Teresa kept glancing over at Jane. He was dozing on the couch although she suspected he wasn't really asleep. Since they'd arrested Jason Eckert he'd appeared tense, even though he'd claimed to be fine.
She shook her head slightly. They'd grown closer over the last few months but Jane was still an enigma to her at times. She knew and appreciated the fact that he was working really hard to be more open to her and she believed he was honest with her – at least most of the time. But still, there was much about himself that he held close to his chest. She suspected it was because he was afraid, although whether of others or himself she didn't know.
Her phone rang and she picked it up, still watching Jane in his usual position on his FBI couch.
"Hello?" She was silent as the person on the other end of the line spoke. "Oh, okay. Yes, send her up." She hung up the phone slowly.
"Jane?" she called. He responded instantly, which confirmed her suspicion he wasn't really sleeping.
"Yes?" He sat up and smiled. His face was looking tired and worn and again she worried.
"Someone's here to see you. She'll be up in a minute."
"To see me?" he frowned. He had no idea who that could be.
A minute later Andrea Scott walked onto the floor, escorted by the guard from downstairs. She looked around until she spotted Jane and spoke softly to her escort.
"Damn", Jane muttered softly. Still, he made his way over to the woman, not giving Teresa another glance. He had no idea that his action had worried her, so intent was he on the fact that Andrea had come to the FBI building to see him.
"Andrea?" He nodded to the guard, letting him know he had this. "Come on, let's go into the meeting room here." He escorted her into the small conference room.
Immediately he shut the door and turned to her he found himself being hugged. "Uh – Andrea?" He was terribly aware of the fact that the walls in the room were made of glass and everyone could see inside.
"Thank you", she whispered. "Thank you Patrick."
"Uh – you're welcome." He tried to move but her arms held on even tighter. After an uncomfortable moment he returned her hug, but eventually he was able to pull away. "And it wasn't just me Andrea. My whole team was on it."
"I know – but it was you who found him. I can't ever thank you enough." She looked as if she was going to hug him again so he subtly backed away and pulled out a chair.
"Here, why don't you have a seat? Can I get you a glass of water or cup of coffee or anything?"
"No, I just want you to tell me how you found him? And please tell me you have enough to keep him in jail?"
Jane let out a silent breath, wishing he could get Teresa in here to talk to the woman. He glanced quickly out towards her desk, but she had her head bowed and looked as if she were busy working. "I'm sure we have enough", he told her. "We have the weapon with finger prints and DNA. We also have the testimony of the cop and the money transfers he received. We also have records of Eckerts calls to his father from close to the murder scene on the night it happened and finally have Eckert's confession. And as a bonus we've arrested the father on conspiracy charges."
"Why did he kill her?" she asked softly, her voice laced with tears.
"I think he panicked", he said gently. "It was quick Andrea. She wouldn't have felt it."
"No", Andrea laughed bitterly, "but he raped her first and she would have felt that. She must have been terrified." She began to cry. "My poor baby, she died all alone, terrified. I should have been there. If only I'd been there to pick her up like I was supposed to. It's all my fault."
Jane closed his eyes, understanding her anguish and knowing there was little he could say to assuage her guilt. It was something he lived with every day and he knew it would become part of this woman's life, just like it had become part of his. But maybe there was something he could say, something he could tell her that would make her feel a bit better. He thought back to the words Kristina Frye had told him and admitted that it had given him some comfort – which was ironic, really, as he still didn't believe in psychics.
"Andrea", he reached out and took her hand. He closed his eyes, not sure if he wanted to do this. "I – I told you, I'm not a psychic."
She looked at him and nodded, but he couldn't help but see the hope in her eyes. He wanted to curse, whether at himself or at fate he didn't know. "Well, I want you to believe that – I'm not. I can't speak to dead people and I don't really think anyone can but -"
"But what?" she asked, the hope growing.
"I just – I wanted you to know that I had a dream about Christina. It was the dream that helped me figure out who had killed her." He held up his hand when she went to speak. "Just – let me finish. I also dreamt that I was there – when she died."
