Author's Note: Damn everything about everything like I don't want to do school right now.
But on another note, I have to write a bio for myself for the school play. Suggestions?
Day Two-Hundred Twenty: Damn You by Lana Del Rey
It was a dewy, hazy summer in the Hamptons. Her family of prestige and wealth had a house there, right on the water. She never cared much for summers in the Hamptons, but she supposed they were better than boring summers in Pennsylvania.
Long story short, she met a boy there. Toby was his name. She'd met him on the Fourth of July; there were fireworks in the air and sparklers everywhere, bringing light to the midnight sky. Her friends had come to visit her on the holiday, since she knew her parents could probably care less about her and would probably be out with their friends.
She sat cross-legged on the deck of the house, just thinking as she looked up at the fireworks. So free, they were. What would the founding fathers make of this?
To anyone else, she was living the American Dream without ever having to lift a finger; she had everything she could've ever wanted. She lived in a beautiful house and had an even more gorgeous beach house. She had plans to go to college.
She watched as Hanna and Emily splashed in the water. Aria sat on the white sand and laughed at them, writing something in her journal.
Something about her American Dream was not real. Perhaps it was because she was born into American aristocracy; she had not earned it, not yet, at least.
"Spencer!" Hanna called as Emily pulled her into the dark blue water. "Come on!"
She smiled slightly. Truthfully, she didn't want to go into the water. She instead decided to get up and walk over to Aria.
As it turned out, Aria wasn't writing in her journal, though she did have it beside her. She was actually weaving a flower crown. Aria was always the crafty type and this was probably something she had recently learned to make. She cut some flowers from the Hastings' garden—not that Spencer or her parents noticed, nor would they care—and began to braid them carefully together. She had just finished one as Spencer sat down next to her. She put it on Spencer's head. Spencer smiled in response.
"Hey, Spencer, who are your neighbors? Sound like college boys with a trust fund," Hanna said as she got out of the water.
She just shrugged in response. Truthfully, she hadn't met her neighbors yet. She thought it looked like a group of guys. Being the anti-social person she was, she opted not to start with the odd introductions. This place was supposed to be a haven; she didn't want to deal with awkward social interactions during her time here.
"Sounds like a party. I want in," Hanna said as she grabbed a white towel and pulled it on top of her wet clothes. She began to wander off in the direction of the house.
"Hanna!" Emily scolded as she began to chase after the blonde. That left Spencer and Aria alone.
"They're crazy, aren't they?" Aria inquired. Spencer nodded in response. "Sometimes I wish Hanna came with an off switch," Aria joked as she arranged more flowers.
"How did you learn to do that?"
Aria shrugged. "My cousin got married and she had a very…Americana wedding, according to her. Drinks out of jam jars, a simple white wedding dress, little strings of lights for decorations…that kind of stuff. All the girls in her bridal party had these floral crowns and she had me make them for all her bridesmaids and the flower girl."
She nodded as she listened. They were quiet for a moment. Aria opened her mouth to speak again, but Emily and Hanna came running back with a few guys before she got the chance to begin a story.
"Guys! These are your neighbors. Spencer's family has this fancy house," Hanna said with a little slur. Spencer finally noticed the half-empty bottle of whiskey in Hanna's hand. "Guys, this is Caleb and this is Toby and that's Jason," she introduced, kind-of pointing at all the guys in order.
They all exchanged awkward hellos. Caleb and Jason began talking to a flirtatiously drunk Hanna and Emily. Toby was left with Aria and Spencer.
"Sit down, why don't you?" Aria offered as she stretched her legs out on the soft white sand. Toby took her offer and sat across from them. "So you live there?"
"Jason's parents live there, but they offered him the house for the summer. And he invited us over…" Toby trailed off. Spencer caught the scent of whiskey on his breath slightly. "And you guys?" Toby directed it at both of them, but he looked directly at Spencer when he said it. "I like the flowers," he said with a small laugh.
Spencer blushed slightly. "Aria did it for me." She didn't know why, but she felt a different kind of nervousness upon meeting him. It wasn't the typical agitated nervousness; it was the kind that sent tingles through her whole body and made her blush a rosy pink and sent butterflies to her stomach.
He was about to answer, but a huge firework was sent right above their heads. The three of them looked up to the sky. There was a burst of red and white. It dissipated just as quickly as it had appeared. Spencer smiled.
Aria had to leave the next morning. She had a family commitment she couldn't shirk, so she was out the door the next morning by ten. Hanna and Emily had made plans with Jason and Caleb to meet up in the afternoon. Spencer knew that Toby would likely be tagging along, so she figured she might as well go, too. It wouldn't be completely awkward since she sort of knew him.
