So when I uploaded chapter 22 for some reason the website wouldn't say that the story had updated! I tried deleting and reuploading the chapter a few times but nothing worked. I don't know why it has done that but I apologize for any confusions! Hopefully when I post this chapter things are working for me again. And to ilovegirls507, I was never planning to end the story there! The story will end when camps over. I promise there is some good Auslly stuff to come ok! And I'd also like to thank monkidoodle for the review he/she left me. It was the most heart touching thing I've ever read and received from someone. I love hearing that my writing really moves people and makes them feel something, because really that's the ultimate goal for any writer. It truly means a lot to hear all those wonderful things! So thank you so so much, from the very bottom of my heart! Just know that love and appreciate every single review anybody leaves for me. You guys are so amazing and I truly mean it!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but this story, all rights reserved.
*With Ally*
They say with time this is supposed to get easier, and a hell of a lot less painful, until one day it just all stops. The same should go about Austin and I, right? This should get easier for me. The pain should eventually get bearable enough until I've completely forgotten all about it. One day this is just going to be just another story, another challenge I've gotten through. But I have this strange feeling that it won't. That the things I'm feeling are only going to grow stronger inside me. Think of my pain like a cancer cell. It's just going to continue to take over, eating me up inside, until one day my body can no longer handle it.
This thing, it's not just some bump in the road though. It's an unexpected twenty foot drop and I've fallen down it. And the truth is this scares me. It scares me a lot. Without Austin I don't even know who I am. Because without him, I'm just… Ally. The greatest and best things about me relate or revolve around Austin somehow. It's hard to remember myself at the times when I didn't know him yet. When we're together the world seems smaller, the sun shines brighter, we smile wider, laughs are longer, minutes feel like hours, and things like pizza taste even better! I'm just so much happier when with him. And now the world seems so big, and the sun is gone, smiles are frowns, laughter has silenced, I feel stuck, and everything leaves a bitter taste in mouth. I'm going to miss him so much.
Despite how horrible things are, it's not like I can change them. I've accepted that. They also say the right choices are the hardest choices, and at least I know that one's true. I just didn't think the right choice would mean losing so much.
I had avoided my last bit of packing until the last minute. Not the typical Ally but I really didn't want to go. It feels like I'm leaving home and never coming back, which is technically true. Although it was really hard, I forced myself to stop letting my thoughts consume any more of my time and get moving. I brought my few bags out of the quaint little cabin and set them down onto its small porch. I took one last look at the now empty room and sighed. So many memories have been created in this tiny little space. Like gossiping with Megan and Bea, and Austin hiding under my bed. Those were good times, one's I'll never forget. This place really used to feel like home, but it sure doesn't anymore.
With uncertain hands and heart, I shut the door of the cabin for good. My mom would be here in about half an hour. She's coming to get me and I'm not coming back. I've never felt so sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I was about to leave everything I love behind. Happy because I was finally doing something for myself. I know Megan and Bea really want me to stay but I can't face Austin after what happened last night. Everything I told him was true and that's what makes walking away so much harder.
I started to collect my bags together so I could bring them to the main cabin. That's where my mom would be to get me. Megan and Bea were supposed to help me bring them over but so far there was no sign of them. I'll just have to start bringing the first half over without them.
I can't help but think of Austin right now, and how he'd be the one to help me. He always offers to carry my bags and stuff like that. It's just simply the gentlemen in him he had grown to be. I always refuse to let him do all of that for me but he never listens anyways. He always has to be such a guy and show off how strong he is by carrying all my bags at once. I usually pretend to be annoyed but secretly I loved it.
And speaking of the devil, I think I was starting to hallucinate because I swore I saw Austin in the distance. I closed my eyes and shook my head to try and get the image out. But when I opened my eyes he was still there, and he was getting closer.
"Ally!" he shouted. I guess I wasn't hallucinating after all.
He was the last person I wanted to talk to, but for some reason I felt a wave of warmth wash over me as he got closer. I just stood there, watching him run towards me. He looked like he was in the midst of a marathon, and was determined to win.
"Ally." He breathed out when he got close enough to me.
His eyes were big and hopeful and I really wish I didn't have such a soft spot for them. I don't know why he's here but it can't be good. Despite my questioning thoughts it took all I had not to do something I'd regret like close the gap between us and hug him so tight.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I'm so sorry." He stated.
I shook my head. Not this again. I can't handle another one of these conversations with him.
"Please don't. This is already hard enough." I whispered.
I started to back away. I didn't like how close we were right now.
"Just hear me out. I think you're going to like what I have to say." He said hopefully as he went to close the gap I just created.
Seriously this boy has no boundaries. But I'm not saying I didn't like it.
