Hope you enjoy this new chapter in all its melodramatic glory, and I apologize for how long it took. It took me a while to get it to a place where I felt okay posting it :l been struggling with this story lately, but more on that in the ending author's note. I could use a little advice, if you'd humor me.

I woke up the next morning after a fitful, unsatisfying sleep with a raging headache pounding at the back of my eyes. I'd spent most of the night staring at the white-washed wall, trying my hardest not to break down.

For the first time since I'd gotten together with Percy, I didn't want to sleep in the same bed with him. There had been nights in the past where I wanted nothing more than to be close to him. I loved the feeling of his arms wrapped around me. I loved lying on his chest, my head moving up and down with each deep, sleep-heavy breath. I found comfort with him in those small, tired moments. I knew he would always be there for me if I had a nightmare.

It felt so awful not to want that, especially after being given the gift of two uninterrupted weeks with him. Nobody would be there to force up apart. There were no secret keeping, no camp directors or parents to disapprove of us. We were alone together, and it was supposed to be wonderful and amazing…but it just wasn't. Not now.

It wasn't even about something he'd done, at least not entirely.

He'd done the right thing. He stopped when I asked him to, and showed remorse for pushing me out of my comfort zone.

I was the one creating all the problems. I was the one making things difficult.

I was humiliated. I didn't want to be near him because I was so embarrassed by how I'd reacted. I just…I couldn't. I couldn't bear to take things any farther.

And it's not because I didn't love Percy, and it's not because I didn't want to do those things. Because I did. Those fleeting moments before I messed it all up had been mind-blowing. It felt so good and I didn't want it to stop…But it had to.

Last night I wished there was another room I could go to, another place to sleep where I could be far away from him. There was only the couch, and even that didn't provide the distance I wanted.

It was hard with him so close; it prevented me from letting out any bottled up emotions. But eventually, I managed to get some sleep, even if it was pretty bad sleep.

Eventually I had to wake up too, and face the fact that Percy wasn't going to just let this go. He was probably terrified that he'd fucked everything up…and he would want to talk about it. I would love nothing more than to stay in bed all day, protected by a cocoon of blankets.

When I finally cracked my eyes open, the half of the bed across from me was empty, the sheets rumpled and the comforter tugged down. I couldn't tell what time it was, but strong sunlight was filtering in through the open window. The city below us sounded like it was in full swing.

Even though he wasn't in bed, it was impossible to escape Percy in this studio apartment. I didn't have to look over to know that he was in the kitchen. I could hear the sound of scraping plates and pans.

I kept still for a few minutes, trying to prepare myself for the inevitable conversation. I didn't want to talk about last night, I really didn't…

I shifted and sat up, trying not to give away the fact that I was awake. The comforter slipped down, pooling in my lap. I let my fingers twist in the soft fabric.

I watched Percy from afar for some time. He was wearing a pain of worn jeans that hung low on his hips and a simple t-shirt. A little strip of skin showed whenever he stretched to reach something from the open cupboards. His back was turned from me, bare foot tapping along to some unheard beat. He'd taken to busying himself with what I assumed was breakfast. The counter in front of his was strewn with food; he must've gone shopping earlier.

He didn't notice me until he turned to the side, intent on grabbing something from the fridge. Momentary fear passed over his face when he saw me out of the corner of his eye. He straightened up and turned to face me. We made eye contact for a moment before his eyes darted away.

"Oh…you're awake…," he spoke up, trying to keep his voice and face neutral, trying to hide his fear. He swallowed hard.

I nodded. I didn't know what else to say or do.

"I'm, uh, making breakfast. Just the way you like it," he said, timidly testing the waters and trying to discover for himself how I was feeling.

"I'm not hungry," I replied, shrugging and letting my eyes wander. I allowed that to answer Percy's lingering, unspoken question. He knew I was never ate when I was upset…which was pretty often lately.

He turned back around and began finishing breakfast without another word. I flinched at the sharp sound of metal scraping against the frying pan. A few seconds later he was at our bedside, trying to present me with a plate of eggs. I was hesitant to take them, but in the back of my mind I knew Percy wasn't going to take no for an answer. He was always making sure I was eating properly.

"C'mon," he started, voice softening as he kneeled down next to me. "You need to eat something. Please?"

He reached out to touch my arm, but stopped himself, leaving his hand to hover a few centimeters above me. It was like he was afraid to touch me after what'd happened last night…

He got up, leaving the plate on the bedside table after I refused to take it. After a few seconds of puttering around, he sat down at the small kitchen table with his own portion of eggs. The room was silent except for the scrape of his fork against the thin ceramic plate.

I was conflicted. I knew that the best thing to do right now would be to go over to him, eat breakfast, and talk about what happened and explain why I'd reacted that way.

I knew that it was what I was going to have to do.

Slowly, painfully slowly, I got up and padded over to the table and sat down across from him. I picked at my eggs and kept my eyes trained downwards, too nervous to look up. I was only able to eat a couple bites before I had to stop because my stomach wouldn't stop doing flips. Percy ate in silence, and didn't speak at all until he cleaned his plate.

