If anyone's interested. I listened to Brooklyn Duo's violin and Cello cover of Elastic Heart, and Chandelier while writing this!
TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter deals with sexual abuse themes and may be triggering for some. I'll bold the first and last word of the triggering parts and block off the potentially triggering discussion so you can skip it if you prefer. Or you can skip this chapter completely if you prefer that.
Anna had to stop running three levels up. Breathing was becoming too difficult, both from her asthma and the emotions that were swirling inside her and pressing against her chest. Collapsing on the landing, she leaned her back against the wall and curled in on herself, making herself as small as possible. She didn't like remembering. That part of her life was supposed to be over. Then Hydra had to come and dig up the ghosts she had long ago buried. It was hard enough the first time around, having her world see one layer of her pain, one layer of what Brent had done.
More people than Anna had cared to know had heard the edited version of what had happened the first go round: Tony, the lawyers, the judge, the doctors and nurses. It had felt like the whole world. Then James, Sam, Bruce, Pepper, and Steve were added to that list. Now it felt like the nails from the past were being ripped off, letting loose even more shame and guilt. No one knew the whole story. It had been bad enough telling people about the beating. There was no way she was admitting to the rest of it. Just the thought of telling anyone had her cheeks burning in embarrassment and shame.
She could feel the tears prickling at the edges of her eyes. Fighting them, she inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself down. She refused to shed another tear because of Brent. Refused to let him once again cause her pain. Anna wasn't going to fall apart. She wasn't broken, and she'd already patched up the cracks he'd made a long time ago. Still, the tears threatened to fall. Closing her eyes against them, Anna concentrated on her breathing.
So focused on calming the threatening storm, Anna didn't hear James approaching, silent as ever. She did feel his shoulder brush hers when he sat down beside her, not saying a word. It wasn't really a surprise, that he followed her. He had been curious of what she wasn't telling him. She had seen it in his eyes. It was part of the reason she ran. If she had to be subjected to his questions, she sure as Hell wasn't going to answer them in front of everyone.
"Give me a minute," Anna whispered, her eyes still closed. The sensation of being on the verge of crying was still there, threatening her. She needed to have better control over her emotions or she'd never make it through telling him. Feeling James' hand folding around hers had Anna relaxing a little more. It was astounding when she thought about it: how one man's touch could make her cringe in fear, and another could make her feel safe.
James had never seen Anya like that. She looked so tiny and vulnerable with her knees curled up to her chin in the corner of the stairwell. At first glance, one might assume she was calm, sitting there quiet and collected. But she was anything but calm. Her hands gripped her legs too tight, hugging her knees defensively, and her lip was quivering, hinting that she was holding back tears. James didn't know how to help. Anya was clearly trying to close the world out. Without a word, he took a seat beside her, offering up a small amount of physical comfort: testing the waters. When she actually spoke to him, he braved reaching out. He felt a sense of accomplishment as well as relief when she accepted his touch.
"I thought the beating was the worst he could do," Anna murmured once she had successfully vacuumed the tears back into her tear ducts, not waiting for James' questions. She kept her eyes closed; it was easier that way. With her eyes shut, she couldn't see his reactions. "That cuts and bruises were the most damage he could inflict. But I was wrong." She had been so naïve to think that was the worst that could happen. Brent had known no bounds when it came to hurting and humiliating her.
James didn't say a word when Anya started her explanation, he barely even breathed. It was clear this was hard for her, and he didn't want to do anything to scare her back into her shell. He wanted her to trust him with the truth. Even if he couldn't handle it. James knew it would be a lie to claim he wouldn't react badly to whatever Anya was trying to say. At least, Anya would see it as him reacting badly. But whatever Brent had done to her, had shaken her. Keeping it to herself, burying it inside her all that time, had probably only done more damage. And in James opinion, not getting worked up about it would truly be reacting badly to it.
"Brent wasn't one to take no for an answer." Anna could feel the anxiety clawing at her lungs the closer she got to actually verbalizing what had happened. Trying to swallow it down she pressed on before she could lose her nerve. "He forced himself on me, sometimes even while he beat me."
"He raped you?" James growled lowly after a moment of silence. His choice wording had Anna wincing and tightening her grip on her knees. She could feel her cheeks burning.
