Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice or related characters, he belongs to Tim Burton. I do not own Beetlegeuse. I don't own Betelgeuse? I don't own any of the weird spellings for his name.

Betelgeuse?

Written By: Melanie Ray

Chapter 22: Deals With Devils Never Turn Out Well

"Baaaaaabe?"

Lydia lazily opened her eye. She smiled when she saw Beetlejuice's smile. It had some beetles that were already slowly getting shoved in his teeth again. Looks like he already had breakfast.

Didn't matter if he had pearly white or beetle teeth to her. It was a wonderful way to wake up. Back to her old friend. Safe and sound. "Morning, BJ."

"Mornin'. Come on, you gotta get up." He shoved one of his hands in his old striped jacket pockets, and with the other, zapped her back to standing. "We need to get BG learning magic so he'll be safe, and then we can get your life back to normal." He blew on his fingernails and rubbed them against his suit. "And ol Beej' already found a way."

He did? "How?"

"By introducing him to something he can't resist screwing up." He gestured over to BG and zapped some pink balloons with happy faces on it. "I never could resist messing with those birthday clowns." He snorted and rolled back on his heels. "All we gotta do is crash a birthday party in progress."

Scuzzo the clown rolled through her mind. "Healthy competition." Would that get her son to use his magic? Either way, it was something to try. She strolled over to his crib, wanting to ask him about seeing a magician or a clown at a party. Yet, when she picked him up, she was too startled.

BG always needed multiple diaper changes at night. Lydia felt so relaxed, that her body just kind of conked out last night. She expected some supreme soakage, but he was completely dry.

She looked over toward Beetlejuice. He didn't know anything about diaper changes. For awhile, he thought babysitting was actually sitting on babies. Even if he did, why would he? Benny was comfortable with babysitting.Beetlejuice just seemed like Beetlejuice though.

"What's up with that look?" Beetlejuice said, almost looking offended. He crossed his arms. "Alright, alright, so I may have given him some live beetles to eat this morning. A beetle a day keeps the soul stealers away. It's got to get used to paranormal stuff."

Huh. Beetlejuice called BG 'it' again. Then, he wouldn't be that comfortable with BG yet to change his diaper. "Um, Beej?"

"Yeah, Lyd?"

"About BG." She held him in her arms, noticing some beetle parts in his mouth where it looked like new teeth were forming. Wow. He could grow teeth already? He had a line of tiny teeth in the middle, with only a few in the back missing. He must have used magic to bring those in. Or maybe it was natural for him? He wasn't supposed to be like other babies.

Just then, she heard a phone ring next to her. It was floating in mid-air. She picked up the receiver.

"Hey, just checking in on whether you were coming back to this conversation," it said to her. She looked over at Beetlejuice who was holding his own phone.

Oh. She hung the phone back up. "Sorry, I got distracted. He's got teeth."

"Big whoop." BJ shrugged. "So what did you want to say already? We've got a busy day."

"BG." Lydia bounced him up and down gently. "You really need to not call him an it."

"It is an 'it'." Beetlejuice gestured toward BG."And 'it' shouldn't exist in the first place."

Okay, keep it together. Beetlejuice wasn't going to instantly be okay with the concept of fatherhood. She knew that. "Well, BG exists, so if you call him BG or him, it would probably be better."

Beetlejuice held his hands out in a stopping motion. "Whoah. I agreed to help him, and get your life back on track." He put his hands back in his pockets. "Not to be a dad or something." He rolled his eyes. "After this is all over, you can keep it like a pet I guess, or I can drop it off in the neitherworld. It'll be fine."

Lydia's mouth dropped. Did he just tell her he could drop her child off in theneitherworld? "Don't you dare!" She held BG closer to her.

"Hey, I said you could keep it."

She had not seen BJ in so long. All she dreamed about was hanging out with her friend again, but-but- . . . how was she supposed to keep it together with him acting like that? "His name is BG! He's our son, how could you be so cruel about it?" Oh. She had meant to say her son. Less involvement, but . . . it was true. It was his too.