They all just decided to meet at the beach in the late afternoon. The guys brought alcohol with them. Spencer didn't really drink very much—and for that reason, she missed Aria's company, as the petite brunette preferred not to drink, as well—so she didn't partake in any of that. She just watched as nearly everyone began getting drunker and drunker. Well, it was mostly Jason, Caleb, and Hanna; Emily and Toby had remained a bit more sober. When it got dark, Hanna and Caleb wandered off into the woods or someplace else while Jason lumbered back to the house. The three of them were left on the beach in the dark.
"I think I should probably try and get some sleep," Emily insisted with a yawn before she got up. That left Spencer and Toby. Spencer was so nervous that she didn't know what to say.
"Have you been here before, with just your family?" she inquired finally.
"No. My family wasn't into beaches. They were more into skiing and snowboarding in the winter," he answered. "I've been here with Jason and Caleb once before. It's like our little escape," Toby added.
"Yeah? This place is kind of like mine, too, from my stupid little town," she responded as she played with the hem of her white sundress.
"What are you escaping from?" She hesitated to answer her question. "There's got to be something."
She stayed silent before she shrugged. "It's too tiny and too…judgmental for my taste," she insisted.
"So you came to the Hamptons? Small and full of snobby rich kids living off of Mommy and Daddy's money?" he asked with a smile.
She smiled in response. "Alright, so maybe I'm not the best judge, but it's a nice change. Nobody here really knows me. I kind of like it that way," she asserted.
"I think I want to know you," he replied.
She stared before looking out into the ocean. "Are you going to propose skinny dipping now?" she asked humorously.
"No," he answered with a laugh. "I mean…unless that was a challenge. I don't turn down a challenge."
"It's a challenge, then," she said as she stood up and peeled off her dress. "You're not going to turn down a challenge, are you? Because then, I win," she said with a smirk before taking off the remainder of her clothes and running into the water. Once she was in chest deep, she turned around. He was still lying down on the sand, intrigued. "Come on. The water is great," she insisted as she began to float in the water.
He hesitated for a moment before standing up and beginning to strip off his clothes. Spencer looked away as he took off all his clothes. She finally looked back over him when she heard him enter the water.
"Have you ever been skinny dipping before?" she asked.
"No. Have you?" She shook her head. "It seems more like something your friend Hanna would do, not you," he said.
"Well, I'm pretty sure that Hanna's never gone before," she said with a slight smirk. "But I'm also guessing she didn't have anyone she particularly wanted to go with…"
"What was that?"
"Oh, I just find you attractive and…I don't know…it didn't really seem like a bad idea," she explained.
"So you find me attractive?" he inquired teasingly with a glimmer in his crystalline eyes.
She dipped the lower half of her head under the water. "Sure," she offered before diving underwater. "So now I'm your first, huh?" He looked over amusedly. "First skinny dip, at least," she answered with a smile.
"Yeah, you're my first," he said before dipping his own head underwater.
"If someone steals our clothes, I guess you're going to be the first person to see me naked, too," she said as she flopped onto her back. She nudged him in the abdomen with her foot. He grabbed her foot and she yelped. "Jesus, Toby!" She floundered and ended up splashing him. "If I drown, it's on you!"
"I promise, I'll save you," he assured her.
She laughed before running out of the water and quickly putting on her clothes. "Well, are you coming?"
"Where are we going?"
"Going out," she answered tersely. "Well?"
He hesitated for a moment before getting out of the water. She ran off, leaving him to get changed by himself.
"Spencer? Where did you go?" she heard as she crossed the woods.
"Here!"
She heard fast footsteps over the branches. She raced out. She hadn't realized it, but she stopped right in the middle of the road. A car was coming, fast and she froze.
At the last second, she felt a pair of arms around her and pull her out of the way. She fell on top of someone. "Are you crazy?"
"I didn't…" she trailed off. "Thank you."
She got off of him and sat up. He held her hand for a moment after seeing how shaken she was.
"That was kind of…exciting," she concluded after several minutes of silence.
He sighed with a hint of impatience. "You're so fucking crazy."
She nodded in response. "Yeah, I am."
The rest of the summer was composed of spending time on the beach, just philosophizing about the great questions of the world, and occasionally seeing Toby. One day, one thing led to another and they ended up kissing and from that point on, they continued kissing. They'd escape on nights her parents went out and just go for a drive. It was fun. She occasionally drank with him, but her idea of getting "messed up for fun" was acting out for no apparent reason and acting like a child with him. She had nothing to lose.
One day in particular, near the end of the summer, they were lying in a meadow a few miles away from the beach houses. It was quiet and it seemed like there was no one else for a hundred miles.
Her fingers were locked around his hand and her legs were intertwined in his. She knew she could just lie like that for a thousand years.
