Hello again, everyone! Firstly, I'm so sorry this ended up taking so long, it really shouldn't have. I ended up getting into a cycle of dissatisfaction, depression, and distraction, which slowed my writing pace to a crawl. I don't really know if the chapter was worth the wait, but I still hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
Previously on the Nine Red Men Incident: After the RED team managed to reunite in Gensokyo, they decided to head off after Merasmus, whom they tracked via residual magic. After tracking him to the path to the Hakurei Shrine, they were approached by Reimu and a strange man, and led to the shrine proper, where Merasmus was waiting for them. As they prepared for a fight, Merasmus stunned them all with the revelation that he'd brought them there to attend his wedding.
We now return you to the Nine Red Men Incident.
"A wedding?" the Sniper said, while the Pyro clapped excitedly behind him. "That's why you brought us here?"
"Don't listen to him!" the Soldier roared. "It must be some sort of new trick. No one would marry him! Besides, he's not even real!"
Merasmus looked away, sighing. "Oh, Soldier, Soldier, Soldier. I wouldn't have believed it either, not too long ago. But it's true! I'm really getting married today."
"Where is she, then?" the Scout asked. "I wanna see the chick who'd marry you," he said, stifling a laugh.
"Ah, she's still getting ready. She decided to help out with an errand that had to be finished before the party."
"Pardon me," the Spy said, "but if all you were doing was inviting us to a wedding, why did you use such a crude method of getting us here? Surely there were better means of transport."
"Well, I was going to, but Soldier's raccoon destroyed your invitations, and he wouldn't listen to me, so I had to resort to more drastic measures," Merasmus said.
The RED team turned to look at the Soldier. "What? Don't tell me you're believing this claptrap," the Soldier shouted. When no one responded, his fists began to shake in anger. "Fine. I'll take you on myself," he said, turning to Merasmus. "You may have worked your mystical mumbo-jumbo on the rest of my team, but you'll never get me! I can only focus on one thing at a time, and right now, that thing's kicking your ass!"
"Hang on, Soldier," Tavish said. "Remember wha' Lady Satori said."
"Who?" the Soldier said, confused.
"You're ad- wha' was it? Spiri' advisor?" Tavish said. "Go' tha' eye thing?" he continued, making a vague gesture to try and simulate the floating eye.
"What about her?" the Soldier said. "She told me to gather you up and fight him, so that's what I'm doing."
"Bu' wha' if tha' was jus' a tes'?" Tavish said. "Wha' if – wha' if she tol' ya tha' just ta see wha' you'd do?"
"Pah, that's ridiculous," the Soldier said. "What kind of advisor would lie to me like that?"
"Oh? What kind of mentor doesn't do a test of character?" a familiar voice said from behind him.
Turning around, the Soldier found Satori standing behind him. "You! Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in your spirit castle?"
Satori raised an eyebrow. "You forget, this is all created for you, and by you. I can be anywhere you think I should be." The Soldier jerked upright, revealing startled eyes for a second before he recovered.
"I see," he said, rubbing his chin, before standing straight up and pointing his finger in the air. "I must have wanted you here to help advise me on battle tactics!" He began explaining in detail what he planned to do, even though it mostly just amounted to "shoot rockets at him until he falls down."
Satori sighed and shook her head, mumbling, "Why did I say that?" under her breath.
"Uh, why'd ya actually come?" Tavish whispered.
She gave him a small smile. "I was asked to escort some people you'll probably be happy to see."
"Reimuuuu," an unfamiliar voice yelled back from the entrance. "I got 'em to bring the refreshments!" Turning, Tavish saw a young-looking horned girl carrying a barrel nearly three times her size. "Where do you want us to put it?" Tavish's eye widened and he began to take stunned steps towards it. Reimu, who had been talking to the strange man, waved in greeting, before pointing towards an alcove on the far left of the shrine. The horned girl nodded. "Alright guys, follow me!" As she walked towards the spot Reimu'd indicated, she was followed by a chain of other Oni, a couple of whom Tavish recognized. Aya flitted around, taking pictures of the chain.
"Yuugi?" Tavish said, spotting the woman. "Wha' are ya doin' here?"
"Oh, hey!" Yuugi said, trying to wave even though she was carrying two barrels. "Didn't expect to see you again so soon. Right after you guys left, we got a visit from an old friend who wanted some drinks for her party, and since she can't carry all this, we thought we'd help her out. Didn't think you guys would be here though."
