Thank you and a big hug to all my reviewers. You inspire me.

He didn't sleep at all that night. He wanted to get up and pace, or have a cup of tea, or go to a bar and get drunk, but he couldn't do any of those things. No, for if he did it would worry Teresa and that's the last thing he wanted to do.

Instead he lay there, breathing slowly and deeply so that she would think he was asleep. He even had to force himself from turning over, afraid that he would disturb her.

And she needed her sleep. She was worried too, but he'd managed to calm her down – he'd deny using any kind of hypnosis or mental suggestion if she asked – but he didn't want her up or tossing or turning.

He just wished he could hypnotize himself. He chuckled silently. Yeah, and if he'd been able to do that he would have done it years ago, instead of fighting constant battles with insomnia and nightmares.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow he was going to go with Teresa and look at the ultrasound of his child, the child he didn't want, was terrified to have.

And even thinking that brought along with it waves upon waves of guilt. What kind of man was he that he didn't want his own child? He was a failure, that's who, a man who had failed horribly as a husband and as a father.

He took a breath and forced himself to face the truth. It's not that he didn't want a child, this child, it's that he couldn't bear the thought of loving it, and then losing it. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that were that to happen he couldn't go on.

He had managed to survive the years since Charlotte and Angela's deaths, through the shear, single-minded pursuit of their murderer. Eventually his drive for vengeance had been appeased and he had been able to slowly build his way back to life, to living and – to love.

But this – this could derail him, could send him spiraling down into a blackness from which he would never return.

And that would destroy Teresa, for she too had been hurt and had taken a risk in loving him, in accepting him. For her to lose him now would send her – not into death – but into loneliness and solitude.

But it was his child, that voice inside his head said. A small being that he'd created together with Teresa, the tangible proof of their love. How could he not want that young, innocent life? How could he not remember the joy he had experienced when Charlotte had been placed in his arms, when he had watched her grow, when she had put her arms around him and told him she loved him. How could he not want that again?

The thoughts went round and round in his mind, all night long. When the alarm clock finally went off he sighed in relief. He would no longer be alone with his thoughts, with the nightmares – or with the dreams.

"Hi", Lisbon said groggily, stretching like a sleepy cat lying in the sun. "Sleep well?" she turned on her side, her hand under her cheek, and gave him her drowsy morning smile.

He returned the smile and leaned forward and kissed her nose. "Fine miss sleepy head. How about you?"

"Surprisingly well", she told him. "I was afraid I wouldn't sleep at all."

"It's having me in your bed", he informed her. "I'm better than chamomile tea or sleeping pills."

"Mmm, well you'd better stay in my bed from now on, because you owe me lots and lots of nights of sleep after all those that you kept me awake."

"Really? You stayed awake thinking about me?" he asked, sounding inordinately pleased with himself.

"I stayed awake thinking of ways of killing you", she informed him. She took a deep breath. "I guess I'd better shower", she told him, not really wanting to get out of bed.

"You want me to help?" he grinned.

"You stay here", she pushed herself up and then kissed him. "I'm afraid that if I let you in the shower with me we'll never get out of here."

He pouted all the while she got up and as she headed to the bathroom. Once there he allowed his face to relax and pushed his head into the pillow. He was so tired – both from not sleeping, as well as from having to pretend he was okay. He lifted his hand out from under the covers and cursed softly. It was shaking.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Teresa was standing in front of the open refrigerator. She reached in and pulled out the eggs and milk. "Eggs, right?"

"No thanks. I'll just have some tea." He was standing at the sink filling up the tea kettle, and trying to get his traitorous body under control. He had to stop trembling or she was going to know.

"What? No eggs?"

"Huh? Oh, no, that's okay. I think I ate too much last night."

She frowned and looked at him closely, only then noticing the dark circles under his eyes and the closed, wounded look in his eyes – a look she hadn't seen since before the death of Red John. She immediately put the eggs and milk down and walked over to him. Throwing her arms around him she held him to her. "I'm sorry", she whispered. "You really don't have to do this."

He held her tightly, just allowing himself to feel her and smell her and be with her. "Yes, I do. I want to Teresa. I'll be fine, really."

"You're not. You're not fine. And you didn't sleep, did you?"

He sighed, and although it was silent, she could feel it deeply in her own chest. "No, but it's okay. I'm used to it."