"Austin I already told you that I-"
He put a finger to my lips, stopping me half way through my sentence. It worked because I instantly hushed to a nothing. His hands felt right on my lips like this.
"This time it's my turn to talk and for you to listen ok." He told me.
This can't be good. There's no possible way this is something I should allow to happen right now, but for some reason I nod my head in agreement. Maybe it's because I was curious as to what he had to say, or maybe it's because I was tired of doing all the talking. Right now I just really wanted to listen.
"Ok." I replied softly.
He took a moment before speaking. Something about him seemed different, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
"I'm sorry I've been the biggest asshole ever. I'm sorry I was clueless to all the things you've tried to tell me. I'm sorry for doubting you, and I'm sorry for being an idiot. I don't deserve you as a friend, Ally." He said.
Boy have I waited a life time to finally hear those words from him. This is sweet, but I don't understand. What was he trying to say?
"You were right all along about Cassidy, and I feel terrible for not believing you the first time. She treated you like dirt, worse than dirt! And it's my fault. I'm really sorry, and if I could talk back all the awful things I said and did to you, I would." He continued.
He was making no sense. Why was he telling me all the things I already knew? I was about to say something but he interrupted me again before I had the chance.
"I broke up with her. We're done." He said.
Wait, what?
Did I just hear right? Did I really hear right?! There's no possible way this is true. I've heard this before, but only in my greatest dreams. I've been waiting so long for this and now that it's real it's different than I thought I'd be. It's like the wall I've built won't allow me to feel anything. I should be happy and over the moon to hear this but I don't what I am right now. I'm not sure what to even think anymore.
I gave him a puzzled look, biting my lip as I tried to process everything at once.
"I don't-"
"I'm not finished yet." He interrupted.
Oh great, there's more.
"I know me breaking up with her probably doesn't change how you feel and I understand if you still hate me or anything like that. But Ally I don't want you to go. And this whole not being friends thing is killing me!" He confessed.
Maybe it's a good thing that I'm not allowed to talk right now because I wouldn't know what to say. He stood there with wide eyes waiting for me to do something.
"It's too late, I'm sorry." I replied sadly.
The hurt that consumed him broke my heart.
"Can't you see that Cassidy is out of the picture? Ally I chose you, my best friend. I need you!" He exclaimed.
There it was again. Friend. The word made me feel angry all of a sudden. I was really tired of being known as just his friend. I want to be anything but just his stupid friend! Even if that means I'm nothing at all.
"It doesn't matter! She still hurt me and so did you. You can't expect me to forgive you just like that!" I told him.
I wish he would just respect my feelings. Why can't he let it go! I don't want to keep listening to this.
"You said you want me to be happy, well I'm not going to be happy if you just leave! I'm not letting the best thing about me walk away!" he shouted in frustration.
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. What did he want me to say?!
"It's not fair to me though! If I stay I'm just hurting myself even more!" I shouted back.
I felt like Austin because for once I didn't understand a thing.
"But are you really helping yourself by walking away?" he asked.
His words really hit close to home. God I don't know what he wants from me! I had to force myself to look away, because looking at him was just too hard.
"I'm sorry, Austin. I have to go. And you should too." My voice was so quiet and hoarse, resisting all urges to break out in tears.
Those were my last and final words for him. Nothing he could say or do would change my mind. I pushed past him and started walking away, as far away as I could possible get with just my feet. Don't look back, don'tlookback, Don't. Look. Back. But I didn't have to because it was only a few feet of walking before a strong hand pulled me back.
"Ally!" he shouted desperately.
"Austin, stop! I-"
Boom. Just like that, my heart exploded. But in a good way. A really good way.
I didn't get a chance to finish what I had to say because he kissed me. That's right, Austin Moon kissed me. Most people see fireworks, but the fireworks were being set off from the very center of my heart instead. It felt a thousand times more exhilarating and breath taking than just seeing them. He was actually making me feel fireworks. All my thoughts had washed away, as if his kiss was the ocean and I was only a tiny grain of sand. I definitely squealed in surprise, my eyes wide and body stiff. I tried to push him off but my whole body melted into molten as soon as his lips fell on mine. It's the thought that counts, despite my lack of effort. My lust and need for him overcame me, and soon my arms were around his neck and pulling him closer.
Yeah, so much for effort.
What was even happening right now? Maybe I'm finally having a good dream. But this dream seems very real, too real. A voice in my head kept saying stop, and that this isn't right. And you know this probably isn't right but my heart was screaming to let him keep going. So I did. Besides I don't think I could force myself to stop anyways.
