Chapter 40: A Delayed Emotion
Hey, readers. Just a few things before I get started here again. First of all, thanks for pointing out the problem areas with the story! I'll do my best to fix them, or at least weave them into the story better. Now, if someone on the actual show would do that… anyway, onto point number two. I don't possess anything I put in this story, like RWBY, songs, shows, or pretty much anything. I'm just some random guy who writes stuff on a laptop. Now, let's get to the story!
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Yang Xiao Long wasn't feeling that good that Monday.
No, she wasn't physically ill, and she wasn't some carrier for some horrible disease.
The thing was that Yang's thoughts began to turn against her.
Yang couldn't focus in the class before lunch. Normally, she would only half-listen anyway, but this time around Yang was too internally absorbed. She had tried too hard to keep everything together, and she was starting to break apart.
When Team RWBY had fled from Vale City, Yang was too focused on her mission to think about anything else. And, when she socialized with her friends and told jokes, she was only trying to delay the inevitable.
All she could think about now was how she nearly became a murderer.
The memory of nearly killing Mr. Brass back in Vale City had always lingered at the back of her mind. But, for how much she tried to avoid it, no matter how much she ran, Yang couldn't escape the feeling that she was becoming a monster.
A look of horror and dread crept into her eyes. Her stare lengthened for a thousand miles, yet all she saw was herself ready to kill a person, a feeling human being. She nearly killed a person with memories, thoughts, feelings, and a family.
Yang began to feel sick to her stomach.
How could she possibly feel good about herself if she was only a step away from becoming one of the monsters she fought as a Huntress?
Yang dropped the pen she was limply holding. As it clattered to the ground, Blake perked up and noticed it.
"Hey, Yang, you dropped your—" Blake began to whisper, before noticing the half-dead stare in her girlfriend's eyes.
"Are you alright?' asked Blake in a low, concerned tone.
Yang barely reacted to Blake's talking. All she gave was a tired sounding, "Yeah, I'm fine,". To Blake, that was a transparent lie. If Yang really was doing well, then she would have answered with a joke, or a smirk, or something to give away her cocky disposition. But there was… nothing behind those words.
"…Okay," Blake replied as she bent over and picked up Yang's pen. She put it on the desk, but the blonde didn't grab it. It was as if she didn't care about anything around her.
Blake kept an eye on Yang throughout the class period after that. She would have asked Ruby or, hell, even Weiss to help her figure out what was wrong with her, but the pair had decided to skip this class period. Knowing them, they were probably working on that revenge plot of Weiss'.
So, it was all left up to Blake to sort out Yang's problem.
"She helped me through my problem with the books… This is the least I can do for her," Blake mused in her thoughts.
It was true, Yang was the one to help her break her psychological dependence on those adult novels she frequented. Before, she used to identify a large part of herself, to make up for all the parts of her personality that were lacking because of her upbringing. But, because of Yang's big heart and honest speech, she was able to break the spell of dependence, and allow herself to be simply as herself, instead of being defined by something written in a book.
Yang deserved a helping hand right now, for all she had done.
xxx
After the class dismissed, Blake and Yang made their way down the halls, towards the snack bar by the botanical gardens. It was around the afternoon by now, and Blake knew for certain she needed food in her system.
Yang was shuffling along the walkway, while Blake was building up the courage to say something. Given how well her comforting techniques worked on Ruby and Weiss (i.e., not very), Blake needed to choose her words carefully.
"How should I go about this? Should I try to be overly friendly? How about, "Hey, Yangey-pooh, I noticed you're down in the dumps. How about we turn that frown upside down?'… No, that's too stupid. Even Nora would think that's lame. But I can't be aloof either. Damn, how does Ruby do this type of thing? She seems like she would be way better at this than me," the Faunus girl wondered.
Well, she would need to think of something soon, as Team Bumblebee was about twenty feet away from the snack bar now.
