"Lyubimaya, you've been staring at the same page of your book for quite some time, now," Piotr's voice interrupted Jean-Paul's brooding. He startled slightly and gave the other a nervous laugh.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Piotr."

The metal man scowled, sitting next to Jean-Paul. "Come on, don't play. It's been about twenty minutes and you haven't turned the page. Surely it's not that difficult of a read for you," his tone inflicted no question, only a statement. "What's wrong? You're getting so lost in thought lately and it worries me. I do not like seeing you like this."

Jean-Paul sighed, setting the book down. Piotr was right, he hadn't been absorbing anything in the book, in fact, he wasn't truly reading it. He'd been staring at the pages, deep in thought about Quicksilver's offer to fix both of them. He wanted so badly to walk again, to run again. He wanted so badly to feel Piotr's touch, his real touch and he was positive that Piotr missed that as well. But was agreeing to join the Brotherhood really worth it? He'd have to do unspeakable things if he joined them. His heart was hammering and he found himself focusing very intensely on a scratch in their coffee table. "Lyubimaya," Piotr's voice interrupted him again.

"Sorry. Sorry; I'm just thinking." He sighed deeply before turning to Piotr and really looked at him. Basically, he was the same man that Jean-Paul had fallen in love with. The only difference now was that he was permanently metal, permanently unable to feel physical touches. They could kiss and hold each other, but it was like being with a fridge. Maybe it was a little selfish on Jean-Paul's part, but he wanted to be able to touch Piotr again and not feel metal. "I miss being able to touch you," he said, before he could even think about the words. "I m-mean," he sighed. "No, that's what I mean. I can touch you, but I can't touch you. I miss your warmth and your kisses and…" he blushed, clearing his throat. He was sure Piotr would understand what he meant by the last part. "I'd give anything to be able to be physical with you again. And not just in bed. I want to hold your hand and have it feel like your hand. I want to hug you and feel your arms. And I know you probably do, too. I'm sorry. It's… It's just been hard. With losing our physical intimacy and my ability to walk and…" He was crying, words sputtering. He knew he had to talk about all of this with Piotr but he didn't want to accidentally tell him about Quicksilver. He flinched when Piotr's cold, metal hand touched his cheek to wipe away his tears. That flinch in turn caused Piotr to wrench his hand away so fast that if hands could get whiplash, it surely would have gotten it.

"I'm sorry," Piotr said, his voice sounding pained and broken. "I hadn't even stopped to think that my being like this was hurting you."

"No!" Jean-Paul cried. "It's- It's not all about me, Piotr! It selfish for me to feel like this. I'm… At least I can still feel things. You can't! That has to be horrible. I- I'm a horrible person for making you feel like that. I'm sorry," his last words came out as hoarse, choked whispers as he forced back sobs.

"Jean-Paul, of course it sucks. But I was dealing with it because I told myself at least I had you still. Lyubimaya, I don't think I could handle being like this for the rest of my life if I didn't have you. So, thank you. It's important that we talk about this, especially after what happened. Please don't feel like you have to bottle up your emotions around me. I am not the best when it comes to heart-to-heart conversations, but I want to try. I want to try and get better not just for me, but for you. I can't imagine what it's like to be unable to use your powers, Jean-Paul."

Jean-Paul bit his lip, looking down. His cheeks were warm and the tears almost felt cold running down them. "Piotr, when… When Jean took me to you and I saw you… I was scared. I thought I had lost you. But, when you started crying, I knew you were still the Piotr I was in love with. The same Piotr that held me when I was dying. I was scared to see you like that, because I blamed myself. My death had did that. I…" He shuddered and didn't flinch away this time when Piotr put his arm around his shoulders. "I was scared."

"I'm sorry, lyubimaya. I never… I would never want you to see me like that again. It is because of your death and my rampage that I've permanently sworn off Banshee. I'm so glad you didn't really die. I thought I lost you. To have you die like that in my arms. I'm still so confused as to how you didn't die, but I won't take that for granted. You're alive and well, even if you are confined to a chair. I love you. And I'm sorry you saw me like that. I blame myself. If I had been stronger, I could have held that plane down. If I had been quicker to respond, they never would have gotten you. If I hadn't rampaged like that, perhaps Wolverine wouldn't have… It's my fault both you and I are like this. And I will pay for that always, but please don't feel like you also have pay. You did nothing wrong."