"So wha' you're saying is, all those barrels are full'a-" Tavish said, a huge smile forming on his face.
"Booze, of course," Yuugi said, grinning back.
"This is tha' bes' day o' my life," Tavish said.
Yuugi laughed. "Don't get too excited," she said. "Gotta wait till after the ceremony for the party."
"Y'mean he's actually getting married? Tha' guy?" Tavish said, pointing to Merasmus.
"Well, someone is," she said, shrugging. "Don't know if it's him, but he certainly looks the part. Hey, you the groom?" she yelled over at him.
"Of course Merasmus is!" Merasmus said, beaming.
"Hey, congratulations," she yelled. "You're gonna have your hands full with her." She turned back to Tavish. "Looks like he is, yeah."
"Wait, wait, wait, you actually met the bride?" the Scout said, jumping in. "She exists?"
"Uh, yeah," Yuugi said, somewhat alarmed by the Scout's sudden appearance. "She came to help negotiate the transportation of the booze. I gotta admit, I never thought I'd see her again, but it was nice to catch up on things."
The Scout looked shocked. "But, but- he- how? How did he go steady with someone before me?"
"Pah, it's still a lie," the Soldier said, ignoring the murderous look Yuugi got in her eyes. "Until I see her for myself, I refuse to believe that-" he began, before he was silenced by a yell coming from the back of the caravan, causing Marisa to drop her broom with a clatter.
"Hey Mer, what's with all the people? Did your friends finally show up?" a woman said as she floated up to the front of the group. She had a large, pointy hat with a star on the top, covering some of her long green hair. Her sharp, green eyes looked around for Merasmus, a twinkle of mirth shining through them. She wore a blue dress with white stars on it, and, where her legs should be, had a ghostly tail.
"I mean, it'd be great if they did, but-" she began, before she caught sight of Merasmus and stopped, the words dying on her lips. She doubled over, laughing. "Aha, Mer, heh, Mer, what'd they do to you?" she managed to get out between laughs. "What's with that getup?"
"What's wrong with my outfit?" Merasmus said, looking worried. "I just thought I should dress up for the occasion."
"Aww, that's sweet," the woman said, her laughter dying down slightly. "But trust me Mer, you just don't look good in fancy clothes. Especially not with that hat you refuse to take off."
"Really?" he said, frowning. He turned to Reimu, who shrugged. Sighing, he spun again, in the opposite direction, and his tuxedo was replaced by his normal brown robe. "So much for trying to look fancy," he mumbled under his breath.
The woman's expression softened as she floated over to him. "Ah, it's ok," she said, patting him on the back. "I'm still gonna marry you, even if your fashion sense is pretty messed up." Merasmus brightened up a bit.
"L-Lady Mima?" Marisa shouted, finally getting over her shock enough to speak.
The woman looked over in confusion, before her eyes brightened. "Hey kiddo," the woman said, waving, an easy smile on her face. "Haven't seen you in a while."
"'In a while'?" Marisa said, incredulously. "You disappeared on me for years! You just walked out one day and never came back."
"Ah," Mima said, her face falling a bit. "Well, I kinda, you know, thought I was holding you back. I mean, sure, you were getting powerful, but you kept asking me for all the answers, and you can never really become strong that way," she said, not looking Marisa in the eye. "But what are you doing here, anyway?"
"Me? I came to st-" she said, before pausing. "Wait a minute," she said, a slight smile forming on her face. "That's what this whole wedding is about, isn't it? You're trying to do the same thing we are," she said, pointing to Patchouli, who narrowed her eyes. "Just in a different way. You're planning on stea-" she began, before Patchouli covered her mouth and whispered into her ear, causing her to stop struggling and reluctantly nod.
"Stea?" Mima said, tilting her head in confusion, before nodding her head in realization. "Oh, that. Well, actually we were planning on chicken, not steak, but if you want some, I think we can find some somewhere."
"Ah, yeah, that's what I was talking about," Marisa said sarcastically. "Steak."
Seemingly ignoring the sarcasm, Mima nodded happily, before clapping decisively. "Actually, come to think of it, Mer-Mer says I need something called a 'Maid of Honor,' for the ceremony, and I can't think of anyone who'd be better for that than you." Patchouli and the Sniper started laughing.
"I don't think she'd do well in any position that has 'Honor' in its title," Patchouli said.
"Wha-hey! I can be plenty honorable! How many times have I helped resolve incidents, huh?" Marisa said.
