Chapter 49: Guilt, Blame, and Doubt

Sometimes, darkness isn't so bad. It should be inherent in a story, even from its conception. Because, in the enveloping reach of the dark, light can only shine even brighter. From light and dark, comes disparity, and with disparity, comes the parts of life we all know. Keep that in mind as you read on. It'll only help you.

xxx

Blake and Yang didn't find Ruby that day. They checked all the places they thought she would go but to no avail. Ruby wasn't at any of the places where she could buy her favorite comfort food. On top of that, Team JNPR said that they hadn't seen Ruby at all later in the day. Team Bumblebee's search was completely unsuccessful.

However, that wasn't their only worry.

After having a fitful night, with little rest, the black and yellow pair woke up on an overcast Friday morning. Today was not going to be a good day, that much the both of them could tell already. How can any day after one person ran away and another lost her mind be good in anyway?

The two of them got ready for the day in silence. There wasn't much to say. The both of them already knew what they had to do today. Instead of going to their classes, the two tasks that needed to be done today instead was to check in on Weiss, and continue their search for Ruby.

Weiss' check in had the dubious honor of coming first. If Weiss was now well enough to be brought back to the dorm room, then that would be getting one issue out of the way quicker. And, if she was still insisting that someone kill her, then Yang and Blake would leave her in there for another day.

Before leaving the room to go to the Medical Ward, Blake glanced around quickly.

"Should we bring something for Weiss? Like, extra clothes, or something she likes?" she asked, her eyes focusing on some of her possessions.

Yang scratched her chin as she thought. "I guess… but what?" she asked in return. Yang joined Blake in looking through some of Weiss' stuff. None of it would be really suitable for cheering her up. Almost all of Weiss' possessions were used in education or combat in some degree. It was so clinical, how little she had in the way of personal mementos. But, given how little she liked talking about her family, especially her father, neither Yang nor Blake could really blame Weiss at all.

Seeing nothing of personal value to take to Weiss, Blake decided to just take a fresh change of clothes for her. It was a sad thought, really. Weiss had almost nothing to treasure in her life, except for Ruby. If Blake had to guess, that's the reason she snapped so hard at losing Ruby. She lost the one thing that had filled the empty hole in her life.

"I think this should do," Blake announced as she showed the bundle of clothes to Yang.

"Nothing personal for her?" questioned Yang.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," Blake said, with a hint of sympathy for the Schnee girl.

Yang frowned at what Blake had to say. Judging by the look on her face, Blake could tell that her girlfriend was going through the same ideas she had about Weiss. Sighing, Yang gestured to the door.

"Come on, let's go see her," Yang breathed out.

With the white dress in tow, Blake and Yang left their dorm room. Weiss was waiting for them, even if she didn't know it.

xxx

Weiss was huddled in the corner of her room. She didn't get any sleep at all. She couldn't because of the horrible truths she learned about herself. The calm, sadistic voice in the back of her mind wouldn't stop talking about how much she failed herself and Ruby.

"All you did was use her. You forgot why you loved her. All you did was use her as a tool against your father. You forgot why you loved her. Your hatred blinded you to what was real, and now you have NOTHING. You lost everything you cared about, and for what? A fleeting chance at petty revenge? I wouldn't expect anything less than that from a spoiled, uncaring brat like YOU,"

She began to rock in place, trying anything to comfort herself right now. She needed someone to hold onto right now. Ruby, her mother, Winter, anybody. Weiss just wanted to get rid of those bad thoughts so badly.

Of course, she couldn't deny that they were right. Weiss couldn't block the memory of when she came out to her father, even when she desperately tried to. Her father was willing to accept who she loved, even if it was from a business perspective. But, her hatred fueled her negative actions, even when it could have been handled better. It was because of her that everything had come tumbling down around her. Weiss felt dirty, to have forgotten her love for Ruby, just to use her to justify her revenge scheme. Weiss could have taken a different path, and walked away with Ruby into a better life. But, she had destroyed any chance of that happening.

In her unbridled hatred at herself, Weiss began to bang the back of her head against the wall. Why couldn't she just be rid of all this pain? Why was she doomed to bring it upon herself? It wasn't fair! Why was nothing fair?!

She remembered Ruby's warm smile. She remembered the reasons she fell in love with her. The strength and compassion she had, that of a simple, content soul. Weiss could have had that, and she did, for a brief time. But, because of her damned faults, she was too blind to see that she had ruined everything for herself and the girl she loved.

"I don't want to be alone… I don't want to be alone… I don't want to be alone…" Weiss began to mutter to herself. She desperately chanted that mantra, as if doing so would bring back Ruby.

The lock on the room's door clicked unlocked. Shadows of three figures blocked the light coming out of the now open doorway.

"She's been like that for a while," a male nurses' voice told the other two.

"She hasn't tried to hurt herself?" Yang's voice asked.

"No, in fact, she's barely done anything," the nurse replied.

Yang stepped into the room, with Blake following. The cat Faunus placed the fresh clothes onto the bed, and Yang crouched down to look at the cowering Weiss.

"Weiss? Are you oka—are you good to go?" Yang asked her.