There was a long silence, only broken by sniffling from Jean-Paul. "Piotr, I have to tell you something…" He sighed and turned his head to face Piotr's face. "I did die. I was dead. I was gone. Like Angel before Jean and the Phoenix became one. And it's…"

"Jean brought you back."

Jean-Paul nodded. "But, it wasn't just Jean. She tapped into the Phoenix's powers and the Phoenix got so angry when she found out that Jean was trying to use her. She brought me back to life, but told me I would never walk again because she had never planned to bring me back. Jean tried to fight her but…"

"Jean-Paul, you are alive and that is what matters. I would kiss you like there was no tomorrow if it didn't mean I'd bruise your lips. I don't care if you can't walk. I care that you are alive and here in my arms. I don't care if I can't feel that. I know that you are there and that is what is important to me. I would do anything to get the ability to return to normal and to get you your ability to walk. But there's nothing I can do, as of now. But I would do anything, please don't forget that. I love you."

Jean-Paul sighed, his eyes closing. "I love you, too, Piotr. I do. I really love you." Outside, rain began to fall. The pitter patter on their windows helped silence the thoughts racing in Jean-Paul's mind. "I would do anything, too. I wish I could." He listened to the beating of Piotr's heart in his chest. The metal echo of it resonating throughout his chest. Bud dum, bud dum, bud dum, bud dum, pit pat, pit pat, pit pat, bud dum bud dum bud dum pit pat pit pat pit pat bud pit dum pat bud pit dum pat bud pit dum pat bud pit dum pat dud pit dum pat bud pit dum pat budpitdumpatbudpitdumpatbudpitdumpatbudpitdumpat. His eyes snapped open and he sat up as fast as he could. Piotr gasped, startled by Jean-Paul's sudden panic.

"Jean-Paul, what is wrong?"

Jean-Paul looked around, heart pounding in his own ears. It was such a different sound than Piotr's. Lub dub, lub dub, lub dub, lubdub lubdub lubdub lubdublubdublubdub. "The kitchen window," he said after a moment of collecting himself. "Sorry. I was falling asleep when I remembered I opened the kitchen window earlier. Did you shut it?"

Piotr thought for a moment and stood, "Nyet, I did not. I'll go do that." As he walked out to the kitchen, Jean-Paul grabbed his phone off the coffee table and went into his contacts. He scrolled through them until he came up onto a number listed under Telemarketer. The only one in is phone. He opened it up and sent a text, blood in his ears again.

[Hey, it's Northstar… I've thought your offer over.]

A few seconds of silence followed his text and then a slight buzz broke it as Quicksilver sent a response. [As I knew you would. Let me guess, Jean-Paul, you want to go through with it.]

Jean-Paul gritted his teeth, looking back to the kitchen where he heard the window closing. [Yes, but I want you to fix Piotr first. And if anything goes wrong with it, I'll kill you. Don't text back with an answer. I don't want him knowing about this.] After it had sent, he quickly deleted all the messages and set his phone back down, using his arms to prop himself back up on the couch better. He reached for the remote.

Piotr came back in with two bottles of beer and handed one to Jean-Paul. "Let's watch something on Netflix," Jean-Paul offered to which he got nod from Piotr as he began to scroll through shows. He settled for some cheesy rom-com and nursed his beer, mind still on the conversation with Quicksilver. Was he doing the right thing? What if something went wrong and Piotr died or got seriously injured? According to Jean, Piotr wasn't supposed to be able to shift back because his heart had been cut out. She had been able to mend it properly while Piotr was stuck as Colossus, but it was through the method of welding and no one knew how that would carry through back into his human form. You can't fix a human heart through welding, that just wasn't how things worked. So, what if, after whatever Quicksilver and his brutes did with Piotr, he died? Jean-Paul felt his stomach lurch at that thought. The thought of Piotr dying was enough to make him sick, he didn't know if he'd be able to handle an actual death. Especially if that death was caused by his own decisions. No wonder Piotr felt so responsible about Jean-Paul's initial death.