"Well, maybe I should just be direct about it. After all, that's worked before," she decided. It was true, it had worked in the past. Specifically, that's how Yang and herself hooked up to begin with. To make a long story short, as the two of them grew closer as partners, the more they saw each other in a romantic light. Eventually, Blake simply asked if they wanted to be a couple, and Yang said yes.
That was so simple, and yet right now was anything but.
Blake just decided to go with the direct approach. She didn't have much time to change her mind, as the duo was already at the snack bar counter.
"Hey. What do you want?" Cedric the cashier asked as he faced Blake and Yang. Then, he noticed the haggard look on Yang's face. "I take it you're going to need an energy drink. You look like hammered shit," he observed toward Yang.
Blake shot him a glare, but Yang barely reacted beyond saying, "Yeah, I'll have an Abomination and a BLT, I guess," in a tired voice. Nodding, Cedric grabbed the order from the nearby refrigeration unit and slid them onto the counter.
"And you?" he then asked to Blake.
"A green tea and a tuna sandwich," Blake replied, sounding a little distant. She was still trying to think of how to be forward with Yang when her order was presented to her.
"That'll be about…" Cedric said as he punched in the cost for both orders into the register, "Fifteen lien, please,".
Blake pulled twenty lien out of her pocket and tossed it onto the counter. Grabbing both orders and walking towards a table, Blake said over her shoulder, "Keep the change,". Cedric shrugged as he put the cash in the register, and Yang followed Blake over to the iron table.
Sitting down, Blake placed Yang's food in front of her and began to open her own sandwich.
Normally, Blake hated comparisons between her and a housecat, because of her Faunus nature. But, she had to admit, some of those accusations were entirely accurate about her. For example, it took her less than a minute to force the entire tuna sandwich into her mouth. Chewing happily, Blake took a sip of her tea. She then cast a look over at Yang, who hadn't even touched her food yet.
Swallowing, Blake asked her, "Aren't you going to eat?".
"I'm… not that hungry," Yang mumbled in response.
"Then why did you order something?" Blake questioned further.
"I don't know, okay?" said Yang in a voice that reminded Blake of a timid Velvet. That wasn't a good sign.
Blake decided now was the crucial time to lend her help. Folding her hands on the table, she started with, "Yang, what's wrong with you? You've been… acting distant. To be honest, you're worrying me,".
Yang tried to smile to show nothing was wrong. She failed completely. At best, her lips only twitched a little upwards. "I'm fine, you don't need to be afraid," Yang tried to deflect.
Blake simply glowered at Yang. "You're lying," Blake firmly declared. "Why can't you tell me what's wrong? I only want to help,".
Yang let out a dark chuckle at the mention of help. "Heh. Yeah, I don't think that'll work anymore," she sadly noted.
Blake could feel her heart drop a little hearing her girlfriend's depression. It sounded like she had completely given up. This wasn't like the Yang she knew at all.
"Why not? Everyone needs help sometimes, even you," Blake stated.
The breath in Yang's throat hitched a little as she said, "What if you're beyond saving?"
"That simply isn't true! You're one of the most compassionate, loving people I know!" Blake cried as she grabbed Yang's hands into her own. It hurt when Yang wrenched her hands away from her grip.
"Loving? How can someone who's loving be so willing to kill someone? A living person?" whispered Yang.
Blake realized what Yang was talking about. She was feeling incredibly guilty about nearly killing Mr. Brass. It partially amazed Blake how long it took for Yang to start thinking about it. But, it was understandable that with all the action of the last few days, Yang barely had any time to muse on what she did.
"M-Mr. Brass, right?" Blake asked. Yang gave a small, ashamed nod in response.
"But, that whole situation wasn't your fault! If only Mr. Schnee—" Blake began to explain before being cut off by Yang.
"But his drowning was! It was all me! I nearly killed him! And I can't get that image out of my mind!" Yang angrily shouted, leaning forward and gripping the edge of the table. But, after a minute of tension, her hold weakened, and she slumped back into her chair. Her voice was a weak whisper as she asked, "How many times do I have to kill him over and over and over in my head?".
"But you didn't kill him, he's still alive!" protested Blake.
