No excuses...I absolutely freaking suck. I apologize for the lateness of this chapter, and I apologize for drawing this out so much. And I also apologize for not moving this story along, like, at all, but I don't have the time to make this chapter any better. I needed to get something out here...and just, yeah.
Also, I'm sorry for all these stupid long-winded author's notes that people probably don't care about. I'm just going to write them anyway because...well, I just really hate it when I take forever to write a crappy chapter.
Even though I felt much better after the nectar, I was forced to stay in the infirmary for the next few days.
They assured me it would only be a couple more days, no more than a week. It would all depend on how I was feeling and what Will decided.
They were basically forcing me.
They kept telling me that I'd almost died, that I needed to rest, that I shouldn't be stressed out, that they still needed to watch me. They tried to convince me that I wouldn't be able to take care of myself.
Maybe they were right. I was still exhausted, even after sleeping so much. The damage to my side had been too much to heal with just nectar and ambrosia, so Will had had to give me stitches, and they were really a pain. I was still wrapped up tight. My arm was even in a sling after I dislocated my shoulder. So maybe I wasn't quite ready to get back into being self-sufficient in their eyes, but that didn't mean I was content with the answer they gave me.
If I had it my way, I would be back in my cabin, sleeping in my own bed. I would be dealing with the pain on my own and coming to the infirmary every day for checkups and bandage changing. And I was sure Hazel and Jason would be all overprotective, babying me and making sure I was taken care of properly. I probably wouldn't even leave my cabin. I would be fine.
But it looked like they wouldn't be letting me out any time soon.
So I was stuck here, unable to get out of bed, unable to...well, keep an eye on Percy.
I would be lying if I didn't admit how worried I was about him. He was acting strange and I had no idea why. There wasn't even a real reason, not one that I could think of. I was fine, or at least I would be in a little bit. I was awake and relatively healthy. It's not like I was going to die anymore. I wasn't in danger.
He had no reason to be worried about me...so what could possibly be wrong?
I didn't have much time to think about it before Will pulled open the curtains and walked in.
"Good afternoon Sleepy Head," he beamed, blue eyes shining and grin almost blindingly white.
I rolled my eyes in mock annoyance. Will's optimism could get pretty annoying, but he was...decent to me, I suppose. Not many people were willing to talk to me, and even fewer were willing to spar with me. They were probably scared, so usually that duty only fell to Jason or Percy. But I guess Will wasn't scared of me and what I could do. He would spar with me whenever we were in the arena together, and he would joke the whole time. I couldn't help but chuckle at his jokes, though I would never give him the satisfaction of seeing me laugh. But he wasn't making fun of me, and that was certainly a change from the norm.
So I didn't hate him, surprise surprise. And maybe now, after all this...I would even try to be "friends" with him. I never would have considered it before, but the prospect seemed nice. He was a good guy, easy to get along with. And he didn't hate me, didn't seem to be overly freaked out by me. It would be nice to have friends, especially in the coming months. Percy would be gone, back to school. Jason would probably be roaming from camp to camp. Leo would be stuck in the forges. Hazel would be back at Camp Jupiter soon enough. They'd all be gone, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to...
"So how are you feeling?" Will questioned, moving to my bedside and toying with his stethoscope.
"Fine," I croaked, eyes flickering to the door, wondering where Percy was. The running water from the sink had stopped, but Percy wasn't back yet. Maybe he'd left...
"And the pain?" he asked again, brining the cold stethoscope to my chest.
"Manageable," I replied, grimacing at his touch. He starts to gently prod my stomach, and I know there's no fooling him. I flinched and bit my tongue trying not to shout. There was no way he was going to let me out now.
"Doesn't seem to manageable, now does it?" he joked, turning away and rummaging through a cabinet of the few medications the camp keeps in stock.
"You know, putting on a brave face isn't going to get you out of here any faster," he shouted from over his shoulder.
I grumbled a response, something like, "Yeah, I know", but he probably didn't hear me. Either that, or he was ignoring me. He came back with a little paper cup in his hand, and passed it to me. I downed the pills, probably generic painkillers, with a sip of water from the cup on my bedside table.