"I-I'm really sorry about last night…" he began nervously, setting down his fork and looking earnestly over at me.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," I frowned, pushing my plate away, food mostly uneaten. I was starting to feel sick just thinking about it. But I had to keep a calm demeanor if I was ever going to get out of this conversation.

I hated that he felt guilty about last night, absolutely hated it. There was not reason for it. He had done what felt natural for the moment, and had the decency to stop when I asked him too. It's not like he kept going even after I protested, it's not like he'd taken it farther than I wanted it to go. He had no reason to feel so guilty…but he was Percy and of course he would feel awful.

"But I should've stopped sooner…you were uncomfortable and I just kept going and going and…" he rambled, as if on cue, running his hands through his hair.

"Percy, please stop," I pleaded, trying to control my voice. "Y-you didn't do anything wrong, I swear. I freaked out over nothing. Can we just forget this ever happened?"

"But it obviously wasn't nothing!" he countered.

"It was nothing! What we were doing…it wasn't a big deal. I mean, I wanted to…and I shouldn't have reacted like that but…but I did and I'm sorry if I scared you," I replied, voice starting to betray me.

"Then why did you freak out?" he questioned, obviously confused.

It was clear he wasn't going to let it go, and it was clear I couldn't lie to him. There was no way I could get out of the situation. I was going to have to tell the truth, no matter how much it hurt me to do so.

I took a deep breath and looked up at him.

"Y-you're…you're just…gorgeous. Everything about you is so, so perfect…and you know all the right things to do w-when we're…y'know…I never know what to do; I'm always so nervous. And I'm not…like you," I trailed off, uncomfortable finishing the thought.

I could keep going forever, listing everything that I found so amazing about Percy. His eyes, his skin, his muscles, his warmth, even his scars made him seem…manly.

Everything I loved about him…I hated about myself. My eyes were empty, my skin was too pale, I had no muscles to speak of, I was always freezing cold, and my scars…they just made me look pitiful and weak.

I shook my head and sucked in a shaky breath. I knew things would be even worse if I started talking like that. Percy would think I'm so pathetic…

"I-I don't know what you see in me most of the time," I said simply, choking a little. "Compared to you…I'm nothing special."

I closed my eyes and lowered my head so I didn't have to see Percy's reaction.

"I've never said anything because I knew it would upset you, a-and I'm trying hard to be better about it. I really am. But last night…I just…I couldn't do anything more because I'm still so afraid that at some point you'll…you'll realize that you could do better…or that you don't want…this," I rambled, gesturing to myself.

He looked at me, totally dumbfounded. Because how could I possibly think that? How, after all this time, could I actually believe he would do that to me? After all the work he'd put into this relationship, after the constant reassurances, after everything he'd done to help me…I was still second-guessing him. It made it sound like I didn't trust him, that I didn't love him.

"Nico, I would never…" he began desperately. I felt his hand ghost over mine, but I flinched and pulled away, collapsing further in on myself.

"I know that," I cut him off, frenzied in my attempt to make him feel better. "I'm s-sorry, I know you'd never do that…I just…sometimes I have these thoughts. I know they're irrational and stupid but…I can't make them stop."

I heard the scrape of a chair, and before I knew it, Percy was pulling me up from my seated position. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. He extended his chin, allowing it to rest softly on the top of my head. Most of the time, our height difference bothered me. It was just another thing that made me feel insecure. But now I melted into the hug, suddenly needing the comfort he provided.

I was such a fucking mess. Just last night I was looking out over the city, thinking about our future together. Now I was panicking, on the verge of tears, and stuttering over things that would never happen in a million years.

"Everything has just been so fucked up lately t-that I can't stand the thought of you leaving me, even if it's only in my head. I wouldn't be able to handle it," I mumbled, burying my face in his chest and inhaling his comforting scent.

"I…I love you," he said suddenly, nuzzling his nose into my hair. I pulled back a little, surprised by his words. I know we'd both thought it…but neither of us ever said it yet…

"I really do," he whispered. "I love you so, so much Nico. Your face, your smile, your laugh, everything. You're absolutely beautiful to me, no matter what you say or think."

"B-but how can you p-put up with me? I'm such a mess," I sniffed.

"You've been through a lot, Nico, more than anyone we know. I don't expect everything to be magically fixed just because we're together. That's not how these things work; it takes time to get better. All I can do is try to help when I can, and make sure you understand that you can talk to me about anything," he assured me as he gently rubbed circles in my back.

I nodded in response, leaning into the hug a little more. Percy might be dense most of the time, but he always, always knew what to say.

"Now I'm going to call Piper and let her know we won't be coming. We can spend today together, just the two of us. We don't even have to leave the apartment if you don't want to. Okay?" he said, giving me a little smile.

"Okay," I nodded. "A-and…and I love you too."

Gah, the fucking melodrama. It's actually killing me, holy shit. But in other news, I have no clue how to end this story. Like, literally no clue. This was supposed to end ages ago, but here we are, almost 90k words deep in an overemotional piece of weirdness.

So anyone have any ideas on where to go from here? I'd really appreciate it. Or if you could just let me know what you think in general, that'd be wonderful.

Until next time, my friends. Who thinks I can make it to 100k?