Sorry for this long overdue chapter, but college is a bitch :P
I reserved the right to be a little nervous.
Sure, things had changed a lot of the past several weeks. I'd come to terms with my sexuality, broke down, and come to terms with it all over again. It'd been a rollercoaster, the constant up of being with Percy and the constant down of fear of other people finding out.
We'd finally made it to the last step, or at least my last step. It was time to walk into camp together and basically out ourselves in the most nonchalant manner possible.
Percy and I stood on top of Half Blood Hill, bathed in weak winter sunlight. Our fingers were interlocked, his touch reassuring me, reminding me why I was putting everything on the line.
I knew I shouldn't be scared of walking down that hill with his hand in mine. I'd spent the entire week with his family. I'd even gone on a gods damn date, in public, with him last night. This shouldn't be so hard.
And anyway, nothing bad was going to happen, at least not today. Seeing as it was the dead of winter, there wouldn't be too many campers left. There would be so few people to see us together that it was hardly going to matter. It would take a few days before news started spreading via iris message to the summer campers spread across the country.
I was convinced that word would spread. Everyone knew Percy, everyone loved Percy. People that'd known him the longest had been staunch "Percabeth" shippers, obsessed with the camp's resident power couple. How were they going to react to us? We probably weren't going to have to confront the full gravity of this until summer, when all the campers started coming back.
That is, unless we tried to go to New Rome. That would also be coming out to a demigod population but…that was out of the question right now. I couldn't even consider the prospect of going there.
I was still scared though. Feelings like this didn't just disappear. But I was working on it. I swallowed hard and looked up at Percy, focusing on how amazing he looked.
I remembered I was doing this for him. Because I really, really liked him and the way he made me feel.
I loved him, and I didn't want to hide it any longer.
Even if the prospect of being out scared me, I had to keep reminding myself that it wouldn't be the end of the world if someone reacted badly. They didn't matter. If they couldn't deal with me being gay, they weren't worth it.
I could actually see myself being happy in the future, for the first time since I was a little kid. I didn't feel like I was doomed to loneliness anymore. I could see myself in school again, living happily with Percy as we tried our best to be normal. I had an extended family, I had a handful quality friends. I was okay, really okay.
There's no way I would still be torturing myself over the words of some asshole demigod or mortal years down the line, when Percy and I were happy and starting a new life together. This was just the beginning of a long journey.
I just had to keep reminding myself of those things.
"You ready?" he asked gently. I knew he wasn't nervous, but he understood that I was just trying to hold myself together at this point, trying to force myself to go through with this because I knew deep down it was the right thing to do.
I twined my arms with his and leaned closer as we walked down the hill, trying to will the tension out of my body. I waited, holding my breath, for the first person to run up and see.
Turns out that first person was Connor.
I flinched involuntarily as he walked up, squeezing Percy's hand tighter and looking at the ground, trying to swallow every last ounce of fear. It was Connor, just Connor. He was a nice guy, a funny guy. He was one of the few people that was at least slightly comfortable with me because he remembered what I used to be like.
"Hey guys! I didn't know you were coming. Y'know, lunch just started if you…want to…" he began pointing over his shoulder. He started trailing off when he realized we were holding hands.
Deep breaths.
"Aha! No way, no way," he shouted, punching the air with his fist. "Travis so owes me 10 drachmas. I knew you two were a thing, I knew it!"
I stared at Connor, shock probably really evident on my face. That…that had not been the reaction I was expecting from anyone, much less someone I hardly knew. I mean, excitement from Jason or Piper or maybe even Will was one thing, but anyone else… I'd expected disinterest at best.
"Wait, what do you mean?" Percy asked brow furrowed. He looked just as surprised as me.
"Oh, sorry," he said, smirking and running a hand through his curly hair, "Just, a few of us have been making bets on you two, wondering if you'd ever, y'know, stop being complete idiots."
The amusement on Percy's face was clear. He found this whole situation hilarious. He started some conversation with Connor that I didn't feel like following, probably having something to do with the campers that'd bet on us. But I didn't listen, I just followed along with Percy in a stupor, confused and unsure.