"No, it's not okay. Afterward we're coming home and taking a nap. And you will have something to eat if I have to feed you myself."

"Mmm, sounds like fun." He tried to smile and lighten things up. He gave her another hug and then kissed her. "Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. You just look after yourself, okay?"

"I'll look after both of us. I love you Patrick, and whatever happens, we'll be alright."

He managed to eat a few bites of egg even though they tasted like lumpy glue. It wasn't the eggs, but his own nerves, which were causing his taste buds to short out. After breakfast he quickly donned a suit – his armor – and stood waiting for Teresa.

They didn't say much on the way to the clinic, but every once in a while Jane would reach out with his hand and cover hers. He would only rest it there for a moment and then put it back on the steering wheel. It was endearing, as Teresa knew he both wanted to hold her hand, but also be a cautious driver.

She rather suspected that he was going to become more and more protective over time. His fears would have to come out somehow and that was probably the healthiest way for him to deal with them. She knew it might begin to drive her crazy. She also knew she would do everything possible to put up with it and, maybe even learn to enjoy it. Because he was going to need to feel like he had some control, that he could do something to protect her and the baby. And she was going to let him.

"We're here", he said softly, staring at the cement wall in front of them. She hadn't even noticed him driving into the parking garage or stopping the car. Suddenly she was the one who was nervous. She closed her eyes and said a brief prayer. Everything was going to be all right.

The nurse showed her back into the changing room, pointing out where she could put her things. "When you're ready I'll take you into the examination room and get you settled. Then your husband can come in."

"He's not -". She stopped. "Thank you", she smiled at the nurse. He might not be her husband in the law's eyes, but in every other way that mattered he was. And the fact was, she was going to make sure that soon he would be her husband, legal as well as otherwise.

"Hi", he said, walking into the exam room.

She had a moment's flashback, hearing the same hesitant tone in his voice that he'd had that day at the airport. He sounded frightened and hopeful all at the same time and – it was all centered on her.

"Hi", she smiled and held out her hand. "Come here."

"You okay?" He walked over to the exam table and took her hand.

"I'm fine", she answered, "although I could do without the paper sheets."

He grinned. "Better them than nothing."

"Hello", the technician walked into the room after a quick knock on the door, a smile on her face. "My name is Alicia and I'll be doing your ultrasound today. You're", she looked at the chart in her hand, "Teresa Lisbon?"

"That's right."

"And this is?"

"Uh – my boyfriend, Patrick Jane. And the baby's father."

"Hi Patrick, it's nice to meet you. I'm glad you could be here. Now, I'm just going to get everything set up and then I'll explain what we'll be doing."

For the next few moments the room was silent as Alicia got everything ready. Patrick held on to Teresa's hand tightly, the only outward sign of his nervousness.

"There, all ready. Now Teresa, I'm going to put some of this lubricating jelly on your tummy. It's nice and warm so shouldn't bother you. You may feel a bit of pressure, but it won't hurt at all."

"Okay", she smiled. She took a deep breath and squeezed Patrick's hand.

"So, here we go." A minute later and Teresa's belly was nicely slicked with jelly. Alicia brought the wand down on her stomach and began to slowly move it around.

"It'll just take a moment for us to find the little one", she said, looking carefully at the screen. "Before we start, did you want to know the baby's sex? I can't promise that we'll be able to see – it'll depend on the angle and whether or not the baby wants us to know."

They looked at one another, both realizing, at the same time, that this wasn't something they'd discussed. "Uh, I'm not sure", Jane said.

"Why don't we have her not tell us, but later on we can ask the doctor if we decide we want to know." She looked at the technician. "If you can see, will you write it down on the chart?"

"Yes, definitely. And you can ask your doctor to tell you. I'll just add a note that says you don't know so he'll only tell you if you ask."

There were a few more moments of Alicia searching and then a smile broke out on her face. "There we go. There's your baby."

Both parents were staring at the screen, mesmerized by what they were seeing. "Oh my God", Teresa whispered. "That's our baby."

The world had come to a stop for Jane. He couldn't breath, he couldn't feel, he could barely see. But what he did see was his child. His child! He continued to stare and was able to see the slight movements of the baby. Oh God – this was his child. How could he not have wanted it? He felt the tears spring to his eyes. A moment later they were trailing down his face.