Beetlejuice took a step back. "Gee." He rubbed his chin. "I . . . well, I just never wanted anything like this. I don't like all that responsibility. Why anyone wanted one is a mystery to me in the first place." He sighed. "But, I know it's sort of, kind of . . . my fault it exists." He blew out harder. "He exists," he corrected himself. "I guess when it's all done and you go back home, things are still . . . not gonna be the same, huh?"

"Yeah." Lydia had to admit that much. She couldn't just run off to go have fun, and she definitely couldn't take him into the neitherworld. Beetlejuice might be able to make her family and friends forget, but then how would she have had BG? How would she explain that? "It wouldn't be."

"But it'll still be fun," Beetlejuice promised as he picked at his ear. "I can pull fun out of just about anywhere."

And just like that, Lydia found herself chuckling like her old self. "You never change, BJ." She placed BG back in his crib. "Okay, how are we going to find a birthday party?"

"Already got info." When Lydia turned around, Beetlejuice had turned into a striped raccoon. He held files in his hand. "Sleep's overrated, so I dropped into some local schools and did some digging." He laughed. "I'd love to see their expression when they watch their security cameras. Getting burgled by a raccoon." He turned back to normal. "We'll snoop around the addresses here and there. Once people start arriving, we can sneak in and scope it out."

"You never cease to amaze me, BJ." She stole a moment to look out the window. It's almost there. I'm almost free of all this. It's obvious Beetlejuice will never be comfortable with BG as a son, but maybe as he grows, maybe he can think of him as a friend?

"Come on, let's go." BJ looked like he was going to grab the diaper bag, but he turned to look toward her. "Car's out there."

Hm. Well, maybe he subconsciously had some memories of Benny? "I need to grab the diapers real quick." She went over to the diaper bag and slung it over her shoulder as she carried BG to the car. Beetlejuice was already waiting inside.

"For he's a jolly good fellow . . ."

"That's not the birthday song," BJ complained. Modern day birthday parties weren't half as imaginative. They'd hit four birthday parties from one school, and so far, none of them includes clowns or magicians. In fact, they all kept taking place outside of the house.

Invitation wasn't needed when they could watch things in public places. He didn't even have to use any magic. At this rate, he might have to be the competition. It wasn't something he wanted to do though, it was hard enough getting used to the idea of fatherhood. Putting the thought of 'competition' into BG's head wouldn't help.

Heck, if they had found someone, they both could have pulled pranks against one person at the same time. Bonding experience or something. "This isn't working. Doesn't anyone use anything for parties anymore?"

Lydia thought it might be too good to be true. "They just don't seem to be as popular. Maybe we'll have better luck in the next one?"

"Eh." He zapped some cake in front of Lydia. "Might as well steal a piece."

"BJ, they hadn't even cut in the cake yet." Lydia looked at the cake in front of her. Great, just great.

"How did you already get cake?"

Lydia knew that question was coming. She saw a girl about her age next to her. "Oh." She chuckled. "Hello."

"I got it for her. This birthday party sucks so far," BJ said unabashedly. "Think party, think fun. I have funner days visiting my hairdresser."

The girl laughed. "That's funny." She gestured toward BJ. "You're really funny."

"Yeah, well, twenty bucks then."

She laughed again, but BJ was holding his hand out. She slapped his hand instead. "You're cool. Hey, would you rather come join my friend's party? It's kind of dead in this outlet."

"Are there clowns or magicians?" Lydia asked.

"Uh." The girl looked over at Lydia, like she completely forget she existed. "I don't know if there's room for your little brother."

"That 'little brother' is both of our 'little problem'," BJ answered back.

"Oh, you are his sister?" the girl asked.

Sister would be a nice cover story, but she didn't like the way she was looking at BJ. If she knew his true form, she'd be running away. BJ still looked like Bennythough, and he wasn't terribly . . . not cute. Not that she would tell him that.

If he had his gnarled green teeth, that girl wouldn't be hitting on him. If his hair were messed up and out of control in its usual fashion, she wouldn't be hitting on him. If BJ looked like BG and not Benny, it'd be easier.

