So, once again, I suck majorly. But between school and getting sick for pretty much two weekends in a row, I haven't had much time to write :l and TBH I've been putting off this chapter because I have pretty much zero romantic experience, so I don't know what the hell this word vomit is. But you seem to have enjoyed it so far, so I hope this chapter satisfies! And what an important chapter it is…so many feelings O.o
My first kiss with Annabeth was amazing. There was no use denying it, even after our break up.
It was born out of tension and fear and just plain heat that had been building ever so slowly for years. It was like we'd been living in a pressure cooker the entire time we'd know each other. Every catastrophic event, every god-driven war act, every betrayal, ever epic battle, every monster attack…it all added to the pressure.
But that moment under Mt. St. Helens, it was like all of that released, if only for a second.
It was so fast. As soon as it started, it was over and she was running off, stuffing her hair in her Yankees cap.
It made me see stars though. I could have sat there all day in a dreamy state, just thinking about her. The lemony whiff of her blonde ringlets, the way they looked falling in her face. Her sparkling gray eyes. The softness of her lips against mine, the slight taste of strawberry flavored Chapstick. I had to quite literally shake myself out of that dream to march to my impending doom.
And when I looked back, I could remember every single detail of that little kiss.
A kiss that quick should have been nothing more than a peck. But there was a fire to it, a fever, an undeniable outpouring of emotion.
Maybe I was just romanticizing it. It didn't exactly get an easier after that, nothing made any more sense than it had in the days prior. There was still a lot to figure out, and it took a while to get to the point where we both realized what that kiss had really meant. But I chose to believe it was special.
My first kiss with Nico was so different.
Objectively, it shouldn't have been a good kiss.
His lips were chapped and rough against mine. It was a feeling I really wasn't used to. Between Rachel and Annabeth, I was used to something smoother.
We were both still freezing too. Sure, our shaking was partially because of extreme gods-damned anxiety, but trust me, we were still freezing cold after our stint away from any of the heaters. My cheeks stung from the cold, and I could only imagine how flushed they were compared to Nico's pink tinge. But that could also be a blush…but hey, didn't matter. One of his thin hands gripped mine like a vice while the other rested tangled in my hair. They were both cold as ice.
There was far too much space between us, his body placed awkwardly far away from mine. I would have loved to be pressed up closer to him, searching for any shred of warmth, his smaller body cradled against mine. But I felt like I couldn't move, and even if I wanted to, I didn't want to freak him out. I'm sure it was hard enough working up the courage to make the first move. I'm not sure I could've done it, if I'd been in his position.
But it was over far sooner than it should have been. Just as I was getting used to the feeling of his lips on mine, just as I was building up the confidence to deepen it, Nico pulled away, his hands retreating from my skin. He sat next to me instead, thin, small lips parted slightly, eyeing me shyly.
But despite all of that, it was still absolutely, completely amazing.
It was still the kind of kiss that made my mind go blank. It was like every fear, concern, every bad though flew out of my head, and it was all I could do to just sit there, dumbfounded, mind foggy.
It was tender and slow and so different from my first kiss with Annabeth. I relished in every fleeting moment of it.
And I wanted to do it again. Another dozen times, another hundred times, another thousand times. I wanted this kiss to be the first of many. I wanted to feel this good all the time.
I wanted this to be forever.
But first, I actually had to say something. I could tell that Nico was starting to freak out. Thankfully he hadn't shadow-traveled away in panic, and he hadn't quite thrown up his old barriers again, but I could feel it coming. Already he was nothing like the bold Nico that'd kissed me just a few seconds ago.
C'mon, c'mon think of something…
"Wow," I breathed out, immediately wanting to slap myself on the forehead. "Wow", really? That was the best thing I could think of? I'd been dreaming of this exact moment for four months, and I couldn't think of anything better to say.
Thankfully, Nico seemed to find my stupidity endearing. My outburst was enough to break the tension and prove that I had, in fact, enjoyed the kiss a whole lot. He chuckled, raking his fingers though his long hair, pushing it out of his eyes. A stream of Italian mutterings followed as he shook his head and looked over at me, eyes sparkling in the dim light. But just…wow…he really did have great eyes, especially when they weren't hiding behind his black fringe.