"Without starting off by acting purely in self-interest? Probably never," Patchouli said.
Marisa let out an angry noise, before turning back to Mima, determination in her eyes. "I'll do it Lady Mima."
"Oh, wonderful," Mima said, as she floated over to Marisa, a smile on her face. She reached out and grabbed Marisa's arm, her smile beginning to look a bit sinister. "Now follow me," she said. "We have to get you changed into the right dress."
"Eh?" Marisa said, as she started to get dragged away. "Wait, wait, I changed my mind! Stop!" Mima simply ignored her cries and continued pulling her away, while the Sniper and Patchouli exchanged concerned glances.
"She seems so happy to be back here," Merasmus said, smiling, as the Engineer walked towards him. "Ah, what would you request from the great Merasmus?" he said, as he noticed the Spy's approach.
"I just wanted to congratulate you, and ask a simple question," the Spy said.
"Go ahead," Merasmus said, beaming.
"Why did you choose to invite us to such a special occasion?" the Spy said, indicating the RED team members.
"Well, you're my friends, and I was thought it'd be a bit awkward if there wasn't anyone on my side of the venue." Merasmus said, causing everyone to look his way.
"Ah," the Spy said, a look of pity crossing his face briefly, before he pat Merasmus' shoulder gently. At Merasmus' confused look, he turned away.
"Wait, we're your friends?" the Scout said, incredulously. "Us? The guys who you try to kill most Halloweens?"
Merasmus frowned, confused. "Yes? Or at least, I thought so," he said, a miserable look forming on his face. "Aren't we?"
The members of RED team (except the Pyro, who was nodding enthusiastically) looked back and forth amongst each other awkwardly.
"Cowards!" the Soldier yelled. "If you won't tell him, then I will!" Before anyone could stop him, he turned and ran to Merasmus. "MERASMUS," he yelled, causing the wizard to take a step back, wincing in pain.
"Yes, Soldier?" he said, trying to recover.
"Are you really asking us if we're your friends?" he said, holding a finger up to Merasmus' nose.
"Y-yes?" Merasmus said, still a bit rattled.
A look of pure rage crossed the Soldier's face, before he took a deep breath. "OF COURSE WE'RE YOUR FRIENDS, MAGGOT!" he yelled, causing Merasmus to almost fall over backwards. "You think I could have lived with you for years without being your friend? Have some more self-confidence, you spineless worm!"
Merasmus was silent for a second, before he made a pompous frown. "The great Merasmus needs not your encouragement! But," he said, a smile forming on his face, "thank you, Soldier."
"Pff, that's what friends do," the Soldier said, scratching his nose. The rest of RED team looked at him with a mixture of surprise, respect, and suspicion. "Now, stand still for me so I can beat you up and get out of this place," he continued, pulling his rocket launcher out from behind him. The Sniper covered his head in his hands, while the Spy massaged his temples.
Merasmus was about to protest, when his eyes widened in realization. "Ah, this is also what friends do, isn't it? Very well then," he said, bringing out his staff and the Bombinomicon (which somehow managed to perch a tiny top hat on top of its spine, and had a bowtie under the bomb in its maw), "I will not hold back."
"Hey, what's going on, izzit startin' already?" the Bombinomicon said, looking around. When it saw the RED team members, it let out a laugh. "Oh, hey guys. Are we fighting again? Let's do this!" Patchouli stared at it, a look of awe and avarice on her face. "So, what's her deal?" the book said in a stage whisper to the RED team, who simply shrugged.
Reim sighed and walked in between the Soldier and Merasmus, her arms folded across her chest. "No," she said.
"What? But Miss Reimu, we're only trying to cement our friendship," Merasmus said.
"Yeah, all true friends beat the crap out of each other! That's how the other Demo'n'I – uh, I mean, that's how I made most of my friends," the Soldier said.
"No," Reimu said, narrowing her eyes. "My shrine, my rules. No fighting on the grounds."
"Pah, I'm not going to let some girl tell me what to do," the Soldier said, waving a hand dismissively and turning back towards Merasmus, unaware that Reimu was now shaking in rage. "I'm going to b-" he began, before a yin-yang orb crashed down on his head, instantly knocking him unconscious.
Reimu turned to look at the other team members, a glare in her eye. "No fighting, got it?" The RED team members nodded, cringing at the Soldier's unconscious form.
"No fighting?" the Heavy said. "What was that, then?"
Reimu's eyes flashed towards him. "Peacekeeping," she said.
