Author's Note: Short. Not good. Red AU.

Day One-Hundred Eighty-Six: Yesterday by The Beatles

The second of silence between us felt like ten billion too long.

"Toby," she began again, "you are an amazing person, and I feel so lucky to have you in my life, especially as someone I can call mine." She reached out to take my hand. "And I want you to know that I love you. A lot. Too much, even."

I pulled away. This felt so…fake. I didn't want to accuse Spencer of anything, but it felt like she was lying. "You don't have to sugar-coat it or feel obligated to stay, Spencer. I'm sorry," I replied sheepishly.

"Don't be sorry!" Spencer took a moment to think of her next sentence. "I just don't feel ready for this again. Not yet. And I love you, and I want to get there someday, but not now. I don't want you to think that I love you any less, though."

Even though she said all of that, it felt like a big kick in the stomach.

Suddenly, she sighed and got up. "I think we just need some space, away from each other. I think I'll go stay with Hanna for a couple of days."

That felt like someone rubbing salt in the wound.

Later that night, I sat in bed, just thinking. I looked over at the nightstand. The ring was in the drawer. I was really thinking about taking out the ring and just looking at it, thinking about what it would look like on Spencer's finger.

I was a real glutton for punishment.

I took it out and looked at it. Just twenty-four hours ago, I had thought that Spencer would say yes. There would be no problems like this. But now, everything seemed wrong. All my problems were here to stay.

I looked over, half-expecting to see her sitting there, reading quietly or doing something else that Spencer liked to do. Probably petting Mowgli or Pandora. But instead, Mowgli sat there, like he wanted to be where Spencer was. When he noticed I was looking at, he meowed with distress. He was aching for her like I did.

I just wanted her right next to me. It didn't feel the same. I almost didn't feel the same. This all just felt like a bad dream or a black cloud hanging over. It couldn't be real. It was, though. I knew that. I just didn't want to believe.

I wondered if Spencer would be leaving for good. I hoped not. I loved her so much. I didn't want to lose her because I asked her a dumb question. I just knew that our current state was not good.

Did I do something to hurt her? Say something wrong?

I just wished I could take it back. Sure, I loved Spencer and I still wanted to get married to her—deep down, I really thought that one day, we would get married—but I almost…didn't want to know. I didn't want to know that she didn't want to marry me.

I love you.

But not now.

Maybe not ever.

It was almost like I could hear her saying all of those things.

The worst part was I had no place to hide or feel comfort. I'd run to her at a time like this. But she was gone. Now I needed someplace new to hide away. Suddenly, love wasn't so easy anymore.

AL3110: Um...okay. I mean, I know of Pippi Longstocking but I can't remember what happens. Nope. Idk what's wrong with you. Orange juice is life. Yeah, but Scotland is staying with the UK (I can breathe now. The thought of the UK not being Wales, Scotland, and England [plus 26 counties in Northern Ireland] makes me feel a bit upset. James I/James VI did not go through hell for the Kingdom to not be United anymore!) and it makes me feel a little happy. But to be honest, I don't really know why they wanted to separate. I'm guessing it wasn't something major, though, considering half of the Scottish population is good with staying a part of the UK. Oh, yeah, the woman in the one-shot was a woman. Toby and Spencer are the same age. When Toby lost his mom, he was like 11 or something and he saw this woman his dad knew praying and going to church and everything because her husband was in a car accident and they didn't know if he'd live. It wasn't Spencer. Obviously, the little girl wasn't Spencer or Spencer would've been dead. Yeah, I will, when I talk to you.

MilaMizz:I looked up some synonyms for you: genial, ducky, becoming, commendable, copacetic, ingratiating, nifty, peachy, prepossessing, simpatico, and winsome. Wow. No offense to you (because I mean this with love), but are you an anime nerd? Because I know a few. My cousin is one. She's like big on anime and she read one of my fanfics and asked, "Are you one of those authors that starts talking to characters in their A/N's?" and then she said that she guessed it was mostly just anime fanfic writers. I really like that teacher but it was just like...I think my back is a little more important than one rehearsal. It's not like I'm behind on music, either. I get all of it. That's what annoys me so much. No, it's just that I'm really worried because of what's on her Tumblr and I know she said that she's just taking a break for school, but I'm really worried about her.

Alright, well, it was awful. The next one is not any better. It's Forever and a Day by Christina Li. Tomorrow is Academy Day, AKA the day I get to see people I don't really want to see because you know why not. Ugh. Being an anti-socialite is so hard sometimes. -Kayson