He captured my lips with his own and it was the greatest thing I've ever felt in my entire lifetime. His lips were soft and sweet, just like I'd hoped. His were also warm like everything else about him. They were everything I had ever possibly imagined they'd be, and more. Nothing has ever felt so good, so right. But what really got me was how his hands went from cupping my face to slowly falling down to the small of my back. It's like his hands belonged there. We had woven ourselves tightly together with our own limbs and I never wanted to get untangled. My lips and lungs burned for more of him. They were desperate and needy. So I kissed him back with every emotion he's ever made me feel so he could feel them too, and there was a lot.
After what seemed like forever he slowly pulled away, and I fought the urge to place my lips back where they rightfully belonged. But it was like he didn't even pull away because both our foreheads were very much making contact with each other's. His breath could be found on my skin, just lingering there, and same goes to mine on him. I struggled to keep my eyes open, everything occurring made me feel dizzy and overly delighted.
"Why'd you do that?" I asked each word very breathy.
My chest heaved up and down at the lack of oxygen in me. I used all of it for that kiss, and I would definitely be using more for the same reasons.
"I panicked." His lips pulled up into a shy smile.
Oh those lips.
"Well you shouldn't have." I whispered softly.
I almost pulled away. Almost.
"Stay."
He kissed me again. God I hate him! Only this time his lips just barely ghosted over mine and it sent chills down my spine. I found my hands tangled in his hair, playing with his soft blond locks.
Focus Ally. Don't let him control you with his kisses, even if they do feel like the best thing in the world.
"A pity kiss isn't going to make me stay." I fought back weakly.
He knew he was winning, and I hated it.
"It wasn't a pity kiss." he said simply.
"Well then what was it?" I asked, forcing myself to pull away from him.
"Do you really not get it?" he asked with wide eyes and a shocked expression.
I probably should have laughed or something but I didn't. I had no idea what he was talking about. I shook my head in confusion as my response. This is getting so frustrating.
"I like you, Ally. I like you a lot."
My breath caught in my throat, and I gasped, totally surprised. The familiarity of those words surprised me because they were the exact same ones I had said to him.
Oh god. I felt any oxygen left in me disappear, making my chest painfully tighten.
"Wh-what?" I stuttered nervously.
"Don't make me say it again." He laughed, blushing a little.
I've wanted him to tell me that ever since we got here and now when I'm ready to leave he just decides to drop a very big bomb on me! He couldn't have told me this a lot sooner, right? Boys are so stupid I can't begin to fathom it.
But Ally, he likes you. HE LIKES YOU.
First Cassidy, then a kiss, and now this! I don't understand. This is too much for just one girl. Why would he like me? I swore that all I'd ever be was just his friend. I don't even know what we are anymore.
"What?" I asked again.
I wasn't sure what to say, so I just repeated myself like an idiot. I was dumbfounded right now. But can you blame me?! I can't breathe, I can't speak, I can't think! My hands were shaking in his and my heart felt really weird. I was trying to focus on one thing but a billion are floating through my head.
He brushed a stray strand of hair out of the way before talking again.
"I've always had this secret crush on you." he started shyly.
Ugh why did he have to all cute and embarrassed when I was trying to do the right thing?
"You never really showed any interest in me, and you had started getting boyfriends so I thought I should start dating girls too. I was never really upset though, I just always wondered if you might maybe like me to. On the first day when I said I liked someone but they only see me as a friend, I-"
"You were talking about me." I finished for him.
It's like all the puzzle pieces were coming together.
"Yeah. I thought you'd maybe get the hint but when you were totally clueless to it. So I thought it was time to seriously move on from the idea." He finished.
Whoa. Things just got very serious. I tried to wrap my head around what he was telling me, but the puzzle wasn't working with me.
"Wait, back up. How long have you liked me for?" I asked in all seriousness.
"Oh I don't know, probably since we were thirteen." He shrugged and smiled at the thought.
I struggled to find the right thing to say, or anything to say for that matter.
"I-I, this is all too much." I stammered out with worry.
"What are you saying?" he asked with fear in his eyes.
"I don't know. I'm scared and happy and hurt and I'm going crazy trying to sort my own head out! My mom's going to be here in like fifteen minutes and I couldn't be more confused about everything. My head is telling me one thing while my heart is telling me another!" I exclaimed.
"Ally isn't it obvious?! Cassidy is gone. I've apologized a million times! And I like you too. There's nothing left to keep pushing you away." He said.
"It's not that easy." I nervously bit my lip, shaking my head against his words.
"You're the one who's making this hard when it doesn't have to be!" he sighed in frustration.
"I'm not so sure about this. I mean what happens if I do stay? Camp's already almost over. What, are we going to just date for four days and then break up?" I asked.
"We'll figure it out." He promised.
"Long distance relationships never work. It's inevitable." I informed him.
