A/N: thank you all for your patience with my slow updates! Work and school is very time-consuming, but rest assured I have not abandoned this! Also, the cameo of Ellie's switchblade is dedicated to reader Galen Devereaux who has been waiting patiently for its appearance :-) Enjoy!
Clouds were rolling in from the south, obscuring the morning sunlight, and Ellie looked at the ground just as it was peppered with a single falling droplet, Maria's hand on the back of her shoulder ushering her onwards. She didn't say another word until they reached the house, when she turned to Maria, strangely calm.
"What're they gonna do." Her green eyes were round.
Maria took a deep breath. "Honey, no one knows yet, we're all still processing it. Now – do you want to start from the beginning, and explain what happened?"
"Since you asked, no, not really," Ellie murmured. "You already know, I already said."
"Ellie – did you have any idea -"
"Heck, no!" she burst out, her voice hoarse. "If I did, do you think I woulda done it?"
"And before – when you and Matt – just..." Maria covered her hand with her mouth. "Never mind. Somehow, he's infected."
"Me," Ellie continued doggedly. "It was me, just say it."
Maria's pupils were dilated as she braced both hands on Ellie's shoulders and met her gaze. "You know what this means?"
Ellie's chest rose ever so slightly as she took in an uneven breath, but said nothing.
"Ellie." Maria's voice was low. "They're going to see you as dangerous. As a threat. They're going to want to get rid of you – send you away, or worse. Because they'll think you could infect us all."
"Can't I?" Ellie croaked. "Maybe you'd better just put a bullet in my brain and be done with it."
Maria straightened, looking like she'd just been slapped. "Don't you want to fight?" she whispered. "Are you going to fight this or not?"
Ellie shook her head wearily. "All I do is fight. All we've ever done, from day one. And..." Her eyes glazed over, somehow more frightening to Maria than tears and swearing. "I'm just... so tired. Maybe it's better."
"No." Maria spoke quickly. "They will try to tell you you're a threat, that you're dangerous -"
"Aren't I?" she broke in. "Matt – he was fine, healthy, good. Now he's one of them." The blasé tone with which Ellie stated the raw truth was more than chilling.
"You are a fighter, and you are going to fight this as you've fought everything else, now you do as I say," Maria continued in an even tone, "and go find Anna. She needs to hear what's going on, and she needs to hear it from you. After that, I want you to come straight back here and wait for Joel or Tommy. We're gonna figure this out."
The moment Maria stopped talking, she lifted her head, hearing the sound of voices outside, and went to the door, unlocking it and stepping out onto the porch. Several of the Oklahomans had assembled and were muttering to each other, joined by a few of the original group. "Go back to your work, whatever it is, Tommy and Joel are sorting it out," Maria called, and obediently, the small assemblage dispersed with worried looks and parting glances. Maria let her eyes fall shut for a brief minute, and then struck off across the settlement.
Just outside the office building, Tommy and Joel eyed each other for a long moment, their sudden silence enforced by the passing of several of those on guard who were rotating stations. Earl tried to meet one of their gazes, but both men carefully avoided eye contact. As soon as they were out of earshot, Joel put his hand to his hip holster, and jerked his head toward the door. They had to go back in. At least get the boy locked in until some decision could be made, or he could be immobilized, or -
"I got it," Tommy murmured, pulling the door open, and holding it there with his back as Joel passed through, his eyes keen and searching for something, anything that could be used to tie Matt up if necessary. A tangle of unwanted computer cording would do the trick, and Joel grabbed it, winding it hurriedly between the web of his hand and his elbow, slipping it off in a tidy coil and handing it to Tommy wordlessly. There was no sound in the building except the beginning droplets of rain that splattered on the broken roof.
At the bottom of the stairs, Joel and Tommy stopped, meeting each others eyes.
"What in the world are you gonna do?" Tommy whispered. "It's on you, you know."
"On me?" Joel lowered his brow. "How the heck is it on me? These are your people, they look to you for decisions."
"She's your girl. This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for her."
"And none of that would even have happened if it weren't for you and Maria's tomfoolery!" Joel hissed, sending echoes flying around the cement room. He stopped and took a deep breath, looking around them, the shuffling of Tommy's feet loud in the quietude.
"We can't just block off the entire building until we can have a session of congress," Tommy began somewhat sarcastically. "We do what needs to be done, and we do it now."