"Oh, hey, wait. I think I've heard of you." The girl pointed at BJ. "You're BennyFernake, aren't you? I heard you do just about anything for twenty bucks."

"Not quite." BJ had stopped paying attention. "I'd actually pay you twenty to just go away."

Pay her twenty to go away? Lydia couldn't help a small smirk as the offended girl took off. Yet, it was kind of weird. He really did do just about anything for money.

"This end's deader than I am." BJ groaned. "I mean as dead as I used to be." He smacked his head square on the table, but then came back up grabbing his nose. "Ow!" He rubbed his nose. "Stupid humanity."

They were only one town over from their original too. "She recognized you."

"Yeah. Looks like it's really time to hit the open road before Benny ends up in trouble." He looked at his young body again. "This is downright embarrassing. I'm at least 600 years old, and I have to be in this little body. They'd be laughing their butts off in the neitherworld." He put his hands up and started to squince. "Ew, I really don't want to see that!"

BG laughed. Not his typical usual laugh though. It was harder. Grittier. Almost like . . . "BJ, did you make him do that?"

"Nah, I wish." BJ looked down at BG. Teeth growing. A guffaw like he used to make before he was stuck in Benny's voice. "He sounded more like me."

"Yeah. I'm sorry," Lydia said, knowing he missed his true voice. She missed it too. Although, BG was changing quickly. Maybe he was close enough to the paranormal now?

BJ seemed to have the same thought. He juiced BG's bottle in his mouth and BG slurped it up. "Come on, change colors. You got my voice, you're getting teeth and you're eating whole beetles. What's the problem?"

BG seemed to . . . stare at him. He took a few puckers on his bottle, each with a distinguishable pause.

That was weird. That wasn't normal. At all. Lydia watched BG just as close as BJ did. Besides some magic in the beginning, BG was pretty close to normal. That, however, that overexaggerated, almost comical look.

Even people around them started to notice the strange kid.

"Well. Physical supernatural traits too." BJ peered closer to him. "I'd say nothing's really gonna mess with you anytime soon you little faker."

"Faker?" Lydia looked toward BJ. He stole the bottle from BG's mouth, tossed it up in the air, and hurled it at him! "BG!"

But, BG caught it, and shoved it in his own mouth.

"Not." BJ looked out the corner of his eye. "Not good."

"Not good?" Lydia questioned until BJ grabbed BG from her and her hand. He rushed them back outside. Lydia didn't know what was going on, but she followed his lead. She strapped BG in and strapped herself in just before BJ took off.

"Um. BJ?" They had been driving for a whole five minutes and Beetlejuice hadn't said anything. "BJ, what's wrong?"

"Faker." BJ glared in the backseat. "Too much like me." His hand hit his head. "Okay, not my fault. It's not. I mean, I was . . . I was human around BG, I couldn't sense paranormal stuff.He didn't want to say that to her though. "I'm not real used to the kid, I just became human. So good ol Beej' was a little off." He didn't speak a couple of minutes.

"BJ," Lydia urged him again. "What's wrong?"

"Faker. Good faker. Great faker." No doubt the kid had his genes.

"Faking not knowing magic?"

"No, but faking everything else." BJ flipped his visor to look toward the backseat.

BG looked at BJ back with slitted eyes before he stuck his tongue out and hit him with his bottle. Straight shot. In the back of the head. Halfway through the toss, the cap was unscrewed too.

Lydia's jaw just dropped. "Did BG just do that?" She looked at BJ covered in milk from head to toe.

BJ zapped himself clean and then looked toward Lydia. "He's understood every word we've been saying," BJ revealed. "He's smarter than he looks. I knew it didn't make sense something with my genes would be that typical of a human." He stared in the visor again. "Growing teeth just in time to eat real beetles during breakfast. I should have seen it."

"Well." Lydia actually smiled and looked in the backseat. "You understand me?"

BG reached his hands out innocently toward her.

