault," she tightened her hold on the brunette. "You were just worried about me and you were right. You were so right Jane and I should have listened to you in the first place, so I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Nodding, Jane leaned up, giving Maura a rather chaste kiss. "I hate seeing you hurt. I hated seeing what not talking to your Mother was doing to you and I hated watching you pass out in pain the way you did. I just…I hate it."
"I know," Maura chuckled lightly, grateful when she felt Jane relax. "But I'm okay now. My leg barely hurts; I'll be good as new in no time and as for my Mother, we're working on it. I mean she'll be here tomorrow and we'll talk properly. We'll work it out okay?"
"Okay," Jane replied, kissing Maura under her chin. "I just…I just want you to be happy."
"I'm always happy when I'm with you," Maura smiled, allowed her eyes to drift closed, feeling Jane getting heavier in her arms. "Sleep now sweet girl. I'm here."
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It had been three days since Maura and Jane had gotten in the accident. Three days since both women had feared they would never make it home to Amelia, considering themselves lucky that they had made it out alive and almost unscathed; Maura's leg heavily bandaged with a risk of infection.
Though it had been three days, for Jane it seemed like the couple was still trapped in those woods, her nightmares making everything fresh in her mind, forcing her to relive the trauma over and over again. For her part Maura seemed to be coping rather well, taking her doctor's advice to rest seriously and, with Jane's insistence, even making a phone call to her Mother to inform her about what had happened; Constance immediately insisting on coming to Boston.
"You know she probably won't come," Maura said the next day, sitting on the couch with her leg resting on the table in front of her. "I mean she's very busy. I'm sure something has come up and…"
"Maura will you relax," Jane interrupted, knowing Maura was trying to talk herself down so she wouldn't be disappointed. "Your Mom said she was coming so she'll be here okay? Just relax. Her flight was only due to land half an hour ago."
Sighing, Maura leaned back against the couch, biting her lip anxiously, still unsure about how she felt about her Mother coming to see her. "Mommy can we go to the park today?" Amelia interrupted Maura's inner turmoil.
"I'm sorry Sweetie," Maura shook her head. "Mommy can't take you to the park today, I need to rest my leg for a few more days," she explained. "Besides Grandma is coming to visit soon remember? We need to wait here for her."
"But I wanna play at the park," Amelia pouted, flopping down on the couch in disappointment.
"Hey kiddo how about this," Jane intervened, scooping Amelia up and placing her on her lap. "We need to stay here and say hello to Grandma because she is coming a very long way to see you again," she said. "But afterwards I will take you to the park so that Mommy and Grandma can spend some time together. Does that sound okay to you?"
"Okay!" Amelia was quick to agree, a big smile on her face. "I wish you could come too though Mommy," her mouth once again in a pout.
"Me too Honey," Maura smiled. "But I promise we'll go to the park as soon as my leg is all better. You and Jane will have a good time today without me."
"We sure will," Jane tickled Amelia's sides, making the little blonde squeal. "But we'll miss you very much," she added with a smile, leaning over to kiss Maura's cheek, just as the doorbell rang. "I guess I better get that," she said, patting Maura's good leg before lifting Amelia up onto her hip and heading for the front door. "Constance hi! It's nice to see you again."
"Hi Grandma!" Amelia beamed, waving to Constance. "Janie's gonna take me to the park today!"
"Well that sounds lovely," Constance smiled, though she looked rather nervous. "It's nice to see you again as well Detective."
"Please call me Jane," Jane replied, giving the older woman a reassuring smile. "Maura's in the family room. She's not really up to being on her feet much. Come on in."
"How's she doing?" Constance asked, her voice low, but laced with worry; something Jane wasn't used to hearing.
"Mommy hurt her leg," Amelia was the one to reply, Jane shaking her head in amusement.
"She's doing okay," Jane added. "The Doctor was actually pretty impressed with my incision, which is kind of crazy, but we're keeping an eye out for infection. She expects to heal well though."
"She's lucky to have you," Constance smiled just as they made their way into the family room where Maura was waiting on the couch, looking a little impatient. "Maura darling, I'm so glad you're alright," she greeted her daughter, immediately bending over in order to give the blonde a kiss on the cheek. "How are you feeling?"
"Well I've been better, but I'm okay," Maura smiled, not missing the relieved look on her Mother's face. "The pain is minimal as long as I stay off my feet. I should be fully recovered in no time," she explained. "You're looking much better than the last time I saw you."
"Yes I'm doing much better," Constance nodded, sitting down next to her daughter. "Back to my normal self I would say. Thank you for allowing me to visit again. I know how we left things last time wasn't…" she glanced at Amelia, thinking better of her words. "I was relieved that you allowed me to come."
"Well I thought it was about time we talked," Maura replied.
"Which is my cue to head out," Jane interrupted. "Mia and I are gonna head out to the park for a while so you two can catch up, but we were thinking of ordering in for dinner. We'd love if you'd join us," she told Constance.
"That sounds lovely, thank you Jane," Constance smiled a real, genuine smile. "You two enjoy your time at the park. We'll be just fine here," she placed a hand on Maura's knee, seeming to let out a sigh of relief when Maura placed her hand on hers.
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"Janie?" Amelia called from the backseat of the car, the pair on their way to the park.
"Yes Mia?" Jane replied, a smile in her voice, knowing the little blonde often liked to have their most serious conversations when they were in the car together.
"What do Mommy and Gramma gotta talk about?" Amelia asked as her face screwed up in the face she always made when she didn't understand something.
"Well," Jane considered this for a moment, not entirely sure how to explain this. "Your Mommy and Grandma need to talk about Mommy's accident and some other things that happened the last time Grandma was here. They just need to spend some time together."