"We had been dating for a little over three months. He said I owed him as much, but I didn't want him to…I didn't want to sleep with him." Anna forced herself to keep talking, to fill the silence. When there was nothing more to say, that's when the memories flashed in her mind again. They had her opening her eyes for the first time since James had joined her, in order to escape them. It took a moment for her to realize the choking sound was her, trying to breathe through the anxiety that had once more taken hold of her. Before she could even try to hold them in, tears were falling rapidly down her cheeks, cold against the fire that had consumed them.
James was trying to hold it together, for Anya's sake. The idea of any man violating Anya in that way, against her will, had his blood boiling and gave him the urge to kill. But Anya didn't need the Winter Soldier right now. She needed James. So he was trying to reel in his rage for her, which was both harder and easier when he saw her tears. Once again, she was having difficulty breathing, and it had James feeling at a loss for what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, other than inflict copious amounts of pain on Brent. He wanted to wrap Anya up in his arms and shield her from the world and its cruelties, the likes of which she'd already experienced too much of. But he was afraid touching her might be the wrong thing to do, that it might evoke even more anxiety. Especially if she was trapped in the memories of what that bastard had done to her.
Hesitantly, James withdrew his hand from hers, moving both his hands up to gently cup her face. Using his thumbs, both metal and skin, James brushed away the tears as they fell, making sure not to make his grip inescapable. Anya could pull back if she wanted. She didn't. Instead, she moved her own hands until they gripped his forearms, as though she was afraid he'd try and pull away.
"No one else knows," Anna finally managed to get out, still holding onto James' arms. She hadn't realized how much she needed his reassurance that he wouldn't bolt at what she'd told him, until he had offered it. His touch had a calming effect, and the last thing she wanted was for him to let go too soon.
"Anya," James murmured. He had been right. Anya had kept it bottled up and buried insider her all that time. That confirmation tugged painfully at his heart.
"It's okay. It's better that you know the truth." After the initial pain at having to say it aloud, Anna had felt a little lighter for admitting it. It had always been a dirty secret that she'd kept inside, hidden in the shadows. She'd always been so afraid to shed light on the truth. It felt good to let it go, as well as the fear that went along with it.
"He's going to pay for what he did," James assured her, already planning on the tactics he was going to use during the interrogation. Whether it was required or not to get the answer's they needed, James was going to make Brent feel pain and fear to a degree he'd never experienced before. It'd make him wish he was in Hell.
"I didn't tell you to fuel your desire to torture him," Anna sighed, her eyes meeting James'. She was relieved to find they hadn't gone cold, hadn't transformed into the calculating ones of the Winter Soldier.
"I know," James murmured, tracing a circle on her cheek. "But that doesn't change the fact that it did." Anna knew there was nothing she could say to dissuade James from torturing Brent. Not after what she'd just admitted to him. It would be asking too much of his self-control. For so long, violence had been an everyday occurrence in his world. She couldn't ask him, or expect him to abruptly change his instincts.
"Okay," Anya stated, sitting up a little straighter. The determined look in her eye had James feeling as if he wasn't going to like whatever it was she was about to say. "You can do what you need to, to Brent. If I get to talk to him first."
"Anya," James started. He had been right, he hadn't liked her suggestion at all. Letting her within twenty feet of the bastard, let alone sitting across from him, didn't feel right to James. Of course, Brent couldn't do her any physical harm. But he could still psychologically hurt her with his words.
"James, I need to do this. I need closure. Once he was in police custody I wasn't allowed to speak to him. And there are some things I need to say to him. He's all yours to do with as you see fit. Just let me speak with him first." The court had claimed it would be a conflict of interest if Anna were to talk with Brent. Tony's lawyers had claimed it would only aid the defense in their case if she were to have any contact with the 'defendant.' So she had been forced to carry, not only the weight of everything Brent had done to her inside, but also the weight of the feelings and words she never got to express.
"Steve must stay with you the whole time." James relented, rising from his spot beside her to avoid eye contact. If Anya didn't already know the power her eyes seemed to have when it came to convincing him to let her have her way, he didn't want to be the one to alert her to it.
"What about you?" Anna asked, as she tried to stand as well. A little lightheaded from the anxiety attack, she faltered on the way up until James' hand reached out to help her.
"I can't promise I'd stay in control. And you made it clear you didn't want to see that." James stated bluntly, knowing there was a high probability that he'd shoot Brent in the foot if he even looked at Anya the wrong way.
