Well, I hope you all enjoy the new update. Please let me know what you think of the story so far, and feel free to make any suggestions on what you think I should do!

I was out for a walk, just to clear my head. I didn't care so much that it was freezing, I just needed to get out of the house. Before winter break, I'd managed to deal with my mom and Paul, but now...I was home every day, surrounded by them on a constant basis.

Christmas was by far the worst though. A whole forty eight hours spent in the same old apartment, doing the same old things. It felt like nothing changed. I still woke up in a cold sweat Christmas morning, screams threatening to tumble from my lips as I shot up in bed. I still had no appetite, so I had to choke down dinner and breakfast, all the Christmasy foods that I used to love. I didn't even want the blue candy in my stocking on Christmas morning. I still had to make forced conversation because I had nothing to talk about. No mortal friends, no news from camp, nothing going on at school. Nothing was different other than the fact that I was supposed to be genuinely happy simply because it was Christmas.

I wasn't happy, not by a long shot. I was tired of feeling this way. I was tired of the nightmares, the sickness, being alone. I was just tired of everything...

I guess my mom thought things would be different. She'd probably idealized our first Christmas together again, thought it would be wonderful, and it should have been. Everything was finally at peace. No more battles, no more wars that had consumed our family life for years.

She deserved better, honestly. She deserved to have a nice night with her son and husband. She deserved the perfect family Christmas.

She deserved a son that wasn't broken...

I couldn't handle them anymore. I knew they were just trying to help...but they couldn't. There was no way I could talk to them about the nightmares, the fear. And there was no way I could tell them the truth about why I left camp. They couldn't know about Nico or my feelings for him.

But they kept pressuring me to talk. They wanted me to talk about Annabeth, thinking that she was the problem. They wanted me to talk about the war, thinking that it would help me get over it. They just wanted what was best for me...but I just couldn't take it anymore.

So I thought a walk would help me calm down. It would give me time alone to just think more about what I wanted to do...

Because at this point, I was considering going back to camp, to everything. Well, back to Nico at least.

Four months later, and my feelings were as strong as ever. I needed Nico. I needed to talk to him, to be near him. I needed things to be okay between the two of us. I needed to apologize...

I needed closure on the situation, really. I wasn't getting better with distance, in fact, I was getting worse. So I needed to talk to him, tell him the truth and hope that maybe, just maybe, he would be okay.

I needed this whole thing to be over. Whether he still cared about me or hated me, I needed the closure. I hated not knowing how he felt, always torturing myself with thoughts of "what if...".

If he hated me, so be it. There was nothing I could do to change his feelings, no way I could convince him that there was nothing wrong with me. If he hated me...then he hated me. I would be miserable, but it would finally be over. I would be able to focus on just being a normal mortal, forgetting my life as a demigod, all my friends. I could leave camp for good knowing there was nothing left for me there. I could focus on school, getting into college. And I would move on from him, eventually, hopefully. Settle down with a mortal and have a normal life, forgetting about all the hell I'd been through.

And should he still care about me, still want to be friends...I could be happy again. I could visit camp and spend my summers there as a counselor, training all the new kids. I could go back to my friends who were honestly more like family. I could get over my feelings and maybe find someone new.

I would have to swallow my fear and deal with it because I knew I wasn't going to be able to last much longer. Screw the rest of my life...I wouldn't be able to last a few more months like this.

But going on a walk seemed to be a bad decision in hindsight.

I thought the people from camp were going to leave me alone. That was one thing I'd been counting on, the one things they'd promised back in September. I guess I was stupid to believe them in the first place. I thought that after my last Iris message to Annabeth, they would ignore me, let me go...but apparently that wasn't the case.

I could tell that it was Jason tailing me. The height, the broad shoulder, the glimpse of blonde hair, the purple hoodie worn under a gray coat, the fleeting glint of gold glasses in the weak sunlight...they all gave him away immediately. Who else would be following me anyway?

He stayed a several feet behind me, but kept a steady pace. He probably thought he was being slick, but I wasn't an idiot. I noticed pretty quickly who he was, though I don't think he knew I could tell.

Annabeth had probably given him my address over the holidays, distressed by the fact that I missed Christmas at camp, that I hadn't talked to anyone in at least three months. She must have sent him to find me, convince me to come back. He'd probably been waiting outside my apartment building, just waiting for the chance to ambush me and do, well...something.

I really didn't want to have to talk to him. He'd ask all sorts of questions that I didn't want to answer, and he would probably try to make me feel bad for leaving Nico...

I couldn't take that. I already felt awful about leaving him without even saying goodbye and Jason would just make me feel worse. He was so protective of Nico for some reason...and he was probably insanely pissed off at me. He probably hated me now...

I didn't need that thrown back in my face, all my mistakes, all the shit things I'd done to the innocent kid...

I didn't have many options left though.

It's not like I could run away. I may be fast, but Jason could run pretty fast too. Maybe he didn't know the city all that well, but I doubt I would be able to lose him. It would probably attract some unwanted mortal attention too, shady looking guys chasing each other through the streets.

And even if I could manage to lose him in a crowd somewhere, he would obviously find his way back to my apartment. Hell, he would probably be waiting for me in my room when I got back. I'm sure my mom would let him in if he said he was from camp, if he said he was a friend, Thalia's little brother. She would do anything to "help" me.

So there was nothing I could do, I had to talk to Jason.

I turned down a side street and leaned against the brick wall, slipping the hood from my head, feeling a blast of cold air hit my face. He was still a few steps away, I still had a little bit of time left. Gods, I needed to calm down.

