Hi…I'm just to let you get on with the chapter. Feel free to abuse me in the reviews. Pretty sure I deserve it at this point… (but at least it hasn't been a WHOLE two months since the last update…)

Sleep was not something I'd enjoyed, not in a long, long time.

When I was little, I'd always loved sleep. I was a really heavy sleeper back then. Bianca or Mama would have to pull the blankets from me just to get me out of bed. And I'd loved bed time too, for some odd reason. I loved the warmth of it, the stories I would extort from Mama. I even loved sharing a room with my sister, the sound of her breathing was…comforting to me.

Even at camp it hadn't been so bad. The Hermes cabin might have been overcrowded as hell, but I managed just fine. At least I never felt alone there.

But after Bianca passed…sleeping became something to dread.

In the beginning, I would have to find some dank corner of the Labyrinth to curl up in. A tattered old cotton blanket I'd lifted from a shop was my only source of warmth, since the meager fires I was able to ignite only made weird shadows dance around me. That alone was more than enough to serve as nightmare fuel for an 11 year old. And the nightmares about Bianca…those were the worst. I tried to forget about them, but I never could. Sometimes they still returned to me, when I was alone. It had been hell trying to get to sleep down there, between the permeating cold and the constant nightmares that left me desperately gasping for air. Minos provided no comfort. All he could do was guard me in my sleep, however long it lasted.

It didn't get any better once I was claimed. In fact, it only got worse.

At the time, I couldn't imagine going back to camp. Even though I'd regained contact with the other halfbloods and pledged my skills to their side of the war effort, I just couldn't stay there. There was no place for me there, and I wasn't about to invade the Hermes cabin. They wouldn't have wanted me there anyway.

And it didn't feel right sleeping in my father's palace either. He might have given me my own room, but it didn't feel right. It was rather spacious and with the same black obsidian walls as the rest of the palace. The furniture was heavy, carved black wood, and the mattress was overly plush, almost as if it could swallow me up. It should have been nice, luxurious even, especially after all those months sleeping in the Labyrinth on the cold, hard ground. But it never felt like home. It was always cold and impersonal, with my father's overly formal ways and Persephone constantly breathing down my neck.

So I chose to wander the mortal world instead, gathering intelligence for the war effort. The mortals ignored me most of the time. On occasion I would get pitying looks or a couple of dollars thrown my way, but you'd be surprised people's capacity to ignore something they'd rather not see. A small, pale fourteen year old in dingy clothes wandering a city completely alone? Nope, ignored. Just look the other way and you can forget about it later, or maybe feel good about yourself if you buy him a sandwich. I still ended up sleeping rough, in parks and alleys when I didn't (or couldn't) crash at my father's palace. I couldn't exactly rent a hotel room. Anything was better than the Underworld though. The mortal world wasn't nearly as scary.

But after Tartarus…

I didn't even want to think about those nightmares. They'd gotten so much worse than my old standards. They were so much worse than the classic halfblooded nightmares, worse even than the dreams about Bianca. They were worse because they were flashbacks, memories still vivid in my mind. My time in the jar. The hot, suffocating air. The gravely voices. The monster's howls and snaps. All of it was preserved perfectly, and it made sleep almost impossible. Most of the time I could manage a few hours here or there before being woken up, and I could only manage a full night's sleep when my body was so exhausted I didn't dream.

But this…I could get used to this.

Because on the first day of the new year, I woke up warmer than ever with strong arms wrapped around me. I felt well rested for the first time in what felt like forever. There had been no nightmares.

Before I even opened my eyes, I felt a thin smile spread across my face as the pleasant memories flooded back to me. Last night had been real after all. Part of me thought it must be a dream, it was just too good to be true. But no…it was realer than anything.

It had been a night of silence punctuated by lingering kisses and wandering hands. I was pretty self-conscious at first, which was a given. Percy was, well…far more experienced in these matters than I was. But in the end, it was like nothing needed to be said, nothing needed to be explained, no question needed to be asked. Everything could be expressed with a simple, reassuring touch. The only words exchanged were simple, whispered Happy New Years when we heard the fireworks explode outside. Eventually we feel asleep together, tangled in each other arms only after I assured Percy that Hazel would be headed back to Camp Jupiter with Frank.

Smile still on my face, I cracked open my eyes. I was greeted to the sight of Percy's t-shirt clad chest bathed in dim green light. I leaned my head against his collarbone, relishing in the warmth and the feeling of the soft fabric of his worn shirt against my skin. I felt his arms pull me closer, and I froze in place, hoping I hadn't woken him.

He continued to move and stretch though, eventually blinking his eyes open slowly. "Good morning," he murmured in my ear. His lips brushed softly against my forehead.

I leaned into the kiss, the contact. Normally I would shy away from even the slightest of touches but this…it felt right.