"Thank you," Anna murmured, reaching up to rest her hand against his cheek. She knew the Winter Soldier was still a part of him, might always be a part of him, but he was trying hard to be more than the Soldier. And to Anna, that meant everything.
"Oh, and just so we're clear. You're not completely off the hook for the stunt you pulled today. You took a risk, leaving without telling anyone, without telling me. It could have ended much worse." Anna added, turning back to face him when she was halfway down the stairs.
"I told Steve," James replied, as if that changed everything. To him, it did. He could have just as easily gone alone. Albeit, they wouldn't have Brent as a hostage if he had.
"I'll be talking with him about that as well," Anna assured him, before continuing on her way to the watched her climb down the stairs until she turned the corner. When she was out of sight, that's when he let the anger flow freely again. Turning away, he started climbing higher. Anya had given him free reign to do whatever he wanted with Brent, and he was going to take full advantage of that. That meant he had some supplies to gather.
…
Anna was slightly nervous when she stood outside the door to the lab. It took her a few minutes to prepare herself, wiping her eyes to make sure all the tears were gone and taking a deep breath, before she entered the lab. The sound of the door closing got the attention of the room, and surprise was evident on everyone's faces. They hadn't expected her to return.
"Where's Tin Man?" Tony asked, finding his voice first. He hadn't been keen on waiting for Tin Man to return to set in on Brent, but he had reluctantly agreed. Now Anna was back, with no Tin Man. Which meant more waiting. Tony didn't do waiting very well.
"James is letting me have some time to speak with Brent first," Anna answered authoritatively. "So if you don't mind, I'd like some privacy."
"I'm not leaving you alone with the bastard. Are you out of your mind?" Tony wasn't sure what Tin Man was thinking, promising Anna Banana something like that. It was the most idiotic idea Tony had ever heard of. What good could come from Anna Banana subjecting herself to what would surely be mental and emotional torture?
"I know what I'm doing Tony. I need you to trust me on this." Tony wasn't even close to trusting Anna on that insane idea, but Bruce was another story. Being a more objective party, he could see the merit and possible psychological benefit of Anna getting to say what she needed to get closure. So, as he always seemed to do with Tony, Bruce took the initiative and went into distracting mode. It took a minute to convince him, but in the end Bruce managed to get Tony to accompany him to his section of the lab, where a new computer module was to be tested.
"I'm going to go check on that science thing too. I have a feeling things are gonna get awkward fast," Sam immediately added, rising from his seat and chasing after Bruce and Tony. It had been awkward enough to hear Anna talk about her past with Brent before. Sam didn't really want to witness the level of awkward her conversation with the man who had done that too her would reach.
Moving his hand to rub his neck, Steve awkwardly stood there between Anna and her unconscious ex-boyfriend. He was searching for a plausible reason to excuse himself. Eventually he decided to just follow Sam, however Anna stopped him before he could get too far. Apparently, Bucky had wanted him to stay with Anna, since he couldn't. It came as a surprise to Steve, albeit a good one, that Bucky trusted him to keep Anna safe for him. It was a big step up from Bucky trying to kill him, or knock his lights out for touching Anna.
"What do you want?" Steve asked, realizing that Bucky probably hadn't taken Anna's opinions of Steve staying with her into account. Bucky tended to think protecting those he cared about was more important than whether those people wanted that protection. If Steve had felt awkward about staying around for the conversation, he couldn't imagine how Anna felt about it.
"I don't mind if you stay," Anna murmured. It would actually be good to have Steve there to help her out if things got too heavy.
Moving past Steve, Anna set a chair up a few feet in front of Brent before grabbing a cup from Tony's desk. Smelling it confirmed it was, in fact, water. Which was surprising, seeing as Tony only ever drank beverages with copious amounts of sugar, caffeine, or alcohol; sometimes even all three. It had to be Bruce's influence, him attempting to make Tony abide by a healthier lifestyle. Gripping the cup tightly, Anna flung its contents in Brent's face before taking a seat across from him. As expected, it only took a second for him to sputter back into consciousness.
"Anna," Brent smirked once he finally got his bearings and saw the last person he expected to see, sitting before him. "I'm surprised your boyfriend is letting you this close to me. Stupid on his part."
"I'm not here to talk about James," Anna quickly clarified. The last thing she wanted was Brent to start verbally attacking James. He could attack her as much as he wanted, but not James.