"Ah. Dah, Heavy understand." he said, nodding solemnly.
"Was that really necessary, Reimu?" Merasmus said, slumping forward. "I still had to ask him to be my best man."
Reimu pointed at the Soldier, then at Merasmus, before tilting her head quizzically.
"Right, I'll just count my blessings and wait till he wakes up. No need to hit me as well," he said, frantically. Reimu nodded and walked towards where Yuugi and the others were continuing to set up the refreshments.
The Medic, who had seemed disinterested until now, walked over to the Soldier and felt around his skull where the impact had happened. "No fractures, though it looks like zhere vill be a bruise. Fascinating. Vith a hit zhat hard, I vould have expected a bit more physical damage to heal." He pointed his medigun at the Soldier's head and pushed the handle forward, making the healing particles swarm around his head, preventing the bruising from getting too severe. "Might I get the chance to see zhose?" he yelled at Reimu, who raised an eyebrow, preparing to send the yin-yang orb at him. "Ah, perhaps not," he said, shaking his head.
In the excitement, the Sniper had snuck off to try and find out if Marisa was still doing all right. She'd seemed a bit shaken up by the bride. Also, while she was distracted, he might be able to steal his book back without anyone noticing. That was a bit of a longshot though, and as he approached the side of the shrine she'd been dragged off to, he began to realize it was even less likely than what he'd originally thought, as there were three voices instead of the two he was expecting.
"Didn't really expect you to be here, Alice," Marisa was grumbling. "What's she paying you, huh? Gonna give you a glimpse into the Bombinomicon when she's got her hands on it?"
There was a sigh. "Believe it or not, Marisa, but the Bombinomicon doesn't really interest me that much. All it's got in there is spells about bombs and explosions, which won't help me with my research at all."
"Really?" Marisa said. "But it's so powerful! And it's a talking book! That's kinda like a talking doll, right?"
There was silence as paused, considering that. "It's not quite the same," she said after a few seconds. "Besides, I doubt the method used to give that book sentience would work for dolls. Not nearly enough space to inscribe spells."
"Well then why are you helping her?" Marisa said. "I don't think your last encounter with her ended so great for you."
Alice snorted. "That was a long time ago. Besides, she's doing this thing called 'paying me for my work.' You may have heard of it."
"Hey, I pay you for things. Sometimes. Like that time you fixed my hat!"
"Marisa, shoving your hat into my face in tears and yelling 'Fix it!' doesn't really count as paying me," Alice said.
"But I gave you a bag of mushrooms too!"
"Those were all poisonous! I almost ate one before I realized what they were!"
"Well it's not my fault you're not attentive."
"Wow, when did you two start getting along so well? Kids grow up so fast these days," Mima said, trying to sound nostalgic through her stifled giggles.
"If you say that again, Mima, I'm cancelling our contract. Not even you pay me enough to put up with that slander," Alice said, calmly.
Mima laughed loudly, while Marisa grumbled in the background. "Point taken," Mima said, when she'd finished laughing. "I'll never accuse you of being friends with someone again."
Alice let out an annoyed moan before clapping her hands. "Ok, we're all set."
"Do I really have to wear this?" Marisa said, her voice pleading. "It's so restrictive."
"Sorry, kiddo," Mima said. "It's apparently traditional to wear clothes like that at a wedding."
"Easy for you to say, you're a spirit, you can just snap your fingers and be wearing something else." Marisa grumbled. "Can't I just wear a kimono or something? At least those are comfortable?"
"Gee thanks," Alice said, dripping sarcasm. "Glad to know you appreciate all my hard work."
"Well, I mean, it does look all fancy, it's just not really my style, right?" Marisa said, attempting to spin, only to stumble and almost fall. "But do I really have to do this Lady Mima? I mean if all you want to do is get the Bombinomicon, I can just steal it for you. We already had a plan for that, actually."
Mima gave her a strange expression, the humor leaving her eyes briefly. "Y'know, kiddo, sometimes I wonder exactly what you think of me. Look, I don't need you to steal it, and I'm not doing this just for the Bombinomicon. That book's more annoying than it looks. Now, I know it won't mean much, coming from you, but will you promise me not to interfere with this?"
"Wha-hey! Why does everyone think my word means nothing?" Marisa said, pouting.
"Because it doesn't," Alice snarked.
"Hmph," Marisa said, folding her arms in front of her chest. "Well even though it apparently means nothing to you, fine, I promise I won't mess up your wedding."