He dragged me off to the dining pavilion, where we were met with a flurry of people. Of course we showed up a lunch time, the one time the few people who were still at camp were going to be in the same place.
I should be happy, knowing for sure that there were people that were alright with us. I should be laughing because Connor had used the phrase "stop being idiots", like it was silly that we'd kept our feelings secret for so long.
People came in small groups, talking to Percy. Some clapped him on the back, others just talked. Most managed to acknowledge me with a nod or a hey, knowing that I'd raise an army of skeletons if they so much as touched me. Conversation faded in and out. Every so often I'd catch a piece of it, something about bets. I would hear Percy's laugh every so often, his usual good natured chuckle.
It was nice knowing that he was having a good time, that he was in a good place, that he was happy.
Meanwhile, I didn't know how to feel, so I decided to just…try not to feel. Realizing that people around here really didn't seem to care about sexuality was…confusing. I'd spent so long isolating myself based on the fact that I thought everyone would hate me even more if they found out. It made me feel monumentally stupid that I'd let myself be miserable so long. So I just sat there next to Percy, picking at my food. Every so often he would look down at me, concern spreading across his face each time he realized I hadn't eaten anything.
I took his hand and squeezed it in mine, trying to reassure him that I was kind of okay. I was hardly about to have a panic attack or start sobbing. I was just…sad and thoughtful right now. He seemed to accept it, but I knew I was going to have to talk to him about it later tonight.
That is, if I didn't talk to Jason first. He'd walked over to the table we'd been sharing near the end of lunch, intent on talking to one of us by the looks of his somber face. I expected it to be me, after everything that'd happened. He really had no reason to talk to Percy about something important.
"Hey Nico," he started. "Do you maybe want to take a walk. I thought maybe you'd want to talk about some things."
"Um, yeah. Sure," I murmered, receiving a quick kiss on the cheek from Percy as I got up. I was red as a tomato leaving the table, and couldn't help but shrink in on myself as I heard campers giggling.
After some time walking in silence, Jason and I reached the rocky shores of the lake. He stood close to the edge of the shore, sifting a handful of smooth pebbles between his fingers. I perched myself on the nearby rock, hugging my arms around my legs.
"I heard about what happened with Hazel," he said, tossing a peddle far across the lake. "I'm really sorry man, I never expected it would go down like that."
"Yeah, seems like I was the only one," I remarked bitterly. Everyone underestimated Hazel because she was usually so sweet.
"It's not over yet though. We can still try to talk her around. There's got to be something we can do," he supplied, his ever present optimism surfacing.
They just didn't get it. Nobody understood that this wasn't some easy fix.
"T-there's no point. Just forget about it, you can't force her to forgive me," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady and calm. There was no point in getting mad at Jason, it wasn't his fault that everything had gone to shit between Hazel and I.
"What do you mean just forget it?" he exclaimed. "She's your sister!"
"Yeah, you're right. She is my sister, my only fucking sister, and that didn't stop her from hurting me, did it? She hates me Jason, over something that I can't control and it fucking hurts. Can you even understand what that feels like?" I shouted, anger rising as I hopped off the rock and started pacing the beach.
"No, I-I," he started, shuffling his feet and eyeing me worriedly.
"D'you know who the first person to see us today was? It was Connor. I knew him for maybe two weeks five years ago, and you know what? He doesn't give a shit that I'm gay. He's going around camp all happy and talking about how he made a bet over when we'd stop being idiots and get together. And Hazel, my sister, my fucking blood relative? When I tell her she just runs away. She just fucking runs and doesn't look back, doesn't talk to me for weeks…"
"Everyone keeps trying to tell me that she's going to come around, that it'll all be fine. But it won't. It just fucking won't and I know it," I sobbed, sinking down into the gravel.
It still hurt. I could pretend all I want, but it still hurt. I thought I was getting over it, I thought it was all getting better. I thought being with Percy for a week would've made me feel better. And I honestly thought it had.