Weiss looked into Yang's eyes. They weren't red, and she wasn't going to kill her for what she did to her sister. Instead, Yang had a gentle, almost motherly look in her eyes. It was as if she was trying to reach out to her right now.

The Schee girl gave a meek nod. "I'm going to be a good girl now…" Weiss whispered to the floor.

That made Yang look nervously at Blake/ Blake also wore a look of concern on her face, but then she shrugged. If Weiss wasn't going to hurt herself or others, then that was the best they could do for now. They would just have to take Weiss as she was. Otherwise, they wouldn't get her back anytime soon if they just let her be.

"Hey…" Yang cooed softly as she softly patted Weiss' head. "We brought you some new clothes. When you get dressed, you can meet us in the hallway, okay?". She gave her best warm smile.

"Okay…" Weiss mumbled as she hauled herself to her feet. As she walked over to her bed to gather her clothes, Blake and Yang left the room. She needed her space, after all. After a few minutes, a freshly garbed Weiss joined her waiting friends where they stood in the hallway.

"We're going to take you back to the dorm, okay?" reassured Blake.

"Okay," was Weiss' clipped response. She didn't notice the brief look Yang and Blake shared.

Team WBY walked down the hallways of the Medical Ward, and out to the open air of Beacon Academy. Students and staff rushed by, unknowing or uncaring about the state of the three tired looking girls. With a tentative step, Weiss stepped off of the entryway of the Medical Ward and onto the brick walkway. The dormitories could be seen in the distance, but it never felt so far away than it did now.

To Weiss, the memories kept in there were almost unbearable to think about. Everything that she did and what she could have done was held in there. Ruby's clothes, Ruby's bed, Ruby's essence… all of those things served as a reminder to Weiss' mortal sin.

But, she had no other option. Weiss literally had nowhere else to go now. The Schnee Estate stopped being home a long time ago, and she simply wasn't in any state of mind to leave Beacon and get a place in Vale City. Beacon Academy, more specifically Team RWBY's shared room, was the only thing she had left anymore. Weiss was a woman without a country, without a place to put her head down and rest.

Team WBY felt very, very alone in a sea if indifference and uncertainty as they walked back to the place they called home. For Blake and Yang, it was because they had no idea where Ruby was, and how things would turn out. For Weiss, it was because the world and her unintentional actions only sought to ruin her, and make her a cosmic plaything.

Home wasn't a happy place, but it was the only place left.

xxx

Ruby felt similar to the others as she sat behind the desk of the Theater Club office. She couldn't go back, her room was filled with nothing but sadness and regret. She could hardly call Beacon a home anymore, she had no right or place to be here at all. If only she had known what would happen before she accepted Professor Ozpin's offer to join his school, then Ruby would have reconsidered the deal. No claws, fangs, or poison from any Grimm could match the dull, aching pain in her heart right now.

She was held up to the others as a strong leader. That's what being a team leader was all about. But, if she had to destroy the person she loved for her own good, then what was the point of it anymore? What good was it fighting the approaching darkness if the dark resided inside the hearts all peoples, including herself? It was a maddening thought. It made saving the world not even worth it anymore.

"Stop it, Ruby. That's being selfish," a small, interior voice chided her.

"Am I wrong to have done all that? Weiss wasn't Weiss anymore… I didn't fall in love with someone who let their dark side take over so quickly. I… I can't fix everything… I can't fix anything…" the other side of Ruby argued back.

Sighing, Ruby rested her head on the hard, wooden desk. It made for a terrible pillow, because of all the suspicious stains on the corners, and all the papers and magazines stacked around haphazardly. Not to mention that wood itself was hard, but then that would be stating the obvious.

"Stop focusing on the desk, Ruby. We've got more important things to talk about," the small voice scolded again. It was funny, Ruby could have sworn that the voice could belong to Weiss.

"I don't wanna think about anything right now… all I can think about is Weiss…" the other side tiredly put out. Why was this so hard for her? All she wanted to do was feel nothing right now. Yes, that would be great. Then, she wouldn't have to feel so guilty about everything.

"If you don't want to think about her, then why does your mind keep on going back to Weiss?" the small voice asked.

A girl with white hair in a white dress. The white roses in the botanical gardens. The sensation of two pairs of lips becoming one. A moonlit bed, with the girl staring longingly into her eyes.

"See? You can't stop what you feel. I know, it sucks, but that means what you feel is absolutely real. Your love was real, and… maybe it can be again. Who can say? Only you can decide on that one," advised the small voice.

Maybe the voice was right. But honestly, Ruby didn't even know how to sort out what she was feeling. There was some irony there. She said goodbye to Weiss for not knowing what she felt, and now Ruby could barely understand how she felt about it herself.

Ruby gave up on that train of thought. Perhaps it was for the best not to dwell on that right now. She had all the time in the world to do it. What Ruby really needed right now was some rest, some time to clear her mind.

And she got just that, as her breathing fell into a rhythm and her eyes closed. It wasn't the best of sleep, but it was rest none the less.

xxx

It's a shame, how easily one emotion can cloud out anything else. How it can make you forget something so nice and twist it into something else. But, as long as you remember what you started with, it's possible to retrace your steps and get back to a better place. Like I said, keep that in mind. This is The Draigg, signing off for now.