"Thanks," Mima said, still sounding serious. "By the way," she said, humor returning to her voice, "did you know you have a secret admirer?"
Turning, Marisa saw the Sniper's hat from around the corner. "You," she said, her face turning red. "What are you doing here?"
Sighing, the Sniper stepped out from behind the corner. "I was hoping to get my book back, but you three didn't really allow for any openings. But now that you've agreed not to interfere, you don't need leverage over me. So I'd like it back," he said, holding out his hand.
Marisa flinched, taking a step back towards her old outfit, where her hand landed on a small lump in one of her pockets. She picked the book out and held it to her chest.
"Well?" the Sniper said, getting impatient.
"Look, giving a book back is new for me, ok?" Marisa said, before tentatively holding the book out to him, after which he managed to swipe it out of her hands.
"I guess I'll never get to finish it, huh?" Marisa said, sadly.
"I'm sure someone as," the Sniper paused, thinking up the right word, "resourceful as you will find another copy soon enough. What are you gonna tell Patchouli, anyway? She might be a bit upset, considering how greedily she was looking at that book."
Marisa laughed, "What's she gonna do to me? Even if she uses those books she claims she hasn't used yet, I can overpower her. Besides, I think she'll understand. Probably."
"I wouldn't be so sure," the Sniper said, remembering Patchouli's expression, before shrugging. "Well, it's your funeral."
"No, no, it's my wedding," Mima said, smiling. "I don't believe we've met."
"Ah, right. I'm the Sniper," he said, tipping his hat. "Pleased to meet you."
"Oh yes, one of Mer's friends, right?" Mima said. "You're not going to tell him about the conversation Marisa and I were having, are you?" she said, smiling sweetly.
"Not my place to tell," he said, shaking his head.
"Oh good," Mima said, clapping her hands together. "So glad I don't have to start my wedding with violence." The Sniper raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "That would have put a damper on the whole thing. Oh, Alice," Mima said, turning to the puppeteer, who was fixing Shanghai, "wasn't there some suits Mer-Mer wanted you to make?" The Sniper blinked at the phrase 'Mer-Mer,' but was soon distracted by Alice giving him a suit.
"What's this, then?" he said.
Alice rolled her eyes. "It's a suit."
"Yes," the Sniper said, "I understand that. But why are you giving it to me?"
"Because I made it for you." Alice said. "There's one for all of the RED team members. Merasmus hired me to make them."
"Why did he do that? And how did he get our measurements?" the Sniper said, a bit disturbed.
"Well as to why, he probably wanted his guests to look nice for the wedding. Couldn't tell you how he had your measurements though," Alice said. "He had one made for all of you, actually."
"That's," the Sniper said, "great?"
Alice shrugged. "It paid for my research, so it's great for me. Do you want to try it on? It doesn't matter to me."
"Try it on, won't you?" Mima said, a smile on her face. "I'm sure it'll make Mer-Mer happy."
The Sniper sighed, looking around for a place to change, grumbling under his breath. Eventually, he found a small alcove and changed quickly, shooting a glare at Mima when she peeked around the corner. About half a minute later, he stepped back around the corner, fully outfitted in the new suit. It was a regular tuxedo, but had his scope symbol stitched into both arms, and instead of the traditional black was a deep burgandy. "This fits a bit too well," he said, disturbed. "You said there's one for each of us?"
"Yes," Alice said, nodding. "Well, almost. One is just a pair of armbands, since I'm told one of your group doesn't remove their regular clothes."
"Ah," the Sniper said, thinking of the Pyro. "Well, that is true."
"Heh, you look ridiculous with that hat and those clothes," Marisa said, stifling a laugh.
"That's rich coming from you, Miss 'I wear a pointy witch's hat even when I'm in a fancy dress,'" the Sniper retorted.
"Hey, what's wrong with that?" Marisa said. "This hat goes with any outfit!"
"I'd say it goes with none, but hey, to each their own," the Sniper said.
"Why, you," Marisa said, beginning to shake her fist, before Mima laughed, placing a hand on each of their shoulders.
"Come on, come on, I said I didn't want to start my wedding with violence, remember?" she said. "So no fighting yet, ok? Wait until after the ceremony." Marisa looked away from the Sniper with a huff.
"Why after the ceremony?" the Sniper asked.
"Oh, it's tradition to have at least a small fight after the ceremony," she said. "And, I mean, with the Oni around, it was bound to happen anyway, might as well make it a free-for-all."