Yang's head hung low. "I nearly did… I was so close to ending him then and there… I'm no better than those monsters, those Grimm. That's all I am, a monster who gives to thought who she tries to kill," she choked out.
"I-it was for your sister," Blake tried to justify. But, that only served to make Yang feel worse.
"Ruby would never want that to happen. If she saw me then and there, then there's no way she would see me as her sister anymore… I can't be her sister anymore, not like this," the blonde girl said as she stewed in her own pity.
"You're STILL her sister! Think about all the times you looked out for her, think about all the times you held her hand whenever she was afraid, or all the times you saved her! You CAN be her sister! You CAN still love! You're not a monster! You're… you're special! Not to just your sister, but to everyone!" Blake cried.
"I'm nothing but a threat to everyone!" Yang shouted back as her voice rose again. "I'm just a rabid fucking dog that needs to be put down! I'm no hero, I'm no savior! The fate I deserve is to be just a body in the ground!". Tears began to freely flow down her cheeks. A tortured sob escaped her lips as she lowered her head again.
"Why? Why am I always such a massive fuck up?" she asked herself.
Blake didn't reply with words. Instead, she stood up and walked over to the crying Yang's side. Kneeling next to her, Blake ran a hand through Yang's long, tangled gold locks. She rubbed the back of Yang's head a little, before guiding her head so she could face her.
"You're not a mess-up, Yang. Everyone has made their fair share of large mistakes. I-I would know…" Blake softly cooed. Clearly, she was referring to her time serving in the White Fang. She motioned her eyes towards her bow for emphasis.
"But, those mistakes don't make you a bad person. Mistakes are just that: mistakes. They don't define you, only you can do that yourself. I was taught that by the smartest girl I know," continued Blake further.
"W-who? P-pyrrha?" Yang asked through her tears.
"No… someone close to me," Blake replied with a gleam in her eye.
"…Weiss?" tried Yang again.
Exasperated, Blake clarified, "It's you! I'm talking about you! Remember how you got me through that one bet? And how you got me through my need for my books?"
Yang's eyes lit up briefly at the memory. Yang had gotten Blake to open up about her problems, her struggles at trying to mentally escape the life of ridicule she faced at the hands of others. Blake had taken what she said in stride, and now her girlfriend seemed to walk a little higher, a little taller. It was as if she had a massive weight taken off of her shoulders.
"Yeah… that was a good trip to the library, wasn't it?" Yang recollected. More specifically, she remembered the less than work-safe activities that occurred after that talk.
"In more ways than one," said Blake with a cat-like grin.
However, Yang's face darkened a little. "B-but, how can I make up for what I did? I can't let myself get away with this…" she mused.
"Be the best person you can be. Show the world that you aren't the monster you think yourself to be. Let Yang be Yang," Blake advised.
"And M-Mr. Brass?" Yang questioned more.
"I… I can't say for certain. We may not ever see him again. But, if we do, make sure that he knows how you feel. Or, you can try to contact him and apologize. Any of those are viable choices," Blake told Yang.
"I-I think I wanna talk to him… so I can p-put this to rest," decided Yang with a nod.
"We can do that," Blake cooed, "We can certainly do that,".
Sheer gratitude overwhelmed Yang. She threw herself onto Blake with a massive hug. "Y-you're so smart…" Yang thanked her with.
"I only learned from the best," Blake replied.
Neither Yang nor Blake knew how long they stayed like that. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, but all of that didn't matter. All that mattered is that Yang had the best damn girlfriend ever, and Blake knew that Yang had been brought back from the edge of despair and grief.
That was their world, and that's all they needed.
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Dramatic fluff everywhere! If only there was an easier way to shorten 'dramatic fluff'. Well, I'm sure some word-smiths can come up with something. Oh, and I hope that this chapter provided some conclusion to some weaker parts of this story. People like Bumblebee fluff, and I delivered! So, be sure to shoot over a message or review before you go! This is The Draigg, signing off and out on all this fluffy matter!