How could he possibly be this lucky, he suddenly wondered. After all he had done, how is it that he could be looking at this little miracle in front of him. He wanted to reach out and touch it – and tell it how much he loved it. But he couldn't. He had a long time to wait until that could happen.

But, for the first time, he wanted it to happen. He wanted to meet this child, to hold it, to love it. He wanted this child with a passion and longing he'd rarely if ever. Only his desire for Teresa matched the ache and the yearning he felt now.

"Jane?"

He vaguely heard his voice being called, but it didn't really intrude on him. His eyes never wavered from the screen but continued to watch his child, his hope, his redemption.

"Patrick?"

The sound finally penetrated and he looked down. Teresa was looking at him, tears also falling across her cheeks. Suddenly he grew frightened. What had he missed? Was something wrong? "Teresa?" he asked, terrified.

"No, no – everything's fine", she laughed, realizing his terror. "I'm just – it's our baby Patrick. Do you see it?"

He allowed a small smile to break out – which quickly turned into a big one – which quickly became a huge grin. "It's beautiful", he said. He leaned over and kissed her, full on the lips. "Thank you."

"So, I just want to make sure I got everything I needed", Alicia smiled. "The radiologist will take a look at these right away and then your doctor will be in to see you shortly. I'm not really allowed to say anything, but I wouldn't worry", she smiled. "Teresa, you can get cleaned up and then get dressed. It won't be long."

They both thanked the technician and then Patrick helped her clean up and get her pants back on. They hadn't really said any more to one another.

Jane was too shocked, too happy too – he didn't know what. The feelings were rushing through him, feelings he hadn't experienced in a long, long time – and it was taking a lot out of him. Suddenly he wanted to sit down.

"Here", Teresa grabbed his arm and pulled him down onto the exam table, beside her. "Relax and breathe."

He must be in worse shape than he thought. He bowed his head and took a number of slow, steady breaths. "I'm okay", he told her, after a moment.

"You sure? You looked like you were going to faint?"

He gave a soft, and wobbly laugh and finally lifted his head. "You think this is bad, just wait until the actual birth."

"Patrick?" she frowned and tried to smile at the same time. "How – is everything okay?"

His hand reached out and he cupped her face. "Everything is wonderful." He slowly smiled, his eyes lighting up. "We're going to have a baby Teresa."

The tears began again in earnest, but this time she didn't even notice. Instead a small sound – a sob and a sigh of relief all in one escaped from her mouth. She sagged against him, her head resting on his heart.

His arms encircled her and he held her close. The fear, although still there, was beginning to lessen. He could feel the ice around his heart – the terror – begin to break, to crack and to crumble. He gently kissed the top of her head. "Thank you", he said again. "I love you."

The door opened and their doctor walked in. She gave the couple on the cot a warm smile. "Hi, everything okay?"

Two tear-streaked but happy looking faces looked up at her. "Yes, we're just – it was emotional", Teresa hiccupped, as she wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"Yes, it's a wonderful thing to see your baby for the first time. Well, I'm going to cut right to the chase as I'm sure you're both nervous." Dr. Eggers knew the father's history – Teresa had explained everything to her – and understood the fears of both parents. She sat down in the chair facing the couple.

"Everything looks great", she said directly. "The size and the development are perfect for eighteen weeks." She glanced at her chart. "It says that we were right on the due date – April 14th." She raised her head. "Alicia said you don't want to know the sex right now?"

They glanced at one another. "No", Teresa finally said. "But we may change our mind and ask you. I must admit I'm dying of curiosity."

Dr. Eggers grinned. "It's hard, I know, But I won't say anything – and if you ask me, I'll triple check before I tell you. Now, even though everything looks wonderful, why don't I take you through some of the results." She spent the next few moments showing them still pictures of their baby and explaining what the tests revealed.

The doctor went to pull out another picture when she suddenly stopped. "Oops, not that one", she told them. She put it back quickly.

"Doctor?" Teresa asked, getting worried.

Dr. Eggers laughed. "Sorry – I'm afraid that one might have given it away." When that was received by a blank stare from the soon-to-be-mother she laughed again. "The sex. It might have given away the sex."

"Patrick, should we ask?" Lisbon looked at him with a pained expression. "I'm just so curious."