But coming to camp only made it worse. I realized that nobody here gave a shit about my sexuality.
"I would do anything to get her back, but it's hopeless," I whispered, rubbing the tears from my eyes.
I looked up at Jason, vision blurred. He stood there awkwardly, not saying anything because really there was nothing to be said. I'd just made him realize what everyone seemed to be trying to deny, that Hazel had hurt me very badly and wasn't about to apologize any time soon. No more pretending that everything was going to be fine.
"Do you, uh, want me to get Percy?" he asked, unsure of what comfort he could possibly bring to the table. He seemed to know better than to hug me or try anything like that.
"No, no, it's fine," I sniffed, trying to steady my breathing. "He's seen me cry enough this past week. I'm-I'm fine, just leave me alone for a little."
I closed my eyes and hung my head between my knees as I heard the crunch of gravel. I was glad Jason left, I really didn't want him to see me like this. I usually only let myself get this bad around Percy, and the humiliation was already starting to seep into the back of my mind. And that only made me want to leave and never come back.
The tears wouldn't stop coming. I don't know how long I sat there, unable to break out of the awful cycle of self hatred and embarrassment I'd created for myself.
Eventually, I heard the crunch of gravel again. I really hoped it wasn't Jason, coming back to check on me. I hoped it wasn't Percy either. I didn't need to keep worrying him with these breakdowns. The past week had been bad enough.
"Stand up, my boy. It looks like you could use someone to talk to," a strange voice spoke.
Confused, I uncurled myself and looked up, half blinded by the winter sunlight.
"L-lord Poseidon," I stuttered, eyes widening.
The god looked down at me, ringed in sunlight and glowing with a faint bronze light. He was dressed unseasonably for the current temperature, in shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and sandals. But nevertheless, he had a warm smile on his face, the corners of his eyes crinkling, just like Percy's.
I scrambled to my feet, frantically dusting the sand off my clothes. "I-I'm sorry, my lord. I just, um, was…"
"Ah, no need to be nervous. I already know about you and my son," he chuckled, gripping my shoulder with his large hand.
"W-wait, what? I don't…h-how?"
"We see everything, my boy," he replied jovially.
With that, my face turned bright red again. I did not need the image of Percy's father, or gods forbid, my father, spying on us. Sure, we hadn't done much…yet, but still it was the principle.
"And don't worry about that either," he winked knowingly. "I try my best not to pry, but I can't say the same for a certain goddess of love."
"O-oh, alright…but, um, what are you doing here sir, if you don't mind my asking?"
"I was looking to speak with Percy. It seemed like an opportune time, given everything that's happened recently. Instead I've found you," he spoke simply.
"I can, uh, go get him if you'd like," I faltered, running a hand through my hair.
"No, it's quite alright. I'd like to speak to you as, perhaps give you a little advice after hearing your conversation with Jason Grace."
I managed to make eye contact for a moment before looking away and nodding. I'd hoped that he was just here for Percy, but evidently not. Being in the precsense of a god was intimidating enough without that god being your boyfriend's all-knowing father. But still, I was in no position to refuse godly advice.
"I've lived over a thousand lifetimes, Nico, and lost many people I cared about. Such is the life of a god. But I can assure you that your sister is not gone, only in death can she truly be out of your reach. It may be difficult now, but there's still a chance to make it right. In the end, it might have to be you that goes to speak to her, rather than the other way around, but understand that it is never hopeless. Remember that, my boy, and don't be afraid to make the first move. It hasn't stopped you before, " he advised in a fatherly tone that'd I'd never experienced before, not even from my own.
With that, he faded into mist and light, leaving the scent of the sea in his wake.
I was left alone on that beach, eyes bloodshot, cheeks flushed, completely unsure of what I was supposed to do or where I was supposed to go.
So, let's be honest here. Should Hazel be alright with Nico, and should he forgive her? Because as much as that would make people happy, I maybe want to try something interesting :P please let me know in a comment what you think!