Hello once more my friends :)

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Why did I always screw everything up?

Seriously, why?

I knew I'd done bad things in the past, but this just seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. I'd betrayed Percy and hurt him, but I though we'd worked past it. I thought I'd made up for everything by fighting in another goddamn war, that's earned me no respect. Its bad enough that most people still don't trust me, still treat me with disgust and find reasons to walk away. I was still a freak no matter how hard I tried, but I thought Percy had finally forgiven me. He didn't treat me like a freak, and I'm the one who'd been creating the distance. He'd always been good to me. So why did he have to hate me just like everyone else, especially when I'd thought things were alright?

I mean, when he'd started dating Annabeth, I'd tried to convince myself that this whole things had always just been a little crush. I'd thought I could just turn off my feelings. Enough distance between us would crush the little bit of hope I'd saved even after realizing his undeniable heterosexuality.

I couldn't stay away for long though. Hera just had to stick her nose in other people's business, so much so it seemed like it was her job. I'd been expected to go out searching for Percy because of how quickly I could travel (though people didn't seem to grasp how utterly exhausting shadow travel was) and I'd agreed because I still cared. The thought of losing him made me feel like panicking, but nobody seemed to notice. They were all so preoccupied with Annabeth and how she was taking it.

Trying to forget about Percy was impossible. I still loved him, he still mattered the most to me, but it's not like I was accepting it at the time. So I'd searched along with everyone else.

But I hadfound him first. Not Annabeth.

I'd been the one forced to stand there, staring into his eyes and pretending I'd never met him. I'd had to stand there, masking the relief in my eyes at finally finding him.

I'd even had to take the shit for not revealing the whole thing, because for some reason nobody seemed to understand that I hadn't been in any place to reveal Hera's plans. Gods, even Percy had been a bit pissed off at me for not telling.

But things should be different now, right? I'd paid my dues, done what I had to do to stop this bloody war. I'd been a good person, no betrayals this time around. I'd kept my distance so I didn't freak anyone out too much, or piss them off (considering my rusty people skills, it was probably for the best). And things seemed to have been good for a bit. The Seven were able to deal with me when I made my appearances. Jason was nice enough. Hazel had gotten Frank to come around to me. Leo and Piper were considerate, even though I knew the both of them (and Frank, for that matter) were still freaked out by me. And Percy...he'd forgotten about all the crap so quickly, just like always. That is, until everything went to shit again...

Coming back here though, I realized that maybe I could do something about Percy. Maybe I could help him in a way that the others couldn't. I could be there for him, be an understanding ear.

I'd finally begun to think that maybe he cared about me, that maybe for once someone needed me for once in my miserable existence.

And the very second, the very literal second, I decided to be selfless and stick around for his sake, he gets pissed off and runs away.

Just like me.

I knew it was a bit hypocritical, me being pissed off at him. I'd done the same thing time and time again. But it still hurt. Was this how Percy had felt each time I'd left?

I just wanted things to be normal between us. I wanted us to be friends. I wanted to be able to stand in the same room as him without simultaneously hating and loving him. Was that really too much to ask?

I blame Aphrodite. The goddess of love could never make things simple for me.

At least I wasn't in denial anymore. The experience with Cupid and Tartarus had been enough to reaffirm my feelings for Percy. I still loved him. But I also knew I was never going to get him. I knew he would never care about me the way I cared for him. He had Annabeth for that. But I couldn't ignore the fact that I might be able to help him.

I could leave again when he was better, when he went home and wasn't staying at camp anymore.

Jason came knocking on my door next, probably around noon-ish. I really needed to get a watch...

But regardless, a massive wall of muscle at any time of day wasn't really the best thing for a foul mood, especially since this particular wall of muscle had a scary scowl on his face.

"What did you do now di Angelo?" he practically growled, catching me by surprise. Jason was pissed off too.

I fought the urge to slam the door in yet another person's face before realizing that he'd conveniently placed his foot in the door, preventing just that.

"What d'you mean?" I asked, trying to sound innocent. I knew what I'd done though.

"What do I mean? Seriously? I've spent the past few weeks cleaning up the mess you made, and that's all I get," he whispered urgently, looking over his shoulder and sidling his way into my cabin.

"Still not following Grace," I murmured under my breath.

"He got worse after you after you left, a lot worse," Jason began, arms crossed in front of his bulky chest and eyes sparking with static. "He just shut down completely, he never does anything. The nightmares have gotten worse too, and he's hardly eating. Gods Nico, we've been trying to help him but there's only so much we can do! I never even thought it would get this bad! Why would you just leave him like that?"

"I-I'm not..."

"No! Answer me, why would you leave him? You're the only person in the entire world that could possibly understand what he's going through right now, and you just left without a word to the rest of us. I thought you cared about him, but you're just a selfish little-"

"Shut up!" I shouted angrily, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Just stop! I know that I shouldn't have left in the first place, but I'm not leaving again, I swear."

Jason's brow furrowed, "Well, Percy seems to think otherwise. Care to explain?"

"He saw my suitcase. I-I was planning on leaving when I got here last night...but I feel asleep then woke up to his screaming. And-and I then I woke up this morning in his cabin and he came to see me after breakfast, and now I think he's mad at me or something. I want to make things right again, just...just tell me what's going on with him, please?"

Much to talk about, but first off, tell me what you think! I'd love feedback!

Second order of business, I've come around a bit to Jason recently, after getting through most of House of Hades. My feelings for him though, remain concurrent with the feelings I hold for the ACTUAL Superman. I think they're both boring as hell...

Thirdly, should any of you be looking for something good to read, go check out StrydeVex's stuff on this humble website. He's a pretty awesome writer and has a lot of good stories going for him, a mix of really sweet ones and really sad ones :)

Um, fourth...I'm almost done House of Hades...and I'm getting to the point where I'm panicking over Blood of Olympus and impending character death...

Well, that's all for now! Hope to be back around with a new (and better, more dramatic) chapter soon!