"Tell me, does dating a man who single handedly killed over two dozen people bother you?" Brent threw out in hopes he'd hit a nerve. When it seemed his words actually had an effect it had him smiling coldly. Anna's weakness was the asset. It stood to reason she was his as well.
"And how many girls have you beaten to the brink of death Brent? I know I wasn't the first." Anna threw back, fists clenched in an attempt to hold back her defense of James. That's exactly what Brent wanted. He had been fishing for it.
"No, but you were the most fun. You were the first one with fire, who fought back. It made breaking you all the more rewarding." None of the others struggled as much as Anna. They'd all put up small resistances, but all the others surrendered their defenses much too easily. Anna didn't. And it made it all the more thrilling, the road to breaking her.
"You see, that's where you're wrong. You didn't break me. I've been dying to tell you that for ages." Anna replied a bit harshly. Brent's arrogant tone was enough to make her want to slap him. "Tony's lawyers tried to track down the other girls, to get them to testify. Turns out, they couldn't. Courts don't take statements from girls in psychiatric wards too seriously. Six other girls. You did that to six other girls before me."
"Lucky number seven," Brent shrugged, the only motion he could afford with the bonds that held him. Even though he was in no position to gloat, he still wore an insufferable smirk. "How much of daddy's money did your brother have to spend on therapy sessions? To keep everything hush, hush? That the youngest heir of Stark Industries needed psychiatric help."
"There was no therapy." Anna stated with a small smile of her own. "You might have laid a hand on every inch of my body, but you didn't leave as much as a fingerprint on my mind. The damage you caused was physical, and that damage healed a long time ago."
Without waiting for his response, Anna rose from her chair. She had said what she wanted to, there was no point giving him the opportunity to fight back verbally. Seeing the stunned look on Brent's face when she'd admitted to not receiving therapy was victory enough. He would never admit that what he had done, to her and to the others, was wrong. It wasn't in his nature.
"You stayed with me the longest," Brent called out when Anna had taken a few steps. If he was trying to get her to turn around, he was going to be disappointed. Anna had no intention of doing so. She was done with him.
"Further proof you didn't break me. I wouldn't have lasted so long if you had." Anna threw back, as she continued towards Steve. When she was close enough, he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
The exhaustion hit Anna all at once. It had been an emotional day, and her physical therapy session had been more physically strenuous than usual. When Anna started swaying slightly on her feet, Steve was there to steady her, calling out for Bruce. Of course, Anna insisted she was fine. Nobody believed her. When Bruce claimed she needed rest, Steve immediately began steering her towards the elevator. It was as they were waiting for the elevator that James returned through the stair doors.
He had completely shifted into the Winter Soldier by that point. His eyes were the cold blue Anna had only seen on several occasions, and he had changed into his old suit, which was armed with knives, guns, and various other weapons and tools Anna didn't even know the names of. In truth, it was a little unsettling to see him like that. So she averted her gaze until the elevator doors dinged open.
"Stay with him," Anna insisted, stopping Steve as he tried to step into the elevator beside her. "I'll be fine. He's the one that needs you. You might be the only one that can get him to see reason. If he goes too far."
"I'm not sure there is such a thing as 'too far' when it comes to Brent." Steve commented harshly, fully believing Brent had earned whatever Bucky had planned for him. Regardless, he listened to Anna and stepped back into the lab. He wasn't sure if Anna was truly okay, she had seemed pretty shaken. However, he knew she was right when it came to Bucky needing him to keep his head screwed on straight. If anything, he needed to make sure the torture resulted in answers.
Once alone in the elevator, Anna let out a sigh of relief. It was surprisingly nice to be alone. Not that it lasted very long. Just before the elevator doors shut, a hand flashed between them, causing the sensors to reopen the doors. It seemed Bruce would be joining her.
"I don't need medical attention," Anna commented once the elevator started moving. All she really needed was a hot bath and some hot chocolate with lots of whip cream and marshmallows.
"I know," Bruce answered, punching his floor number. At Anna's questioning glance, he expanded on his answer. "I'm not found of torture. And the other guy is drawn to violence." It was better for the both of them if he didn't witness what James had in mind for Brent. Whatever James did, it was sure to been painful, and drawn out. The interrogation process could prove fruitful, and Bruce didn't want to risk the other guy botching it up.