Will continued the exam, and ended up undoing my bandages to get a better look at how my wounds were healing. I turned my head away, not wanting to even look at my own wounds. I stayed silent and tried to keep my face set.
"Why are you so desperate to get out of here? Most people would love some time to relax. No chores, getting waited on," he questioned, eyebrow raised.
Well, I might as well be honest. There was no point in lying, considering most of the camp was probably aware of how...protective...I was about Percy. And it was just another chance to open up a bit, try to make friends. I didn't need to shut myself away anymore.
"Um...just Percy, I want to see him again. Talk to him about some...stuff," I replied as he helped me flip over to my side, my head facing away from him. He started wrapping fresh gauze snuggly around my waist. I craned my neck around so I could see his face while we talked.
"Oh...I get it," he chuckled, winking at me.
Okay, so it was my turn to be incredibly confused.
"W-what do you mean you get it?" I yelped, breath already quickening.
Crap...did they know?! Did they know...how I felt about Percy. Did Jason tell them? Oh Gods, I was going to kill him if he'd blabbed to...well, probably to Piper. Or maybe Leo. But if he told Leo, then Leo would run straight to Piper. And if Piper found out...then the whole Aphrodite cabin probably knew by now, they knew all the gossip. And they would spread it to the whole camp in a matter of days...and then it would spread to Camp Jupiter.
Then everyone would know.
Everyone must know now. That has to be it.
I curled in on myself, ignoring the pain in my side. I was panicking.
Oh gods no...
I would be a freak again. They would all hate me...they would have a reason to hate me again. Everything would be destroyed. My epiphany would mean nothing if...if everyone hated me. I wouldn't have friends...I wouldn't have anyone anymore.
I didn't want to be a freak anymore, I could't go back to that. Things were just starting to be okay. I was just starting to change. I wanted things to be different...
But they wouldn't be different. I would be a freak again...
Hazel would probably hate me. She...she would hate me, think I was a freak. A complete and total freak of nature. I was wrong. I was unnatural.
She would hate me. Nothing else would matter, not all the time I spent with her. Not everything I'd done for her. Nothing could change he feelings about...what I was.
Everyone would hate me...they would all had me if they knew.
And gods...did Percy know?
He...he must. That's why he was ignoring me, not meeting my eyes, dancing around my questions, stuttering.
He knew, and he was freaking out.
He knew, and he hated me. He just didn't want to tell me yet.
He was trying to avoid me.
I had hoped that my signs of panic wouldn't be too obvious, but Will seemed to pick up on my change in demeanor immediately. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and helped me sit up, blue eyes shining with concern.
"Hey...hey Nico. C'mon, just...calm down, take deep breaths. Are you okay?"
I tried to do what he said. I tried to calm down and take deep breaths. But it was hard to calm down when everything was falling apart.
"Look...I-I'm sorry! I just thought, y'know since Percy was here that he would've told you about what happened between him and Annabeth. I thought he would've talked to you about it..." he blabbered, rubbing my good shoulder.
Why was he trying to comfort me? Why wasn't he freaking out, calling me a creep? Why was he still being nice?
"W-what do you mean?" I managed to stutter, opening my eyes and looking over at him.
"I mean...he's been visiting you all the time. I just thought he would've told you about it, now that you're awake and all. But um...if he hasn't told you, I don't think it's really my place to talk about it," he replied.
"Can you go get him for me?" I asked, voice still shaky.
Will nodded and walked away, staring sidelong at me.
When I heard the door to the infirmary slam shut, I curled back up on my side, bringing my knees up to my chest. I buried my face in my hands, feeling the dampness of stubborn tears on my fingers.
I can't deal with this.
No.
If both camps know what I am, it's won't be able to deal with it. The bullying will start right back up again. They'll mock me, tease me. They'll all hate me. Hazel will hate me. Gods...my own sister will hate me.
And if Percy hates me...it's over. If he thinks I'm a freak, if he doesn't want to be around me anymore...then it's all over. I wouldn't be able to do it anymore, if he hates me.
Please let this be okay.
Please let my panic be over nothing.
Please let me be wrong, let me be crazy.
Please...please...just let this be okay.
I can't run away again.
I can't be alone again.