"You have a strange idea of what's traditional for weddings," the Sniper said.
"No, this is from first-hand experience," Mima said. "All the weddings I've been to have ended like that. And only half of them were actually my fault."
"Ah," the Sniper said, nodding in understanding.
"Well, now that I know his measurements weren't completely wrong, I should probably give out the rest of these to your teammates," Alice said, manipulating her dolls to carry the large pieces of clothing between them.
"You may need to give a bit more of an explanation than just having your dolls drop clothes on them," the Sniper said.
Alice shrugged. "They have notes attached to them. So as long as no one freaks out and doesn't read-" she began, before she was interrupted by a high-pitched scream followed by a "whumph" noise.
"Gettemoffme, gettemoffme, gettemoffme," the Scout yelled.
"It seems your fashion sense was so bad, they had to air drop better clothes for you," the Spy said, through his snorting laughter, before he had some dropped on him as well.
"Ha," the Scout yelled, "who's laughing now ya sneaky sneak?"
There were a few more sounds of falling clothes, before Dell finally spoke up. "Uh, says here these were commissioned by you, Mr. Magic?" he said.
"Yes, Merasmus was indeed the one who had those made! You cannot attend my wedding in your work clothes!" Merasmus' voice boomed back.
"But how'd ya get our measurements n'all that?" he asked.
"MAGIC," Merasmus responded. "And a little bit of stealing Soldier's notes on you. But mostly MAGIC!"
"Soldier's notes?" Dell said, before there was a pause as the RED team considered how likely it was that the Soldier would have recorded information about each of them, considering his paranoid nature. "I guess that's not that unlikely," he continued.
"I'm just surprised that his information was correct," the Spy said. The rest of the RED team muttered their agreement.
After a bit more grumbling, the group found a place to change and changed into their new clothes (Tavish putting the clothes on the Soldier's unconscious body), though the Pyro decided that Terry needed something to wear as well, so they put one around Terry, causing it to rest lopsided on their head, while putting the other around their left leg, causing Mokou to roll her eyes and Suwako to laugh.
As they stepped around the corner, Aya took a group picture, saying it would make a great centerpiece to her article, causing the Scout to turn crimson with embarrassment and chase after her. The Sniper, Mima, Marisa, and Alice took this opportunity to join the rest of the group.
"Ok," Merasmus said, after a brief conversation with Mima. "I think we're ready to get this started!"
"Already?" the Spy said, adjusting his cuffs. "You do not need any more time?"
Merasmus and Mima looked at each other, then shrugged. "I think we're ready," he said. "Ah, though, I suppose we should make sure Reimu is ready as well. Reimu?" he said, looking around, only to find she was nowhere to be seen. "Reimu?" he said again, sounding a bit worried.
"I will find her," the Spy said with a sigh. "After all, the faster she is found, the faster this wedding starts, and the sooner it starts, the sooner it ends and we can go home, non?" he whispered to the Sniper, in response to his suspicious look. He went around the side of the shrine, in the last direction he'd seen her heading. After a little walking, he heard her in conversation with another voice he recognized, and sighed, deciding to hide behind a tree rather than interrupt. As he snuck forward, he caught sight of Reimu and the strange man who was her companion, talking to Byakuren.
"You do remember I'm a Buddhist, not a Christian or Shintoist, right?" Byakuren said, confused.
"I'll do the Shinto parts," Reimu said. "You just need to do the talking. Besides, aren't you happy to see two people joined together in harmony or whatever?"
"Well of course I am. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say," she said.
"Just make it up. Like generic pairing lines or something," Reimu said.
"Reimu, are you actually taking this wedding seriously?" Byakuren asked admonishingly. "You can't just make up lines to use to wed two people together. It's a sacred act."
"Why not? Someone had to at some point," Reimu said.
"Reimu-" Byakuren began, before she was interrupted.
"Do you require assistance?" Reimu's companion asked. "I may have the script for such an occasion in here" he said, pointing to his head. He tilted his head to the side for a moment, before asking for something to write with, and, after Byakuren produced a notebook and pencil, wrote down the lines to a western-style wedding. "These should suffice."
Byakuren took and read over the notes, a look of relief on her face. "These look wonderful. Thank you," she said, bowing towards the man, who bowed back. "Though Reimu," she said, straightening up, "why am I doing this instead of you?"
"Because you're a lot better with words than me," Reimu said. Byakuren looked concerned for a bit, but Merasmus yelled nearby for Reimu, distracting her. "Guess we should get back," Reimu said, rolling her eyes and beginning to walk back around the shrine.