"How advanced is he? Can he talk yet?" Lydia asked. Right now, nothing would surprise her.

"Doubt it. He doesn't have enough. Which is why this is getting dangerous, Lyd." He looked at the steering wheel. "Were the WDP going to eventually let you go? Did they ever say that?"

"No. I mean, not that anyone told me." That didn't make any sense. Why was BJ asking about that now? "Why?"

"Because he's too weak." BJ felt a rattle hit the back of his head.

"BG," Lydia scolded him. "Stop hitting him."

"Gooooo," BG cooed.

"Like it or not, it's true." BJ didn't seem to care about being belted by the rattle. "Look at him, Lyd. He can understand. He can grow teeth. He's developed, everything except talking yet."

"Okay?" Lydia still didn't get it. That should make it easier. We can tell him that he can use his magic."

"He's known, Lyd. He's heard every word. Don't you get it?" He pointed his thumb to the back seat. "Magic is the first thing to develop. The next things come afterward." He sighed. "With lessons, he might be able to do more. At this point, the best he can do is change colors and make things fly. His raw juice, this is it."

His raw juice? Complete? Lydia didn't know what that meant. "You mean, we can't teach him to protect himself?"

"No, I mean no one should be wanting his soul." He kept his eyes on BG. "As powerful as I am, I was . . . fractured."

Benny. "Then what does that mean, BJ?" He still didn't want to respond. "BJ?"

"It means he'll never be strong enough to take over anything if his soul is lost. The WDP surely would have known that after he was born." Beetlejuice said it, but it didn't have that ring of a happy ending.

"Well." Lydia looked back toward BG who was sucking on one of his toys. "That should be a great thing, but you're not going to say that, are you?" He went quiet again. "BJ?"

"I have to talk to Donny."

"BJ."

"I have to talk to Donny."

That was all he would say. Lydia crossed her arms. He wasn't going to spill one more word, and the way he was acting was making her jittery. She couldn't bear to lose him again. "Don't leave."

"I have to talk to Donny."

"Don't leave, BJ." She said it again, hoping for something different. "No matter what. I've lost everything, I don't want to lose you too."

This time, he paused. "Lyd." He stole a glance at her and then back on the road. "What if you got everyone back? You could be yourself. Raise BG however you want. Have everyone you know and loved back in your life."

"I . . . I don't like the way you're talking." He could get her everything back, but she would lose him? "You're my best friend, Beej'."

"Just answer."

"I don't want to answer that." Lydia looked out the window. A decision. Her family for him? Why did it matter anymore? He said himself BG was too weak, what did it matter?

"Brother." Donny smiled as he tried to steal a hug. "How is the family?"

Beetlejuice didn't hug back. "Were the WDP gonna give her up?"

"Why?" Donny asked. "Because of BG's lower level? I don't know. The WDP is cautious and very thorough. I think there was something, but I didn't want to get Lydia's hopes up just to hurt her again."

"I knew it!" Beetlejuice shoved his hands into his suit pockets. He did everything he could to get back to Lydia. He risked losing his juice for humanity. He put his soul back together for her. "It's too dangerous to keep my Lyd."

He wanted to spend the rest of eternity with Lyd, there was nothing better in the world. The price though, it would be her. He was selfish. There was probably no one in the neitherworld or living world more selfish than him.

But, she'd have to lose too much. He couldn't ask it of her. "I need options, Donny."

"Options?" Donny didn't get it yet. "The WDP doesn't work with the neitherworld anymore. You disappeared, and I didn't tell Juno where you were." He rubbed his hands together nervously. "I think she knew though." He spread his arms out. "Brother, you have family and all the love in the world. What's so dangerous about that?"

"Donny!" He grabbed his brother roughly. "It wasn't the WDP!"

"What? But I thought-?"

"BG is weak because I wasn't whole." Beetlejuice patted himself. "I'm whole now, and I'm only whole because of being sent to hell."

" . . . Ooh." Donny was getting it now. "You think you were duped into hell?"

"Yep."

You weren't dangerous at all."

"Nope."

