This took way too long O_o

Well...I'm sorry it took so long. I was just struggling with this chapter and putting it off because it wasn't coming to me right away...

So yeah! Here you go, and I hope you enjoy.

Also, I'd like to thank everyone that left a review, they really mean a lot to me :)

There wasn't some big epiphany. There was no light bulb Eureka! Moment.

When I looked back, there wasn't a clear moment when I thought, "Dears gods, I'm in love with Nico di Angelo!"

No, it was slow and simple. It just kind of...happened.

I wasn't sure how, but I knew. It all came together, piece by piece, in my mind after a lot of time spent thinking.

I realized the feelings had been building for a long time, ever since we were in Tartarus together. Maybe even before...

It was hard to tell, really. In the past, I'd never had an opportunity to just be close to him, get to know him as a person. From the time he was a little kid...he just kept running away from me. He spent his time in the Underworld, the Labyrinth, New Rome, basically anywhere but near me. He avoided me like the plague whenever possible.

So I'd never gotten the chance to get to know him, even though I knew I had some kind of feeling for him. I cared about him, wanted to protect him. I felt sorry for him, for what I did to him, but that's as far as it ever got. I'd never spent enough time with him to gain real, legitimate feelings for him. He was relegated to the fringe of my life, the shadows.

But Tartarus had been a turning point. Finding out he was missing to begin with was scary enough, but finding out he was...down there, so close to death? Forget about it. I was sick with worry.

And...and when we were down there together...things were different between us. They had to be, given the circumstances.

Down there, he'd been unable to run away from me. He couldn't just shadow travel somewhere else or pretend he didn't know me like he had in the past.

We had to spend time together, talk because we were each other's only form of company. We didn't want to go mad...

And we had been forced to work together as a team just to survive, just to see the sun and stars again. We'd been vulnerable together, broken together.

We shared something down there, something real and primal and different from any other feelings I'd had for him.

To me, he became a bit more meaningful, a bigger part of my life. He became a person down there. A broken person, yes, but still a person. An important part of my life, something I cared about deeply. Someone I wanted to protect...

As for Nico...I wasn't so sure.

Because at the time, I didn't think it mattered, sharing that experience with him. I wanted it to, of course, but I never thought it would matter. I'd tried in the past to get to know Nico, or find him a home, but each time he rejected me. I thought that no matter what happened, Nico would go back to being his old self. I though he would continue to ignore me. I thought he would run away again, back to the Underworld or back to New Rome.

I thought he would still hate me.

There was no reason for him not to, after all.

It's not as if I gave him anything down there. I didn't console him. I don't fell as though I helped him through any issues.

I didn't do anything, really.

I just fought and fell apart when the fighting was over.

He'd done far more for me.

So when the war ended...I expected him to fade back into the shadows and wallow in his own self-pity and hatred, just as I chose to. It's not as if I'd given him a reason to stay, nobody had. The only person we were confident that he cared about was Hazel, and that was a given, all things considered.

We all thought he would go back to the Underworld, to his father's palace. Maybe, if the gods offered it, he would take immortality. Or maybe he would continue to wander the world, never staying in one place for very long, always untraceable. We thought he would just leave, not telling anyone. Just...disappear and never look back.

He would become nothing more than an obscure legend, a mystery, nothing more than a story to be swapped around the bonfire in order to scare the new campers with images of skeleton conjuring boys.

He proved me wrong though. He proved everyone wrong.

He didn't run away or hide. He'd tried at first, but he came back when it counted. He knew when he was needed...

He had a normal life now. Well, as normal as a demigod's life could be.

He participated in activities. He gave lessons on occasion, and would come out and do demonstrations with me when I asked. He played (and often won) capture the flag and skulked around the fringes of the sing-along campfire, still not a fan of the whole being social thing.

Sure, he was still stubborn and grumpy and somber. He still hated mornings and didn't eat much. He was the same Nico just...happier.

I could tell that he was trying.

He was making an effort to socialize, even if it was only with the Seven. He would leave his cabin and venture out in the sunlight. He ate without having to be told.

He laughed and smiled. He wasn't so pale, he'd put on a bit of weight. He felt more substantial, realer. He wasn't a faded gray wisp of smoke any longer.

I was so glad he was better. It made me feel better, less of a failure. I knew that even though I'd screwed up in the past, everything was okay now. He was okay, almost normal.