My hands were shaking badly when finally Jason rounded the corner, whether from anxiety or the cold I wasn't sure. I was half tempted to close my eyes because good gods I didn't want to do this. He was going to be livid. He was going to hate me so much...

And I wasn't wrong. When he rounded the corner, I could see his eyes were that dangerous, sparking electric blue. There was a scowl on his face.

He stood there, arms folded across his chest while I leaned against the wall. I eyed him cautiously, unsure when he was going to start his little lecture of what a shit friends I was.

I nodded in his direction, not making eye contact, not saying anything. I stuck my hands in my pockets, hoping Jason wouldn't know how badly they were saying. I stared at the gum spotted pavement and felt my throat closing up.

I didn't want to talk about this. I wasn't ready, not even close. Before, I'd imagined that I was prepared to go back to camp, to just show up and not care what everyone thought. But seeing Jason was nerve racking enough. How could I face Annabeth? Or Nico?

Jason took a deep breath and rubbed his hands together, "Look...I just came here to see if you wanted to come back to camp tonight, y'know, for New Years Eve. Everyone's coming out here, even Hazel, Frank, and Reyna. We were going to have a party and stuff, and Piper thought it wouldn't be the same without you there."

"So...you're not mad at me?" I managed to choke out, eyes flitting in his direction. If he'd agreed to come and get me...he must not be mad at me.

"Honestly?" he scoffed, chuckling under his breath, "I only agreed to come talk to you because it would make Piper happy. I could care less what you decide to do because what you did was not okay. What were you even thinking, just leaving like that?"

My mind was reeling. So he was mad at me. He hated me. Gods, I wasn't prepared for this. I stuttered, trying to gather my thoughts. My mouth only spit out mumbled, broken sentences. I don't know. I'm sorry.

"Screw the rest of your friends, all the kids that look up to you. Were you even thinking of Nico? He wakes up in pain after spending days in a freaking coma, and all he wants to do is see you, his best friend. And you're gone, completely gone. No goodbyes, nothing!"

I continued to stutter, my hands shook harder. But Jason just kept on his tirade.

"And you know what he did the second Will stopped hovering over him? He left. Just disappear one day, no note. I went to wake him up for breakfast and his door was unlocked, his cabin was completely cleaned out. Nobody knew where he was, not even Hazel. We were all freaking out...and he just showed up one day, like, two weeks later at Camp Jupiter, all bruised and cut up. He barely talked to anyone about what happened, he just took some ambrosia and left! And that's how it's been ever since you left, for the past three godsdamned months he's just been coming and going, showing up hurt or sick!" he shouted, the few people passing us on the street flinching.

My throat was closing up. I had to try hard to swallow past the growing lump there. I'd never seen Jason this angry. He was absolutely livid, and he had every right to be.

"And it's entirely you're fault! He was fine right up until you left. Gods...he was better than fine, he was doing so well with you around! But you've gone and screwed that up, haven't you? Haven't you?"

I blinked hard, my eyes burning. He was completely right, all of this was my fault. If there was something wrong with Nico, I was the one to blame. He'd...he'd been so good before. He was talking to people, making friends, letting his guard down...but apparently those days were gone. Everything was back to the way it had been before. Nico would just come and go as he pleased, spending most of his time in the Underworld...

I'd destroyed everything.

Jason opened his mouth again, as if to continue his rant. But I gathered my courage and manage to speak, "J-Jason, please stop! I...I know w-what I did was wrong. I sh-shouldn't have left him like that, alone and all. But I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'm so sorry...gods, I'm so sorry..."

It didn't take long for my voice to abandon me. Shakily, I managed to look up at Jason for the first time in what felt like forever. His face was still red, from both anger and the cold, but the rest was unexpected. His eyes had softened, his scowl slipped. He was pitying me.

"So you understand what you did was wrong?" he asked, eyeing me cautiously, arms still crossed.

I nodded and replied in a small voice, "Y-yeah, I do. I...I h-had my reasons for...for leaving. I was just so scared, and...and I made a stupid decision. I-I didn't think it th-through. I'm s-so sorry for everything, for hurting him and...and everyone else. I just...I just w-want to fix things. Please..."

He stared at me for a solid minute, gaze unflinching, analytic. He heaved a deep sigh and finally spoke in a tight voice, "Fine...fine. I'm not ready to forgive you...but I guess you can try and convince the others. It'll be a start."

"D'you...d'you think Nico will be there tonight?" I asked hopefully. If I was going to go to camp...I wanted it all over with. I wanted to see him, I wanted to let him know how sorry I was...

"I don't know," he said, sighing again, "If he's at Camp Jupiter, I'm sure Hazel will force him to come."

We both nodded to each other, Jason walking one way and me walking the other. On the short walk back home, I tried not to get my hopes up. I was still worried about a lot of things. The way Jason treated me gave me some clues about how the rest of the camp felt about me. They were probably angry with me, beyond angry for abandoning them. It sounded like Piper didn't hate me too much...but she was generally pretty tolerant.

Mostly, I was worried about Nico. Jason made the situation sound so serious, like Nico was in a really bad place. Maybe I could help him if I could get closer to him. But I had to try not to get my hopes up. Nico might not even be there tonight, I tried to convince myself. But I couldn't help but think what might happen if he was there. If, for some reason, he's alright with me...being the way I am...then maybe we can work on getting him better too.

Maybe things can get better for the both of us...Maybe...maybe we could both be okay...

I absolutely promise a sweet, fluffy reunion between the boys in the next chapter! I imagine it'll be soon, because I'm actually on a bit of a roll with writing for this story xD I actually kind of know what I'm doing for once!