"What needs to be done?" Joel demanded. "Way I see it, we should'a thought of this before. Now, I never had any idea that Ellie's... immunity was like this. Like she wouldn't get it herself, but she could infect others. So if -" Joel stopped short, a horrible thought dawning pale across his face. He swore. "Do you think that -"
"Maria started to, but I told her not to talk that way, things seemed to be normal -"
"Is there any way of knowin'?" Joel demanded, his voice rising. "There isn't. Tommy, I swear to God, if anything happens to her -"
Tommy regarded Joel with round eyes. "I don't think that's how it works."
"How do you think it works? Huh? You have so many ideas about this, then why don't you just cook up a cure for us!"
"This is what I'm talkin' about, this is where you go too far," Tommy said, his voice clipped. "Me and Maria, we had a thought. A thought, and you go blamin' every dang thing that's happened since on us, just because we voiced an opinion."
"An opinion?" Joel looked around him in disbelief, as if appealing to the shadows for support. "That wasn't an opinion, Tommy, that was full-on pressure to do somethin' you and I both know never crossed her mind to do."
"Sometimes we gotta think of more than ourselves," Tommy returned, his palms lifted. "That's all I'm sayin'."
"Did it ever cross your mind, little brother – did it ever cross your mind that she is sixteen years old and has never known happiness? Hm? Why don't you think about that before you go tryin' to teach your lessons of thinkin' for other people, okay? Every darn thing she's ever done has been for someone else, or for survival. And if you think that watchin' her go through this has been easy, then let me tell you -"
"Joel-!" Tommy yelped, cutting him off as an unearthly sound was released from a raw throat at the top of the stairs.
Back at the house, Ellie looked around in the silence for a long moment, before slowly crossing the room, her limbs feeling leaden, her mind buzzing with a thousand thoughts of nothing all at once. Her hand fumbled for the latch on the screen door, and it swung open; the toe of her sneaker caught on the threshold and made her stumble, but she kept walking nervelessly on, the grey of the sky seeping into her very bones, drooping her eyelids and suppressing her senses. She was just so... tired. And afraid. As quickly as the startling lethargy had come, it was chased away with rising panic. Her heart began to race, her pulse thundering in her ears like the hooves of a thousand horses, as she increased her pace across the compound. Anna. Find Anna. Tell her about Matt.
Rain began to fall from the sky in great heavy splats of rain, slow, whelming into the dusty ground. She fell heavily to her knees, letting her burning eyes fall shut, counting one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand... Or was it one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi? Her breath came in short jagged gasps, tearing through her lungs, and she felt the droplets of her tears dripping from her cheeks before she even realized she was silently weeping, her arms wrapped about herself. Something stiff dug into her thigh from the pocket of her jeans, and rising up ever so slightly, Ellie stuffed her hand within and pulled out her switchblade – the blade that had saved her and Joel's life so many times over their long trek, and had performed service for her mother before her. Ellie thought of her child, the thing within her, and wondered... Suddenly, it didn't seem fair. Worth it. What a world to live in, to bring someone else into. With a numb flick, she mindlessly pressed open the blade, and held it in a shaking hand when she heard a voice call her name.
"Ellie! Ellie!"
Footsteps splashed into her line of vision, and Anna's concerned face was close to hers. "Ellie, what is going on? No one will talk to me, everyone's running around all hush-hush, and -" She stopped short, her eyes widening in horror as she saw the switchblade clenched in her friend's hand. "Ellie..." she began in a low, frightened voice. "I don't know what it is, but if you think that you're gonna solve it with that, then you're wrong."
"How do you know," Ellie said, her voice ragged. "You don't know what's going on."
"I would if you'd... tell me." Anna's voice was gentle, as if startling the girl would end it all. "Just... give me that, okay. You're scaring me."
"It's all I do. Scare people," Ellie returned bitterly, snapping the blade shut and shoving it into her pocket again, hauling herself to her feet, and when she stumbled forward a step, Anna caught her by her shoulders.
"Ellie-?"
"Anna..." Ellie's voice broke, and she buried her face in the girl's shoulder, clinging to her as if for dear life. "Anna, the whole world's so messed up, and some of it's my fault, and I just don't know what to do anymore, I never knew what to do, and this whole freakin' time I've just been pretending... and I'm tired of pretending I'm strong, of pretending I know what to do -"
"Hey... hey – hey..." Anna squeezed her, harder, and then harder to get her attention until Ellie gasped for breath. "Shut up, just shut up, will you? Whatever it is – it can't be that bad. It can't -"
A gunshot split the air.