"Because Mommy was sad?" Amelia then asked, ever the observant young girl. "Is Mommy gonna be sad again?"
"You know what Bug, I don't think so," Jane shook her head, looking at the youngest Isles through the rearview mirror. "Mommy and Grandma are going to work really hard to make each other happy. They love each other very much but they've had their issues. I think that's all going to get better now. Okay?"
"Okay," Amelia's reply was easy, accepting Jane's explanation without question. "Can we get ice cream after the park?"
"Sure kid," Jane laughed at the fact that the five year old could change the topic so quickly. "But you can't tell your Mom."
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"I didn't know who Patrick was when I first met him," Constance told Maura, the Mother and Daughter still sitting together on the couch, both ready to talk out what had happened. "He was a rather quiet student but he had a lot of promise. I had no idea about his father or the kinds of things his family was involved in," she explained. "It wasn't until his girlfriend got pregnant that he really opened up."
"Did he ever tell you about her?" Maura asked.
"All he told me was that if his Father found out about her he would have her killed," Constance shook her head. "That's how I found out exactly who Patrick was," she added. "All he wanted to do was protect you and your…your Mother. He never divulged exactly what he planned until one day he showed up to my classroom with you. I…well I wasn't going to just leave you so I took you in. I never heard from Patrick again, not until the hospital," she continued. "I know that I should have told you the truth about your adoption but…well how do you explain all of that to a young child?"
"I understand you not telling me the truth when I was a child Mother," Maura replied, doing her best to keep her tone calm. "But what about later? What about when I was an adult? Or when I had Amelia? What about when I moved back to Boston? Did you even consider the danger that Amelia and I would be in here if someone found out about my connection to Paddy?"
"You never asked about your birth parents," Constance shook her head, looking rightfully ashamed of herself. "You never asked and so I never offered any answers, which I realize was the wrong choice," she sighed. "After a while it became something that I didn't know how to tell you about. I never considered that you and Amelia could be in danger, I never knew that Patrick had kept track of you, but I assumed if he ever found out you were back in the city that he would protect you at all costs. It's all he ever cared about."
Sighing, Maura leaned her head back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling, not quite sure what to think.
"Maura, I'm sorry," Constance reached out, taking Maura's hand in hers. "I am so sorry, but please darling. Try and understand how difficult all of this was for me. There was no easy way to tell you about all of this and I'm sorry. I love you Maura. Please tell me you'll forgive me. Tell me I haven't lost you for good."
"Of course you haven't," Maura squeezed her Mother's hand. "Of course not," she repeated. "This has all been very difficult for me but I suppose I never considered how it must have been for you. I still really do want to repair our relationship Mother. I still want you to be in mine and Amelia's life."
"I still want that too," Constance was quick to reply. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that. Thank you Maura."
"You should thank Jane," Maura smiled, Constance raising an eyebrow in question. "I'm afraid I almost let my stubbornness prevent me from contacting you after the last time we spoke. She has been pushing me to contact you since then and we actually got in to a bit of an argument about it," she explained. "I was angry with her when we were in the car so I picked a fight about nothing, which was why she didn't see the car coming at us and I ended up like this," she gestured toward her leg. "It was after that, that I finally decided it was time to take Jane's advice."
"Well then I suppose I will have to thank her," Constance smiled, her hand remaining linked to her daughter's as they both leaned back on the couch. "You know I think you and Jane were truly meant for each other. I think she's been wonderful for you and Amelia."
"She has," Maura agreed happily, smiling as she thought of her girlfriend. "She's…well she's absolutely perfect."
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"Amelia be careful," Jane called out from where she sat on a bench, watching Amelia running around on the park's play structure, chasing another little girl she had met when they arrived. "Slow down honey you don't want to fall."
"Okay," Amelia called back, though she didn't slow down.
Shaking her head in amusement Jane wondered if it was possible that she had rubbed off on Amelia that much already, as the little girl was much less cautious than Maura, reminding Jane of herself when she was a kid. Pulling out her cell phone, Jane checked to see if she had any messages, not surprised to find that Maura had text her, relieved to find that it was good news.
"Janie I wanna do the monkey bars," Amelia's shouts came from across the park just as Jane began to text Maura back.
"Okay Bug I'll be right there, just give me a minute," Jane replied, knowing the five year old still needed help getting across the monkey bars with her short arms. Typing out a quick reply to Maura, Jane was still focused on her phone when a shrill scream pierced the air causing the brunette to drop the device, looking up to find that she could not see Amelia.
Panicked, Jane moved fast, running towards the monkey bars, loud cries making her heart beat fast, her eyes eventually landing on Amelia, who lay on the ground under the bars, her arm at an odd angle as tears ran down her face.
"Mia honey, what happened? Are you okay?" Jane rushed to the little girl's side, flinching as she took in the obviously broken arm. "Mia Baby try to calm down."
"It's hurts, it hurts," Amelia sobbed, Jane doing her best to hold her still.
"I know Baby, I know, just try and hold still okay, it's okay," Jane did her best to comfort the little girl, suddenly wishing that Maura was there as she would be much better in this kind of situation. "I'm going to lift you baby, but don't move your arm okay? I need to take you to the hospital. Just try not to move."
"It hurts! Mama! It hurts!" Amelia continued to cry as Jane lifted her into her arms as carefully as possible without jarring her arm. "Mama…Mama…Mama."
"Shhh it's okay baby. It's okay," Jane soothed, already on the way to the car, running on nothing but adrenaline.
"Mama, Mama, Mama," was the only word that Amelia seemed able to utter as Jane quickly and carefully buckled her into the car, running around to the front of the car and starting the engine as she was hit with a sudden thought that made her heart once again beat fast; Amelia doesn't call Maura Mama.