"I think we should wait", he told her. He couldn't say anything, not here, not now, but he had terribly mixed feelings about the sex of the baby and needed to think about it for a while. Up until now just the thought of a child had terrified him, he hadn't even thought about what having a little girl – or not having a little girl – would do to him.

Teresa seemed to understand and nodded. "I guess we'll think about it some more", she said. "But you're sure everything is okay?"

"As far as we can tell, everything looks great. You'll remember I told you that you can't always see everything on an ultrasound, but I wouldn't worry. Everything looks good and I'm sure your baby will be just fine."

Dr. Eggers went on to give further instructions and advice. Her doctor's visits would start to become more frequent now. "Get an adequate amount of rest, and eat properly. Exercise is good, just don't overdo it and try to keep the stress levels down. You're healthy Teresa, and we want to keep you that way."

As they were about to leave the clinic Alicia came up to them, an envelope in her hand. "I thought you might like some pictures", she smiled.

They drove in silence after they left the clinic. Teresa was feeling both happy and relieved. She glanced over at Patrick, looked as if he was deep in thought.

"You okay?" she asked gently.

"Hmm?" He glanced at her and smiled. "Yes."

"This wasn't too hard on you?"

He glanced at her again and then, without saying anything, turned into a small strip mall parking lot. He parked the car and turned off the engine. He then turned in his seat until he was facing her. "Hard on me? No", he smiled. "Well, at first it was a little nerve-wracking."

"A little?" she teased.

"Meh", he said shrugging. After a moment though he grew serious. "Thank you Teresa." He reached out and gently, softly touched her cheek. His mouth trembled, but he continued. "I feel -"

"What?" she whispered when he had trouble continuing.

He shook his head, not sure how to go on. "When you didn't go to DC, when you told me you loved me and wanted to be with me, I felt like I could begin to live again. For the first time in years I felt truly happy and luckier than you can ever imagine. And then you told me you were pregnant and I was terrified. I felt like I was going to lose that happiness again. I knew that I would screw it up and destroy what I was so lucky to have again. But -"

"But?"

"But today I realized that we've created a child Teresa. I'm going to be a father again and – and it still terrifies me, but it also makes me realize that I've been given another chance. I don't want to mess this up but – for the first time, I want this. I want him or her. I want to hold our child and love it and – and have a family again." By this time more tears had escaped from his eyes and he wiped them away, impatiently. "I love you and I'm so thankful you screwed up!"

"What?" she laughed.

He grinned. "By getting pregnant", he explained.

"Well, I think technically you were the one who screwed up", she told him slyly. "I was the one who got screwed."

"Teresa Lisbon!" he said, sounding shocked. But he laughed and then reached over and pulled her into a fierce hug. "Thank you", he whispered again. "I love you so much."

"And I love you." They sat there holding one another quietly for the next few minutes until Teresa finally stirred. "We'd better get to work because Abbott doesn't love you and he'll give you a hard time for being late."

"Just me?"

"Mmm hmm. He knows everything is always your fault."

Jane snorted and started the car. "Actually, he does love me", he told her as they drove out of the parking lot. "He did give me his car to go to the airport that day", he told her.

"That was just because he didn't want to have to deal with you with me gone."

Jane sighed. "Probably true." He reached over again with his hand, and this time left it on hers.

As they were walking into the FBI building he stopped. "Can I have one of those pictures?"

"You mean of the ultrasound? Sure." She pulled open the manila envelope and reached in. There were half a dozen grainy photos and she looked through them. "Here, this is the clearest."

He reached over and took it. He stared at it for a few moments and then put it in his breast pocket – over his heart. They walked into the building together.

No one said anything as they arrived since Abbott was the only one who knew the reason for their morning off. Teresa made her way to her desk and pulled out some files, for the first time in days feeling like she could concentrate.

Jane walked by Cho's desk on the way to his couch. "Morning Cho."

"Morning. Everything okay?" Cho looked up, concern written on his face.

"Oh yeah", Jane stopped and grinned. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out the picture. "Meet my son or daughter." He showed the fuzzy picture – showing not much more than the faint outline of a baby. "It's healthy and the perfect size."

Cho took the picture and for once allowed himself a big grin. "Congratulations Daddy."

Jane felt a twinge and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again he allowed himself to just be happy. He smiled. "Thanks!"