…
James kept his strides even as he approached Brent. Taking the chair he assumed Anya had used, he moved it slightly closer before taking a seat and staring down the man who had hurt Anya in ways that were unspeakable. He knew it would take all his self-control to not strike before he was ready. Which was why he removed the knife from the sheath at his side, without taking his eyes off of Brent. He needed to keep his hands occupied while not giving away how anxious he was to inflict pain on the man before him. The pain would come. But first, James planned on attacking him psychologically.
"You just missed Anna. We had a nice little chat. Reminiscing if you will," Brent spoke up, unable to keep his mouth shut. James knew his type. The kind that felt that, by speaking first, they were in control of the situation. He would make sure Brent understood he wasn't in control of anything. Brent's words would not affect him, or at least James wouldn't show it if they did. He had prepared for Brent's remarks.
"I suppose you don't mind that she's a secondhand trinket. Myself, I prefer them fresh, innocent. It's so much more fun to ruin them when their nice and new." James forced himself to keep staring Brent down silently as he continued to flip the knife in his hand. The silence was what would bother Brent, who only wanted a reaction from James. James knew enough to recognize when he was being baited.
"Are you going to actually do something with that knife? Or are you just going to play with it?" Brent finally asked after twenty minutes of silence on the asset's part. Much as he hated to admit it, it was starting to unnerve him. The asset wasn't rising to any of the things he had taunted him with. The cold hard look to his eyes as he stared Brent down wasn't exactly fun, neither was the way he handled the knife, tossing it and flipping it, without even looking down at it once. It reminded him that the asset was a trained assassin. One that went rogue. Hydra no longer controlled him.
Keeping his eyes trained on Brent, the asset adjusted his grip on the knife. With speed Brent didn't think possible, the asset plunged the knife down in the space between his knees, driving it into the wood seat. It had Brent's eyes widening, his heart rate increasing and his palms sweating even after he realized the knife hadn't hit him. His confidence shaken, Brent glanced from the knife, centimeters away from hitting one leg or the other, to the asset. The cold blue eyes still stared him down, hardly even blinking, as the asset pulled another knife from his belt and started flipping that one as he had the previous one.
Brent didn't know how much time had passed that way. The asset never spoke to him, but he didn't hurt him either. Just stared him down while he flipped that damn knife. After what felt like forever, the asset sheathed the knife he played with. Moving as quickly as before, he reached forward with his metal hand, causing Brent to wince. The asset simply yanked the knife from the chair, wiping the chunks of wood off on the side of Brent's pants before sheathing that one as well. By that time there were only three of them in the room: himself, the asset, and Captain America.
Rising from his seat, the asset stalked off without a word, the Captain following behind him silently. The lights clicked off behind them once they were gone. They were leaving him alone, handcuffed and tethered to the chair. Brent had no hopes of escaping, his bonds were too restrictive: binding his feet as well as his torso to the chair, while his hands were bound together behind the back. He didn't have much hope of sleeping either, not in that position. Instead, he was forced to just sit and wait. It left him wishing the asset had knocked him out. Unconsciousness would be welcomed more than this time alone in the dark. All he could see, with his eyes opened or closed, were the asset's cold eyes, staring at him in the dark.
A/N So I'm going to sound like a complete crazy person, but now I know I can stretch this to, at the very least, 28 chapters. I suppose I forgot what all I want to accomplish with this story before I end it, as well as the detail I enjoy putting in. Thank you all for your support! Every favorite/follow and review means so much. It lets me know you are enjoying it still. I know the torturing bit was probably not as big as you guys expected or hoped in this chapter BUT that was simply just the start. It's called psychological warfare ;) The false calm before the storm is unleashed. There's a lot of emotional stuff in this chapter, and I just hope I did it justice. Let me know what you think! Next chapter scheduled to be posted by Sunday night.
Onto Guest Review Responses!
To the guest who mentioned Bucky having to dust off/dig deep for his old charm: She was definitely not happy with him at all. He got off a little easy due to the emotional whirlwind she went through, but his risk won't be forgotten. I hope you were satisfied with how their 'conversation' went. Even though Anna did 90% of the talking lol!
To the guest who mentioned loving the story and thanked me for updating so frequently: You're welcome! I know I get frustrated with authors who take forever to update, and sometimes it leads to me forgetting about the story (and forgetting where the plot ended the last I read it) so that's a big motivator for me to update so frequently. I'm nearing the end of school soon though, gonna head out into the real world where I have to work 40 hours a week. That might cut back on future updates. However, I have a several weeks till I have to factor that in!