"Oh - God", she whispered, her hand held over her mouth.
He wanted to stop, to leave but instead squeezed her hand. "I told her it would be okay, that she was safe and that soon she'd be happy again. She – smiled and nodded at me. She wasn't scared Andrea and she wasn't alone."
Andrea began to cry again and held his hand up to her mouth. She kissed the back of it, repeating thank you over and over again.
Jane wanted to pull his hand away, wanted to run from this room and this woman. He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be offering her false hope. It was just a dream – it didn't mean anything. He hadn't been there when Christina died, alone, frightened, in pain. He was a liar.
There was a tap on the door and then it opened. "Teresa!" he said thankfully. He closed his eyes again, briefly and then looked up at her. "Come in." he said and she quirked an eyebrow at him, obviously catching his distress.
"Andrea", he pulled back his hand, gently. "This is Teresa Lisbon. She's an agent with the FBI and my partner." He left it at that, hoping that the woman caught the double meaning of the word partner. For once he wished Teresa actually looked pregnant. It would have solidified his connection to her.
"Oh – hello", Andrea sniffed, clearly not happy with the intrusion. "I was just here to see Patrick."
"I know Andrea", he said quickly, giving her a smile. "But Teresa and Agent Cho were the ones really instrumental in catching the killer. I'm just a consultant."
Again Lisbon gave him a look – one only he would understand. She was going to hold that one over him for a long time since he usually wasn't humble about taking credit for things.
"I'm sorry about your loss Mrs. Scott", Lisbon said. "I wanted to assure you that we're doing everything we can to ensure that Jason Eckert gets what he deserves."
Andrea nodded. "Thank you. I thought -"
"What is it?" Lisbon asked gently. Even though there was something about this woman that bothered her, she couldn't help but be sympathetic about what she had suffered.
"I thought I'd feel better, that I'd be able to find some peace once his killer was caught."
Jane moved restlessly in his chair. He glanced at Lisbon and frowned, knowing she understood that he was unable to say anything to the grieving mother across from him.
"You will at least get justice for your daughter", Lisbon told her. "I know that can't possibly take away the pain, but at least now you can grieve without wondering who did this and if he was going to get away with it."
"Yes." Andrea looked again at Jane. "Did you feel better? After you killed Red John?"
Jane breathed out and looked uncomfortable. "Andrea – I – it's like Agent Lisbon said – I got justice for my wife and daughter and that's what I was looking for. Did I feel better?" he again looked at the woman standing at his side, the one who'd been at his side for so many years. "It wasn't killing the murderer that made me feel - if not better, at least as if there was a reason to live again", he said softly. "It was having people in my life who cared for me who – loved me. It took time but it happened – is happening. That's what really made the difference. But I know – I couldn't have gotten to this point if I hadn't gotten justice first."
He felt Teresa's hand gently touch his arm. It wasn't obvious, but he knew what it meant. He wanted to reach back and pull her to him but couldn't do that now, here.
"She's your girlfriend, isn't she?" Andrea suddenly asked, looked between them. Maybe it had been more obvious than he'd thought.
"Yes, she is", Jane nodded.
"I – see." Andrea stood up slowly and held her hand out to Lisbon. "Thank you agent – for helping find my daughter's killer. And thank you again Patrick. What you did – what you said – I'll never forget. They both mean the world to me."
He nodded and watched as the grieving mother left. It was only after she was gone that he could feel himself start to crumble.
Without a word Teresa grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the conference room and down the hall until they'd reached the supply cupboard. She opened the door and pulled him inside.
"People are going to talk you know", he said, although his voice caught on the last word.
"Doesn't matter", she told him, drawing his head to her shoulder. "I'm here Patrick", was all she said. He nodded into her shoulder and stood there, holding her tightly for a long, long time.
"You okay?" she finally asked as he drew back a little.
He laughed, although it was a bit wobbly. "I think so."
"Care to share?" she asked, although she said it in a way that let him know he didn't have to. She could tell he was torn, but eventually he gave a small nod, his lips quirking up a tiny bit.
"I – think she was infatuated with me", he confessed in a rush.