"Sometimes I feel like we're going too fast," he said softly as he played with her fingers. She looked over where he was avoiding eye contact with her. "I don't want to lose you that quickly."
She was non-responsive for a moment. Then she smiled with a whisper of a laugh. Gossamer peace veiled her features. "You're not going to lose me. I'd take you anywhere with me," she assured him.
"Promise?"
She laughed before she nodded. "Yes."
"I love you."
Another first. She looked at him in amazement before kissing him. "I love you, too."
Perhaps this was her American Dream. It wasn't the typical ethos of the United States; the general view of the American Dream was that through hard work, one could become wealthy and therefore happy. She didn't need wealth. She didn't even want it. She just wanted to be happy. She knew this was happiness. Feelings like this only came once in a lifetime, if you were lucky. This was heaven.
Live fast. Die young. Be free. Have fun. That was all she wanted. That was the greatest maxim she could ever live by. That was her American Dream.
About two weeks later, they had to part ways as the summer was over and she had to go home. Part of her was scared he'd find someone new and she'd have to live with it. She didn't want to lose him, much like he said he didn't want to lose her. She didn't want to lose those memories and the childlike feeling she got with him.
They continued to call each other and talk regularly, and even write letters.
One day, the letters stopped coming. She feared that all her fears had been realized. Then, she received a call from his sister.
He'd been killed in an accident. His sister was inconsolable when she called him. She couldn't get all the details, but she recalled something about a murder and a mistaken identity, but it was still murder.
Murder did not even go through her mind. Just death. He was dead. Perhaps they did go too fast, too young, and too wild.
She didn't cry at first. It didn't seem real. It seemed like he was just wandering in the woods or wading in the water, waiting to be found by someone. He couldn't really be gone.
But when it became a month without a letter, it began getting realer. And even more so when the three month mark passed. More so when it had been six months. By the time it had been a year without a letter, she came to terms with it.
She was never getting another letter.
She just cried. She cried and cried and cried for hours until she couldn't feel her eyes anymore; they were in so much pain from all the tears.
She knew what he'd say if he were there to say it: don't be sad; your life is going to be sweet. You'll find your dolce vita.
But where was his? Now, she couldn't even hope he'd find the sweet life. He had no life.
She hated him sometimes for making her fall for him. She hated, sometimes, that she had ever met him and that Hanna and Emily had ever introduced them. Damn Toby Cavanaugh. She couldn't cry over him. She wouldn't cry over him anymore; that was for the weak. If she did that, she'd end up alongside him.
But she wanted to end up alongside him. As much as she was angry, she was sad, too. She couldn't understand it. That was her loss of the American Dream.
AL3110: I know it's you, so...Aww even though I'm not cute. Dark!Spencer is probably my absolute favorite to write about. And OH MY GOD I didn't even think about that Marissa. Wow. Your mom is cool. My mom just listens to a lot of Spanish music (and the Spanish radio pisses me off because it's like the same three songs for like four years now). Oh oops I didn't follow the stereotype. Spaleb=brotp. Yass the caption was from Sunday. Alright the one-shot with their kid was NICE alright I even thought it was good. But aww :( I will hold you for forever. Oh, yeah, my teacher does that. She likes you though. KABASON. I was Kabason tonight. I'm making a flower-crown (like Lana) because I'm a flower fairy. No, it's just that Froot makes me feel so high anyway. TOBY WAS THE SOLDIER. I repeat. TOBY WAS THE SOLDIER. You're a little angel you know.
Sarah:No, perhaps like 0.0000000000001% of me was actually offended like that (the rest of me was just laughing because I really did read it how I just said I did). I was joking. Really, I was joking. It wasn't a dig. I really wanted to know about that one-shot because I spent a lot of time on it and I really didn't get actual specific feedback about it (not from you nor from anyone else, so it's not just you) and I wanted some. Thank you.
MilaMizz: Well I'm glad you feel that way about douchey Toby. I know most of my grades. I got good grades and I'm quite proud of myself. My History teacher scared me so much. She came up to me in the hallway and was just like "THANK YOU" (like she literally said it like that) and I got so scared that I didn't do something. And then, she said, "Thank you for giving me the answer key for that open note quiz. Smart you are." I was so proud of myself! I mean, most of my grade is just in total shock from her class! I'm sorry, I just have this little proud moment. But if you need help, ask and I might be able to help. I don't mind reviews spam. Aww that's so cute. Well, glad to have you back and THANK YOU!
Okay tomorrow will be Dirty Sheets by Marina and the Diamonds. I must update it. Ugh I hate getting so close to a show. Tech week is the worst (so my responses will likely be very rushed next week). -Kayson