I wanted to post a short "what-if" style thing here in honor of the TF2 Halloween update, but I didn't manage to finish it in time. So instead, the story continues. I might post the "what-if" thing and shift the chapters around when I'm done with it, we'll see.

Anyway, as always, thanks for reading.

PREVIOUSLY ON The Nine Red Men Incident-The Scout Chapters

Having been warped to Gensokyou via a portal of Merasmus', the Scout found himself in a forest. There, he met Momiji, whom he promptly annoyed the hell out of, and Aya, whom he didn't as much. After starting an interview with Aya and talking about the respawn process, the Scout wound up destroying a tree with his baseball bat, which drew the ire of Yuuka, who had been nearby. Now, she prepares to blast him away with a master spark.

We now return you to: The Nine Red Men Incident-The Scout Chapters

Scout's thought process, in that second he had before the master spark fired, went something like this: "Pain equals bad." "But..but…woman!" "PAIN EQUALS BAD!" "Ok, ok, fine." He scrambled to move out of the way, and managed to roll almost out of the path of the spark before it fired, causing his vision to be filled with a stream of rainbow colors, nearly blinding him. His right hand was still in the path, however, and he felt a surge of intense pain as his skin began to crackle from the spark. Yelping in pain, he managed to pull his hand back after spending only a couple milliseconds in the path of the beam. He briefly glanced at his hand to find that a large part of the back of his hand was bright red, and there was blood dripping from the palm of his hand, which had been pressed into the ground hard enough that a cut had formed along the line that separated the part of his hand that hadn't been in the path of the spark, and the part that had been. He cursed under his breath.

"Hmm, that's some pretty impressive dodging for a human," Yuuka said, as the spark faded. "But can you do a second time?" She once again pointed her parasol at him, and the tip began to glow, whispering "Master Spark" under her breath. The Scout ran towards the trees, attempting to pull out his scattergun and wincing as his right hand throbbed in pain. Looking back, he could see that Yuuka was leading her shot towards where he'd be in a couple seconds, and quickly reversed direction. Yuuka, unable to compensate in time, ended up firing at nothing. Looking closely, the Scout could see that the beam seemed to pass right through the trees that were in the path, without doing any damage to them.

He skidded to a halt and turned to face Yuuka, who was slowly moving the spark towards him. He raised his scattergun. "You gotta be faster than that if you wanna hit me! You, on the other hand," he said, then fired the scattergun. Instead of the scatter shot he was expecting, it fired six medium-sized glowing orbs that flew out in a semi-random pattern in front of him. Five missed completely, but one managed to hit Yuuka right in the chest, though she didn't even seem to flinch. "What the hell is this crap?" he said to himself, as he began to lift the scattergun towards his face. Before he could inspect it, however, Yuuka spoke up.

"So you can shoot danmaku too, huh?" Yuuka said, aiming at him again. "Interesting. But that was so weak I barely felt it."

"Yeah, well, you'll be feelin' it in just a bit," he said, and began to zigzag towards her, hoping that the glowing balls would somehow do more damage if he was up close. Yuuka let off another master spark, and he felt the (very few) hairs on his cheek stand on end. Grinning, he quickly closed the distance between them, until he was right next to her. "Told ya," he said as he shot her point blank in the chest. She let out a pained gasp and flinched, the master spark flickering out. "Give up yet?" Scout said. "Cause I don't really like doing this to chicks, y'know what I mean? Though I do hear that violent make-up se-" he began before Yuuka's laughter cut him off. It started quietly, but quickly built up until she threw her head back and was laughing maniacally at the sky. "Well that ain't ever good," the Scout said, taking a step back. Momiji, who'd been looking on uncertainly, had her ears and tail stand on end, and resisted the urge to flee into the forest. Aya, who'd been taking pictures, flew up and perched on top of a tree, camera still trained on the battleground.