I could spend the whole day like this, in the darkness of my cabin. Wrapped up in Percy's arms, with his calloused hand resting at the small of my back, the only thing separating our skin being a thin shirt. I wanted the warmth, the comfort. I wanted to never get out of this bed again, never wanted to pull the silky black duvet away and expose the both of us to the cold air.

I wanted to pretend the world outside my door didn't exist…because I knew it wasn't going to stay this perfect forever. I could feel the anxiety building up in my chest. All the confidence I'd gained last night left me as I realized the gravity of my new situation.

If last night meant that we were dating now, what would the future hold? Maybe we could have a little more time to ourself. But it wouldn't last long. People at camp were so nosy, they got into everyone's business and the Aphrodite kids were so obsessed with gossip, of which I was apparently a frequent topic. Where was Nico? Was Nico actually insane? What was he hiding? If I suddenly started showing up around camp, seemingly in a good mood, people would talk. So we probably wouldn't get much peace before we were outed.

And the second we started telling people that we were together, the stares would start all over again. I would be a freak again…and everyone would know my biggest secret, the thing I'd gone to such lengths to hide. People would just find another reason to hate me, but they would find a reason to hate Percy.

Gods, telling Jason had been bad enough, and I'd been forced to do that. How in the world could I tell Hazel? I needed her, she was the only sister I had left. But…she was just as old-fashioned as me. She'd probably been taught the exact same things about being gay. She might hate me for it. At best, she would be uncomfortable and our relationship would be permanently screwed up because of it.

Telling the entire camp, the entire world, that I was…that I was gay? I didn't know if I could do it…

I pulled away from Percy and sat up, hugging my arms around my thin torso. I tried to calm down my breathing because I wanted this, I really did. I wanted so badly to just be myself, to finally have someone in my life that I could be honest with. But it was absolutely terrifying.

I flinched as Percy rested a hand on my back. "You okay Neeks?" he asked worriedly, gently rubbing circles against the fabric of my shirt.

I sucked in a deep breath, ready to say something, anything. "I-I…I don't know," I murmured.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked, backing off a bit. He just wanted to help, wanted to make things better. It was such a Percy thing to do.

Another deep breath. In and out.

Silence followed.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" he began once more, trying anything to get me to talk.

I needed to say something.

"I'm just…scared," I replied quietly, turning away. It was sort of humiliating, honestly. I'd had so much confidence last night, enough to make the first move, enough to actually kiss him. Last night, I'd been the one to assure him that everything would be okay, that I really didn't hate him. But now I was the one in need to reassurance.

"Scared about….?" he questioned.

"I'm…I'm scared to tell people about…whatever this is. You know where I come from, what they taught me about…being like this. It was never supposed to be okay, it was something to hide. Bianca knew about it, before…before she passed, and she was okay with it. But my mother? If she'd ever known she would've thought I was a monster, an abomination. And…and I just can't imagine telling people, even now. I can't face that again."

It was quiet after I finished, a weighty silence hanging between us. I turned my head slightly to see Percy's face out of the corner of my eye. He looked sad, rejected almost.

"Look…" he began. "I understand if you don't want anyone to know, but…"

"But that's the thing!" I practically shouted out of frustration, cutting him off and waving my hands. "I want so badly for people to know. I want to be able to…to do things with you in public. Like…simple things. I want to be able to hold your hand. I want to be able to go on dates without having to be afraid of being seen. But I can't, I just can't. I want things to be different but I'm just so scared that it'll mess everything up! I don't want to be a freak again…a-and I don't want people to think you're a freak either! Do you really think everyone will treat you the same after they find out about this? Because they won't!"

I immediately regretted my words. He didn't need to be reminded of it considering he'd probably thought of it already. So I expected Percy to get out of bed and walk out of my cabin, unwilling to deal with me, not wanting me anymore. Tired of my fear, my anger, my defense mechanisms.

But he didn't leave. Instead, he pulled me into a tight hug.

"I've thought of all of those things," he said. "But…but I thought it would be worth it as long as I had you. I'm fine with some people hating me and, honestly? Things are changing faster than you'd expect. There are still assholes out there, but a lot of people are coming around to the idea that people can be a bit different and still be good people. I know there are plenty of people that will support us if we told them right now. And I know that I'll always be there for you, whenever you need me."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he kept going.

"I'm not going to make you do anything right now, and I won't make you go any faster than you want to. But I also don't want you to give up on this because you're scared. So just…at least think about it, alright? For me?" he asked, turning my chin slightly, his green eyes looking straight into mine.

I nodded slowly. I would do this for him, for us, because I really did want this. I'd wanted it ever since I was a kid.

First I would talk to Jason about it. Then Hazel. Then…then everyone else.

I would finally be myself, my whole self.

I would finally have nothing to hide.

Well, I hope you enjoyed. Leave a review of what you think of the story so far, and what you want to see from it in the future.