She snorted. "You think? Of course she was. You're attractive, you have something in common with her and you're a kind, gentle soul. Of course she was infatuated with you. In fact I'd say she was in crazy in love with you."
He sighed. "Such a cross to bear!"
She slapped him on the arm for that, glad that things were finally getting back to normal. "Right! You have women falling over you all the time I bet."
He shrugged. "It's a curse."
"It's not a curse, it's the curls", she told him, tweaking one of them that had dropped onto his forehead. She immediately laughed when he turned a slight shade of pink. She'd never really seen him embarrassed before and it was charming. "Patrick Jane – you're blushing!"
"I am not!" he answered indignantly.
"Yes you are! You're embarrassed about your beautiful blond curls, admit it."
"Lisbon!" he whined. "I am not embarrassed by my hair. It is what it is."
"And what it is is adorable and you are embarrassed. Oh Grace is going to love this!"
"Don't you dare!"
She simply waggled her eyebrows at him and he finally gave up by pulling her to him again. He sighed into her hair. "I like your beautiful dark hair much better", he told her softly. "I can lose myself in it."
If that wasn't the most romantic thing ever! She groaned softly, wishing they were anywhere but at work – in a broom closet – but still at work. "So, what was really bothering you?"
Leave it to Teresa to try and ferret out the truth. She really was too good a detective. He breathed her in, hoping to calm down his heart and his conscience. "I told her about my dream", he said softly.
"Her – you mean Andrea?" She frowned. "About how you found Jason?"
"Yeah – but that wasn't all", he told her. "I didn't want to say anything before, but I also dreamed about Christina. I dreamt I was there when she died."
"Oh God Jane", she pulled back and looked at him. "You told her that?"
"Not about how she died – I just said that I was able to talk to Christina, to tell her she wasn't alone and not to be afraid. In my dream she smiled when I told her she was going to a happy place."
"And you told Andrea that?"
He nodded, looking agonized and guilty. "I – I told her it was a dream, that I wasn't a psychic, but I don't think she believed me. She thought that – it was real."
"And you're feeling guilty because she believes you are a psychic?"
"I guess."
"Jane, you told her it was a dream. You told her you weren't a psychic. Did you really dream that?"
"Yes", he nodded.
"Then what's the problem? You told her the truth – a truth that brought her some comfort, some peace. That's not a bad thing Patrick – it's a wonderful thing."
He closed his eyes, a lone tear squeezing out and down his face. "I don't want to give people false hope", he told her.
"Why not? What could it possibly hurt? And if she believes it, it isn't false. Hope isn't false or real – it just is. Jane, let this go. You really did do a good thing. You have to leave it there and not take this on."
Finally he nodded, although she knew she'd have to do more to convince him. Inside she wondered if his agony wasn't more because he was wondering himself whether or not it had only been a dream. She wasn't about to go there though. For now he needed comfort and assurance.
"So, we've probably started some more rumors", he said, taking in a deep breath.
"Mmm hmm. Probably more excitement than the FBI has had in years."
He grinned. "I aim to serve."
"No – you're forced to serve and so you do everything in your power to make life uncomfortable for them", his dearest love told him, her eyes rolling.
"Now that's totally unfair", he told her. "I'd like to point out that you are the one who dragged me in this closet. And since I've been with the FBI their case closed numbers have gone way up. So what if I make it a little more interesting then they're used to?"
She laughed and backed away from him completely, straightening her clothes as she did so. "True. I think Abbott enjoys it anyway."
"Yes, dear Abbott. I must say I have come to like him as well if not more than most of the people we've worked for over the years. And I never thought I'd say that."
"Hmm, I expect because you've almost met your match in him."
Jane reached over and opened the door. "The operative word there Lisbon is almost – just almost."
No one looked up at them as they walked back into the bullpen and he wondered if their romance and his work had become too predictable. He'd have to think of ways to change that. "I need a nap", he announced to the room.
"Of course you do", Cho answered, a deadpan expression on his face. "Making out in storage closets takes a lot out of you."
Jane plunked himself down on his couch and grinned. It certainly did.