Eventually Yuuka's laughter died down, though every now and then a chuckle would still escape. "I have to admit, you're faster than I expected. It's been a while since a human other than Reimu or Marisa has managed to make actually stun me." She was grinning widely, spinning her parasol faster and faster. "Though to be honest, I was going easy on you. Didn't want to kill you, after all." She paused and took a deep breath to prevent herself from laughing. "But I guess I can go full out on you now, can't I?" she said, spreading her arms wide. As she finished her sentence, a swarming spiral of small glowing orbs flew out from behind her, heading towards the Scout. Momiji leapt into the tree with Aya, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire. The Scout was taken off-guard, and though he recovered quickly, it wasn't quickly enough, as a lot of the bullets managed to hit their marks, causing every patch of skin they hit to feel like they'd been stabbed by tiny thorns. The Scout screamed in pain, but continued running, dodging as many of the orbs as he could, though there were too many to dodge them all. Looking at Yuuka, he saw her once again point her parasol at him, and saw the tip begin to glow. He grimaced, and took a couple potshots at her, hoping to at least knock her off balance. Unfortunately, only a couple of the bullets hit her, since he'd moved farther back in order to dodge the orbs. The spark shot out, and he could barely outpace it this time, as trying to dodge the orbs as well made him slow down considerably. "What's wrong?" Yuuka said. "What happened to all that speed earlier?" She was smirking, though she was also shaking her head. "I'm disappointed. I thought this could be an actual fight, but you can't even land two good hits." The Scout gritted his teeth. She wanted speed? He'd show her speed. He reached for his pocket and pulled something Yuuka couldn't see out of it. When her spark ran out, he slid to a halt.

"Given up already?" she yelled, frowning. "What a waste." She trained her parasol at him, preparing to deliver the final blow. As she did so, there was a popping noise, though she didn't think much of it. "Goodbye then, human," she said, firing the spark. In an instant, the Scout's form was completely consumed by the spark, and Yuuka sighed. She'd really wanted more. Good fights were rare these days, and she couldn't really get Marisa or Reimu to fight her anymore without causing an incident, which was a pain. She almost missed the days when people would actually seek her out to fight, though the surprise attacks had gotten annoying after a while. She did like listening to the flowers uninterrupted, and she didn't have to worry about them getting attacked just to anger her, but there was just something about the excitement from a good fight that couldn't be replaced. When that human had managed to hit her, she'd felt it, at least for a second-the sheer adrenaline of a good fight. But then he'd just given up, and it'd almost felt like a betrayal, like he'd broken a promise to give her an actual fight. So it had been with a twinge of sadness that she'd fired at the unmoving Scout. As the spark finished, she didn't even bother to look towards where the Scout had been, and simply started to walk away.

"Ha! That it?" She heard his voice yell, sounding oddly distorted. She whirled around to see him still standing in the exact same spot he had been, completely unharmed, and seemed to be vibrating in and out of place as she watched. She felt herself begin to smile. "That was nothin'!"

Yuuka laughed happily, though others might have described it as maniacal. "Impressive! But can you do it twice?" she asked, taking aim once more.

"Just try me," the Scout said, grinning. He began to walk towards her, putting the can back into his backpack. Yuuka fired at him again, and the Scout was once again engulfed in rainbow-colored light. He ran down the corridor of light, glad his Bonk! Atomic Punch also protected him from this laser magic crap. On the other hand, he knew that it'd probably only last till the end of this spark, so he needed to get close enough to do some real damage to Yuuka. He really needed to get rid of that freaking 'Mister Spark' or whatever it was, or he was going to be completely screwed once this wore off. Thinking about it, he realized that she always seemed to fire it from her parasol, so if he could steal it, then he just might have a chance. He grinned an evil grin, a plan for revenge already forming in his mind.

Yuuka was grinning, waiting to see what the Scout was going to do next. Right before her Master Spark ran out, she saw him appear directly to her right, and before she could adjust the Spark's course, he reached out a hand and grabbed her parasol and tried to yank it out of her grip. Unfortunately for the Scout, Yuuka's strength was such that he didn't even manage to throw her off-balance. She raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing?" she asked.

The Scout cursed under his breath. "Uh, I, what's that over there?" he said, looking behind her, tugging on the parasol with a sharp yank.

"You seriously think I'm going to fall for that one?" Yuuka said. "Your opinion of me must be rather low."

"No, seriously, someone's like attacking a tree or something."

Rolling her eyes, Yuuka turned to look behind her, just out of curiosity over what the Scout was planning to do. It might make for a more interesting fight at any rate. Unsurprisingly, she saw nothing unusual behind her. "Oh no. You fooled me. Whatever shall I do," she said flatly. She felt her arm being twisted in an uncomfortable way, and suddenly her parasol slid out of her grip. She turned back around to find the Scout holding onto it, laughing. "I would appreciate it if I could get that back," she said, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Hah, no way," the Scout said. He got hit by a stray danmaku bullet and winced. "This is the source of those 'Mister Spark' thingies, isn't it?"