"Then I'd rather have the best four damn days of my life with you then none at all!" he fought.
The gap between us had become nonexistent once again. I already missed the taste of him on my lips, but now was definitely not the time. I had the biggest decision to make right now with three playing factors: Cassidy is no longer with him, he likes me just as much as I like him, and I'm trying to make myself happy with the right choice. We are two hearts fighting for two different things right now and I wish there was a sign or something, to tell me what to do. My mind is too indecisive and I'm not sure if I can trust my heart. But maybe, Austin is a sign himself. His words are things I've been waiting, dying to hear! Maybe instead of trying to listen to my own head or heart, I should just be listening to him.
"Stay." He whispered against my ear.
"Please stay." He kissed just below my ear at the start of my jaw line.
What did he think he was doing right now?! I can't make a ration thought when his lips are exploring me! I tried to focus, but my eyes shut because it felt so good.
"Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay." He said in between kisses as he worked his way to the real destination, each word more forceful than the first as he continued.
I gulped nervously. His breath was hot on my exposed skin and my mind had gone hazy. Clearly he wasn't trying to influence my decision at all, not one bit. My hands hand found their way back into his hair. What can I say? I'm totally guilty for loving everything about this right now.
He stopped suddenly, pulling his lips off my skin just to really get my attention. It worked because I nearly whimpered at the loss of contact. Why was he toying with all my emotions right now?! He looked me long in the eyes before he spoke again.
"Stay. Please stay." He begged, his voice so soft that I just barely heard it myself.
I've never seen him want something so badly before. It doesn't matter what I say or do, he's just going to spend every moment trying to convince me otherwise. If I go, I'm going to lose the most important thing to me. Maybe this teenage boy really is worth staying for. I noticed that our lips had become seriously close, but not close enough for my liking.
This time I closed the gap between us being the one to initiate the kiss. I could tell he liked that, and had been waiting ever since our first one for me to kiss him like this. This felt so right, and maybe even better than the first time. He responded so well, instantly kissing me back. My thoughts fought to stay awake, the kiss threatening to pull them in for a deep sleep. I felt his lips spread into a smile as we kissed, but that didn't stop me from continuing that's for sure. If anything it made me kiss him harder.
This kiss was different than the first though. Our first one was so sudden and full of passion. This one had passion too but just on a different level. This passion was slow and sensual. For a lack of better word, it was positively perfect. I liked that I had to stand on the tips of my toes and that he had to crouch just a tad for us to reach each other's lips. And I liked that our lips fit with each other perfectly, like they were designed to be together. I loved everything about this and these things make me want to kiss him forever.
I had to force my lips off his to catch a breath of air in my lungs, as it was much needed. I didn't waste a moment to say what he had been hoping to hear since the start of this.
"I thought you'd never ask." I smiled in response at him.
His eyes lit up like a million stars.
"Really?!" he smiled back.
"Really." I nodded into the crook of his neck.
Without warning he pulled me in as if for a hug, but actually picked me up of the ground and twirled me in many dizzy circles. I found us instantly laughing and it was a well-known fact that his laugh was contagious only on me. I felt nauseous but I wasn't sure if it was due to the fact that Austin was spinning us in circles or because I felt really love sick at the moment. He carefully placed me down as if I was made of glass, and I might shatter in any second. My feet touched the ground while my hands cupped his face closer to mine.
"I'm sorry." I told him.
"Why are you apologizing? If anything I should still be apologizing to you." he asked with a confused look.
"For taking so long to realize how much I really do need you. I'm sorry." I said again.
"Don't be, it's ok." He reassured me.
I pecked his cheek for being so sweet. I stood there in his arms for a while longer. I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that though because minutes once again felt like hours to me.
"Well I guess I better get unpacking then." I sighed happily in his embrace.
"Correction, we should get unpacking. I'll help." He said as he started to let go of me.
The immediate loss of contact made me nervous, almost scared. I pulled him back and brought him close to me again. "Don't let go just yet."
"I'm not going to." he laughed as he reassured me.
I rested my head against his chest, hearing and feeling the beat of his own heart. What I like was that my heart was in synch with his again. I could really get used to this.
I'm sorry this took so long to upload. I've sat here rewriting and editing it a million times as this chapter needed to be absolutely perfect for me. Even now I'm not certain if I love it. I hope you loved it though! This is what you've all been waiting for! I'm leaving for Vancouver today, so that means I'm either finishing this story off my phone, or you won't get a ton of updates for a week until I return home to my laptop. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. But thank you so much for reading, and please don't forget to leave me a review! Tell me what you loved and what you're favorite parts were! I'm so excited for future chapters now and I hope you are too! Until next time :)