After they had passed, the Spy cleared his throat. "Mon dieu, that voice hurts my throat. And something about that man rubs me the wrong way." He sighed and shook his head. "I suppose that will be worried about later." He stood and stretched. "Well, off to the wedding."
As he arrived back at the front of the shrine, the first thing he heard was the Soldier's yells. "That was the act of a coward, lady! You want to kill a man, look him in the eyes!"
Reimu rolled her eyes. "I didn't want you dead. I was just giving you a warning."
The Soldier began shaking with fury, before Merasmus grabbed his shoulder. "Soldier, I should ask you before you get knocked out again, will you be my best man?"
"Yeah, sure Merasmus," the Soldier said, distracted. He opened his mouth to scream at Reimu, but paused as his brain caught up with what Merasmus had said. He whirled around to face Merasmus again, yelling "WHAT?"
"Merasmus is giving you the honor of being his best man!" Merasmus said. "You should be ha-"
"No, not that part, maggot! What do you mean 'before you get knocked out again?' Do you think I can't beat her?" he said, pointing to Reimu, who rolled her eyes.
"Ah, well, no, I, uh," Merasmus said, trying to come up with something.
"Look me in the eyes when you talk to me, you dress-wearer!" the Soldier said, causing Merasmus' eye to twitch.
"How many times does Merasmus have to tell you, Soldier, this is a ROBE! It's traditional garb for wizards!" Merasmus yelled, gripping his staff tightly.
"Now, now," Byakuren said, stepping in between the two. "I'm sure there's no need for violence in between old friends."
"Yeah," Mima said. "'Sides, if this keeps up I'm worried we'll just get stuck in a cycle and my wedding will never start. And that would just be a waste of the money we paid Reimu in exchange for her services. A true, true," she paused, thinking. "What was that word? Oh yes, capitalist! She's a true capitalist, she is."
The Soldier immediately turned to Reimu. "Really?" he asked.
"Eh? You mean did I get paid to let them use my shrine space? Of course I did," she said.
"Well if you're a true capitalist," the Soldier said, his hand on his chin, "then I suppose we could be equals." He nodded to himself and turned back to Merasmus. "Fine. I forgive you for your treasonous remarks, Merasmus."
"Eh? Ah, good, good," Merasmus said. "So, so does that mean you will be my best man?"
"Well considering I'm the best damn man here, I'd better be!" the Soldier said. Merasmus sighed in relief, and began telling the Soldier what would be required.
Things progressed quickly after that was established. Since the seats were already present, the group began taking their seats, while Byakuren and Reimu went up to the shrine's donation box, which was also serving as a podium. Byakuren read through the notes quickly, while Reimu sat down, dangling her legs over the edge of the platform. Mima and Merasmus approached the donation box, with Marisa and the Soldier following behind them. After a little bit of trouble where the Soldier realized someone had changed his clothes for him while he was unconscious, they were ready to begin.
"We are gathered here today to join together in holy-" Byakuren began, before having to pause at the outburst of laughter from Marisa and Mima. "Just 'in matrimony,' then," she continued, once the laughter had died down, "Merasmus and Mima." As she said this, she turned to Reimu, who shook her head with a light laugh.
"I think I'll forgo the purification ceremony, considering the circumstances," she said, causing Mima to laugh again.
With a nod, Byakuren continued. "As I'm sure the bride and groom will tell you later, thank you for coming here today, even if the journey was a bit more difficult for some of you than others," she said, nodding her head at the RED team members.
"You can say that again," the Scout grumbled, before the Sniper gently kicked his shin, causing him to shoot an angry glare his way.
"Without knowing more about how they met, there's only so much I can say about their bond-" Byakuren said.
"Ooh, ooh, I got this one, I got this one. They met at this Spirit Magician convention that happens every year. Oh, it's great," the Bombinomicon said. It looked around at the rest of the group before saying "What?"
Byakuren coughed into her hand, before continuing. "As I was saying, we don't know much about how they met, but I think we can agree based on what we've seen here that they'll be together a long time."
"Merasmus certainly hopes so," Merasmus muttered, before getting a pat on the back from Mima.
"You worry too much, Mer-Mer," she said, causing Merasmus to smile widely.
Byakuren smiled. "Now, I believe it is time for the traditional dance of the Shinto priestess," she said, turning to Reimu, who sighed and stood up.