He couldn't focus on the television but he forced himself to not look over at Piotr. Not with his expression so strained and nervous. He finished his beer and set it down. Piotr got up and brought them both another round. They were underage, but at this point, Jean-Paul didn't care. He just wanted to get wasted and forget everything that had happened today. His phone buzzed and he jumped, nerves sending shocks throughout his entire body. If that was Quicksilver texting him he was going to throw his phone out the window and scream to the heavens as it fell six stories to the ground. It wasn't. He sighed, reading the text from Kurt.

"Kurt wants to know if we want to go watch movies with the rest of the gang at the mansion," he told Piotr, getting ready to send back an answer. He didn't know if he could handle being alone with Piotr for much longer without exploding, but he also didn't want to be with a large group lest someone, mainly Jean, find out something was wrong and go digging for answers.

"Who all will be there? Everyone or just a few?" Jean-Paul sent the message and waited with tapping fingers for the answer.

"Kitty, Angel, Scott, Jean, Hank, and Storm. And then I guess also Kurt since he's inviting us."

"Think Kurt feels like the odd one out? Ever since Dazzler left, he's been pretty bummed. He's not too close to Kitty and he obviously has his issues with Angel that poor Angel has no idea about. If you're okay with it, I'd like to go." Jean-Paul forced a nod and text Kurt back.

"He said he'd be here in about fifteen minutes to get us. Think we can get another beer in? I'm not in the mood to really socialize, so I think another one to loosen me up would be good."

"Jean-Paul if you don't want to go, we don't have to." Piotr's voice was filled with concern and he was reaching to rub the back of Jean-Paul's head.

Jean-Paul shook his head. "No, I want you to spend some time with your friend, especially because you guys had that fight over your sexuality not too long ago. I think he really wants to make up for that. I don't want you to stay here just because I cried earlier. I'm good. I'm okay. I just needed to get that out of my system. Besides, I think another few hours in this apartment and I'll go stir crazy. Hanging out with them will be good for me." As long as Jean stays out of my head, he thought to himself.

Piotr looked at him for a little while before sighing and nodding his head in agreement. "Alright, I'll go grab another drink for you and find something more suitable to wear than pajamas." He went and got Jean-Paul his drink and disappeared into their room.

[Don't come tonight. We're going to be at the mansion and I'd really rather not have to explain why you're helping Piotr out. Tomorrow. Come tomorrow. I'll let you know if plans change. Don't text back.]

He deleted the message after it had been sent and sighed. He hated hiding things from Piotr but what could he tell him? Everything about this situation was so backwards and confusing. Quicksilver, of all people, was willing to help them both out, and all Jean-Paul had to do was go with the Brotherhood when the time came. Who knew how soon that time would be? But he was hoping it wouldn't be too soon. He wanted to come clean to everyone before it happened.

Fifteen minutes passed before Kurt was popping into their living room and disappearing with Piotr on his arm. He returned and grabbed Jean-Paul, teleporting them into a dark alley between apartment buildings only about twenty feet from their lobby door. A car was running right in front of them and the back door was open. "I am glad the two of you could make it. I don't know vhat movie is playing, but Scott chose it. He has horrible taste." Kurt laughed lightly as they situated Jean-Paul in the back seat, then climbed into the passenger. Scott smiled in the front seat.

"It's good to see you guys. We're gonna watch some Die Hard, you excited?"

"Did you know that if you die when hard, the mortician has to break your dick," Jean-Paul quipped. Kurt snorted in the front seat and Scott's cheeks turned a slight shade of red. He could hear a small chuckle from Piotr.

"I… I did not know that, Jean-Paul. Thanks for the information. I'll be sure to never die with a boner." Scott shook his head and began to drive. Jean-Paul sighed and leaned against Piotr's arms. Tonight would go fine, as long as Jean didn't dig in his mind.