"You were split up. There would have been nothing."

"Yep."

"But now . . . oh dear." Donny hit his own cheek lightly. "Oh, Brother. I-I'm sorry. If you watched your back though, then-"

"It's a risk. Hell . . . is tricky." Beetlejuice raised an eyebrow at him. "Look how far they got already."

"Oh. Well, I suppose Lydia could undergo an operation-"

"And ruin the rest of her life? She's nineteen." He looked toward the ground. "There . . . there might, you know . . ."

"Be someone else in her future. She is young." Donny sighed. "So are you, Benny."

"Shut up," BJ warned him. "Before I dunk your head down a basketball court."

"Ah, that's the same thing you said when I first met you as Benny," Donny smiled.

"Shut up and give me options," BJ answered letting him go. "Is the only thing left to leave? Even if I do, I'm whole. I'll have to kill myself, and then I'll never see her again. Not in her lifetime." He started to do some math in her head. Yeah, it would be a real long time.

"I know, but this is important." Even Donny stopped with the lovely words of encouragement. "If you're right, Brother. They managed to do it once before. Plus, you know . . . Benny actually did have a crush on her."

"So?"

" . . . like uh . . ." Donny coughed. "Like you too. He was you, so it made sense."

Beetlejuice rubbed his neck. Confrontation. "Shut up."

Donny just smiled. "Well? There is one option I can think of, but I don't know if you'll take it."

Beetlejuice listened. Anything. At this rate, anything. He was on his way to resolving himself to not seeing Lydia until after she passed herself.

"You could give me your juice?"

"What?"

"We're family. I can hold it for you," Donny smiled again. "Then, you can be Benny. Lydia will be safe and sound, and you'll get to stay."

That was selfish, but not as selfish. "Human without juice. Even whole, I wouldn't be any danger." Except for one thing. "Eventually, my juice will slowly return. You can't keep it from me forever. You're too weak, Donny. My juice is way more than you know." It was a temporary fix.

"In the meantime, you could talk to Lydia about the options?" Donny suggested. "She could decide for herself."

"But my juice makes me, well, me," Beetlejuice reminded him. "Without juice, and this fractured soul mending . . ."

"There is a good chance at times you bounce back and forth between memories," Donny confirmed. "But you will mend. Only slower."

Lydia waited by the car anxiously. Donny and Beetlejuice had been talking for some time. When Beetlejuice came back, he sat in the front seat, pulled a pair of keys from the visor and started the car.

That was strange. Beetlejuice usually used his juice to drive. Why bother with subtleties?

"Goodbye, Brother! Goodbye, Lydia! Goodbye, BG!" Donny said. As he waved his hand, sparks flew out. "Oops." He shook his hand. "Uh, it'll be fine."

"Yeah, right." BJ looked toward Lydia. "Alright, Lyd. It looks like I don't have to leave after all! But, uh . . ." He gestured to the keys in the ignition. "I don't haveanymore juice."

"No more juice? Why?"

"I can explain." Donny zapped in the back seat with BG. "You see, I have my brother's juice. It's a lot to control, but I can handle it."

"Supposedly," BJ remarked as he sighed. "Well, things tend to happen with deals with devils."

"Wait." Lydia gestured to the back seat where Donny was now playing with BG's little feet. "Why does Donny have your juice?"

BJ rubbed his chin. "Seemed like a good idea?"

Not buying it.

"He wanted to see what a thousand times his own juice felt like?"

Not buying it.

"There was no chance in a billion years we could have had a kid powerful enough to lose it's soul, until my soul was mended, which means now Donny's holding it so I'm not powerful anymore?"

Lydia raised her eyebrow. "Could you run that by me again?"

"A deal with the devil never turns out well," Donny spoke.

"It wasn't the devil, just a creative little demon," Beetlejuice corrected him. "At least I think so. Makes sense. Good way to move up the chain."

"Just, hang on," Lydia demanded. "What's going on?"

"Oh, a lot," Donny sighed and then smiled. "We can talk it out over a lovely cup of tea when we get home."