"Man, I really didn't want to have to do this," she said, "but someone insisted."
"It's money well spent," Mima said, teasingly, causing Reimu to flash an angry glare her way, before settling herself into the starting position for the dance. She closed her eyes, let out a deep breath, and began to dance, her body flowing from one position to the next with a fluidity that surprised all those in attendance. For a good five minutes, everyone in the audience watched, spellbound, as she and her gohei moved together, alternating between quick spins and slow gestures, until, after what seemed like an eternity and no time at all, she stopped, her head bowed slightly. There was a brief moment of silence before she raised her head, her regular expression of slight boredom on her face. She gave Byakuren a questioning look as she went back to her place.
Byakuren blinked, startled, before coughing lightly into her hand to draw everyone's attention back to her. "Thank you, Reimu," she said, nodding her head at the shrine maiden, who rolled her eyes. "Now that the dance is finished, we will have the exchange of cups. Suika, would you please get the three cups and the bottle of rice wine?"
"Comin' right up," she said, grabbing the three ceremonial cups and the bottle she'd been holding and bringing them up to Byakuren, though she did almost spill the bottle multiple times on her way to the front. "Here ya go!" she said, presenting them to Byakuren.
"Thank you, Suika," she said, disguising her relief as she took the cups from her and placed them in front of her, taking the bottle. Slowly, she poured the rice wine into the three cups, before handing the small sized cup to Merasmus first.
"Each of you will take one sip before passing it to the other, three times total per cup," Byakuren said. After Reimu's nod, she said the ceremonial words before gesturing to Merasmus to take his first sip. He did, and then passed it off to Mima. This continued until they'd each taken three sips from the small, medium, and large cups.
"And now I believe it's time for the vows," Byakuren said, nodding at Merasmus and Mima.
"Ah, yes," Merasmus said, "Merasmus is prepared!" he said, unfurling a scroll that magically appeared in his hand. It rolled all the way down to the floor, and then continued rolling, until eventually it rolled all the way down the aisle and began to bounce down the shrine's stairs, causing the majority of the audience to groan or cover their eyes. Mima stopped laughing long enough to put a hand on his shoulder and shake her head.
"Mer-mer, maybe keep it short enough that we'll be able to finish it today, huh?" she said.
"Eh? But didn't you say to put all my feelings into it?" he replied.
"Yes, and that's great hon, but I don't think everyone else has time to listen to them, ok?"
"Ah," he said, turning to look at the rest of the group, who emphatically nodded at him. "Well, fine then," he said, waving his hand and causing the parchment to roll itself back up and vanish into thin air. "Merasmus will abbreviate it then." Everyone let out a breath of relief.
"Mima," he said, turning to face her.
"Yes?" she said, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.
"Ever since we met at the Inter-realm Spirit Magicians' Conference, I've wanted this day to come. And I know, at first, it didn't seem like it ever would. I don't think you even knew who I was."
"I didn't," Mima said, honestly, causing Merasmus to falter slightly.
"A-as Merasmus thought!" he said, continuing. "But I knew I'd be able to get your attention through that competition. And when I took second place," he said, smiling, "I was so thrilled when you complimented me that I think I nearly died again."
"Well, I have always loved seeing things explode," she said, causing Tavish to let out a drunk cheer in the audience.
"As I've learned many times over now," Merasmus said, smiling. "And, truthfully, I can hardly believe this is actually happening. But since it is, I will just say this: Mima, I love you, and I promise to continue loving you until my heart no longer beats. Wait, no, that doesn't work, being a spirit and all. Um, M-Merasmus promises to love you until our eternities run out!"
"Aww, that's sweet big guy," Mima said, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. "I was just gonna say that I love you too, Mer-Mer. You and your silly little hat," she said, giving the eye that rolled around in it a little poke, which got a laugh from the RED team members.
"Well," Byakuren said, after the laughter had died down, "I believe we have only the big questions left." She turned to face Merasmus, and gestured for the Soldier to hand the ring over to him. "Do you, Merasmus, take Mima to be your wife?" she said.
"I do," he said, without hesitation, placing the gold band on Mima's finger.
Byakuren turned to Mima. "And do you, Mima, take Merasmus to be your husband?" she said.
Mima opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything, a loud tearing noise filled the air, and in between Merasmus and her opened a crackling, blue hole. They heard a faint happy yell, as Gray Mann walked through the portal. "I'm sorry," he said, looking around, a triumphant sneer on his face, "am I interrupting something?"