"'Mister Spark'?" Yuuka said, sighing. "It's 'Master Spark'."

"Right, those things! Well now that I have it, it's time to give you a taste of your own medicine!" The Scout backed up a bit and pointed the parasol at her. "Master Spark," he yelled. Nothing happened. The grin fell from his face. "Uh, wait, what? Master Spark," he yelled again, shaking the parasol. "The hell's going on?"

Yuuka shook her head. "That's not where the Master Spark comes from. It's just an excellent parasol, really. I simply like to use it as a conduit for the Master Spark, since it can be slightly more accurate that way." The color drained from the Scout's face. "Though at this range, accuracy isn't that important." She held up her hand.

"Ah, crap," the Scout said, as Yuuka's hand began to glow.

"It was an interesting attempt though," she said. "Almost makes me want to spare you." The Scout looked hopeful for a second. "But you do still need to be punished." The Scout's face fell again. "I wonder if you can still dodge this," she said, smiling, as she released the Master Spark. The Scout, still slightly shocked and despairing that his plan hadn't worked, didn't manage to dodge in time, and was hit full force by the Master Spark, passing out immediately.

Yuuka walked over to his unconscious body, which was now pressed against a tree and looked rather red, and took back her parasol. She stretched a bit and rolled her shoulders, as behind her Momiji and Aya descended from the tree they'd been in. Momiji quickly ran over to the Scout and checked his pulse, which was surprisingly fine, and she didn't see any open wounds. She let out a sigh of relief. "He's not dead," she said.

"Of course he isn't," Yuuka said. "I'm not stupid enough to actually kill someone, especially an outsider."

Momiji raised an eyebrow. She looked like she was about to say something, but then shook her head instead. "Small mercies, I suppose. Though was that really necessary?"

"Yes, it was. He did destroy that tree, after all," Yuuka said, smiling. "Or had you forgotten?" Momiji winced, and was about to speak up when Aya interrupted.

"Oh man, that gave me some great material!" she said, taking a photo of Yuuka as she looked at Scout and Momiji. "Though I wish my interview had gone on longer." She flipped through her notebook. "I've barely got anything in here," she said, frowning.

Momiji sighed, hauling the Scout upright. "Well, I'm sure he'll be glad to talk to you whenever he regains consciousness. Especially," she said, grunting with the effort, "if you'd help me carry him to Nitori's."

"Uh, well, I should really start typing this up," Aya said, looking away. Momiji glared at her. "Fine," she said sighing. She walked over and supported the Scout's other shoulder. "But I better get an extended interview for this."

"You have heard him, right? I don't think you could get him to stop talking if you tried," Momiji replied.

"Well, I'll be taking my leave now," Yuuka said, as she turned and began walking away. "He'll probably be needing some itching cream when he wakes up," she said, before disappearing into the forest.

Momiji and Aya looked at each other, then shrugged, and began flying towards Nitori's place, the Scout hanging between them. "So, why are we going to Nitori's workshop?" Aya asked. "Wouldn't Eintei be better?"

Momiji sighed. "Well, if you have the time to spend navigating that forest, go for it. I'm still technically on guard duty, so I can't afford to go all the way there. Besides, Nitori owes me a favor, and she can get him to the village easily. I hear Eintei's got a stall there."

"Aww, you mean you're not gonna stick around to question him some more?" Aya said. "I could have gotten some more shots for that article about your lurid affair I was gonna write."

Momiji shot her a glare and tried to flick Aya with her free hand, but Aya simply dodged out of the way. "Well unfortunately for you, I've got more important things to do than let you take misleading photos."

"Oh, fiiiine," Aya said. "Maybe I can make it about Nitori instead. 'Shy Kappa Caught Caring for Wounded Lover' sounds just as good, really."

"Ayaaa," Momiji said, growling. "If you write that about Nitori, I'll-" she said, before getting cut off.

"Ah, you're no fun. But alright, alright. An interview with an outsider will have to do, I suppose," Aya said, sighing.

"Glad we understand each other," Momiji said.

They flew the rest of the way in relative silence.