"I-I can't believe I just did that," he spoke up, his soft voice breaking through my daze.
My lips quirked into a smile, "Neither can I. I, um…I might've been dreaming about this moment for, like, the past four months," I confessed sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck and hoping he wouldn't be weird out .
"Five years," he replied seriously, looking me straight in the eyes.
"Wait, what? I don't get it," I asked, brow furrowed. What did he mean by that?
"Five years," he started again slowly, softly, exhaling before beginning again, "I have been waiting for this moment for almost five years, since the first moment I laid eyes on you. Y-you were my hero, Percy, and after everything that happened with…with Bianca…I-I tried so hard to hate you. But I couldn't, nothing could ever make me hate you, not really. And lately…I'd finally accepted that this would never happen. I guess…I guess I was wrong."
"Oh my gods…Nico, I'm so, so sorry," I rambled, not knowing what else to say. What could you even say? Someone who you'd ignored for years, someone you'd hurt on so many occasions, had just confessed that they'd been in love with you for five miserable years. Suddenly, every awful thing I'd ever done to him flooded my mind. That stupid promise I'd made back when he was a kid. Not trying harder to find him after he ran away. Not helping him more. Saying I didn't trust him down in the Underworld before the Battle of Manhattan. Ignoring him after the first war was over. Not being faster to save him from the jar. Letting him get hurt in Tartarus. All those awful things I'd said on the beach at the beginning of the summer, after the second war was over. Not being able to save him after he'd been attacked. Leaving him in pain and alone. Not talking to him for four months.
I'd never once imagined this kind of situation. I'd always thought that Nico's feelings would be more recent, like maybe they'd formed around the time we were in Tartarus together, his time spent helping me get better. I never could have imagined that he'd harbored secret feelings about me ever since we'd know each other…
Gods, I was a monster.
"It's really alright. I'm sorry if I said anything that upset you," he muttered, moving closer to me. He was always able to sense my distress, it was like he had a sixth sense or something.
"No, no it's not!" I jumped away. "It's so not alright. I've…I've done nothing but hurt you ever since we first met. I've been a complete jerk this whole time! And…and five years, shit. I never once noticed your feelings for me, never even thought about it…How could you…how could you still have feelings for me?"
"It's ok, I promise," he began, moving closer and clasping our hands together, trying to bring a light-hearted air back to the conversation, "Everyone calls you Seaweed Brain for a reason, am I right? I never expected you to figure out how I felt, and honestly, I never wanted you to. I was just as scared as you were about revealing my feelings. I thought that you'd hate me, and I didn't want to lose you for good."
"And…and I'm not going to lie, you have hurt me," he continued to my dismay, "But I don't want to dwell on that anymore, alright? I just want to focus on what we have right here, right now. And if forgetting every bad thing that's happened in the past means getting a chance to see where this goes? Then I am all for it."
I raised my head tentatively, looking him in the eyes.
I felt like there was something different about him. His eyes seemed brighter than ever. His smile seemed realer than I'd ever seen. It wasn't one of fleeting amusement. It wasn't one of mock annoyance. It was one of complete and utter joy.
It was like his aura had changed. He'd always been surrounded by this air that made him…unapproachable, I suppose. Whether it was depressing, hostile, or withdrawn, it had always been there, cutting him off from the rest of the world. But now…he felt open and confident that no matter what he said, he would be able to convince me that everything was fine.
It did make sense, this change, at least in front of me. I'd anguished for only four months over presumably unrequited feelings and been miserable because of it. He'd had almost five years of it, constantly seeing me with Annabeth, being reminded that I'd never love him…
But none of that mattered anymore. He was mine, and I was his.
A smile curled both our lips as we leaned in for another kiss. Just as slow this time, but much, much longer.
If you enjoyed, please leave a review telling me what you think! (Especially about the romance…)