It was great and all, but... I just never expected it to be me that got him to stay at camp, to be better.

I didn't think he cared enough. At that point, I still thought he hated me. For Bianca, for not helping him, for everything else I'd screwed up.

If he ever agreed to staying, I thought he would do it to make Hazel happy or to stop Jason's pestering, and even then I doubted their ability. I thought that, at best, he would go to either camps for rest. I thought he would spend most of his time in the Underworld or traveling, going on missions for his dad.

But...he stayed because of me. Because he knew that I needed him.

He willingly spent time with me, when before he wouldn't even look me in the eyes for days. And he enjoyed his time with me, what little we could squeeze in between our schedules. He wanted to be able to see me, every day, as often as possible.

He stayed up late with me when I needed someone to talk to, even if it meant sacrificing his own sleep.

He didn't shy away from me when I was in a bad place, like so many others had.

And I loved that about him, that he wanted to help me, that he cared enough about me to stay, even when he might not be entirely comfortable with his living situation.

I just...loved him. It was as simple as that. I loved his smile, his voice, his tenderness, the way he treated me, the way he tried his best to understand all my problems...

But it was scary...realizing all of that. Realizing that I'd had feelings for him for a long time, that I had them at all.

Nothing was ever going to be the same again.

Because he was going to wake up sooner or later...and I would have to deal with my feelings.

There was no other option, no way around this.

I knew that I would never be able to look at him the same way again. I wouldn't be able to look at him without...thinking about things and probably blushing. I wouldn't be able to meet his eyes without looking away, or talk to him without stuttering.

He wasn't an idiot, it wouldn't be long before he noticed that something was wrong with me. He knew me better than anyone, I was an open book to him. And he worried about me enough as it is, he was always on the lookout for problems...

Gods, I could imagine the look on his face. His brow knit, eyes shining with worry.

And there's no way I would be able to lie to him. No way in hell that would work. He would see right through me...

So I would have to admit it...my feelings...

I would have to tell him, and just...hope that he won't hate me for it.

I know there's no way in Hades that he'll have feelings for me, it's out of the question. He's not gay...no, he likes Annabeth. He always has, ever since he was a kid. And even if he's moved on from that crush, he still like girls.

That's all I can hope for. Just not hatred, anything but hatred. I know it's a distinct possibility, given the time period he was raised in...I'm sure things like that tend to stick with a person, and I know he's been regaining some childhood memories. It's not out of line to think he'll react poorly...think I'm a sick freak...

I just want indifference. Is that too much to ask? After everything I've had to deal with, is it too much to ask for him to at least be tolerant?

Because I can't lose him, I just can't. I don't know what I'd do without him, how I would function. I couldn't go back to leaning on Annabeth for support...she didn't understand, didn't want me around. And there was nobody else that could or would understand. Nobody could replace him...

I needed him...oh Gods, I needed him...

I was with him, of course. When he woke up. I'd kind of promised myself I would be.

I didn't really spend much time outside the infirmary. I just...wanted to get as much time in as possible, watching him and being close to him, because I wasn't really sure how much time I had left. Any day he could wake up, force the confession out of me...and leave me in the dust. Tell the whole camp what a freak I was...

So I was sitting with him, my hand resting atop his, my eyes trained on his chest and the motion of it rising and falling, just like always. Suddenly his hand started moving.

He'd done it before, over the past few days. His fingers would twitch a bit. The Apollo kids told me it was a good thing, that it meant he was close to waking up.

So I was used to it. I almost ignored it, because I didn't think it meant anything. But soon, his hand was moving more and more, his whole body shifting ever so slightly.

I turned my attention to his face, and saw his eyelids flutter.

It was time. Time for him to get up.

I watched him, still desperately trying to cover up my fear. I tried to flatten my hair, make myself presentable. He couldn't know how bad I was...how much trouble I was having...I needed to be normal. I needed to pretend that everything was perfectly fine

Soon, his eyes were fully open, blinking at the brightness above him. He let out a small groan as his body shifted again.

He seemed to notice the pressure of my hand atop his unslinged arm. He closed his eyes for a few seconds before turning his head on the pillow...to look at me.

Oh Gods...

"Hey Neeks," I stuttered, pulling the tense corners of my lips into a tight smile, praying he wouldn't notice how fake it was...

:) Well, I hope you enjoyed! Leave a review with any comments, suggestions, criticisms, etc.

I hope to be back soon!